S-CONSCIOUS: Monophobia
S-CONSCIOUS: Monophobia
Chapter: 24/25
Pairing: KözixMana
Genre: romance, drama, angst, a tiiiny bit of smut
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction
Author’s note: Do you sense the link between the chapter and the songs I use for titles? Look deeper.
The first few months after Gackt left, Mana was once again the cold doll, working most hours of the day, somehow managing with just a couple of hours sleep every other day. We were all so very worried about him, though he insisted he was fine. In time I started noticing changes in him - his usually quite colourful wardrobe came to consist of mostly black and he was ever so stubborn to get a new singer and image for Malice Mizer, saying
“I dislike the last two albums, they are too much like pop” with a small tint of disgust in his voice
“we need to go back to the real Malice Mizer.”
It was obvious how he tried to avoid our ex. Vocalist - which was pretty hard considering that the now blonde man was on a lot of covers of magazines, on TV-shows and his singles was playing non-stop on radio. Gackt did call me and the others, except Mana, every once in a while to check in on how things were going, but it was way too seldom to still be called a close friendship. He was to busy with his own life that he didn’t have time for us.
We had not heard from him in a few months when Kami suddenly died. Neither did he show up for the funeral. We were all devastated by the loss of our beloved drummer, but I have a feeling Mana hurt the most by the loss. After the funeral when me, him and Yu~ki were drinking, he thoroughly cursed Gackt for not even bothering to come to the funeral and swore to never speak to him or of him again. The betrayal was unforgivable for him, he had opened up and gotten crushed by a man claiming to love him. Every time I see Mana upset over him I feel like hunting him down and beating him to a bloody pulp, not that Mana does not hide his pain the best he can.
I could see through his lies though, I could see the mess Gackt had made him.
A few weeks after the funeral I got a surprise visit…
Hearing a knock on the front door, Közi tiredly rose from his armchair and put down the cat he had in his lap. Scratching his head he wondered who it was, not expecting any company. To his surprise he found his best friend standing on his doorstep, dressed in his latest EGA creation and looking very… determined was the only word Közi could describe it
“Hi, what‘s…” the sentence was broken off as Mana pulled him close and kissed him violently. Tasting the alcohol, he pushed his friend away
“What are you doing? You’re drunk” he felt suddenly tired
“So?” Mana looked slightly irritated, impatient “I thought you’d want this too, wanted me”
He closed the door behind them and pulled Közi to the couch. Pushing the still protesting man onto the couch he said in a seductive voice “do you want to fuck me or not?” while straddling his lap.
“…stop, this is not like you Mana” he held his friend close, gently restraining the drunk man.
“But I do mean it…” Mana leaned his head against the strong shoulder, feeling tired and rejected
“I keep ruining everything, aren’t I? I’m so sorry Közi”
“No, you’re not” he stroked his back soothingly “it will be alright”
“You’re so good to me… won’t you… won‘t you hold me tonight?”
“Mana…” Közi sighed “I won’t do that, not when you’re drunk and not feeling well.”
Pushing him away he continued “I can‘t sleep with you just ‘cause you need comfort”
“…Be my lover” the words slipped out and Mana bit his lip “please be mine”
“Do you really mean that?” Közi’s heart sped up, but he hesitated “You know I’d love to…”
“I really do.” he looked into his best friend and old lover’s eyes “I will do my best to love you right”
At those words Közi could not hold himself back but cupped Mana’s cheek, murmuring
“I have always been yours” before kissing him softly - a kiss that grew more and more passionate.
The feminine man nestled his fingers in Közi’s hair, unwilling to let go until the lack of air forced them to break the kiss, heavily panting and wanton for more. Mana pressed their bodies close together as Közi’s hands wandered over his shoulders, down his back to take a firm hold of his ass. He kissed Mana’s neck, still remembering his weak spots, making a low moan come from the painted lips he adored. Mana’s hold in Közi’s hair tightened, pressing him against the sensitive skin of his neck to urge him on, and as expected he soon felt teeth marking him, leaving a dark purple bruise. He helped Közi take off the black t-shirt before taking off his own shirt; and an instant after the items were discarded their lips were once again locked, hungrily devouring each other.
As if reading the other’s mind they got up from the couch, making their way to the bedroom while taking off each other‘s clothes, still kissing as they went.
Közi pushed him down onto the bed and climbed on top of him, enjoying the view of his lover a moment before leaning down to tease his nipples with skilled mouth and fingers, drawing sweet moans from him. They both craved for more contact and as Közi stroked his leaking erection while starting to lick his entrance, he could not help himself but to say
“I don’t need any preparation, just fuck me” in a low voice, impatient.
“You sure? It will hurt…” Közi looked into his eyes sceptically
“I don’t mind.” his body burned with passion “I want you inside me now”
He couldn’t resist Mana in any way, slowly he pushed himself inside and feeling the tight heat around him made him let out a low moan. Mana tried to relax as much as possible, but the pain brought tears to his eyes, tears that Közi dried away gently with his thumb
“It’s fine. Keep going” Mana turned his head away, starting to sober up from the pain. Közi leaned down and kissed the soft skin of his neck as he started to move. As the pain changed into pleasure Mana let the guilt and shame go and indulged in the sensations, the intimacy.
Waking up he had a headache and felt sore from the nights pleasures. Next to him, Közi laid sprawled out on his back, still sleeping. He had meant what he said even though drunk, he’d try to love him right. Their relationship would work out, somehow, he’d make sure of it.
~To be continued~
Chapter: 24/25
Pairing: KözixMana
Genre: romance, drama, angst, a tiiiny bit of smut
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction
Author’s note: Do you sense the link between the chapter and the songs I use for titles? Look deeper.
The first few months after Gackt left, Mana was once again the cold doll, working most hours of the day, somehow managing with just a couple of hours sleep every other day. We were all so very worried about him, though he insisted he was fine. In time I started noticing changes in him - his usually quite colourful wardrobe came to consist of mostly black and he was ever so stubborn to get a new singer and image for Malice Mizer, saying
“I dislike the last two albums, they are too much like pop” with a small tint of disgust in his voice
“we need to go back to the real Malice Mizer.”
It was obvious how he tried to avoid our ex. Vocalist - which was pretty hard considering that the now blonde man was on a lot of covers of magazines, on TV-shows and his singles was playing non-stop on radio. Gackt did call me and the others, except Mana, every once in a while to check in on how things were going, but it was way too seldom to still be called a close friendship. He was to busy with his own life that he didn’t have time for us.
We had not heard from him in a few months when Kami suddenly died. Neither did he show up for the funeral. We were all devastated by the loss of our beloved drummer, but I have a feeling Mana hurt the most by the loss. After the funeral when me, him and Yu~ki were drinking, he thoroughly cursed Gackt for not even bothering to come to the funeral and swore to never speak to him or of him again. The betrayal was unforgivable for him, he had opened up and gotten crushed by a man claiming to love him. Every time I see Mana upset over him I feel like hunting him down and beating him to a bloody pulp, not that Mana does not hide his pain the best he can.
I could see through his lies though, I could see the mess Gackt had made him.
A few weeks after the funeral I got a surprise visit…
Hearing a knock on the front door, Közi tiredly rose from his armchair and put down the cat he had in his lap. Scratching his head he wondered who it was, not expecting any company. To his surprise he found his best friend standing on his doorstep, dressed in his latest EGA creation and looking very… determined was the only word Közi could describe it
“Hi, what‘s…” the sentence was broken off as Mana pulled him close and kissed him violently. Tasting the alcohol, he pushed his friend away
“What are you doing? You’re drunk” he felt suddenly tired
“So?” Mana looked slightly irritated, impatient “I thought you’d want this too, wanted me”
He closed the door behind them and pulled Közi to the couch. Pushing the still protesting man onto the couch he said in a seductive voice “do you want to fuck me or not?” while straddling his lap.
“…stop, this is not like you Mana” he held his friend close, gently restraining the drunk man.
“But I do mean it…” Mana leaned his head against the strong shoulder, feeling tired and rejected
“I keep ruining everything, aren’t I? I’m so sorry Közi”
“No, you’re not” he stroked his back soothingly “it will be alright”
“You’re so good to me… won’t you… won‘t you hold me tonight?”
“Mana…” Közi sighed “I won’t do that, not when you’re drunk and not feeling well.”
Pushing him away he continued “I can‘t sleep with you just ‘cause you need comfort”
“…Be my lover” the words slipped out and Mana bit his lip “please be mine”
“Do you really mean that?” Közi’s heart sped up, but he hesitated “You know I’d love to…”
“I really do.” he looked into his best friend and old lover’s eyes “I will do my best to love you right”
At those words Közi could not hold himself back but cupped Mana’s cheek, murmuring
“I have always been yours” before kissing him softly - a kiss that grew more and more passionate.
The feminine man nestled his fingers in Közi’s hair, unwilling to let go until the lack of air forced them to break the kiss, heavily panting and wanton for more. Mana pressed their bodies close together as Közi’s hands wandered over his shoulders, down his back to take a firm hold of his ass. He kissed Mana’s neck, still remembering his weak spots, making a low moan come from the painted lips he adored. Mana’s hold in Közi’s hair tightened, pressing him against the sensitive skin of his neck to urge him on, and as expected he soon felt teeth marking him, leaving a dark purple bruise. He helped Közi take off the black t-shirt before taking off his own shirt; and an instant after the items were discarded their lips were once again locked, hungrily devouring each other.
As if reading the other’s mind they got up from the couch, making their way to the bedroom while taking off each other‘s clothes, still kissing as they went.
Közi pushed him down onto the bed and climbed on top of him, enjoying the view of his lover a moment before leaning down to tease his nipples with skilled mouth and fingers, drawing sweet moans from him. They both craved for more contact and as Közi stroked his leaking erection while starting to lick his entrance, he could not help himself but to say
“I don’t need any preparation, just fuck me” in a low voice, impatient.
“You sure? It will hurt…” Közi looked into his eyes sceptically
“I don’t mind.” his body burned with passion “I want you inside me now”
He couldn’t resist Mana in any way, slowly he pushed himself inside and feeling the tight heat around him made him let out a low moan. Mana tried to relax as much as possible, but the pain brought tears to his eyes, tears that Közi dried away gently with his thumb
“It’s fine. Keep going” Mana turned his head away, starting to sober up from the pain. Közi leaned down and kissed the soft skin of his neck as he started to move. As the pain changed into pleasure Mana let the guilt and shame go and indulged in the sensations, the intimacy.
Waking up he had a headache and felt sore from the nights pleasures. Next to him, Közi laid sprawled out on his back, still sleeping. He had meant what he said even though drunk, he’d try to love him right. Their relationship would work out, somehow, he’d make sure of it.
~To be continued~