(no subject)
im not sure at this stage that i will get to move house until i am working again. this makes me PISSY. i cant afford a deposit, cant borrow a deposit, and im not homeless or imminently homeless so cant apply for the deposit bond scheme. i need to think very very long and very very hard about how i can get out of this flat, this being the case. im not sure its possible. this thought makes me feel deflated, like a sad old helium balloon in a gritty oily puddle. either that, or i need to find some way of never having to spend any time there whatsoever, which would probably involve finding some kind of love partner with an awesome flat and an almost unlimited tolerance for my presence in it, *or* of completely changing my attitude towards it so that i hate it less. the latter is probably most feasible, but im so stuck in loathing the place that i dont know how to turn that mindset around. bwwwwuuurggghhhh.