(no subject)
Hi.
well its been about a month and i haven't updated.
i'm horrible about updating.
it feels like ive been running on this treadmill;
my legs are weak and so is my heart
and it's impossible to just breathe.
well last time we talked it was almost homecoming.
the homecoming game was horrible.
two friends got drunk.
you can imagine how that turned out.
My friends are complete assholes.
The best one out of them all
told me that they all basically hated me
and put up with me.
Well, well. You can pretty much make a conclusion
to what happened.
we argued and fought and then one kind of apologized
it wasnt me.
For lack of better words, she can go fuck herself.
I didnt go to my homecoming.
I was so dissappointed.
after that it was all downhill
losing friends left and right.
my birthday is right around the corner.
yeah well. it was the worst one yet.
i don't think i've ever cried so hard.
over those losers.
i don't need them.
i don't need their bullshit.
i have enough of my own.
have two eccentric parents is enough in my book.
i still went to the fall out boy concert with them .
it wasnt as great as i'd planned.
fuck her. im so over it.
halloween 2005
hey im not going to lie
I STAYED HOME.
i didnt go out with him
i didnt get drunk with him
i didnt smoke pot with him
i didnt have sex with him either.
i got my belly button pierced though.
it gave me a reason to cry
without my parents really knowing why.
its a constant struggle to be their rock
when im just one of those phoney dirt clauds.
friday night, the 4th of november
i saw anthony
the boy i fell in love with in mexico
and yes to all of you morons:
i STILL havent had sex with him.
nor did i drink or smoke pot with him.
but anyway, we went to wild horse pass
my family and i
with his family and himself.
it was a nice evening
i think my dad received a kiss from anthony's mom
but im not sure
they all got a little tipsy.
anthony and i wandered around the hotel/resort/restaraunt
it was the place we first met
we found our ice room where we had our first kiss
and we found an emergency stairwell
where we fell asleep
i never felt so safe.
then saturday night the 5th
it was MP's homecoming.
im glad i didnt go.
And sunday, today:
woke up very, very early.
it was nice.
showered and got myself ready for the day
and then someone called.
a guy, a guy i was kind of interested in but
i dont think he was really that interested with me.
i am a freshman and he is a bit older.
he called, and did something i hate
asked me whats up and then said he had to go.
i cannot stand that.
and then i went shopping with my mom
its hard to do that
without fighting or crying
we fought for a little while
then got along
then i started doing that thing
when you know you can never afford any of the items you truely want
so you just walk through the department store as if it was a busy
street in New York City and all the clothing racks are people
and you just casually walk by
trying not to stare
well now im home
getting ready to go to anthony's for sunday dinner.
im kinda nervous
i have a feeling hes going to make me a promise
that he can't deliever.
oh well. i wont get my hopes too high.
im going to try to write as often as i can.
i want to take journalism classes at CdS
because i want to write books
that can be life coaches to people.
im in desperate need for one now
but i bet Alice is too busy.
Alice is my support group/thearpy/life coach
that my counsler recomended me to go to..
im so glad she did.
i love it there
it makes me feel like im not the only one with horrible problems
and it gives me a chance to just be like this is me
this is all that i am
take it or leave it
i love it.
ill write again soon.
-nicci
well its been about a month and i haven't updated.
i'm horrible about updating.
it feels like ive been running on this treadmill;
my legs are weak and so is my heart
and it's impossible to just breathe.
well last time we talked it was almost homecoming.
the homecoming game was horrible.
two friends got drunk.
you can imagine how that turned out.
My friends are complete assholes.
The best one out of them all
told me that they all basically hated me
and put up with me.
Well, well. You can pretty much make a conclusion
to what happened.
we argued and fought and then one kind of apologized
it wasnt me.
For lack of better words, she can go fuck herself.
I didnt go to my homecoming.
I was so dissappointed.
after that it was all downhill
losing friends left and right.
my birthday is right around the corner.
yeah well. it was the worst one yet.
i don't think i've ever cried so hard.
over those losers.
i don't need them.
i don't need their bullshit.
i have enough of my own.
have two eccentric parents is enough in my book.
i still went to the fall out boy concert with them .
it wasnt as great as i'd planned.
fuck her. im so over it.
halloween 2005
hey im not going to lie
I STAYED HOME.
i didnt go out with him
i didnt get drunk with him
i didnt smoke pot with him
i didnt have sex with him either.
i got my belly button pierced though.
it gave me a reason to cry
without my parents really knowing why.
its a constant struggle to be their rock
when im just one of those phoney dirt clauds.
friday night, the 4th of november
i saw anthony
the boy i fell in love with in mexico
and yes to all of you morons:
i STILL havent had sex with him.
nor did i drink or smoke pot with him.
but anyway, we went to wild horse pass
my family and i
with his family and himself.
it was a nice evening
i think my dad received a kiss from anthony's mom
but im not sure
they all got a little tipsy.
anthony and i wandered around the hotel/resort/restaraunt
it was the place we first met
we found our ice room where we had our first kiss
and we found an emergency stairwell
where we fell asleep
i never felt so safe.
then saturday night the 5th
it was MP's homecoming.
im glad i didnt go.
And sunday, today:
woke up very, very early.
it was nice.
showered and got myself ready for the day
and then someone called.
a guy, a guy i was kind of interested in but
i dont think he was really that interested with me.
i am a freshman and he is a bit older.
he called, and did something i hate
asked me whats up and then said he had to go.
i cannot stand that.
and then i went shopping with my mom
its hard to do that
without fighting or crying
we fought for a little while
then got along
then i started doing that thing
when you know you can never afford any of the items you truely want
so you just walk through the department store as if it was a busy
street in New York City and all the clothing racks are people
and you just casually walk by
trying not to stare
well now im home
getting ready to go to anthony's for sunday dinner.
im kinda nervous
i have a feeling hes going to make me a promise
that he can't deliever.
oh well. i wont get my hopes too high.
im going to try to write as often as i can.
i want to take journalism classes at CdS
because i want to write books
that can be life coaches to people.
im in desperate need for one now
but i bet Alice is too busy.
Alice is my support group/thearpy/life coach
that my counsler recomended me to go to..
im so glad she did.
i love it there
it makes me feel like im not the only one with horrible problems
and it gives me a chance to just be like this is me
this is all that i am
take it or leave it
i love it.
ill write again soon.
-nicci