Another Week
I feel like a lot has happened in the past week, but when I think of everything, it really wasn't that much.
I returned from break last Sunday, and jumped right back in to classes. This is always the fastest part of the semester, and I am both looking forward to it and dreading it. I spent some time this week working on my thesis, but hit a very frustrating wall. I found a book that could fill in a good half of the information I need for my paper, but when I went to get it from the library I was told we only have access to the ebook. Now, that is annoying, but I can unhappily live with that. Well, I downloaded the ebook onto a school computer (my chromebook can't open DRM files), and found I was allowed to print up to 119 pages of the book. Yay, right? Well, I went through each page (out of 359) and found 103 pages with information I need. I did the math to make sure my page numbers were right (the page had a i-xiii before page 1, and the software read i as page 1. Everything was offest, so that was already frustrating). Last I checked, 103 was less than 119. I am not a math major, though, so correct me if that is wrong. I go to print the pages, and I get a message saying I picked too many to print. I thought maybe our system can only print a certain number at a time? Well, I break it into smaller groups, and after a few groups it stops me again saying that I have hit my limit for pages that I am allowed to print from the ebook. I only had 40 pages. Again, last I checked, 40 was significantly less than 119. Also again, correct me if that is wrong. So I print my 40 pages, frustrated, but fine. I go back to my computer to find out the file locked itself. Apparently, if you print pages, it locks you out of the book? What the actual fuck. I was ready to break the stupid computer at this point. By that time it was around dinner and I was frustrated, so I took my 40 pages and left. I will go back tomorrow after classes and see if I can download it on a different school computer and print 40 more pages or not. I really do not want to have to keep flipping tabs between the stupid ebook and my paper. It makes it a million times faster, nicer, and easier to have printed copies of the research. I tried to find the book in local libraries, but no one has it, and the school said it would take 4-5 weeks to find it and get it from another university library... Ugh.
I'm getting so beyond tired of living around other people. I'm too old for this bullshit, living surrounded by obnoxious spoiled drunken tantrum-throwing children. Last night, around 1.40am, a guy and girl were having a screaming match under my window, between the two apartment buildings. It seemed like they woke just about everyone up, judging by the number of lights turning on. It took security twenty minutes to get there and another 10 to get them to go their separate ways and stop screaming. Turns out, the guy involved is the elephant who lives above me, so he went back to his room, knocked over his furniture, was screaming at his roommates, slamming doors, punching walls... I am so beyond sick of living around people. I just about went up there to throw him out of his third floor window. Hey, if he hits the grass he might make it, but either way I wouldn't care anymore. If you want to throw a hissy fit in the middle of the night, you take it somewhere that you won't be bothering other people. So that already put me in a bad mood.
I don't like dreams. When I dream, I feel everything. Wind, sand, exhaustion, elation, stab wounds, fire... All of it. It doesn't wake me up, but it does linger for a while once I do get up. Last night, I had a dream that my little sister was kidnapped. When I went to get her back, I was in this giant mansion in the main hall. Everything was white and glittering. I fought to get her back, got myself hurt, thought I saved her, thought I shot and killed the men who took her, and then as I left the building the man was standing in the doorway, still alive, but fading, and he flipped a switch. Next thing I knew, there were balls of fire streaking across the sky. At first there were only one or two at a time, but soon they lit up the entire sky. I tried to wake up, but nothing worked. That was it. That was how the world ended. And there I was, standing in the middle of the fire. They say you wake up when you are about to die in a dream, but that has never held true for me. I have died in several dreams, and every time it is the same. Nothingness. Just black nothingness for light years in every direction, with no sound or sensation or anything. It's enough to dirve a person insane. Over half of my dream was that nothingness. Needless to say, it bothered me all day, and got me off to a rough start after my already rough night. My day didn't improve. See previous paragraphs...
I don't know how many of you are still around from a year ago, but my migraine is coming back. About a year ago (last April) I had a severe migraine on the left side of my head. Well, I say migraine, but I am prone to normal migraines and this is unlike any I have ever had. No sensitivity to anything, just the feeling of pain in one specific spot. Imagine someone slowly pushing and twisting a screwdriver into your thigh. Kind of like that, only in my brain. Very specific location, and no trigger. The worst of the pain lasted around two weeks, but it didn't go away completely for five. I went to Urgent Care and the first thing the doctor said to me was "You have a brain tumor. I can't help you. Go up to the hospital and get a brain scan." First off, what the fuck. Beside manners? Empathy? Ringing any bells? Secondly, I later found out that pain hasn't been considered a symptom of brain tumors for a few decades because your brain doesn't actually have nerves, so most people don't actually feel brain tumors. Immeditaely, I panicked. I'm glad I had a friend there with me. We went up to the ER where they informed me they thought it was an ice pick migraine. Some signs are similar, but I was lacking most of the symptoms. Anyway, they ran a blood test and everything was normal, so they pumped me full of saline and sedatives to stop the panicking and sent me on my way. Since the feeling was still there, I was still freaking out. I had an MRI done two days later, while the pain was still at its worst, and everything looked perfectly normal. I went to three doctors and a specialist, and they were all stumped. The specialist gave me meds to help with my usual migraines, so at least there was that, but they did nothing for the problem. Once the feeling went away, it didn't come back all summer, fall, or winter. Now, however, I have been feeling the occasional twinge in that spot, lasting a few minutes each time. Everything came back normal, so I am trying to ignore it as best as I can, but still. The fact that no one knows what is causing it is no more comforting than if it had been a tumor. So that is adding to my already higher than normal stress levels.
In more optimistic news, I applied for a job! It is a Barn Manager position at the barn where I first learned to ride when I was 7 years old. I did a presentation on the facility for one of my classes last spring, too. I sent in my cover letter and resume, and the barn owner replied to say that she was going to try to call me soon. She and her daughter are at the Carolina International Horse Trial this weekend, though, so I don't expect to hear from her until later this coming week. I hope she considers me. I am a little worried, though, because I don't graduate until May and the job posting says it is "available immediately". The woman does know, though, what I am going to school for, and she has had riders from her stable graduate from here before. The barn is also a few minutes away from my house, which would make commute easy, and I could save money living at home for a while and paying off some debt. Cross your fingers for me!
TV Shows/Movies: I have watched a couple movies this week. I watched Coraline and was rather unimpressed. I remember not caring for the book, but usually I enjoy Tim Burton's stop motion movies. This just didn't seem on par with his other works. I also watched Pete's Dragon, the 2016 remake, and was more annoyed by it than anything. It was ok, but I felt the story was missing a few steps. I don't remember the original movie, since I haven't watched it since I was probably four, but I do remember Elliot looked way different too. I get wanting to make it a more realistc dragon, but didn't Elliot talk, too? Oh, I do remember some o the songs from the original, and was kind of sad that they didn't keep them. I was also a little annoyed by the not-very-subtle "deforestation is bad" message they hid, but I could let that slide. I guess it was an ok movie, but probably not one I will choose to watch again on my own.
Did I mention I finished One Tree Hill? I started Gossip Girl. Not sure if I will keep with it, but I will give it a few episodes. I also started Voltron Legendary Defender, on Draco's recommendation, and I have to admit I am really enjoying it. I don't usually care for the whole giant cartoon robots thing, but I am enjoying the dialogue and character interaction. Originally, it was going to be my "I can't sleep so I will watch this cartoon til I fall asleep" show, but I was getting too invested, so now it is another show to watch. My insomnia show is now All Hail King Julien, and it is craking me up. I never really liked the Madagascar movies. I tried to like the Penguins of Madagascar show and movies, but still couldn't get too into it. This spin-off, however, is fantastic. It's almost too amusing for me to watch when I am trying to sleep. Almost. But I am running out of shows that fit that niche, so this one works for now. Regarding Supernatural, I just finished up S7:E21, and I am really not caring at all for anything anymore. The characters are played out, they keep all the wrong charactrs around, they keep writing themselves into a corner only to suddenly have some new thing show up out of nowhere to save them... Plus, I'm 21 episodes into this season, but I feel like they have only had enough actual material for maybe 4. It really feels like next to nothing is going on. But! I told myself I was going to try to make it all the way through every episode on netflix to get caught up, so I will keep pushing forward.
Gaming: I have some big gaming news! I finished the storyline in Horizon Zero Dawn! And a couple nights later I got the platinum trophy for getting every trophy in the game!!! I'm so proud of myself, it is the first game I have achieved platinum in. I still have to finish collecting all of the logs hidden around the world, but once I do that I will have officially done and found everything in the game there is to find and do! The scene after the credits makes me wonder if there will be a sequel, since you defeat the evil computer program, but you can't eactly delete him with your little sphere, not that I'm sure the thought ever crossed Aloy's mind. Her culture is pretty much "stab it and if it stops moving it's dead for good." I spent some time reading some of the lore from the collectibles, and I am in love with the writing. The story made me a bit nervous because it's one of those "almost too realistic" scenarios, but they used it well and eventually it created more hope than dread. I was glad that the name of the game finally made sense, since it really isn't even mentioned until most of the way through the main story. I read most of the ancient lore, but I still need to read the more recent lore about the tribes. A lot of that is in the logs that I still need to hunt down.
Hope everyone has a great week!
I returned from break last Sunday, and jumped right back in to classes. This is always the fastest part of the semester, and I am both looking forward to it and dreading it. I spent some time this week working on my thesis, but hit a very frustrating wall. I found a book that could fill in a good half of the information I need for my paper, but when I went to get it from the library I was told we only have access to the ebook. Now, that is annoying, but I can unhappily live with that. Well, I downloaded the ebook onto a school computer (my chromebook can't open DRM files), and found I was allowed to print up to 119 pages of the book. Yay, right? Well, I went through each page (out of 359) and found 103 pages with information I need. I did the math to make sure my page numbers were right (the page had a i-xiii before page 1, and the software read i as page 1. Everything was offest, so that was already frustrating). Last I checked, 103 was less than 119. I am not a math major, though, so correct me if that is wrong. I go to print the pages, and I get a message saying I picked too many to print. I thought maybe our system can only print a certain number at a time? Well, I break it into smaller groups, and after a few groups it stops me again saying that I have hit my limit for pages that I am allowed to print from the ebook. I only had 40 pages. Again, last I checked, 40 was significantly less than 119. Also again, correct me if that is wrong. So I print my 40 pages, frustrated, but fine. I go back to my computer to find out the file locked itself. Apparently, if you print pages, it locks you out of the book? What the actual fuck. I was ready to break the stupid computer at this point. By that time it was around dinner and I was frustrated, so I took my 40 pages and left. I will go back tomorrow after classes and see if I can download it on a different school computer and print 40 more pages or not. I really do not want to have to keep flipping tabs between the stupid ebook and my paper. It makes it a million times faster, nicer, and easier to have printed copies of the research. I tried to find the book in local libraries, but no one has it, and the school said it would take 4-5 weeks to find it and get it from another university library... Ugh.
I'm getting so beyond tired of living around other people. I'm too old for this bullshit, living surrounded by obnoxious spoiled drunken tantrum-throwing children. Last night, around 1.40am, a guy and girl were having a screaming match under my window, between the two apartment buildings. It seemed like they woke just about everyone up, judging by the number of lights turning on. It took security twenty minutes to get there and another 10 to get them to go their separate ways and stop screaming. Turns out, the guy involved is the elephant who lives above me, so he went back to his room, knocked over his furniture, was screaming at his roommates, slamming doors, punching walls... I am so beyond sick of living around people. I just about went up there to throw him out of his third floor window. Hey, if he hits the grass he might make it, but either way I wouldn't care anymore. If you want to throw a hissy fit in the middle of the night, you take it somewhere that you won't be bothering other people. So that already put me in a bad mood.
I don't like dreams. When I dream, I feel everything. Wind, sand, exhaustion, elation, stab wounds, fire... All of it. It doesn't wake me up, but it does linger for a while once I do get up. Last night, I had a dream that my little sister was kidnapped. When I went to get her back, I was in this giant mansion in the main hall. Everything was white and glittering. I fought to get her back, got myself hurt, thought I saved her, thought I shot and killed the men who took her, and then as I left the building the man was standing in the doorway, still alive, but fading, and he flipped a switch. Next thing I knew, there were balls of fire streaking across the sky. At first there were only one or two at a time, but soon they lit up the entire sky. I tried to wake up, but nothing worked. That was it. That was how the world ended. And there I was, standing in the middle of the fire. They say you wake up when you are about to die in a dream, but that has never held true for me. I have died in several dreams, and every time it is the same. Nothingness. Just black nothingness for light years in every direction, with no sound or sensation or anything. It's enough to dirve a person insane. Over half of my dream was that nothingness. Needless to say, it bothered me all day, and got me off to a rough start after my already rough night. My day didn't improve. See previous paragraphs...
I don't know how many of you are still around from a year ago, but my migraine is coming back. About a year ago (last April) I had a severe migraine on the left side of my head. Well, I say migraine, but I am prone to normal migraines and this is unlike any I have ever had. No sensitivity to anything, just the feeling of pain in one specific spot. Imagine someone slowly pushing and twisting a screwdriver into your thigh. Kind of like that, only in my brain. Very specific location, and no trigger. The worst of the pain lasted around two weeks, but it didn't go away completely for five. I went to Urgent Care and the first thing the doctor said to me was "You have a brain tumor. I can't help you. Go up to the hospital and get a brain scan." First off, what the fuck. Beside manners? Empathy? Ringing any bells? Secondly, I later found out that pain hasn't been considered a symptom of brain tumors for a few decades because your brain doesn't actually have nerves, so most people don't actually feel brain tumors. Immeditaely, I panicked. I'm glad I had a friend there with me. We went up to the ER where they informed me they thought it was an ice pick migraine. Some signs are similar, but I was lacking most of the symptoms. Anyway, they ran a blood test and everything was normal, so they pumped me full of saline and sedatives to stop the panicking and sent me on my way. Since the feeling was still there, I was still freaking out. I had an MRI done two days later, while the pain was still at its worst, and everything looked perfectly normal. I went to three doctors and a specialist, and they were all stumped. The specialist gave me meds to help with my usual migraines, so at least there was that, but they did nothing for the problem. Once the feeling went away, it didn't come back all summer, fall, or winter. Now, however, I have been feeling the occasional twinge in that spot, lasting a few minutes each time. Everything came back normal, so I am trying to ignore it as best as I can, but still. The fact that no one knows what is causing it is no more comforting than if it had been a tumor. So that is adding to my already higher than normal stress levels.
In more optimistic news, I applied for a job! It is a Barn Manager position at the barn where I first learned to ride when I was 7 years old. I did a presentation on the facility for one of my classes last spring, too. I sent in my cover letter and resume, and the barn owner replied to say that she was going to try to call me soon. She and her daughter are at the Carolina International Horse Trial this weekend, though, so I don't expect to hear from her until later this coming week. I hope she considers me. I am a little worried, though, because I don't graduate until May and the job posting says it is "available immediately". The woman does know, though, what I am going to school for, and she has had riders from her stable graduate from here before. The barn is also a few minutes away from my house, which would make commute easy, and I could save money living at home for a while and paying off some debt. Cross your fingers for me!
TV Shows/Movies: I have watched a couple movies this week. I watched Coraline and was rather unimpressed. I remember not caring for the book, but usually I enjoy Tim Burton's stop motion movies. This just didn't seem on par with his other works. I also watched Pete's Dragon, the 2016 remake, and was more annoyed by it than anything. It was ok, but I felt the story was missing a few steps. I don't remember the original movie, since I haven't watched it since I was probably four, but I do remember Elliot looked way different too. I get wanting to make it a more realistc dragon, but didn't Elliot talk, too? Oh, I do remember some o the songs from the original, and was kind of sad that they didn't keep them. I was also a little annoyed by the not-very-subtle "deforestation is bad" message they hid, but I could let that slide. I guess it was an ok movie, but probably not one I will choose to watch again on my own.
Did I mention I finished One Tree Hill? I started Gossip Girl. Not sure if I will keep with it, but I will give it a few episodes. I also started Voltron Legendary Defender, on Draco's recommendation, and I have to admit I am really enjoying it. I don't usually care for the whole giant cartoon robots thing, but I am enjoying the dialogue and character interaction. Originally, it was going to be my "I can't sleep so I will watch this cartoon til I fall asleep" show, but I was getting too invested, so now it is another show to watch. My insomnia show is now All Hail King Julien, and it is craking me up. I never really liked the Madagascar movies. I tried to like the Penguins of Madagascar show and movies, but still couldn't get too into it. This spin-off, however, is fantastic. It's almost too amusing for me to watch when I am trying to sleep. Almost. But I am running out of shows that fit that niche, so this one works for now. Regarding Supernatural, I just finished up S7:E21, and I am really not caring at all for anything anymore. The characters are played out, they keep all the wrong charactrs around, they keep writing themselves into a corner only to suddenly have some new thing show up out of nowhere to save them... Plus, I'm 21 episodes into this season, but I feel like they have only had enough actual material for maybe 4. It really feels like next to nothing is going on. But! I told myself I was going to try to make it all the way through every episode on netflix to get caught up, so I will keep pushing forward.
Gaming: I have some big gaming news! I finished the storyline in Horizon Zero Dawn! And a couple nights later I got the platinum trophy for getting every trophy in the game!!! I'm so proud of myself, it is the first game I have achieved platinum in. I still have to finish collecting all of the logs hidden around the world, but once I do that I will have officially done and found everything in the game there is to find and do! The scene after the credits makes me wonder if there will be a sequel, since you defeat the evil computer program, but you can't eactly delete him with your little sphere, not that I'm sure the thought ever crossed Aloy's mind. Her culture is pretty much "stab it and if it stops moving it's dead for good." I spent some time reading some of the lore from the collectibles, and I am in love with the writing. The story made me a bit nervous because it's one of those "almost too realistic" scenarios, but they used it well and eventually it created more hope than dread. I was glad that the name of the game finally made sense, since it really isn't even mentioned until most of the way through the main story. I read most of the ancient lore, but I still need to read the more recent lore about the tribes. A lot of that is in the logs that I still need to hunt down.
Hope everyone has a great week!