Life
Depression
I'm so tired of fighting. I get a call from a credit collection service and the rep gives me a dire warning of impending death because I haven't made a payment to my Citibank credit card in over 13 months. Then he cops an attitude because I laughed at him. So he arbitrarily decided that I didn't care about my credit and was unwilling to work with him; so he wished me godspeed (he actually said "may god have mercy on you; I'm going to pray for your sinning soul"). Okay, he didn't really say the last part but the tone of his voice conveyed it. He told me Citibank is going to pursue me to the fullest extent of the law and I'm so tired at this point that even if they do garnish my sad-ass wages I won't care. I'll probably be living in the streets but what the hell; that's fine too. Cause you know what? I'm just tired of trying. I hate my job; I hate my life; I hate where I live; I hate I can't get ahead; I hate all my fears that keep me locked in this cycle of hatred; I hate, I hate, I HATE! Sometimes I wish they did have a debtors prison. It would beat the prison I've created for myself.
Optimism
On a positive note, if I could stop putting so much pressure on me and gather up the courage to find an agent for my book, there could actually be a way out of this for me. I cling to that tiny thread of hope that my writing will eventually generate the extra income I need to get through this thing they call life. I think just for today I'm gonna leave all my other ambitions alone and tackle something that is tangible. At least I have a completed book. That has to account for something.
I'm so tired of fighting. I get a call from a credit collection service and the rep gives me a dire warning of impending death because I haven't made a payment to my Citibank credit card in over 13 months. Then he cops an attitude because I laughed at him. So he arbitrarily decided that I didn't care about my credit and was unwilling to work with him; so he wished me godspeed (he actually said "may god have mercy on you; I'm going to pray for your sinning soul"). Okay, he didn't really say the last part but the tone of his voice conveyed it. He told me Citibank is going to pursue me to the fullest extent of the law and I'm so tired at this point that even if they do garnish my sad-ass wages I won't care. I'll probably be living in the streets but what the hell; that's fine too. Cause you know what? I'm just tired of trying. I hate my job; I hate my life; I hate where I live; I hate I can't get ahead; I hate all my fears that keep me locked in this cycle of hatred; I hate, I hate, I HATE! Sometimes I wish they did have a debtors prison. It would beat the prison I've created for myself.
Optimism
On a positive note, if I could stop putting so much pressure on me and gather up the courage to find an agent for my book, there could actually be a way out of this for me. I cling to that tiny thread of hope that my writing will eventually generate the extra income I need to get through this thing they call life. I think just for today I'm gonna leave all my other ambitions alone and tackle something that is tangible. At least I have a completed book. That has to account for something.