S-CONSCIOUS: Asrun Dream
S-CONSCIOUS: Asrun Dream
Chapter: 23/?
Pairing: GacktxMana,
Genre: romance, drama
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction
Author’s note: I’m sorry this chapter is a bit ‘hasty’, still have a bit of a writer’s block. This was so hard to write for me personally as well.
Merveilles sold really well and the tour was long and many venues were sold out.
The tour had ended with a bang at the Yokohama Arena and it had been very successful - Malice Mizer had finally made it big time. They were all caught up in the moment with parties and job offers and the fame. Yet, everything was not well.
Issues with the band kept tearing the lovers apart no matter how much they loved each other.
“Mana… I have something I need to tell you” Gackt spoke softly
“Okay” the guitarist had a hunch on what his lover wanted to say but tried to keep calm
“Maybe we should take this in the office?” Gackt urged, knowing this conversation would be tough and that his lover would not want the rest of the band to overhear it. Mana just nodded and followed him to Mana’s small office and closed the door behind him.
“I wanted to tell you first” the singer started, but hesitated “and I have thought about this a long time, but there’s still no easy way to say this”
“You’re leaving us” Mana used his doll-façade to keep from making this too hard, sitting down in the comfy chair as his legs became weak beneath him
“… Yes.” Gackt said quietly, not knowing if he should be relieved, angry or hurt by the lack of reaction to his announcement “I will be going to the US to start a solo career”
“I see…” Mana’s head was spinning “I’m sure it will be a great success” his voice was cold
“Thank you” Gackt smiled sadly “I‘ll take the plane to L.A next Wednesday”
Mana just nodded in lack of words, he could not utter the things that came to mind
“…I’ll go tell the others then” Gackt continued, trying to break the awkward silence between them. He lingered a short while before walking out of the office, waiting to see if Mana would try to stop him. When no such thing happened he walked out with a heavy heart to gather the rest of the members and break the news.
‘He’s really leaving us… leaving me’ Mana thought to himself, having a hard time to grasp that the band once more was without a singer and that he just lost the man he loved. No matter how much he wanted to cry out ‘don’t leave me’ he kept silent, knowing that it would be too selfish of him to beg the singer stay, he could not hold him back anymore. He was still determined that Malice Mizer should somehow move forward regardless - after all, they had been without a singer before. Though determined, his heart was still breaking by the loss of his lover.
Kami arranged a farewell-party for Gackt before he left for the US with Malice Mizer and friends
“Is this really a good idea?” Gackt questioned, uncertain about how his old band-members felt
“Of course it is” the drummer smiled “everyone wants to be able to send you off”
“Really? Even Közi and…?” he bit down on his lip
“Közi will come, he’s not super happy but he said he did not want to miss this”
“So… Mana won’t come” Gackt looked very sad
“He said he might stop by” Kami hugged him “now, let’s get things ready for the party!”
Mana hesitantly walked into the party, hoping he could just leave his farewell-gift and get out without being noticed. The fear of having to face his ex lover made it hard to breathe and the hurt was still burning red hot. He left a bouquet of dark red, almost black, roses without a note on the little gift table and walked towards the door, hoping the singer would understand what they meant. Just as he reached the door, a hand caught his shoulder
“Already leaving?”
“Yes, I have to go” Mana tried to sound confident, still with his back against him
“Why can’t you face me, Mana?” Gackt sounded irritated, a bit drunk. Mana turned around
“Let me go” he brushed off his old lover’s hand “You will do great on your own”
“That wasn’t an answer to my question” he pointed out
“It’s better if we don’t see each other anymore. I want a clean break”
With those final words he left the party, hoping to leave his feelings too behind.
“He acts like it all never happened” Gackt turned to Közi “he didn’t even really say good bye”
“Of course, stupid, he’s fucking hurt. He shuts you out again because you left.”
“He did not even try to stop me from leaving Malice Mizer…” he looked like he would cry
“Did you really expect him to when you left him at the same time too?” Közi shook his head
“I just…” Gackt hid his face in his hands “I couldn’t stand it”
“Here’s another drink” he handed Gackt a glass “drink up”
Gackt left Japan together with You, Chachamaru, Masa, Ren and Toshi to start up his solo-career in Los Angeles. He had a bad hangover from drinking for days and felt down, but at least he had his best friend You and Chacha to lean on. They kept him from wrecking more bars and doing stupid things, taking care of him in everyway they could manage to.
The travel took many hours, of which he spent most sleeping on the older guitarist’s shoulder, the warmth comforting. Moving to L.A. - even for just a year - would not be an easy change and he hoped that somehow he’d make it together with his new band members.
As he settled in he started working around the clock, often locking himself up in the studio - not listening to anyone about getting rest or eating more. The troubles with his manager wore him down mentally - both his physical and mental state worsening by the day.
~To be continued~
Chapter: 23/?
Pairing: GacktxMana,
Genre: romance, drama
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction
Author’s note: I’m sorry this chapter is a bit ‘hasty’, still have a bit of a writer’s block. This was so hard to write for me personally as well.
Merveilles sold really well and the tour was long and many venues were sold out.
The tour had ended with a bang at the Yokohama Arena and it had been very successful - Malice Mizer had finally made it big time. They were all caught up in the moment with parties and job offers and the fame. Yet, everything was not well.
Issues with the band kept tearing the lovers apart no matter how much they loved each other.
“Mana… I have something I need to tell you” Gackt spoke softly
“Okay” the guitarist had a hunch on what his lover wanted to say but tried to keep calm
“Maybe we should take this in the office?” Gackt urged, knowing this conversation would be tough and that his lover would not want the rest of the band to overhear it. Mana just nodded and followed him to Mana’s small office and closed the door behind him.
“I wanted to tell you first” the singer started, but hesitated “and I have thought about this a long time, but there’s still no easy way to say this”
“You’re leaving us” Mana used his doll-façade to keep from making this too hard, sitting down in the comfy chair as his legs became weak beneath him
“… Yes.” Gackt said quietly, not knowing if he should be relieved, angry or hurt by the lack of reaction to his announcement “I will be going to the US to start a solo career”
“I see…” Mana’s head was spinning “I’m sure it will be a great success” his voice was cold
“Thank you” Gackt smiled sadly “I‘ll take the plane to L.A next Wednesday”
Mana just nodded in lack of words, he could not utter the things that came to mind
“…I’ll go tell the others then” Gackt continued, trying to break the awkward silence between them. He lingered a short while before walking out of the office, waiting to see if Mana would try to stop him. When no such thing happened he walked out with a heavy heart to gather the rest of the members and break the news.
‘He’s really leaving us… leaving me’ Mana thought to himself, having a hard time to grasp that the band once more was without a singer and that he just lost the man he loved. No matter how much he wanted to cry out ‘don’t leave me’ he kept silent, knowing that it would be too selfish of him to beg the singer stay, he could not hold him back anymore. He was still determined that Malice Mizer should somehow move forward regardless - after all, they had been without a singer before. Though determined, his heart was still breaking by the loss of his lover.
Kami arranged a farewell-party for Gackt before he left for the US with Malice Mizer and friends
“Is this really a good idea?” Gackt questioned, uncertain about how his old band-members felt
“Of course it is” the drummer smiled “everyone wants to be able to send you off”
“Really? Even Közi and…?” he bit down on his lip
“Közi will come, he’s not super happy but he said he did not want to miss this”
“So… Mana won’t come” Gackt looked very sad
“He said he might stop by” Kami hugged him “now, let’s get things ready for the party!”
Mana hesitantly walked into the party, hoping he could just leave his farewell-gift and get out without being noticed. The fear of having to face his ex lover made it hard to breathe and the hurt was still burning red hot. He left a bouquet of dark red, almost black, roses without a note on the little gift table and walked towards the door, hoping the singer would understand what they meant. Just as he reached the door, a hand caught his shoulder
“Already leaving?”
“Yes, I have to go” Mana tried to sound confident, still with his back against him
“Why can’t you face me, Mana?” Gackt sounded irritated, a bit drunk. Mana turned around
“Let me go” he brushed off his old lover’s hand “You will do great on your own”
“That wasn’t an answer to my question” he pointed out
“It’s better if we don’t see each other anymore. I want a clean break”
With those final words he left the party, hoping to leave his feelings too behind.
“He acts like it all never happened” Gackt turned to Közi “he didn’t even really say good bye”
“Of course, stupid, he’s fucking hurt. He shuts you out again because you left.”
“He did not even try to stop me from leaving Malice Mizer…” he looked like he would cry
“Did you really expect him to when you left him at the same time too?” Közi shook his head
“I just…” Gackt hid his face in his hands “I couldn’t stand it”
“Here’s another drink” he handed Gackt a glass “drink up”
Gackt left Japan together with You, Chachamaru, Masa, Ren and Toshi to start up his solo-career in Los Angeles. He had a bad hangover from drinking for days and felt down, but at least he had his best friend You and Chacha to lean on. They kept him from wrecking more bars and doing stupid things, taking care of him in everyway they could manage to.
The travel took many hours, of which he spent most sleeping on the older guitarist’s shoulder, the warmth comforting. Moving to L.A. - even for just a year - would not be an easy change and he hoped that somehow he’d make it together with his new band members.
As he settled in he started working around the clock, often locking himself up in the studio - not listening to anyone about getting rest or eating more. The troubles with his manager wore him down mentally - both his physical and mental state worsening by the day.
~To be continued~