Tom Nix's Top Fifteen of 2006 (2007 Version)
It's a two-fer! 2006 was more or less a shitty time to be a movie fan, but for some reason, the top five films of this year are among the best seen in over a decade in this country. Here's to the future, and here's to the films that pissed me off the least this year.
#15
The Illusionist
In a year where one very high profile magician flick and one not-so-much-promoted-as-dumped- magician flick were competing for audiences, it was the scrappy one that won me over more. The Prestige is a much more classy film, but the elimination of real magic from the plot, as well as the worlds most obvious twist made it come in at #16, the best film to not make my list. The Illusionist handles itself similarly, although the golden hues used to represent 16th century europe are more beautiful than the stark black and browns used in the Prestige. as an added bonus, although the magic is verbally denied in the Illusionist, it's never disproved and it's that sense of wonder that makes the Illusionist so great. Throw in a Not On Cocaine Ed Norton, and a great turn by Paul Giamatti's vocal chords, and you've got a very satisfying yarn. This film, much like the Prestige, has a useless love interest, but this one with Jessica Biel feels a bit more integral and is a bit less shit than Scarlett Johannson, who peaked at 16. And that goes for her boobs, too.
#14
jackass number two
I'm gonna get the crabs for saying this next sentence: The freakshows that comprise the Jackass crew are the modern day Charlie Chaplins. they get more mileage out of physical comedy than every pratfall in every leslie neilson movie stacked end to end. It doesn't matter that these gents are going to die at 40. I encourage it! It's the best entertainment in the world! I don't even mind that Bam "the Worst" Margera makes 2 million dollars a year just because I get to see him cry his homosexual ass off when accosted by a cobra. Yeah, a cobra. You've got guys being thrown in boxes with cobras. You've got guys getting gored by bulls. You've got Johnny Knoxville almost getting gutted by explosives. You get Ryan Dunn getting shot by an anti-personnell cannon. And you've got Chris Pontius' Point getting devoured by a snake. Listen. It's great. I also realize that this is the lowest-common denominator humour on the planet, and that's why #14 is as far as it will get. Christ. I hope these fuckers live long enough for Jackass 3.
#13
Brick
Despite the fact that this movie, contrary to popular opinion, is shatteringly non-original (Oooh, you set a Philip Marlowe detective story in a high school!), it's wildly entertaining and incredibly well-written, especially for a guy like Rian Johnson, who has never touched celluloid with his brainjuices before. The story follows a high school loner, Brendan, who takes it upon his hard-ass self to find out the wheres and whys behind his ex-girlfriend's troubles and disappearance. This leads him through all manner of seedy locations like the basement of the local drug kingpin's mother's house (See? He's 26 and lives with his ma. She's clueless to her son's evil and it's hilarious) to the noir-ish bridge outside of town to the noir-ish parking lot. He also gets to investigate and get the crap beat out of him by neo-noirish figures like the theater/band princess, the Popular Girl, and the highschool dropout heavy. If it seems like I'm being snarky, it's because I am, but the fact remains that despite it's paper-thin premise, this film is a great one for showing off the immense talents of both writer/director Rian Johnson and the criminally underused (in everything else) Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Brendan. Buy it if you can find it for $10, otherwise give it a netflix queue spot and enjoy the ride.
#12
V for Vendetta
Yes, I know I'm a sellout. Regardless of its BIG MOVIE status and that the directors of The Matrix movies that aren't the first one are the producers, the film is still great. Yep, it pissed Allan Moore right off. Good. He deserves to bitch for a while. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is 4/5 piss and piss, and his latest project is taking fairy tale women and making them fuck things. And that's not a sentence where I use the phrase "fuck things" to mean "ruin themselves." What it means is they take off their clothes and place their vaginas on objects. In lieu of that, the Slightly revised For the Stupid version of V is quite compelling cinema with the emotion hitting in all the right places and the shots being sweet in all the right places. It's a very gripping story that is delivered to great effect by Natalie Portman and the disembodied voice of Elrond. Portman's performance is very good, even through the piss limey accent. And it proves that she can be in huge budget movies with lots of CGi and still give a damn. Hugo seals the deal as the absolute cinematic representation of the character of V. Every syllable uttered by the man echoes throughout the course of the film, and it's his performance that really draws everyone into the story more so than anyone else. This is one of the few comic book movies that will actually get people to BUY and READ comics and not just see films about them. A modern classic it is not, but a classic of the genre it truly is.
#11
Volver
I'd never seen a Pedro Almodovar film before this one, and I had always (wrongly) assumed he was a pretentious dickhole because he refers to himself by last name only. This is not true. He refers to himself by last name only because he can, because he makes damn good movies that are entirely about the human condition. It's a rarity to see such human filmmaking nowadays. Sure, all movies have humans involved in them, but this film (and most of his previous works) are strictly concerned with the trials and tribulations of being a person, and not in the "funny ha-ha" sitcom way or the "oh, isn't that sad" dramatic way. He presents people in a way that hasn't been done since Cassavetes, and it's a pleasure to get wrapped up in the thread he unravels. Penelope Cruz has always been a great actress, who happens to be drop dead gorgeous, and is subsequently cast as the romantic lead or the girl in low-cut dresses, or the boobed sidekick who is there to look sexy. She owns almost every frame of this film about an extended family of women (the only man in this film gets the death handed to him thirty minutes in!) dealing with the fact that their dead mom might not be dead, or at least be a ghost. It's a family story told from both insiders and outsiders and it's a look into small-town Spain life not unlike Fellini's great Amarcord (although that was Italy). It's simply refreshing to watch a filmmaker not quibble with any American (i.e. Popular) storytelling cornerstones and tell a fluid tale about three generations of women who are at the very best and worst times utterly human.
#10
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
This is the funniest movie of the year starring Sacha Baron Cohen. Yes, funnier than Borat. That last film has a few moments of inspired genius, but too much boring drivel and easy jokes to wear it down. And for better or worse, Talladega Nights did not feature a moustache in a man's crevice. What it does feature is Will Ferrell at his almost-as-funny-as-Anchorman best, although this time, *gasp* there's a plot! And *yerk!* Characters have arcs! It's a small step down in comedy from the anarchist brilliance of Anchorman to the nigh unreachable plateau of Judd Apatow/Adam McKay comedies. John C. Reilly almost makes up for his stench in Chicago as the forver #2 man for Ricky Bobby. And although Cohen's horrible French accent almost steals the show, no one manages to top Will Ferrell. Not even the kids that play his son, who have the best lines uttered by child actors in all of 2006.
#9
Casino Royale
This might be the best Bond movie of all time. It's certainly the most enjoyable for all of the millions of people who are tired of one-liners and gadgets and super-spies. I've said since 2002 that the Bourne movies shit-kick the Bond movies right in da gonads. And now a Bond who gets the shit-kicked outta da gonads is saying, "Hey! One guy touching my dick with malice is enough, Jason." And so it is. Daniel Craig, who is normally very good, proves that he can be incredible given stupendously hot women and ridiculously pimp cars to tool around in. the best part about This Bond movie is it takes all the fiction out of it. The villain isn't a supermanical madgenius who wants the world, he's just a crooked money investor with dastardly plans to get himself and his clients really rich at the expense of human lives that are not his own. Bond fucks up in this one. the bad guy fucks up in this one. It's brash, and bold, but with the right amount of brains at times and the lacking amount of brains at others. It's by far the best action movie of the year, even if it does drag on for fifteen minutes too long. Two things are clear after the end credits start: It's damn great to not have to hear that shitty Chris Cornell song again, and I am totally stoked for the next Bond picture. What is this, 1964?
#8
Running Scared
This movie is everything Crank wished it could be. That film let me down by not being as over-the-top as advertised and being directed by two people whose entire teenage and twenty-something years were apparently spent playing 8-bit Nintendo and eating Ecstacy. Running Scared, on the other hand, does two very important things. It makes Paul Walker into a good actor (holy SHIT), and it goes so far over the top that it barely recognizes that there is a top. We're talking neon-painted hockey-puck face mauling. We're talking little kids being held a knife point by pimps. We're talking cunnilingus on a washing machine. We're talking sugar-coated suburbanite child rape tapers. Combine that with a frenetic visual style, awesome Wayne Kramer direction, and a mixed-in throughline of fairy-tale and fable allusions and you've got two hours of being punched in the face by a movie. Only everytime it hits you with its prison hands, the bruises swell up into tasty treats that you savor in your mouth as the candyblood seeps through your busted lips. yeah, let's see you put that pullquote on a poster, dickheads.
#7
Thank You For Smoking
this film is by Jason Reitman, the son of Ivan Retiman. Ivan should plunge his son into his heart as an act of ritualistic suicide. Why? Jason's contribution to the 2006 canon? The most intelligent and and satiric straight-up comedy of the year about Nick Naylor, the spin doctor and national spokesperson for the nation's biggest tobacco company. His dad's entry into the 2006 filmic year? My Super Ex-Girlfriend. I wonder if Jason will change his name soon. This film is your chance to see the future Harvey Dent in action with one of his most charismatic and engaging performances, Yes, that's Aaron Eckhart, and Yes, he is playing the pre-Two-Face. It's your chance to see Rob Lowe as a taoist/exisentialist movie producer. It's your last chance to see Katie Holmes fuck on screen (at east someone who's not an alien). It's your chance to see the MOd squad (Merchants of Death) in action with brilliant supporting work by the fancy-hot Maria Bello, and the damned sexy David Koechner as the respective spokespeople for alcohol and guns. It's a chance to genuinely enjoy and be enlightened by a mainstream comedy that fires on all cylinders and manages to be a great movie to boot. Also, enjoy J.K. Simmons as the CEO of the firm and be kinda scared by Cameron Bright's creepiness.
#6
United 93
It's almost embarrassing that the best tribute the tragedy of 9/11 has recieved in five years past is this film about the United Airlines Flight 93 that went down in Pennsylvania. For those of you who aren't up to speed, this flight was the one where the the passengers fought back against the hijackers and sacrificed their lives to save the lives of thousands of others. It's a difficult story to tell, especially amongst the backlash of the morons who think that the event is some kind of sacred ground never to be spoken of. This film is the best thing to happen in a physical way since that day. It's the thing that the families deserve. They have a legacy that can now be shared with millions of people to show how that day really happened from all points of view. Paul Greengrass, the guy who makes the Bourne movies as good as they are, paints this picture from all angles. The passengers, the terrorists (fuck you if you think they should not have representation here. That just shows your shallowness), the flight controllers, the military. It captures the heartbreak and the insanity that happened that day. it captured the red tape, and it captured the insecurities. It's not dramaticized. Its told as a real-time insight into the events that shaped one of the most important days in this country's history. the best thing that can be said about this film is that it's visceral and hard to watch. The movie feels like you're there with these people, not watching actors playing them on a huge screen. I'm looking at you, Nic Cage. The fact that this movie got so overlooked (doubtless because of it's subject matter) is a travesty, as it's one of the most important films of the last five years.
#5
The Fountain
This movie is one man's love letter to death, and it's one of the most vitalizing pictures of the year. Darren Aronofsky, coming off the massive cult/college kid success of Requiem for a Dream, finally shows the world that he's one of the most talented filmmakers working. The film is epic, despite its one hour forty minute running time, and shows a wizardry of visual effects and compositing that degrades the Oscar ceremony for it's blatant overlooking of this gem of a film. Tracking the three stories of a surgeon trying to find a cure for his dying wife's brain cancer, the surgeon in the future seeking the final solution for death, and a conquistador sent on a mission to find the tree of life, the film couldn't be less meandering. Everything it shows is to a point, and it's all to celebrate death as part of life. It's a truly cerebral film. Some would say pretentious. And some will say it's a load of bollocks. That's fine. You have to feel the philosophy to feel the film. Rachel Weisz turns in her usual good performance whie Hugh Jackman shows the world how great he can be if he's given the right stuff. This is an award worthy performance and I think the fact that he was Van Helsing is till hurting his credibility. The Fountain is the best film Aronofsky has ever made, and is one of the most spiritual, moving, and poignant films in the last decade. It's a must-see.
#4
The Departed
Marti Scorsese pretty much topped my 2004 list with The Aviator, and this year he's made his best film since Goodfellas. The Departed is as raucously funny, engaging, and exciting as any of the best films ever made simply for audiences to see, and the cast is quite honestly one of the best ever assembled. The Departed is a remake of a little-seen Chinese flick called Infernal Affairs about duelling moles on either side of the law. the Departed takes that premise and blows it and and fleshes it out into a completely other beast, one that doesn't feel at all derivative of another work, and one that follows its own trajectory and story through, no holds barred. It's gritty, it's violent, it's puerile. Leo DiCaprio lets loose another amazing performance under Scorsese to the point that you'd wish he'd ONLY work with Marty from here on out. Matt Damon gets to unleash the original Boston accent with ferocity as the gang mole in the Police Department. Jack Nicholson eats scenes with his greatness, and although he sometimes resorts to playing himself, he's a truly magnetic performer and hasn't been this good in years. Mark Wahlberg and Alec Baldwin play great support roles ho get the best lines in the whole movie. But the star of the picture is Scorsese, making his most commericially successful film ever and finally locking down the Oscar he's deserved since 1975. Aside from a few small plot contrivances that you're mostly too entertained to notice, there is nothing wrong with this film. It should have a place in any film collection.
#3
Little Children
This biting satire, and touchingly perfect drama peels away all the layers of bullshit in Suburbia, USA by layering the shit cake higher and higher through irony and sophistication. The inner workings of the characters are admirable, the outside of them is despicable. The film is genuinely laugh out loud funny at moments, and breathtakingly agonizing at others. The way people's bad decisions pile upon each other is a majestic thing to behold in the realm of cinema. The story follows a young mother who falls in love and has an affair with another married person to comfort the fact that her marriage is a lie. Although there are several child characters, the title of the film is reserved for the adults, who seem to still live in a world where high school flings and gossip is still the way of life when you're wealthy and middle aged. the stand out performances are Kate Winslet and Patrick Wilson as the affaired couple, and Jackie Earle Haley who turns in a brilliant portrayal of a reformed pedophile who is the subject of much scorn and embarassment after moving back in with his mother into an otherwise "peaceful" community. There is something about this film that struck a chord inside of my soul. It's the fact that all the good intentions in the world don't mean a fuck unless the actions back them up official. The fact that this film was leaked more so than placed into theaters is a crime against humanity. Seek it out. It will reward you.
#2
Children of Men
Alfonso Cuaron is the most spiritual filmmaker alive today. In a recent interview he said he's no longer content with making pictures that start when the lights go out. He's only interested in movies that start when the lights come back on. it's that mantra that makes this film a truly modern classic. In 2027, all women are infertile. All the nations in the world have descended into chaos due to the impending death of humanity. Only Britain staggers on, forcefully ignoring the ultimate extinction of humankind. Clive Owens plays a broken man, a former activist, poised in a precarious position that could change the entire future of the planet.Told through the documentary lenses of cameras through interminable and unbelievable tracking shots, Alfonso Cuaron totally and utterly envelops us in the world of post-procreation Earth. No image is for shock or artistic effect. Every image is there to emotionally and visually engross you in its story. No words can describe the power of this film. This is not the best film of 2006. This is a film that you only get to experience a few times in your time on the planet. How fortunate are we that we got two this year?
#1
Pan's Labyrinth
Guillermo del Toro is a filmmaker whose movies I have always enjoyed, but found extremely flawed. One piece of his otherwise fine films left me cold and held him back from being truly great. Pan's Labyrinth is not one of those films. This film is a masterpiece of the art of film. It is a celebration and an examination of the 41 years of its creator's life and its logical progression as an artist and a fan. It is a celebration of innocence and the triumph of the will of the good over the intentions of the evil. Every performance is imbued with greatness, especially Sergi Lopez's truly frightening Captain Vidal. It's a film that deserves novels being written about it, and I have to concise it to a paragraph. It succeeds in the way no other film this year has, in a simply transcendent way. the story of a girl forced into her own imaginary shelter against the oppressive grip of fascism in 1945 Spain is something that can be related to on any level, be it personal or national or worldly. It's a story about hope and the struggle to preserve it against all odds. It's a film that doesn't pander to an audience or spoon-feed it emotions. Everything you get out of it is your own interpretation, and it's the films that allow you to search yourself for meaning that will always truly stand the test of time and criticism. It's phenomenal that the two best films of 2006 were crafted by two Mexican visionaries, and I hope that this expanded worldview sticks through the end of the decade as more and more external sensibilities creep into American productions. Pan's Labyrinth is better than any review written about it, and more powerful than any trailer or image can define it as. It's the single most defining movie of 2006, and one that will hopefully be seen by the thousands of generations to come that could improve their lives and the world aroud them by the simple message it so timelessly delivers. The only thing troublesome about the film is the thought that del Toro may never be able to top it.
Honourable Mention: Slither, The Prestige, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, The Descent
Movies I didn't see: Letters From Iwo Jima, The Last King of Scotland, Little Miss Sunshine, Notes on a Scandal.
_Nicchus Out_
#15
The Illusionist
In a year where one very high profile magician flick and one not-so-much-promoted-as-dumped- magician flick were competing for audiences, it was the scrappy one that won me over more. The Prestige is a much more classy film, but the elimination of real magic from the plot, as well as the worlds most obvious twist made it come in at #16, the best film to not make my list. The Illusionist handles itself similarly, although the golden hues used to represent 16th century europe are more beautiful than the stark black and browns used in the Prestige. as an added bonus, although the magic is verbally denied in the Illusionist, it's never disproved and it's that sense of wonder that makes the Illusionist so great. Throw in a Not On Cocaine Ed Norton, and a great turn by Paul Giamatti's vocal chords, and you've got a very satisfying yarn. This film, much like the Prestige, has a useless love interest, but this one with Jessica Biel feels a bit more integral and is a bit less shit than Scarlett Johannson, who peaked at 16. And that goes for her boobs, too.
#14
jackass number two
I'm gonna get the crabs for saying this next sentence: The freakshows that comprise the Jackass crew are the modern day Charlie Chaplins. they get more mileage out of physical comedy than every pratfall in every leslie neilson movie stacked end to end. It doesn't matter that these gents are going to die at 40. I encourage it! It's the best entertainment in the world! I don't even mind that Bam "the Worst" Margera makes 2 million dollars a year just because I get to see him cry his homosexual ass off when accosted by a cobra. Yeah, a cobra. You've got guys being thrown in boxes with cobras. You've got guys getting gored by bulls. You've got Johnny Knoxville almost getting gutted by explosives. You get Ryan Dunn getting shot by an anti-personnell cannon. And you've got Chris Pontius' Point getting devoured by a snake. Listen. It's great. I also realize that this is the lowest-common denominator humour on the planet, and that's why #14 is as far as it will get. Christ. I hope these fuckers live long enough for Jackass 3.
#13
Brick
Despite the fact that this movie, contrary to popular opinion, is shatteringly non-original (Oooh, you set a Philip Marlowe detective story in a high school!), it's wildly entertaining and incredibly well-written, especially for a guy like Rian Johnson, who has never touched celluloid with his brainjuices before. The story follows a high school loner, Brendan, who takes it upon his hard-ass self to find out the wheres and whys behind his ex-girlfriend's troubles and disappearance. This leads him through all manner of seedy locations like the basement of the local drug kingpin's mother's house (See? He's 26 and lives with his ma. She's clueless to her son's evil and it's hilarious) to the noir-ish bridge outside of town to the noir-ish parking lot. He also gets to investigate and get the crap beat out of him by neo-noirish figures like the theater/band princess, the Popular Girl, and the highschool dropout heavy. If it seems like I'm being snarky, it's because I am, but the fact remains that despite it's paper-thin premise, this film is a great one for showing off the immense talents of both writer/director Rian Johnson and the criminally underused (in everything else) Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Brendan. Buy it if you can find it for $10, otherwise give it a netflix queue spot and enjoy the ride.
#12
V for Vendetta
Yes, I know I'm a sellout. Regardless of its BIG MOVIE status and that the directors of The Matrix movies that aren't the first one are the producers, the film is still great. Yep, it pissed Allan Moore right off. Good. He deserves to bitch for a while. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is 4/5 piss and piss, and his latest project is taking fairy tale women and making them fuck things. And that's not a sentence where I use the phrase "fuck things" to mean "ruin themselves." What it means is they take off their clothes and place their vaginas on objects. In lieu of that, the Slightly revised For the Stupid version of V is quite compelling cinema with the emotion hitting in all the right places and the shots being sweet in all the right places. It's a very gripping story that is delivered to great effect by Natalie Portman and the disembodied voice of Elrond. Portman's performance is very good, even through the piss limey accent. And it proves that she can be in huge budget movies with lots of CGi and still give a damn. Hugo seals the deal as the absolute cinematic representation of the character of V. Every syllable uttered by the man echoes throughout the course of the film, and it's his performance that really draws everyone into the story more so than anyone else. This is one of the few comic book movies that will actually get people to BUY and READ comics and not just see films about them. A modern classic it is not, but a classic of the genre it truly is.
#11
Volver
I'd never seen a Pedro Almodovar film before this one, and I had always (wrongly) assumed he was a pretentious dickhole because he refers to himself by last name only. This is not true. He refers to himself by last name only because he can, because he makes damn good movies that are entirely about the human condition. It's a rarity to see such human filmmaking nowadays. Sure, all movies have humans involved in them, but this film (and most of his previous works) are strictly concerned with the trials and tribulations of being a person, and not in the "funny ha-ha" sitcom way or the "oh, isn't that sad" dramatic way. He presents people in a way that hasn't been done since Cassavetes, and it's a pleasure to get wrapped up in the thread he unravels. Penelope Cruz has always been a great actress, who happens to be drop dead gorgeous, and is subsequently cast as the romantic lead or the girl in low-cut dresses, or the boobed sidekick who is there to look sexy. She owns almost every frame of this film about an extended family of women (the only man in this film gets the death handed to him thirty minutes in!) dealing with the fact that their dead mom might not be dead, or at least be a ghost. It's a family story told from both insiders and outsiders and it's a look into small-town Spain life not unlike Fellini's great Amarcord (although that was Italy). It's simply refreshing to watch a filmmaker not quibble with any American (i.e. Popular) storytelling cornerstones and tell a fluid tale about three generations of women who are at the very best and worst times utterly human.
#10
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
This is the funniest movie of the year starring Sacha Baron Cohen. Yes, funnier than Borat. That last film has a few moments of inspired genius, but too much boring drivel and easy jokes to wear it down. And for better or worse, Talladega Nights did not feature a moustache in a man's crevice. What it does feature is Will Ferrell at his almost-as-funny-as-Anchorman best, although this time, *gasp* there's a plot! And *yerk!* Characters have arcs! It's a small step down in comedy from the anarchist brilliance of Anchorman to the nigh unreachable plateau of Judd Apatow/Adam McKay comedies. John C. Reilly almost makes up for his stench in Chicago as the forver #2 man for Ricky Bobby. And although Cohen's horrible French accent almost steals the show, no one manages to top Will Ferrell. Not even the kids that play his son, who have the best lines uttered by child actors in all of 2006.
#9
Casino Royale
This might be the best Bond movie of all time. It's certainly the most enjoyable for all of the millions of people who are tired of one-liners and gadgets and super-spies. I've said since 2002 that the Bourne movies shit-kick the Bond movies right in da gonads. And now a Bond who gets the shit-kicked outta da gonads is saying, "Hey! One guy touching my dick with malice is enough, Jason." And so it is. Daniel Craig, who is normally very good, proves that he can be incredible given stupendously hot women and ridiculously pimp cars to tool around in. the best part about This Bond movie is it takes all the fiction out of it. The villain isn't a supermanical madgenius who wants the world, he's just a crooked money investor with dastardly plans to get himself and his clients really rich at the expense of human lives that are not his own. Bond fucks up in this one. the bad guy fucks up in this one. It's brash, and bold, but with the right amount of brains at times and the lacking amount of brains at others. It's by far the best action movie of the year, even if it does drag on for fifteen minutes too long. Two things are clear after the end credits start: It's damn great to not have to hear that shitty Chris Cornell song again, and I am totally stoked for the next Bond picture. What is this, 1964?
#8
Running Scared
This movie is everything Crank wished it could be. That film let me down by not being as over-the-top as advertised and being directed by two people whose entire teenage and twenty-something years were apparently spent playing 8-bit Nintendo and eating Ecstacy. Running Scared, on the other hand, does two very important things. It makes Paul Walker into a good actor (holy SHIT), and it goes so far over the top that it barely recognizes that there is a top. We're talking neon-painted hockey-puck face mauling. We're talking little kids being held a knife point by pimps. We're talking cunnilingus on a washing machine. We're talking sugar-coated suburbanite child rape tapers. Combine that with a frenetic visual style, awesome Wayne Kramer direction, and a mixed-in throughline of fairy-tale and fable allusions and you've got two hours of being punched in the face by a movie. Only everytime it hits you with its prison hands, the bruises swell up into tasty treats that you savor in your mouth as the candyblood seeps through your busted lips. yeah, let's see you put that pullquote on a poster, dickheads.
#7
Thank You For Smoking
this film is by Jason Reitman, the son of Ivan Retiman. Ivan should plunge his son into his heart as an act of ritualistic suicide. Why? Jason's contribution to the 2006 canon? The most intelligent and and satiric straight-up comedy of the year about Nick Naylor, the spin doctor and national spokesperson for the nation's biggest tobacco company. His dad's entry into the 2006 filmic year? My Super Ex-Girlfriend. I wonder if Jason will change his name soon. This film is your chance to see the future Harvey Dent in action with one of his most charismatic and engaging performances, Yes, that's Aaron Eckhart, and Yes, he is playing the pre-Two-Face. It's your chance to see Rob Lowe as a taoist/exisentialist movie producer. It's your last chance to see Katie Holmes fuck on screen (at east someone who's not an alien). It's your chance to see the MOd squad (Merchants of Death) in action with brilliant supporting work by the fancy-hot Maria Bello, and the damned sexy David Koechner as the respective spokespeople for alcohol and guns. It's a chance to genuinely enjoy and be enlightened by a mainstream comedy that fires on all cylinders and manages to be a great movie to boot. Also, enjoy J.K. Simmons as the CEO of the firm and be kinda scared by Cameron Bright's creepiness.
#6
United 93
It's almost embarrassing that the best tribute the tragedy of 9/11 has recieved in five years past is this film about the United Airlines Flight 93 that went down in Pennsylvania. For those of you who aren't up to speed, this flight was the one where the the passengers fought back against the hijackers and sacrificed their lives to save the lives of thousands of others. It's a difficult story to tell, especially amongst the backlash of the morons who think that the event is some kind of sacred ground never to be spoken of. This film is the best thing to happen in a physical way since that day. It's the thing that the families deserve. They have a legacy that can now be shared with millions of people to show how that day really happened from all points of view. Paul Greengrass, the guy who makes the Bourne movies as good as they are, paints this picture from all angles. The passengers, the terrorists (fuck you if you think they should not have representation here. That just shows your shallowness), the flight controllers, the military. It captures the heartbreak and the insanity that happened that day. it captured the red tape, and it captured the insecurities. It's not dramaticized. Its told as a real-time insight into the events that shaped one of the most important days in this country's history. the best thing that can be said about this film is that it's visceral and hard to watch. The movie feels like you're there with these people, not watching actors playing them on a huge screen. I'm looking at you, Nic Cage. The fact that this movie got so overlooked (doubtless because of it's subject matter) is a travesty, as it's one of the most important films of the last five years.
#5
The Fountain
This movie is one man's love letter to death, and it's one of the most vitalizing pictures of the year. Darren Aronofsky, coming off the massive cult/college kid success of Requiem for a Dream, finally shows the world that he's one of the most talented filmmakers working. The film is epic, despite its one hour forty minute running time, and shows a wizardry of visual effects and compositing that degrades the Oscar ceremony for it's blatant overlooking of this gem of a film. Tracking the three stories of a surgeon trying to find a cure for his dying wife's brain cancer, the surgeon in the future seeking the final solution for death, and a conquistador sent on a mission to find the tree of life, the film couldn't be less meandering. Everything it shows is to a point, and it's all to celebrate death as part of life. It's a truly cerebral film. Some would say pretentious. And some will say it's a load of bollocks. That's fine. You have to feel the philosophy to feel the film. Rachel Weisz turns in her usual good performance whie Hugh Jackman shows the world how great he can be if he's given the right stuff. This is an award worthy performance and I think the fact that he was Van Helsing is till hurting his credibility. The Fountain is the best film Aronofsky has ever made, and is one of the most spiritual, moving, and poignant films in the last decade. It's a must-see.
#4
The Departed
Marti Scorsese pretty much topped my 2004 list with The Aviator, and this year he's made his best film since Goodfellas. The Departed is as raucously funny, engaging, and exciting as any of the best films ever made simply for audiences to see, and the cast is quite honestly one of the best ever assembled. The Departed is a remake of a little-seen Chinese flick called Infernal Affairs about duelling moles on either side of the law. the Departed takes that premise and blows it and and fleshes it out into a completely other beast, one that doesn't feel at all derivative of another work, and one that follows its own trajectory and story through, no holds barred. It's gritty, it's violent, it's puerile. Leo DiCaprio lets loose another amazing performance under Scorsese to the point that you'd wish he'd ONLY work with Marty from here on out. Matt Damon gets to unleash the original Boston accent with ferocity as the gang mole in the Police Department. Jack Nicholson eats scenes with his greatness, and although he sometimes resorts to playing himself, he's a truly magnetic performer and hasn't been this good in years. Mark Wahlberg and Alec Baldwin play great support roles ho get the best lines in the whole movie. But the star of the picture is Scorsese, making his most commericially successful film ever and finally locking down the Oscar he's deserved since 1975. Aside from a few small plot contrivances that you're mostly too entertained to notice, there is nothing wrong with this film. It should have a place in any film collection.
#3
Little Children
This biting satire, and touchingly perfect drama peels away all the layers of bullshit in Suburbia, USA by layering the shit cake higher and higher through irony and sophistication. The inner workings of the characters are admirable, the outside of them is despicable. The film is genuinely laugh out loud funny at moments, and breathtakingly agonizing at others. The way people's bad decisions pile upon each other is a majestic thing to behold in the realm of cinema. The story follows a young mother who falls in love and has an affair with another married person to comfort the fact that her marriage is a lie. Although there are several child characters, the title of the film is reserved for the adults, who seem to still live in a world where high school flings and gossip is still the way of life when you're wealthy and middle aged. the stand out performances are Kate Winslet and Patrick Wilson as the affaired couple, and Jackie Earle Haley who turns in a brilliant portrayal of a reformed pedophile who is the subject of much scorn and embarassment after moving back in with his mother into an otherwise "peaceful" community. There is something about this film that struck a chord inside of my soul. It's the fact that all the good intentions in the world don't mean a fuck unless the actions back them up official. The fact that this film was leaked more so than placed into theaters is a crime against humanity. Seek it out. It will reward you.
#2
Children of Men
Alfonso Cuaron is the most spiritual filmmaker alive today. In a recent interview he said he's no longer content with making pictures that start when the lights go out. He's only interested in movies that start when the lights come back on. it's that mantra that makes this film a truly modern classic. In 2027, all women are infertile. All the nations in the world have descended into chaos due to the impending death of humanity. Only Britain staggers on, forcefully ignoring the ultimate extinction of humankind. Clive Owens plays a broken man, a former activist, poised in a precarious position that could change the entire future of the planet.Told through the documentary lenses of cameras through interminable and unbelievable tracking shots, Alfonso Cuaron totally and utterly envelops us in the world of post-procreation Earth. No image is for shock or artistic effect. Every image is there to emotionally and visually engross you in its story. No words can describe the power of this film. This is not the best film of 2006. This is a film that you only get to experience a few times in your time on the planet. How fortunate are we that we got two this year?
#1
Pan's Labyrinth
Guillermo del Toro is a filmmaker whose movies I have always enjoyed, but found extremely flawed. One piece of his otherwise fine films left me cold and held him back from being truly great. Pan's Labyrinth is not one of those films. This film is a masterpiece of the art of film. It is a celebration and an examination of the 41 years of its creator's life and its logical progression as an artist and a fan. It is a celebration of innocence and the triumph of the will of the good over the intentions of the evil. Every performance is imbued with greatness, especially Sergi Lopez's truly frightening Captain Vidal. It's a film that deserves novels being written about it, and I have to concise it to a paragraph. It succeeds in the way no other film this year has, in a simply transcendent way. the story of a girl forced into her own imaginary shelter against the oppressive grip of fascism in 1945 Spain is something that can be related to on any level, be it personal or national or worldly. It's a story about hope and the struggle to preserve it against all odds. It's a film that doesn't pander to an audience or spoon-feed it emotions. Everything you get out of it is your own interpretation, and it's the films that allow you to search yourself for meaning that will always truly stand the test of time and criticism. It's phenomenal that the two best films of 2006 were crafted by two Mexican visionaries, and I hope that this expanded worldview sticks through the end of the decade as more and more external sensibilities creep into American productions. Pan's Labyrinth is better than any review written about it, and more powerful than any trailer or image can define it as. It's the single most defining movie of 2006, and one that will hopefully be seen by the thousands of generations to come that could improve their lives and the world aroud them by the simple message it so timelessly delivers. The only thing troublesome about the film is the thought that del Toro may never be able to top it.
Honourable Mention: Slither, The Prestige, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, The Descent
Movies I didn't see: Letters From Iwo Jima, The Last King of Scotland, Little Miss Sunshine, Notes on a Scandal.
_Nicchus Out_