Good Looks!
I was talking to a fellow 12-stepper yesterday evening, confessing and pouring my heart and soul out to her. Telling her my deepest, darkest secrets, mistakes and fears. So we start talking about men. She hustles them; I spoil em-give them sorry SOB’s anything they frigging want. Why? Cause I freaking love men-always have, always will. Wrong-but there you go.
Anyways, I make this off-hand comment; well actually I complimented her for making them pay. She made this declaration that I think is pretty damn cool: ”I can’t lay down with a man and wake up the next morning with my bills hanging over my head.”
Now that was well-said and empowering for women like me who give too damn much away and don’t get jack-shit in return.
So I say that I can’t wait to use that line the next time some guy hits on me. Then I added, well… lately, they’ve stopped making passes. I meant it as a joke. But that’s what I get for being self-deprecating. I think they might call that false modesty too. She chose to take it literally, and immediately replies, “Well… if you fixed yourself up; got your hair done…”
Now me being the people-pleasing afraid of people especially bitches codependent I am doesn’t say anything. It hits me later after we’ve argued for the next two hours about how much I need to do the right thing and keep in touch with the collective --among other things. To add insult to injury, I received a lengthy lecture about how poorly I was working the steps and how fucked up my recovery program is going after I told her in answer to her unsolicited feedback was that the collective can kiss my fat black ass.
Hey and guess what happened at 12:30 freaking a.m. in the morning keeping me awake for the next two hours so I didn't get to sleep until almost 3 a.m.
The collective raises its ugly, stinking head.
Yeah, thanks, Pam… I really needed that. So now it’s up to me to dispel not only her rude ass comment about the freaking way I look, but the collective bullshit I keep allowing to run tapes over and over again in my head...
okay, repeat after me, Babs… you’re fucked up… you’re fucked up… you’re fucked up… you’re fucked up… ad nauseam.
So my answer to her bullshit and them collective mothafuckas is this... Wanna hear it? Here it goes…
I was hurt that she would say that to me because I keep looking outside for validation. Then I remembered, just because she said it doesn’t mean it’s true. My healthy self-esteem tape tells me every morning that the most important judgment in the world is the judgment I pass on myself.
My looks are good enough to attract the kind of men I want to attract; and even if they aren’t that’s okay too. As long as I am attractive and appealing to myself and those who love me; that’s what’s most important.
I love me for being me. I am GREAT and GREAT LOOKING just the way I am.
From the tape:
”I like myself; I really do like myself. Given my circumstances, my birth, my looks, my beliefs, and my possessions, I don’t want to be anyone else but me! In fact, I wouldn’t change anything else about me; because just for today, I am okay exactly as I am, as I feel, and what I have.
Well, it doesn’t exactly go like that, but I’m going from memory, a’ight?
Yep! As soon as I finished writing this, I instantly felt 100% A-OKAY!
Isn’t it great to be able to affirm myself and instantly feel the results of it? I looked in the mirror and repeated what I wrote, too. And you know what I believe (and since my opinion is of value to me) I can safely say to myself that it really doesn’t matter what a person looks like; it’s what’s beneath that’s most important. It’s how you treat yourself and others that enhances a person.
Helllooo Timmy! God Damn that boy is fine, right?
It’s true-we can lust after a Timmy, but look how unhappy he is with the attention, whether he knows it or not. What he wants is to be appreciated for who he is; he wants someone to validate him-his beliefs, his feelings, his intellect-his wants, needs, desires. He needs for someone to tell him there is more to him than his good looks. And there is! Now of course, he appreciates the flattery-I’m sure of that, but physical beauty can just as easily be destroyed in a fire, an accident, a medical affliction-if that’s all we had to define us, what’s left then?
It’s why they classify people who can only see their beauty on the outside as shallow because there’s nothing left. It’s like asking… hello? Is there anything else going on in there? You’re standing around grinning and all proud of yourself and you’re a hollow shell. You never tried developing any of your other traits or talents-you’re willing to rest your laurels on your looks? Puh-leese. That can only take a person just so far-and sometimes they don’t even get that!
When David came in this morning he said, “Good morning, beautiful. How are you?”
So there, ugly inside Pam! That came from a man (not that I needed him to validate me). And my daughter told me he has excellent taste! And since these two people are my favorites right now (well with Lana that never changes; she’s gonna always be my favorite), I agree.
I am fucking great! Know what I mean…
Anyways, I make this off-hand comment; well actually I complimented her for making them pay. She made this declaration that I think is pretty damn cool: ”I can’t lay down with a man and wake up the next morning with my bills hanging over my head.”
Now that was well-said and empowering for women like me who give too damn much away and don’t get jack-shit in return.
So I say that I can’t wait to use that line the next time some guy hits on me. Then I added, well… lately, they’ve stopped making passes. I meant it as a joke. But that’s what I get for being self-deprecating. I think they might call that false modesty too. She chose to take it literally, and immediately replies, “Well… if you fixed yourself up; got your hair done…”
Now me being the people-pleasing afraid of people especially bitches codependent I am doesn’t say anything. It hits me later after we’ve argued for the next two hours about how much I need to do the right thing and keep in touch with the collective --among other things. To add insult to injury, I received a lengthy lecture about how poorly I was working the steps and how fucked up my recovery program is going after I told her in answer to her unsolicited feedback was that the collective can kiss my fat black ass.
Hey and guess what happened at 12:30 freaking a.m. in the morning keeping me awake for the next two hours so I didn't get to sleep until almost 3 a.m.
The collective raises its ugly, stinking head.
Yeah, thanks, Pam… I really needed that. So now it’s up to me to dispel not only her rude ass comment about the freaking way I look, but the collective bullshit I keep allowing to run tapes over and over again in my head...
okay, repeat after me, Babs… you’re fucked up… you’re fucked up… you’re fucked up… you’re fucked up… ad nauseam.
So my answer to her bullshit and them collective mothafuckas is this... Wanna hear it? Here it goes…
I was hurt that she would say that to me because I keep looking outside for validation. Then I remembered, just because she said it doesn’t mean it’s true. My healthy self-esteem tape tells me every morning that the most important judgment in the world is the judgment I pass on myself.
My looks are good enough to attract the kind of men I want to attract; and even if they aren’t that’s okay too. As long as I am attractive and appealing to myself and those who love me; that’s what’s most important.
I love me for being me. I am GREAT and GREAT LOOKING just the way I am.
From the tape:
”I like myself; I really do like myself. Given my circumstances, my birth, my looks, my beliefs, and my possessions, I don’t want to be anyone else but me! In fact, I wouldn’t change anything else about me; because just for today, I am okay exactly as I am, as I feel, and what I have.
Well, it doesn’t exactly go like that, but I’m going from memory, a’ight?
Yep! As soon as I finished writing this, I instantly felt 100% A-OKAY!
Isn’t it great to be able to affirm myself and instantly feel the results of it? I looked in the mirror and repeated what I wrote, too. And you know what I believe (and since my opinion is of value to me) I can safely say to myself that it really doesn’t matter what a person looks like; it’s what’s beneath that’s most important. It’s how you treat yourself and others that enhances a person.
Helllooo Timmy! God Damn that boy is fine, right?
It’s true-we can lust after a Timmy, but look how unhappy he is with the attention, whether he knows it or not. What he wants is to be appreciated for who he is; he wants someone to validate him-his beliefs, his feelings, his intellect-his wants, needs, desires. He needs for someone to tell him there is more to him than his good looks. And there is! Now of course, he appreciates the flattery-I’m sure of that, but physical beauty can just as easily be destroyed in a fire, an accident, a medical affliction-if that’s all we had to define us, what’s left then?
It’s why they classify people who can only see their beauty on the outside as shallow because there’s nothing left. It’s like asking… hello? Is there anything else going on in there? You’re standing around grinning and all proud of yourself and you’re a hollow shell. You never tried developing any of your other traits or talents-you’re willing to rest your laurels on your looks? Puh-leese. That can only take a person just so far-and sometimes they don’t even get that!
When David came in this morning he said, “Good morning, beautiful. How are you?”
So there, ugly inside Pam! That came from a man (not that I needed him to validate me). And my daughter told me he has excellent taste! And since these two people are my favorites right now (well with Lana that never changes; she’s gonna always be my favorite), I agree.
I am fucking great! Know what I mean…