Health... Skip if you're squeamish, or a worry wart like me.
I have issues. Quite a few of them. Most of them are liveable, but one, when it kicks in, is completely debilitating. It's not exactly hypochondria, I don't think, but it is close.
Ok, so maybe that is exactly what I am dealing with.
Growing up, I had the occasional tonsil stone. Man, was I freaked out the first time. But then I did some googling and found out it was weird, but totally normal. About three years ago I developed a small polyp in the back fo my throat. My immediate reaction was "I fucking have throat cancer." Well, the nurse who looked at it said it was no biggie. I didn't believe her at the time, but it went away on its own after a week or two, I think. Fast forward to a week ago. I woke up last monday feeling like I had something stuck in the back of my throat. Kind of like if you ate popcorn and a tiny kernel got lodged at the back of your throat. I hate popcorn for exactly that reason, so I knew that wasn't it. When I looked, I couldn't see the exact spot, so I chalked it up to another polyp or tonsil stone, just further back. Well, the feeling wasn't going away. It didn't feel worse, either, just there. I looked at it again last night with a light, and nearly broke into a panic attack. The veins in the back of my throat are very much visible, and there are mutliple small lumps around there, kind of like if you copied and pasted my tonsils in random spots. They aren't weird colors or anything, but they exist and I don't know what they are.
Yes, my immediate thought again was "I fucking have throat cancer." For the record, I don't smoke, I drink maybe four small alcoholic beverages a year, and I have never done recreational drugs in my life. As if that would stop cancer, though.
So I did the one thing doctors tell you not to do: I turned to google.
I looked up my two symptoms (because I'm not feverish or anything, it's just the visible signs), and was led to article after article on viral pharyngitis. I didn't want to believe it was something fixable, so I did image searches of viral pharyngitis and throat cancer. Plus side: it definitely does not look like any of the pictures of throat cancer. Down side: it looks similar to a lot of the images of viral pharyngitis. Supposedly, there is nothing a doctor can really do for it. Everything just says it has to run its course, as it is viral, and to take things like tylenol and drink a lot of fluids and warm drinks.
So for now I am going to try to treat it as that. Everything said it would last 1-2 weeks, and it is just at the one week mark. If I keep this up and it doesn't get better by Wednesday, I will call my doc and go in after work. I called out today because I was up all night filled with terror and afraid what if it really is cancer? I mean, my shoulder has been acting up, and the spot where the nerves connect with your torso is right where the lymph nodes are. What if it's actualy all been cancer all along and the doctors just kept missing it on the x-rays they did of my shoulder last year? On the other hand, I did have horrific bronchitis and the onset fo pneumonia back in February so bad that I hardly remember that entire two weeks. Maybe my system just never fully recovered? Working in an office has exposed me to all sorts of new illnesses I have been trying to protect myself from forever. I wish I could start wearing a facemask at work, but it is against our code. People are disgusting. And others wonder why I get so weird about germs. Because germs lead to horrible deadly diseases!!!!!
To top it all off, I finally got about three hours of unresstful sleep this morning. I had this dream that my family and friends were all killing themselves. It was part of some cult ritual thing, and most of them were drinking poison. My parents took cyanide pills, but they didn't kick in right away, so I watched them slowly dying. It was horrifying.
Ok, so maybe that is exactly what I am dealing with.
Growing up, I had the occasional tonsil stone. Man, was I freaked out the first time. But then I did some googling and found out it was weird, but totally normal. About three years ago I developed a small polyp in the back fo my throat. My immediate reaction was "I fucking have throat cancer." Well, the nurse who looked at it said it was no biggie. I didn't believe her at the time, but it went away on its own after a week or two, I think. Fast forward to a week ago. I woke up last monday feeling like I had something stuck in the back of my throat. Kind of like if you ate popcorn and a tiny kernel got lodged at the back of your throat. I hate popcorn for exactly that reason, so I knew that wasn't it. When I looked, I couldn't see the exact spot, so I chalked it up to another polyp or tonsil stone, just further back. Well, the feeling wasn't going away. It didn't feel worse, either, just there. I looked at it again last night with a light, and nearly broke into a panic attack. The veins in the back of my throat are very much visible, and there are mutliple small lumps around there, kind of like if you copied and pasted my tonsils in random spots. They aren't weird colors or anything, but they exist and I don't know what they are.
Yes, my immediate thought again was "I fucking have throat cancer." For the record, I don't smoke, I drink maybe four small alcoholic beverages a year, and I have never done recreational drugs in my life. As if that would stop cancer, though.
So I did the one thing doctors tell you not to do: I turned to google.
I looked up my two symptoms (because I'm not feverish or anything, it's just the visible signs), and was led to article after article on viral pharyngitis. I didn't want to believe it was something fixable, so I did image searches of viral pharyngitis and throat cancer. Plus side: it definitely does not look like any of the pictures of throat cancer. Down side: it looks similar to a lot of the images of viral pharyngitis. Supposedly, there is nothing a doctor can really do for it. Everything just says it has to run its course, as it is viral, and to take things like tylenol and drink a lot of fluids and warm drinks.
So for now I am going to try to treat it as that. Everything said it would last 1-2 weeks, and it is just at the one week mark. If I keep this up and it doesn't get better by Wednesday, I will call my doc and go in after work. I called out today because I was up all night filled with terror and afraid what if it really is cancer? I mean, my shoulder has been acting up, and the spot where the nerves connect with your torso is right where the lymph nodes are. What if it's actualy all been cancer all along and the doctors just kept missing it on the x-rays they did of my shoulder last year? On the other hand, I did have horrific bronchitis and the onset fo pneumonia back in February so bad that I hardly remember that entire two weeks. Maybe my system just never fully recovered? Working in an office has exposed me to all sorts of new illnesses I have been trying to protect myself from forever. I wish I could start wearing a facemask at work, but it is against our code. People are disgusting. And others wonder why I get so weird about germs. Because germs lead to horrible deadly diseases!!!!!
To top it all off, I finally got about three hours of unresstful sleep this morning. I had this dream that my family and friends were all killing themselves. It was part of some cult ritual thing, and most of them were drinking poison. My parents took cyanide pills, but they didn't kick in right away, so I watched them slowly dying. It was horrifying.