(no subject)
Smoking is at the same time a habit, a compulsion, an addiction, and a crutch. While one force will be stronger than the others at certain times, they work together in concert to catalyze the behavior. On my second day without a cigarette, it seems that I have the crutch licked. The need for that social and emotional fallback seems so silly. But now the addiction rears its ugly head, and the compulsion makes me want to get back in my car and drive to the gas station right now for a pack! Perhaps tomorrow, I'll be in my car on the way to work and the habit will cause me to reach out automatically for a smoke. No wonder it is so difficult to stop completely, when the impulses keep changing faces. But naming my enemy this way makes it at least that much clearer what I'll be up against if/when I really do try to give it up.
I think I'll always be a smoker, even if I do finally "quit". Like an alcoholic that's 10 years sober, I think I'll always be one smoke away from being a smoker. That's a scary thought, to think that something that seemed so harmless when I started has become a part of who I am to that extent.
Talking about this makes me want one. Which reminds me of how my brother quit for about 3 months this past summer - he smokes I think about a pack a day. He quit cold turkey and wasn't even feeling ANY ill effects. He felt great and hardly missed it. Then he told his mother that he had quit. She responded by positively ululating with joy and boundless praise, to the point that it made him so uncomfortable he dove for the nearest cigarette the moment she was out of sight, and hasn't re-quit yet!
I'm sorry to disapoint you; this isn't an announcement, but I am just musing. I am giving it up temporarily right now to get my lungs a bit more into dancing shape for Thursday night, and also get back into a fitness habit again. I miss running, goddamn this cold and snow. But a hardcore coworker runner is going to take me running around the lakes one of these days soon! I've run with her before and she's very patient and doesn't mind matching my pace, even though she's marathon-caliber. I'm nervous about running in winter for a couple of reasons, mainly the slippery ice and the cold air irritating my lungs, but she keeps reassuring me it will be fine, so I'm going to give it a try.
I think I'll always be a smoker, even if I do finally "quit". Like an alcoholic that's 10 years sober, I think I'll always be one smoke away from being a smoker. That's a scary thought, to think that something that seemed so harmless when I started has become a part of who I am to that extent.
Talking about this makes me want one. Which reminds me of how my brother quit for about 3 months this past summer - he smokes I think about a pack a day. He quit cold turkey and wasn't even feeling ANY ill effects. He felt great and hardly missed it. Then he told his mother that he had quit. She responded by positively ululating with joy and boundless praise, to the point that it made him so uncomfortable he dove for the nearest cigarette the moment she was out of sight, and hasn't re-quit yet!
I'm sorry to disapoint you; this isn't an announcement, but I am just musing. I am giving it up temporarily right now to get my lungs a bit more into dancing shape for Thursday night, and also get back into a fitness habit again. I miss running, goddamn this cold and snow. But a hardcore coworker runner is going to take me running around the lakes one of these days soon! I've run with her before and she's very patient and doesn't mind matching my pace, even though she's marathon-caliber. I'm nervous about running in winter for a couple of reasons, mainly the slippery ice and the cold air irritating my lungs, but she keeps reassuring me it will be fine, so I'm going to give it a try.