i feel like shit.
i only have 4 cigs left, now i need to find someone to buy me more. lovely. b has a gf. why? why did i like her so much when i knew nothing would come out of it? honestly, wtf is wrong with me? and why the hell am i still attracted to her?? life fucking blows. i thought about oding today again. if i didnt call anyone it would have worked. and i woulda been somewhere, anywhere but here. i know i have stuff to offer to the world, but why do i try? i dont wanna. i know ill die around 25 or something young anyway. so why wait for such an unpleasant experience anyway? im jealous of people who die. why? why am i crazy? why do i envy the girl who died a few days ago? or why would i rather see people thinking about memory rather than present? its not like im sad, well i am, but its not like im doing it because of emo reasons, but because im tired of struggling. people will remember me for a little bit, and then forget, and keep living. i should just do it. if things get worse ill prolly just think about it more and more. why am i wasting time with this? why do all the words i write look the same and repetative?