Freezer's #NFL Week in Review - Week 16
Welcome to the Week in Review. Life is pain and regret. Doubly so if you’re a Cowboys fan.
Colts 16, Ravens 23
Baltimore continues it’s surprising, yet still suspect, climb back into the playoff race, beating the still game but overmatched Colts. Joe Flacco, who started the first half of the season making Ravens Nation look wistfully at Tyrod Taylor, went for 237 and 2 TDs, on 29-for-38 passing. He’s thrown for 7 TDs and one INT in his last four (3-1, losing at Pittsburgh by one)
The Colts... The best you can say that they made the Ravens sweat for it, playing mostly mistake-free but limited ball. They’ve lost six straight for the first time since 2011 - the year between Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck.
The Ravens lock down a wild card with a win vs. the Bungles More fevered Ravens fans will mention the last time the Ravens got the season sweep over Cinci, they won the Super Bowl. Sure. You keep thinking that.
Vikings 16, Packers 0
I tapped out at halftime; score 10-0.
I apparently missed nothing of value. Outside of confirmation that the Packers are the reincarnation of those late Manning Colts teams: An all-world caliber QB covering up a multitude of offensive shortcomings and a backup wholly unequipped to come even close to taking up the slack.
And for all the flack I give (The Artist Formerly Known As) Golden Boy Garrett (more on that below) for running his offense like Tony Romo is still under center, I’ve been remiss in pointing out that Mike McCarthy has been doing the same thing with Brett Hundley (who is most assuredly NOT Discount Double Check).
Browns 3, Bears 20
Of course I pick this game for the Browns to finally crack the code.
It comes down to a road trip to Pittsburgh to avoid joining the 0-16 club. Granted, Rapelisberger, Le’Veon Bell, Antonio Brown, et. al. will probably only dress because you can only deactivate so many players at once. But I have to wonder if these Browns can even beat the Steelers’ backups - who will be playing to avoid being that one notch on Cleveland’s grip.
Lions 17, Bengals 26
And that’s probably it for the Jim Caldwell era.
Yeah, they’ve got a game let (and iffy leadership above him), but he was cooked the moment the Lions were eliminated from the playoffs.
Not challenging that Golden Tate non-catch didn’t help his cause, either.
Neither does losing to the f’ing Bungles, get right down to it.
Rams 27, Titans 23
Credit where credit is due: The Titans put up one hell of a fight. But the end result was the same: An “L” vs. a playoff-level team.
Though there was that complete clusterfuck of an onside kick.
The Titans lineup to kick after DeMarco Murray’s 6-yard TD in the third.
The Rams don’t know the refs have started the clock, so they’re still huddled on the sideline.
The Titans, seeing the Rams’ confusion, hurry into position and onside kick.
Which they didn’t let travel ten yards.
... Which didn’t matter anyway because the Rams called timeout before the kick.
... Or not, because referee Walt Anderson declared “no timeout because the ball hadn’t been put in play yet” (Wut?)
Then they pulled a “Necessary Roughness”, and said “Fuck it: First Down, Rams.” (Um, No it’s not. “No play” means there’s been no kickoff.)
Titans kick deep, booing ensues.
That is how you from “division favorite” to “outside looking in.”¹
Jared Goff became the second Rams QB to have two 300 yd/4 TD games in the same season, joining Kurt Warner.
Speaking of Warner, the Rams won the NFC West for the first time since 2003, Warner’s last year in STL.
#GurleyForMVP
And while we're on the subject of the Rams: Tall Glass of STFU (With a Who Do You Think You're Fooling chaser) to Coach Pornstache himself, Jeff Fisher, who thinks he left the Rams in "pretty good shape."
What you mean with guys like...
- Jared Goff - whom you didn't want and didn't bother hiding it? Who went from "Brady Quinn" under you to "Kurt Warner" under Sean McVeigh?
- Or Todd Gurley - whom you tried to turn into Eddie George?
- Or Cooper Kupp, Andrew Whitworth, Connor Barwin, Robert Woods or Sammy Watkins - major contributors to this year's record whom you had no hand in bringing in?
That, and your insistence on giving snaps to a visibly slowing down Murray instead of the younger, stronger, faster Derrick Henry.
Dolphins 13, Chiefs 29
The Chiefs are suddenly looking like the team that terrorised the AFC in the first six weeks of the season. They turned on the jets in the second quarter and mostly cruised to an AFC West clinching win over Miami. Outside of a 63-yd Cutlerface-to-Jaheim Grant bomb, late 2nd quarter, the Dolphins offense was pretty stagnant, gaining 122 total yards, 1 turnover, and a missed FG in the second half.
The Chiefs won the AFC West in consecutive years for the first time ever. Which sounds stunning, until you remember that during the Chiefs’ glory days of the 1960s, There was no American Football Conference. By the time the 1970s hit, most of the stars from those AFL championships were gone and the Chiefs settled into decades of irrelevance.
Bills 16, Patriots 37
#TeamFuckTomBrady
The Bills need to beat Miami and hope the Chargers and Titans both lose. The Chargers hold a head-to-head tiebreaker with Buffalo.
You will recall the Chargers game was the infamous “Bench Tyrod Taylor for Nathan Peterman, who proceeded to implode for five INTs in the first half” game. At 9-6, Buffalo would be sitting in the sixth playoff slot right now. At 8-7, they are looking up at San Diego Los Angeles and Tennessee.
I hope heads roll even if they make the playoffs.
Falcons 13, Saints 23
Every once in a while, the Saints have to remind us all that these are not “all offense, no defense” Saints of old. The Saints’ D pulled off two goal-line stands and forced two turnovers on the way to clinching a playoff spot. They win the NFC South with a win over Tampa Bay next week or if Carolina loses to Atlanta.
The Falcons... Well, they got whooped and fall into a win-or-go-home scenario with the Panthers.
Chargers 14, Jets 7
I don’t know what the make of the Jets, or more specifically, Todd Bowles. Five wins is more than double what most optimistic preseason predictions had for them. They’ve played hard for most of the season and have exceeded expectations nearly across the board. Yet they’ve botched the QB situation from top to bottom. Setting aside not going for a high draft pick or a younger free agent, from the moment the words “mathematically still alive” started coming up, Bryce Petty and/or Christian Hackenberg should've been the starter. You need to see what you have in these two QBs you been hiding for two years. Petty got the call and has been trash.(298 yds, 1 TD, 3 INTs in two starts). Granted, those starts were vs. the Chargers and Saints with a not-that-great supporting cast, so that was into the deep end.
But to not see Hackenberg at all? Just to see what he looks like in live fire? That sounds like “We know he’s trash, but we’re going to stash him to keep his trade value from plummeting.”
Methinks a full-court press for Kirk Cousins might be in order.
Sidenote: With his two 40+yd runs, Bilal Powell has four such runs on the season - a franchise record. Which is stunning for a franchise that has had some stud backs (Curtis Martin, Freeman McNeil, John Riggins, Thomas Jones)
The Chargers are hanging on by the skin of their playoff teeth: They need to beat Oakland next week, then have the Titans lose to the Jags¹, then either the Ravens beat the Bengals or the Bills lose to Miami. I like their chances, actually.
Though the Jags’ chances just got a little bit thinner as I write this: Their already thin WR corps got thinner with Jaelen Strong announcing he has a torn ACL.
Broncos 11, Redskins 27
Denver sucks. Next.
Buccaneers 19, Panthers 22
Bucs fight to the end
Offense MIA again
Jameis: Grow up, son¹
#Buccaneers QB Jameis Winston is going crazy, losing his mind on the sidelinespic.twitter.com/uplC3FmKz4
- Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) December 24, 2017
1. To his credit, he made a point of personally apologizing. But really, son, get a grip!
Jaguars 33, 49ers 44
With his 4-0 start in SF and his 2-0 stint in New England, Jimmy G. became the first QB to go 6-0 in first six starts since Big Ben in 2004. The Bay Area hasn’t been this giddy about a new QB since Joe Cool himself.
Imagine what he could do if he had some real firepower to work with?
Despite the loss, Jacksonville wins the AFC South with Tennessee’s loss. A backdoor cover, indeed. But I’ll bet they’re not staying home this January.
Seahawks 21, Cowboys 12
Seattle became the first team since 1966 to win a game with more yards penalized () than gained (). That and Russell Wilson working his magic just enough to keep the chains moving in the fourth quarter was enough for the Seahawks to win their knockout game with Dallas. That’s what teams with a championship pedigree do: Find ways to win when they aren’t playing their best (to put it mildly).
On the other half, if I’m on the Dallas defense, I am pissed.
The Cowboys’ D’ stopped Wilson and co. cold for 80% of the game. The held Wilson to 93 yards passing and forced them into drives of 6 plays or less six times.
But Clappy the Clown¹ fell back into the worst of his stubborn habits. Despite the returning Zeke Elliot being damn near unstoppable: He had 10 carries in the 1st quarter, only one (his first) was for less than 4 yards. He got six carries in the entire second half (24-97 for the game). In two Red Zone trips, he ran the ball twice (which included not giving the ball to Elliot on a 1st-and-goal at the 2). He kept calling for downfield throws with a corps of WRs with a track record of not being able to get open and a QB who has yet to learn to throw them open. And with Tyron Smith getting hurt and leaving and his replacement getting abused (again), he didn’t adjust the plays or blocking scheme to give Byron Bell any help (again).
Yeah, you can point to Dak missing open receivers (either with errant throws to just not throwing to them) and Dez doing Bad!Dez things. But right now, the Cowboys’ greatest weakness is a head coach who will not make situational adjustments until it’s (usually) too late. And this isn’t a case of a young coach finding his way. Clappy has done this since he became HC. The same ridiculous stunts he pulls with Zeke he did to DeMarco Murray. Other than the occasional run/pass or read option, he runs the same offense no matter who is under center (He didn’t adjust the play calls when Brandon FRIGGIN Weeden was the QB). As I’ve said before, this is a head coach who follows the John Calipari doctrine of game planning: If Plan A doesn’t work, Plan B is “Do Plan A Harder.”
He. Needs. To. Go. Period.
But that would entail Trader Jerry admitting that his hand-picked Golden Boy², and we all know how likely this is. I’m afraid Cowboy Nation is in for a Jeff Fisher/Marvin Lewis situation.
Shout out to a commenter on ESPN’s Facebook page for that spiffy new Garrett moniker.
Remember: There was a time where Jones had to choose between Garrett and Sean Payton. And EVERYBODY knew he was going to choose Garrett. My Cowboys soul weeps to imagine what Payton could’ve done with Romo.
Giants 0, Cardinals 23
Seriously, Giants? You couldn’t even activate Davis Webb? Seriously?
Steelers 34, Texans 6
Well... That was as ugly and one-sided as I thought it would be. The most interesting this about his game was the Watt brothers getting to spend Christmas together.
Raiders 10, Eagles 19
If you’re an Eagles fan, do you take the position that the Raiders simply brought their A-Game and tried to play spoiler, this was just a bad game for Philly, or this is the “real” Eagles without Carson Wentz?
No matter what, it can’t be very reassuring that Marshawn Lynch looked like classic Beast Mode against them (25-95).