(no subject)
I'm crying right now. I need to just vent a little...
I tried to be so strong all week. I felt so bad that I was causing so much pain to him by getting upset over the small things. I made him so mad one night that he wouldn't even talk to me. He never gets mad. I've never seen him mad before. He seriously refused to talk to me. So I tried to be understand. I really tried. This week was okay. I didn't get upset so easily. I supressed a lot of my feelings because it wasn't that big of a deal to dwell over. I tried to think of the happy thoughts. I tried to be positive. I was so strong this morning. I didn't let it get to me, but Anthony came over. He had gotten into a fight with his dad and wanted to go gamble in ac. I wanted to spend the night with him. I really did. I feel like I don't get the opportunity to do so. This whole summer was so chaotic. So much happening in his life with his responsibilities at home. All I want now is just the chance to spend time to just sit in front of the tv. I don't want to do all the adventurous things we used to do. I just want to have the chance to be with him. Today was the perfect opportunity. I guess I realize it now more than earlier today. He had to help with the garage today, but he was free in the evening. So without responsibility at home in the evening, this was our chance. Just to do whatever. I even had a plan in my head to go to Old New Castle and watch the sunset. Nothing extravagant. I didn't want to go out for dinner. Just time together. That's all I wanted. Guess who he blames for this? me. I admit I was insecure. I was afraid he was tired of spending so much time with me. I know he hates that I don't like him playing games, and I thought if he really wanted some time to relax, then it's okay. I tried to be the strong understanding girlfriend. I really tried. I didn't mean to push him away. I didn't think I was. Why did he have to say yes to goin to ac. He's not even going to gamble. Then what's the use?
I'm breaking down. Realizing. Just like he did last week. Now it's my turn, and he can't even talk to me.
So do I hate his best friend? No. I just can't find anything in him that makes me favor him. He has this attitude about himself that I don't understand. Honestly, a lot of my fights with Hung is whenever Anthony is around. This time it makes a whole lot of sense. I was supposed to be with him tonight, not Anthony. Whenever we go out together, Anthony is usually in a bad mood. Food experiences aren't so great, and I always get so sad by the end of the day. Anthony's life is a little screwed up, and doesn't have much space to talk sometimes. Like when he tells my boyfriend that I'm controlling of him and such. I'm not. He's pretty much a jerk when it comes to the guy and girl thing. I do understand that at one point he wasn't like this, but I don't understand why he has to be a jerk now. Sometimes he can be a bad influence on Hung, and it makes me upset. Okay so I'm not a big fan of Anthony's. I can't be Phuong.
I tried to be so strong all week. I felt so bad that I was causing so much pain to him by getting upset over the small things. I made him so mad one night that he wouldn't even talk to me. He never gets mad. I've never seen him mad before. He seriously refused to talk to me. So I tried to be understand. I really tried. This week was okay. I didn't get upset so easily. I supressed a lot of my feelings because it wasn't that big of a deal to dwell over. I tried to think of the happy thoughts. I tried to be positive. I was so strong this morning. I didn't let it get to me, but Anthony came over. He had gotten into a fight with his dad and wanted to go gamble in ac. I wanted to spend the night with him. I really did. I feel like I don't get the opportunity to do so. This whole summer was so chaotic. So much happening in his life with his responsibilities at home. All I want now is just the chance to spend time to just sit in front of the tv. I don't want to do all the adventurous things we used to do. I just want to have the chance to be with him. Today was the perfect opportunity. I guess I realize it now more than earlier today. He had to help with the garage today, but he was free in the evening. So without responsibility at home in the evening, this was our chance. Just to do whatever. I even had a plan in my head to go to Old New Castle and watch the sunset. Nothing extravagant. I didn't want to go out for dinner. Just time together. That's all I wanted. Guess who he blames for this? me. I admit I was insecure. I was afraid he was tired of spending so much time with me. I know he hates that I don't like him playing games, and I thought if he really wanted some time to relax, then it's okay. I tried to be the strong understanding girlfriend. I really tried. I didn't mean to push him away. I didn't think I was. Why did he have to say yes to goin to ac. He's not even going to gamble. Then what's the use?
I'm breaking down. Realizing. Just like he did last week. Now it's my turn, and he can't even talk to me.
So do I hate his best friend? No. I just can't find anything in him that makes me favor him. He has this attitude about himself that I don't understand. Honestly, a lot of my fights with Hung is whenever Anthony is around. This time it makes a whole lot of sense. I was supposed to be with him tonight, not Anthony. Whenever we go out together, Anthony is usually in a bad mood. Food experiences aren't so great, and I always get so sad by the end of the day. Anthony's life is a little screwed up, and doesn't have much space to talk sometimes. Like when he tells my boyfriend that I'm controlling of him and such. I'm not. He's pretty much a jerk when it comes to the guy and girl thing. I do understand that at one point he wasn't like this, but I don't understand why he has to be a jerk now. Sometimes he can be a bad influence on Hung, and it makes me upset. Okay so I'm not a big fan of Anthony's. I can't be Phuong.