Des Moines, here I stay....
Well, first off, i should let everyone know reading this that i cannot go back iowa for the year. Unfortunately, it is completely my fault, my grades werent good enough to stay there. I know i just didnt care, and i was lazy, because ive always been lazy, but i think it might be something else too. Ive been thinking about it,a nd i tell myself i cannot be depressed, but yet, i think i might be. I dont really understand why else i could have slipped so far into this hole. I feel very empty inside right now. It sucks hearing how everyones at school, and having so much fun, and im stuck here. With no one pretty much, since everyones at school. Oh wait, i take that back, i have one friend here, but she never returns my phone calls. So yeah, obviously not too good of a friend. So ive been stuck around my parents, especially around my mother, all the time, for the past week. I love my parents, but jeeze theyre hard to handle when every 5 minutes my mom asks me if im alright, or if im sad. I just wish the school year would start. I need to throw myself into something, and it will feel good to be making progress on something. I need to do well, to first of all get me back to where i want to be, Iowa City, but also to give me a sense of pride of my work. I think i need to prove to myself i can do well in school. I mean, deep down, i know i can, i did well all through high school, ha well pretty well, but even then i didnt try very hard. I mean, my first two years went pretty well, then i had a break down summer before my junior year, and i was depressed all year, and i havent done very well since. Yeah, maybe it does have something to do with depression. Eh. Talking to someone might help. Who knows. Orientation for DMACC tomorrow, itll be nice interacting with some people outside of my family. The thing is, the only people i want to see dont live here, they live in iowa city. And wow, how badly do i want to be there with them.