Merry Christmas, Peeps!
So I gave Taz his Christmas gift which he loved. And of course he would since they were his favorites - Jack Daniel’s and Bud Lite (did I spell that right... whatever). Anyways, I put a little spin on both of them - Gentlemen’s Jack (cause he could use some refinement) and a Budweiser gift basket that was comprised of a metal bucket, 2 frosted tumblers, and 2 coasters. I stuck 2 twelve ounce cans of Bud Lites in the tumblers.
My man was really touched. I got a nice, tight squeeze out of that. He tried to sneak a kiss but I wouldn’t let him cause we were at work and there was an audience so what can I say (dammit!).
I gave his side-kick, Manny, a gift set of 1800 Cuervo with 2 authentic shot glasses. There was mild appreciation there. But then again, Manny is such a sweet guy and somewhat shy so maybe his smile showed how much that meant to him.
Taz’s birthday was Saturday so I gave him his birthday gift too. When I saw it in CVS I got a big kick out of it and said out loud, Damn! Taz will like this shit! This is funny as hell!
Me: Hold up… I got you a birthday present, too…
Taz: Ah darling… something else? What are you trying to do, spoil me?
Me: Open it.
Taz: What? Another bottle. Damn! You trying to get me drunk already?
I had placed the gift in a wine sleeve cause that was all I had left. It fit perfectly, too.
He reaches in and pulls out a car and starts grinning. Hey… this is cool. He turns it this way and that… I like this!
Me: Put it on the desk. It’s got to be on a flat surface.
We put it on the desk. It’s a hoopty-ville with Santa as the driver and Prancer and Vixen sitting in the passenger side of their best friend’s ride (those are the only names I think I can spell correctly). I press the button on the right side and the ride starts bouncing up and down on hydraulics with green lights flashing on the hub-caps.
Taz: What the…! Look at that shit!
The car starts playing All my friends know the low ri-der… the low ri-der is a little higher… (cool music interlude) …take a little trip wit me…
Note: did you know it only has 12 lines of lyric? Check it out, courtesy of
http://lyrics.astraweb.com/display/95/war..a_knights_tale_soundtrack..low_rider.html
Artist: war
Album: a knights tale soundtrack
Title: low rider
All my friends know the low rider
The low rider is a little higher
The low rider drives a little slower
Low rider, is a real goer
Hey
Low rider knows every street, yeah
Low rider, is the one to meet, yeah
Low rider don't use no gas now
The low rider don't drive too fast
Take a little trip, take a little trip
Take a little trip and see
Take a little trip, take a little trip
Take a little trip with me
Taz cracks up which I kind of knew (okay, well I hoped) he would. It made my day to hear the wheeze in his chortle and see the twinkle in his scrunched up eyes when he grinned in appreciation.
Taz: Ah, thanks, babe. And he gives me another one of those great hugs… sigh…
He really seemed touched by my gifts. I could be imagining it since I got such a hard on for the dude, but damn… seriously, the feeling is still with me 12 hours later and I can’t shake it.
Oh, by the way… he bought me a fifth of Patron Silver so there! I’ve been on cloud nine ever since.
Got to get over this man. He’s moving me like Malik moved me and that’s not a good thing. I’ve had an attitude for the past few weeks cause women have arrived in my territory at work and since Taz is so fucking charming they’re all up in his face and it pisses me the fuck off! Know what I mean? I might have to kick some bitches’ asses up in there if they keep up with this shit, you know?
Personally? I’m a little tired of falling for men I can not have or not available. I can honestly say with confidence that it's not about them not wanting me; it's more like men being men--I'm too much of a risk. They respect me too much, dammit! And I don't do the chase thing very well. I'm used to being pursued relentlessly, so there!
I made the mistake of calling him on Saturday to wish him a happy birthday. What was I expecting? Oh, I don’t know… maybe a little flirting? How silly is that. After all he is at home with his wife and 5 kids. Pissed me off when he put his 8 year-old daughter on the phone. WTF!
His flirting is harmless… I get that. Then why take it seriously? He does it with everybody. Except I want to believe with me it’s something special. Because I appreciate his silliness and his kind-heartedness. He really is special. He’ll do damn near anything for you and he’s a hard worker. Well, he’s a pig too but at least he doesn’t try to put on airs. Taz is the type that belches out loud, pats his ass or rubs his nipples and asks did that do it for you like it did for me? or when he talks about women with double-d’s or the fact that his wife doesn’t have any (let him tell it) so when he wants to play with them he flips her over, takes a black marker and draws black dots on her ass. See… the man really is crazy and so much damn fun if you don’t take offense at his crudeness which sometimes comes out at the most inappropriate times.
Interestingly enough though, is when we go out in public and he’s the epitome of good behavior. None of his ribald humor; no disgusting noises; none of that excessive talking he does when he’s at work. He becomes charming, attentive, even quiet and reflective. The man is very sexy to me. He wears these tight ass jeans then gets mad if some gay guy is looking at his ass. I told him he was trade and that pissed him off too (wonder WTF that’s about, hmmmm). I teased him one day and told him I was going to buy him an earring to go with his tight ass jeans and his rolled-up sleeved white tee-shirts. After all, it’s not my fault he dresses like one of the Village People guys that sing YMCA and Macho, Macho Man (hah, hah!).
The man got down right hostile with me when I said that. Don’t do that shit, baby. Them’s ass-kicking words!
I’m not sure why I like him, though. He’s got this red-neck persona tinged with a hood-like perspective. The boy’s got plenty of heart and talks beaucoup shit. He said he was born in California so I asked him where he was from.
Compton! He yells, all proud like and shit.
I called him on that. Bullshit, Taz! Your ass is not from Compton and you know it!
No shit! Cain’t go back there though. Can you imagine my white ass walking up to somebody’s door step talking about this my hood… I used to live in this house? Shit! I’d be a damn fool to do that. Bullets be flying everywhere. Hell! I ain’t looking to die just about yet.
Then The Sheriff asks what’s wrong with Compton and duh-dum pinky gives us the stats about the latest atrocity committed by the fair residents of that loving community-hah hah!.
Duh, duh… Compton’s one of the most violent cities in LA County, he says with authority.
But Taz and I laugh about the fact that he’s a hillbilly from the hood and how they’re not too much removed from each other, i.e., eminem and fiddy-cent. You heard… what, what!
Still, that does not explain why I have such a serious crush on his ass. WTF! I need a break. What is it about him that makes me have such a serious hard-on for him? I know I needs me a man Albert, but damn, seriously… WTF!
Fortunately, me being the indomitable Barb, I have had unfulfilled crushes before. I can overcome. What I am going to do as I have learned to do since Lana introduced me to the art of fantasy writing is to take them and use them as romance/fiction fodder. Hopefully, I can make a ton of money in the interim. Okay, even if I don’t get rich from the effort, at least I can generate some extra income, God willing. If nothing more, I will have gotten this shit out of my system by putting it on paper. That must account for something, right?
My man was really touched. I got a nice, tight squeeze out of that. He tried to sneak a kiss but I wouldn’t let him cause we were at work and there was an audience so what can I say (dammit!).
I gave his side-kick, Manny, a gift set of 1800 Cuervo with 2 authentic shot glasses. There was mild appreciation there. But then again, Manny is such a sweet guy and somewhat shy so maybe his smile showed how much that meant to him.
Taz’s birthday was Saturday so I gave him his birthday gift too. When I saw it in CVS I got a big kick out of it and said out loud, Damn! Taz will like this shit! This is funny as hell!
Me: Hold up… I got you a birthday present, too…
Taz: Ah darling… something else? What are you trying to do, spoil me?
Me: Open it.
Taz: What? Another bottle. Damn! You trying to get me drunk already?
I had placed the gift in a wine sleeve cause that was all I had left. It fit perfectly, too.
He reaches in and pulls out a car and starts grinning. Hey… this is cool. He turns it this way and that… I like this!
Me: Put it on the desk. It’s got to be on a flat surface.
We put it on the desk. It’s a hoopty-ville with Santa as the driver and Prancer and Vixen sitting in the passenger side of their best friend’s ride (those are the only names I think I can spell correctly). I press the button on the right side and the ride starts bouncing up and down on hydraulics with green lights flashing on the hub-caps.
Taz: What the…! Look at that shit!
The car starts playing All my friends know the low ri-der… the low ri-der is a little higher… (cool music interlude) …take a little trip wit me…
Note: did you know it only has 12 lines of lyric? Check it out, courtesy of
http://lyrics.astraweb.com/display/95/war..a_knights_tale_soundtrack..low_rider.html
Artist: war
Album: a knights tale soundtrack
Title: low rider
All my friends know the low rider
The low rider is a little higher
The low rider drives a little slower
Low rider, is a real goer
Hey
Low rider knows every street, yeah
Low rider, is the one to meet, yeah
Low rider don't use no gas now
The low rider don't drive too fast
Take a little trip, take a little trip
Take a little trip and see
Take a little trip, take a little trip
Take a little trip with me
Taz cracks up which I kind of knew (okay, well I hoped) he would. It made my day to hear the wheeze in his chortle and see the twinkle in his scrunched up eyes when he grinned in appreciation.
Taz: Ah, thanks, babe. And he gives me another one of those great hugs… sigh…
He really seemed touched by my gifts. I could be imagining it since I got such a hard on for the dude, but damn… seriously, the feeling is still with me 12 hours later and I can’t shake it.
Oh, by the way… he bought me a fifth of Patron Silver so there! I’ve been on cloud nine ever since.
Got to get over this man. He’s moving me like Malik moved me and that’s not a good thing. I’ve had an attitude for the past few weeks cause women have arrived in my territory at work and since Taz is so fucking charming they’re all up in his face and it pisses me the fuck off! Know what I mean? I might have to kick some bitches’ asses up in there if they keep up with this shit, you know?
Personally? I’m a little tired of falling for men I can not have or not available. I can honestly say with confidence that it's not about them not wanting me; it's more like men being men--I'm too much of a risk. They respect me too much, dammit! And I don't do the chase thing very well. I'm used to being pursued relentlessly, so there!
I made the mistake of calling him on Saturday to wish him a happy birthday. What was I expecting? Oh, I don’t know… maybe a little flirting? How silly is that. After all he is at home with his wife and 5 kids. Pissed me off when he put his 8 year-old daughter on the phone. WTF!
His flirting is harmless… I get that. Then why take it seriously? He does it with everybody. Except I want to believe with me it’s something special. Because I appreciate his silliness and his kind-heartedness. He really is special. He’ll do damn near anything for you and he’s a hard worker. Well, he’s a pig too but at least he doesn’t try to put on airs. Taz is the type that belches out loud, pats his ass or rubs his nipples and asks did that do it for you like it did for me? or when he talks about women with double-d’s or the fact that his wife doesn’t have any (let him tell it) so when he wants to play with them he flips her over, takes a black marker and draws black dots on her ass. See… the man really is crazy and so much damn fun if you don’t take offense at his crudeness which sometimes comes out at the most inappropriate times.
Interestingly enough though, is when we go out in public and he’s the epitome of good behavior. None of his ribald humor; no disgusting noises; none of that excessive talking he does when he’s at work. He becomes charming, attentive, even quiet and reflective. The man is very sexy to me. He wears these tight ass jeans then gets mad if some gay guy is looking at his ass. I told him he was trade and that pissed him off too (wonder WTF that’s about, hmmmm). I teased him one day and told him I was going to buy him an earring to go with his tight ass jeans and his rolled-up sleeved white tee-shirts. After all, it’s not my fault he dresses like one of the Village People guys that sing YMCA and Macho, Macho Man (hah, hah!).
The man got down right hostile with me when I said that. Don’t do that shit, baby. Them’s ass-kicking words!
I’m not sure why I like him, though. He’s got this red-neck persona tinged with a hood-like perspective. The boy’s got plenty of heart and talks beaucoup shit. He said he was born in California so I asked him where he was from.
Compton! He yells, all proud like and shit.
I called him on that. Bullshit, Taz! Your ass is not from Compton and you know it!
No shit! Cain’t go back there though. Can you imagine my white ass walking up to somebody’s door step talking about this my hood… I used to live in this house? Shit! I’d be a damn fool to do that. Bullets be flying everywhere. Hell! I ain’t looking to die just about yet.
Then The Sheriff asks what’s wrong with Compton and duh-dum pinky gives us the stats about the latest atrocity committed by the fair residents of that loving community-hah hah!.
Duh, duh… Compton’s one of the most violent cities in LA County, he says with authority.
But Taz and I laugh about the fact that he’s a hillbilly from the hood and how they’re not too much removed from each other, i.e., eminem and fiddy-cent. You heard… what, what!
Still, that does not explain why I have such a serious crush on his ass. WTF! I need a break. What is it about him that makes me have such a serious hard-on for him? I know I needs me a man Albert, but damn, seriously… WTF!
Fortunately, me being the indomitable Barb, I have had unfulfilled crushes before. I can overcome. What I am going to do as I have learned to do since Lana introduced me to the art of fantasy writing is to take them and use them as romance/fiction fodder. Hopefully, I can make a ton of money in the interim. Okay, even if I don’t get rich from the effort, at least I can generate some extra income, God willing. If nothing more, I will have gotten this shit out of my system by putting it on paper. That must account for something, right?