Gift fic for pinkpapyrus
Gift fic for: pinkpapyrus
From: newsficcon
Title: Turpentine erase me whole (Cause I don't want to live my life alone)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: RyoShige
Warnings: none
Summary: Seven years go by since the departure of Yamapi and Ryo and everything has settled into bliss; no worrying about what will happen next year, no stressing the double schedule of some of their members. Shige is content with his life, that is until a small bit of information and one simple text throws everything askew.
Notes: I was really happy when I got this assignment, for weeks I had been mulling over a future fic and then this perfection came along :3 I really hope that you enjoy it pinkpapyrus since what you gave to work with was so fun and exciting. I’m babbling now. xD
“It’s not actually goodbye, we’ll still see each other in the halls.” Ryo’s voice is low under the downpour as they stand outside the Jimusho building. His hand is warm on Shige’s shoulder leaving a pleasant feeling on the left side of his body. A small puff of smoke escapes from between his lips.
It’s cold for October, like winter has come early. Or maybe that’s just Shige. His entire body is cold except for where Ryo is. It has been for days, since the news of Yamapi and Ryo leaving NEWS, and no one is taking it particularly well.
“Maybe we can go out for drinks next week?” Ryo gives him a shy smile, probably feeling the tension.
Shige looks over, avoiding his eyes. ”Yeah,” he chokes out, voice barely over a whisper. “That’d be nice.” One of his trademark fake smiles ghosts his lips. He doesn’t even have the energy to try to make it seem remotely convincing.
Silence falls as they both look out toward the street and other buildings, watching cars pass by. Time is lost now, in this moment, their last moment together as NEWS members.
It startles him when Ryo clears his throat. Out of the corner of his eye, Shige can see Ryo looking down. The hand has fallen from his shoulder now, all warmth completely gone. “I know I’ve said this already, but--”
Their knuckles brush together, Shige’s silent plea asking him not to apologize anymore. Instead Ryo changes his tune, looking back up at the sky. “I’ll mail you,” are his final words on the subject ,and he steps out into the rain toward the van picking him up to take him home.
-
“Yamashita-kun is releasing a new album,” Shige says, dropping the paper on the coffee table as he passes heading to the kitchen in Koyama’s apartment.
Koyama scrunches his face up but otherwise doesn’t comment.
“How are things,” comes the question over the sticky sound of a magnet being removed from refrigerator, “between you and him.”
He sighs loudly, a pout evident in his voice. “I don’t know Shige. We haven’t talked since he stormed off two weeks ago.”
Shige snickers to himself, “I still don’t understand how the two of you ended up in a relationship.” He returns to the living room with a bottle of water for himself and Koyama. “You two don’t seem compatible.”
Koyama hums. After seven years, everything is stable. NEWS has risen to a considerably popular status with few worries on what will come the next year. Yamapi’s solo career is more or less booming thanks to his popularity from even before NEWS, and from the things that get passed around the Jimusho, Kanjani8 is doing exceptionally well. They’ve risen to the top, or as close as you can get to the top with Arashi around.
A few years back Koyama and Yamapi starting dating. Shige hadn’t even known that the two had even kept contact after their departure; Koyama had been the one most broken up about it. For a while he took the relationship with a grain of salt just to be sure but things between them were stable for a while.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Koyama huffs, ruffling his pitch black hair and sinking further into the couch.
Shige laughs. “Then what do you want to talk about? Our impending next single?”
Koyama scrunches his face once more.
“I can leave.” He leans forward out of the armchair preparing to get up to go home, not that there is anything better to do there. Maybe he’ll mail a few college friends, it has been awhile since they’ve talked. Though at the ages of about 30 or so, most of them are married by now. Still, it doesn’t hurt to try.
“Have you talked to Ryo-chan lately?”
The name sounds foreign from Koyama’s mouth. It has been so long since he has heard Ryo referred to by that name. Now it’s always Kanjani8’s Nishikido Ryo-kun or Nishikido-san or Nishikido-senpai with the occasional Ryo here and there. “No.” His reply is curt, straight to the point.
“Tomo says that he’s broken up with his girlfriend again.”
Shige sit back in his chair and plays with the water bottle, fringe hiding his eyes slightly. It’s getting long, maybe he should get a haircut. “Okay?”
“He got her pregnant. She got an abortion.”
Shige doesn’t understand why Koyama is telling him this. It’s not his business unless Ryo tells him himself, and that isn’t going to happen. They are not friends, not personal friends. Work friends, maybe.
Koyama’s voice is laced with worry. “Tomo says he’s been so depressed lately.”
“I’m sure he’s fine, Kei.”
Koyama sighs. “Maybe.”
The room feels awkward now. It’s getting stuffy with the tension of one silly topic. Shige rises with a deep sigh. “I’m going to go now.”
“But you just got here!” Koyama looks heartbroken that his friend is leaving so soon.
“I know, but...” He doesn’t really have an excuse for why he’s leaving. “We’ll have dinner tomorrow, okay? I’ll cook.” This puts a smile on Koyama’s face, not a big one, but it counts as he nods in agreement, seeing Shige off.
--
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
May 23rd, 2017 at 4:47 pm
Koyama told me what happened.
Well, Yamapi told him, and he told me but still.
You okay?
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
May 27th, 2017 at 8:10 am
I’m going to kill Pi.
Idiot can’t keep his mouth shut.
I’m fine. Not like I’ve never had a break up before.
-Ryo
--
Shige stares at the reply with sleepy eyes. How was he even supposed to reply to that? It was stupid to mail in the first place. Shige slaps his phone back down on the nightstand and rolls over in his bed, aiming for more sleep. There is no reason to be up this early, he doesn't have work until noon.
Instead of sleeping, though, Shige stares at his closet doors about four feet away from his bed. “What does that even mean?” He questions allowed slightly irritated. He was just trying to be a friend. Okay, so maybe it’s stupid to try to do that after seven years. Better late than never, though.
Sleep has escaped him for the morning, Shige decides with a sigh. There are plenty of things he can do anyway. He has a pile of laundry growing as the days go on. Now would be as good a time as any to do them.
--
“Yamapi says Ryo got a text from you.” Koyama’s voice fills the car as Shige drives. His cell phone sitting on the dashboard. He glances at it cautiously, but doesn’t answer. “Something you want to tell me?”
Shige stops at a traffic light before clearing his throat. “Not really. No.”
Koyama’s voice is hopeful. “Did he reply?”
“Does it matter?”
He laughs. “That’s a yes. Did you?”
“I’m driving,” Shige says turning a corner heading towards his favorite cafe for a late morning coffee. “I’ll call you during lunch.”
“Oh, but Shige--” The line cuts off.
Cafe Nada is a small place in a back street Shige found by mistake one chilly autumn afternoon. There’s a small door that leads up a flight of stairs to the second floor where the cafe is. It has a homey feeling which is what Shige needs during those long days. There is an entire wall in the back that has been turned into a bookshelf by the owner, filling as the years go on with all sorts of books mostly left behind or donated. The tables around the cafe are simple enough, some pressed against the wall with wooden chairs. Then there are others, little coffee tables with couches or a big comfy chairs.
It has been three years since he’d discovered this place and he loves it to death. The owner makes coffee by hand. He even has one of the old fashioned coffee bean grinders. The sound has become soothing to Shige’s ears. The walls are a darker shade, like a blue-grey. It’s somewhat calming, making it easy to sink back into a chair and just forget your problems.
He comes at least once a week. It’s never busy when he’s around, next to dead (not that he minds). So he takes off his sunglasses and reclines in a chair with his nice warm cup of coffee and a book he picked off the shelf.
“What are the chances of this meeting?” A voice sounds from behind him. It doesn’t register at first. He knows it all so well, but it’s been ages so he only turns the page and reads more before whipping his head around with wide eyes. “Oh, that’s the look I was going for. One of pure horror.”
Shige blinks. “Why are you here?” He tries to even out his voice.
Sipping his coffee, Ryo smirks. “I wonder.” He fills in the chair across from the other. “This is a coffee shop, Kato. Don’t tell me your age is effecting your brain.”
He clucks his tongue. “You are older than me, remember?” He closes his eyes and drinks from his cup as well.
“Minor details.” Ryo waves his hand in dismissal. “Not important.”
“Did you need something?”
Ryo shrugs. “I need a reason to say hello to an ex-bandmate?” He raises an eyebrow. “My, we are snooty now, aren’t we, Shige?”
“Oh, yes. Let me tell you.”
“Just like when you texted me?” Ryo smirks.
“I’m allowed to be concerned.”
Ryo only laughs and ruffles Shige’s hair as he stands. “Sure, Shige.”
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
June 10th, 2017 at 2:23 pm
It’s funny how we don’t see each other for seven years and then you’re everywhere.
Is it fate?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
June 10th, 2017 at 8:56 pm
You don’t believe in fate Nishikido-kun.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
June 12th, 2017 at 11:37 am
That’s what makes this so fun.
-Ryo
--
“You’re scowling,” Tegoshi points out in the dressing room in a singsong voice. They are on their way for a photoshoot, and Shige is the only one not ready yet. If he sits there too long the stylist are going to begin to nag him. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately.”
“Why aren’t you ready yet?” Koyama screeches walking back into the room. He makes a grab for Shige’s phone, but misses. “What’s more important than this?”
Shige slips the phone in his bag after powering it off. “Nothing.” His voice is low and even as he begins to change. He ignores the eyes on his back until he’s fully dressed. “Everything is fine. Stop looking at me like that.” He smiles slightly in a joking matter. Koyama sees through it a presses his lips together in a thin line.
“Ah!” Tegoshi says distractedly slapping both of them on the arms. “I forgot to tell you what I overheard the other day!” His smile is dark reminding Shige greatly of when he used to run around playing pranks on everyone. “They’re going to have a music program this summer.”
“I thought it was something, you know, important.”
Tegoshi glares at him, “I’m not finished, Shige.” He was talking more to Koyama anyway.
Shige mocks him in a low voice earning a nice kick to the back of his knee. “Will you just finish?!”
“Then shut up.” They exchange looks for a bit until Tegoshi deems it ready to start talking again. “It’s an odd year to do it if you ask me. They should wait until 2023 when it’s an actual landmark but whatever. They’re going to have everyone come back together for a music special. All of NEWS. Even Takahiro.”
Shige’s speechless, but Koyama seems to be able to do enough talking for the both of them. “How did they even manage that?”
Tegoshi shrugs. “I don’t know, but isn’t it exciting?” He jumping around now singing and suddenly Shige feels like he’s in his early twenties again and doesn't know how to manage his feelings. Still, he smiles and says he can’t wait till the show.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
June 20th, 2017 at 1:09 pm
So what’s this about a music program with all the NEWS members?
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
June 20th, 2017 at 2:23 pm
Are we playing this game again?
The game where you don’t text me back?
-Ryo
--
Shige glares at his phone as it rings on the coffee table. It hasn’t stopped for the past hour and it’s giving him a headache. He doesn’t want to turn it off, though, god forbid it’s an emergency. When he finally does look at it, they’re all texts. Ryo, Ryo, Ryo, Uchi--they worked together a few years back in a drama which was more fun than Shige had thought it would be. Sometimes they go for drinks. Ryo, Ryo, Koyama, Ryo, Ryo-- He stops looking through them and opts to call instead.
Voice mail. Figures.
“Nishikido-kun, why are you blowing up my phone? I know you’re not busy, because you just messaged me not ten minutes ago? Is it important?”
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 1st, 2017 at 9:43 pm
Any conversation with me is important.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 1st, 2017 at 9:46 pm
Entertain me. I’m bored.
-Ryo
--
“Shigeeeee~” Tegoshi sings draping himself over Shige’s back in their meeting room. “What happened to your phone?” he asks directly in Shige’s ear. He reaches a hand out, trying to get a closer look. The screen has a giant crack in the upper left and one of the buttons on the side is missing. The paint is chipped off. “It looks like it went through a war zone.”
Shige snatches it back, shrugging Tegoshi off his back. “I had an accident.”
“It looks more like on purpose than accident,” Massu interjects.
“I wanted a new one anyway,” he covers, switching over contacts and information. “It’s the same number.”
“Didn’t you just buy that one?” Tegoshi is glued to his side, and by now he has learned that there is no point in trying to get him off until he’s ready. “Last month was it?”
“Shige looks conflicted,” Koyama says, coming into the room and sitting across from him. “Have you mailed back yet?”
“What, do they play whisper down the lane now? Yamapi tells you everything?”
Koyama tilts his head to the side. “Maybe. We made up, by the way.”
“I know. I saw you two going out for drinks from here the other night.”
A cat-like smile spreads across his face. “You should come next time.”
Shige laughs. “Sorry, I’m not doing the third wheel bit anymore.”
“I’ll go!” Tegoshi says, happily jumping in his seat at the same time Koyama says. “Go with Ryo-chan.”
Shige stops and glares at his phone, but doesn't accept the offer.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 5th, 2017 at 7:49 pm
Yamapi is inviting me to drinks with him and Koyama.
Any idea why?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
July 5th, 2017 at 7:53 pm
I know why.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 5th, 2017 at 8:00 pm
...Are you going to tell me?
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 5th, 2017 at 8:03 pm
Ohh, I know why. Koyama asked you to come as well.
I knew I liked him for a reason.
-Ryo
--
“Do you like making my life difficult?” Shige’s voice is rough when Koyama comes into work the next day looking a bit under the weather.
“So loud,” Koyama mumbles to himself then registers what Shige said. “Ryo-chan?” A smile spreads across his face, previous feelings gone. “What happened?”
“What do you mean what happened? Nothing happened,” he says like it’s obvious. “He’s just been texting me all night. This is your fault. All because you told me what happened.”
Koyama laughs and pats him on the shoulder. “It’s okay to still care about him you know.”
Shige doesn’t want to care though. He’s scared to.
“Just because he’s not our bandmate anymore, he’s still our friend.”
Shige doesn’t remember being friends with Ryo. At least, he tries not to remember.
--
When he wakes to a loud banging on his apartment door, Shige is only mildly annoyed. It’s eight am and he doesn’t have to get up just yet. When he finds out who is the source of the banging though he questions why he still lives in the same apartment as seven years ago.
“It’s eight in the morning, Nishikido-kun.” He blocks the doorway preventing Ryo any possible way to get in. “Why are you here?”
He ignores the question. “Gone back to formalities, have we?” He clicks his tongue. “You’ve been ignoring me.”
“Oh is that what it’s called? I thought it was just not replying.” Shige rolls his eyes. “Good to know.”
Ryo almost glares but stops himself. “Are you going to let me in?”
“No.”
“Why?”
Shige doesn’t actually have a reason and his brain isn’t coming up with any shitty ones either. Reluctantly he steps to the side. He somehow thinks that Koyama is behind this one again.
--
Tegoshi’s face is hovering over Shige’s body as he lies on the dressing room couch. “Shige looks tired, ne?” He sings lightly. Shige doesn’t move. “Something happen?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Tegoshi watches as the features on Shige’s face shift, changing with each passing thought running through his head. He pokes the other’s cheek for a bit to further entertain himself until one of the other members came in. “Shige’s being strange.” He announced loudly.
Masuda laughed to himself, “and it has nothing to do with you poking his face?”
Tegoshi stopped and thought about this for a moment. “Why would that be th--hey!” He stopped short when Shige sat up on the couch ruining all of Tegoshi’s fun. “I wasn’t finished!”
Shige doesn’t spare him a glance as he stands from the couch and stretches. “I’m going to go find some coffee.” Not waiting for a response Shige leaves the room wandering down the halls with no company but his thoughts. He still can’t get over Ryo’s sudden visit the previous day.
Ryo was standing in his doorway with an amused look on his face before walking past Shige into the apartment. He toes off his shoes then goes to relax on Shige’s couch. “it’s been awhile since I’ve been here.” He looks around the living room, taking in the few changes. “Ah!” He points to the small rug under the coffee table. “What happened to the one I gave you?”
Shige slowly joins him in the living room and looks down under the coffee table, “there was an accident with some wine.” He thinks back to the the carpet that Ryo had given him so many years ago. How much he had loved it and his surprise at Ryo’s generosity when he just gave it to him. His annoyance when Tegoshi threw a party a few years ago at Shige’s house without his consent and spilled wine everywhere. “It was too much to clean up, the stain was permanent.”
“Idiot.” Ryo sighs then looks around a bit more, “place still looks more or less the same.”
Shige shrugs heading to the kitchen. It’s obvious the other isn’t going to leave for a while so he might as well offer him something to drink. “I didn’t see the need for a change.” Though he did many times, he just never knew where to start. He had grown attached to everything in his living room.
The couch was old now, fading in color, but soft and comforting. His worries would just roll away sometimes when he laid there for an hour or two. His entertainment center was too big to rearrange so that actually just stayed as is. They only changes he ever really made were the additional bookshelves and changing of his television a few years back after Tegoshi broke that as well.
“That’s so like you.” Ryo says when Shige comes back with two cups of tea for them. He sits in the arm chair, away from Ryo. “Takes you years to change once you get used to it.”
Shige hesitates. What is that supposed to mean? “...um, is that a compliment?”
Ryo doesn’t answer, but sips from his drink.
The silence around them is strange. This entire setup is weird. He’s still in his pajamas for christ's sake. “Why are you here, Nishikido-kun?”
“I was in the area.”
“You live a few blocks away.” Even since before Ryo’s apartment has always been close by. His Tokyo apartment that is. He kept both after leaving NEWS and sticking to Kanjani8. Shige heard from Koyama who heard from Yamapi that it was just easier this way than spending extra money at a hotel for when in Tokyo. “You haven’t visited since,” you left. He finishes in his head not really wishing to discuss the topic.
Ryo shrugs. “I was bored.”
He’s never understood Ryo or his thought process. “I don’t get you.” He scowls looking at his own untouched cup before placing it on the coffee table. “I need to get dressed.” He announces to the room when standing. Not sparing another glance he walks back to his bedroom and changes clothes.
Even thinking back to the day’s events Shige doesn’t understand what happened. It’s not as if he cares what Ryo does, it doesn’t affect him. And for all the world knows, that was merely a visit between ex-bandmates. Co-workers. Whatever the hell you would call them now. It was so normal, which is what bothers him. There was no tension, just easy conversation. Seven years after no contact outside of work and it was as if no time had passed at all.
It was an easy day, with talking and relaying stories from the years. He doesn't understand what any of this means. It’s not supposed to be easy to talk to Nishikido Ryo. He’s supposed to be nervous, and tongue tied and Ryo’s supposed to make fun of him.
But he’s 30 now, Shige remembers. Not 20, 22, 23, or any of those ages that Ryo would poke fun at him. He’s 30 and has grown up. He doesn’t quite feel it though as he stands in the Jimusho halls getting coffee from a vending machine. He didn’t even want coffee though...
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 27th, 2017 at 4:57 pm
So, are you done ignoring my texts?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
July 27th, 2017 at 5:23 pm
No.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 27th, 2017 at 5:46 pm
When did you become such a dick?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
July 27th, 2017 at 6:03 pm
I learned from the best.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 28th, 2017 at 7:20 am
That hurts Shige. Right in the heart.
You have struck me down and now you must take care of me till I am better.
-Ryo
--
“I will not go out with you for drinks.” Shige’s voice in stern in the dressing room, echoing down the hall. “There is nothing you can say to make me change my mind.” He pulls his shirt over his head getting ready for their performance on Music Station.
Koyama looks back with a pout, his shoulders slumped down, “But Shige!”
Shige shakes his head, “no, don’t give me that face Kei.” He looks away.
Outside of the door Tegoshi had his ear pressed up against it listening intently. Massu stood next to him with his arms crossed and a weak look. “Don’t you think you’re a bit old to be eavesdropping?” Tegoshi waves him off with a ‘shhhh’, trying to press himself closer to the door.
“Please, Shige?” Koyama begs once more while Shige finishes getting dressed. Koyama was the first to arrive and is already dressed. “It’s been so long since we’ve gone out.”
Shige eyes him carefully knitting his brows together when pulling on a vest. “Something in my stomach just tells me you’re planning against me. I don’t like it.” He sits on the couch to tie his shoes, hair falling into his face when he glances up. Koyama is still looking at him with a hurt puppy look. Shige knows he is secretly hoping he will give in.
Tegoshi falls to the floor with a startled look on his face when the door opens.
“What are you doing?” Shige asks darkly.
“Eavesdropping.” Massu answers with a laugh.
“Massu!” Tegoshi yells with a glare. “You’re not supposed to give away our plans.”
Shige steps over him and starts down the hall. “It’s hard to back up a different story when you are caught red handed.” He really doesn’t understand his bandmates.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:14 am
I just saw a recording of MSute.
How do you manage to let Koyama of all people con you?
I saw your face, I know he lied.
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:27 am
Does it matter?
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:32 am
*shivers*
That’s cold Shigeaki-sensei. You are leaving me in the cold. I’m going to freeze.
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:37 am
Good. Maybe the way of the earth will go back in order then.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:41 am
I hope a giant pitcher of beer spills on you tomorrow night.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:45 am
Also, your hair sucks again.
-Ryo
--
The bar was warm and dim filled with dark lights and soft natural colors. It was homely, Shige supposed, though he still didn’t understand the point as to why he was there. He’d much rather spend his night at home with a beer working on his book. Well he still needed to come up with the idea for his book let alone write it. Maybe coming out was a better idea after all. Avoid a headache he didn’t want.
Koyama pushed him into a booth. The seats were big and soft. Comforting during his reluctance, making it harder to deny the ease of the evening. So maybe he was just being a bit of a dick when Koyama initially asked him to come out. After his first drink, Shige relaxed a bit into the booth across from Koyama enjoying the conversation.
“Oh, there’s Tomo,” Koyama said waving a hand above his head then standing to slid in next to Shige.
Shige’s face paled as he looked at Koyama indignantly. “what?”
“Tomo.” He repeated not sparing Shige a look still waving down Yamapi. “Oh, Ryo-chan’s with him.” The smile in his voice was obvious. Shige knew he was being set up now.
“What?” His voice cracks.
Koyama’s returning look was weary. “You keep saying that, why?”
He sputters but doesn’t answer before the two in question sit down across. He doesn’t actually mind that they’re there it’s just; Shige’s more annoyed that Koyama didn’t inform him prior. He would have prepared himself mentally for this (or skipped out). But now he’s sitting here with feelings of despair and confusion on how he is expected to act during his entire evening. If only Koyama had told him from the beginning he’d know how to act and wouldn’t be-
“You’re pretty quiet, Shige.” Yamapi’s voice brought him out of his internal arguments on all the reasons why he should not be there.
He jumps slightly. “Huh?” Ryo’s snort causes his eyes to dart between the three sitting around him. He realizes that escape is also impossible; he’s surrounded on all sides.
“Did a cat steal your tongue?” Ryo’s voice is sharp in contrast to Yamapi’s. Straight to the point. “Usually you have more to offer to the conversation.”
“Oh.” Shige looks down at his beer. “I didn’t really have anything to add.” He wasn’t actually paying attention, but there is no need to share that.
“Still as boring as ever.”
Koyama pouts. “You’re worried about your book aren’t you? Did you come up with an idea yet?”
“Book?” Yamapi and Ryo say in tandem. “Another one?” Ryo finishes.
Shige shrugs. “I was debating on it.”
The conversations takes a turn for the better, or worse in Shige’s opinion, as they discuss ideas for his book. He wasn’t even sure he was going to go along with it at all. He had mentioned it to his editor a few weeks ago, just a passing thought really, but only if an idea were grand enough to get him fully motivated would he go through with it. So far none were in the oven.
“I wasn’t really serious about it,” he says to start. “I’m just tossing ideas around seeing what comes to me. A no pressure zone.”
Yamapi ponders this for a moment. “Well, what do you have?”
Shige clears his throat looking at his hands tight around his beer. “Honestly.”
“Well that would help the conversation, wouldn't it?” Ryo’s voice is low and snappy. Shige pays it no mind.
“Nothing.”
“Tch.”
Koyama places a hand on his shoulder as comfort. “Maybe you’re overthinking it.”
A beat is tapped out on the table’s surface, no real rhythm established. Just noise from Yamapi’s fingertips. “Maybe it can be on personal experiences,” He offers suddenly. “Memories and shit you’ve been through.”
Ryo snorts. “Sounds like a diary.”
“Well, I wasn’t meaning it like that.”
“Oh!” Koyama’s voice is filled with excitement. “That’s a good idea. You could take some of your life’s events, change them up a bit for anonymity but still have it be you.”
Shige looks at the three of them for a moment before taking a full swig of his beer contemplating the idea. “I’m not sure.”
“The story of a Johnny’s.” Ryo’s voice is mocking as he leans back in the booth drinking his beer like a hot shot. “How thrilling.”
Shige is beginning to notice a bit of venom in Ryo’s tone, it unsettles him. “It’s not exactly original,” he says after a long pause of silence. “I remember either from Hikaru Genji or one of our other senpai's released something about his life in Johnny’s before.”
“Well, you were never the most original person.”
A long sigh escapes Shige after he finishes his beer. His eyes are glued to Ryo in a glare. “What the fuck is your problem? Why are you being so...impossible?”
Ryo shrugs, but doesn’t answer, only returning Shige’s glare for a bit.
There was silence all around the table for a while after that. Everyone was nursing their drinks, on occasion Koyama and Yamapi would exchange words over something small but other than that tension filled the table stronger than it had in the beginning.
When the feeling hadn’t left after a half hour Koyama stands abruptly smiling weakly at Shige. “I just remembered something I had to do.”
“What?” His voice is laced in panic. “This was your idea, you can’t bail.”
“It’s not bailing when you stay for a bit, Shige,” Yamapi says standing as well.
Ryo’s tone is humorless as he looks suspiciously at the two of them. “Oh?” He knows what’s going on already. It was the only way he would agree to come along. Yamapi easily spilled his guts. “And what do you have to do?”
Koyama smiles at Ryo and starts to push Yamapi away. “A date.”
He makes gagging noises while Shige tries to drown his troubles in his beer. This was not Shige’s idea of a night out. Maybe he should’ve stayed home.
Hours later when Shige’s mind is less coherent and he’s easily talking to Ryo while still all pouts and grumbling, he sighs, “I knew this would happen.” His words are slurring together a bit. Nothing too serious, but it’s enough to have Ryo laugh. Shige eyes him but doesn’t comment any further and peers into his empty beer bottle for a bit then grumbles to himself some more about how Koyama is stupid and likes to abandon his friends because he is stupid.
Suddenly he points a finger at Ryo and glares, “why were you acting like that earlier?” He sounds pretty sober at the moment, but Ryo and see his fingers faltering.
“I don’t know. I was disappointed.”
Shige doesn’t know what that means so he huffs a little to himself and sits back. “Odd way of showing it.” He’s thinking about getting up and going home. It’s not like Ryo can actually stop him.
“Well, you don’t know why I was.”
“Are you going to tell me?”
Ryo laughs. “Of course not.”
Shige sighs and stands getting ready to leave. He doesn’t need to take this. He should’ve left hours ago. But then Ryo’s hand is on his wrist and other flagging down a waitress ordering more drinks.
Well, he supposes one more couldn’t hurt.
--
It’s colder than he expected that morning. Shige shivers burrowing himself deeper under the covers ignoring the unfamiliar scent. It was soothing the back of his mind, fighting off that oncoming headache he was sure to wake up with. Shifting more to warm himself up Shige’s leg brushes against something warm. He hums his appreciation for it and moves closer rolling onto his other side away from the window.
Hearing a muffled “morning” and warm breath on his face Shige’s eyes open wide. Before him was an equally sleepy Nishikido Ryo with closed eyes and wild black hair. He feels the air escape his chest and he’s gasping to breathe, clawing at the sheet, vision going blurry as his eyes shut. Ryo’s shaking him, trying to get him to calm down, to “breathe dammit. You are not dying in my bed.”
Shige is on his back breathing deeply sheets fisted in his hands and sweat running down his face when his eyes snap open. The bed is empty aside from him, but just as he suspected it’s not his. He can smell Ryo’s cologne and he pries herself away from the bed. He’s not naked, though, close enough. A shiver runs through his body in the cold air conditioned apartment as he looks for his clothes pulling them on quickly. He doesn’t remember what happened, doesn’t want to remember.
Catching a glimpse of his reflection Shige stops to stare at the man before him. His eyes are dark with worry, circles forming under his eyes from stress and not sleeping. He notices the thinness of his face and wonders why it’s just now beginning to bother him. He should eat more perhaps.
His nerves calm a bit once he’s out into the main part of Ryo’s apartment. It’s quiet and still no trace of life at the moment aside from him. He doesn’t remember it looking like this. It used to be more, wild and lively but now it’s settled. Less of a bachelor pad and just an apartment. A lump forms in Shige’s throat as he looks around a bit. He can’t stay here, he’s going to suffocate again; go into a panic.
He grabs one of Ryo’s thrown around baseball caps and pulls it low over his head then slips on his shoes and bolts out of the apartment.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 5th, 2017 at 12:49 pm
A half hour. That’s all I said I’d be. And then you bolt. What the fuck?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
August 5th, 2017 at 12:55 pm
I don’t want to talk right now, Nishikido-kun.
Leave me alone.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 5th, 2017 at 1:08 pm
Too fucking bad.
Talk.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 5th, 2017 at 1:23 pm
You’re seriously not going to text me back? Asshole.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 5th, 2017 at 2:30 pm
You’re acting like a child. Just answer me.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 12th, 2017 at 8:34 pm
It’s been 6 days Shige. Talk to me.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 12th, 2017 at 8:45 pm
Do I have to come over there?
I swear if I leave this up to you, I’m not going to fucking hear from you for another seven years.
I’ll be too old to care then.
-Ryo
--
Tegoshi is dancing around the room and talking to an animated Koyama. Massu hasn’t arrived yet and Shige, well, he is sitting on the couch of the dressing room willing his headache to go away. It’s not working. He’s debating on drugging himself up to deal with this nightmare.
An end-of-the-summer special. A one-time music program just for them, just for News, to relive all those wonderful years and see ex-bandmates you haven’t seen in ages. Only it wasn’t that wonderful. It was a horrible idea. Shige wished it didn’t have to happen, not now while he’s having a hard time with keeping control of his life again.
“Aren’t you just excited?” Tegoshi asks with the same energy he had when he was 20.
Koyama nods with a smile, “I haven’t seen Kusano since he left.”
“And then Taka!” Tegoshi adds, though Shige feels that Tegoshi hardly remembers the other since Taka was only around for one song and it’s probably his most hated song to date. He remembers Taka’s departure, and it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Two sets of eyes turn to him expectedly. “What about you Shige?” Tegoshi’s voice is really high tonight, more so than usual. Shouldn't it get lower, he wonders, Tegoshi is almost 31. “Are you excited?”
He shrugs and removes his gaze looking to another part of the room praying that Massu will show up soon. “I don’t know. I’ve seen Uchi recently. And I know Taka’s doing well--”
“But are you excited?” Koyama questions again.
Shige doesn’t really know what he is.
--
The stage is bright, the fans loud as four member NEWS file onto the stage. Koyama takes his usual role as main MC which he’s been doing for years now. Shige’s glad someone can do it, and that someone isn’t Tegoshi who’s swaying a bit next to him like a teenager.
There is a bit of talk between the four of them before Koyama feels it’s time to get to the main event. “You all might have heard rumours by now. This has been in motion for months, but we have a surprise for you all.” He signals to someone off stage and the fans gasp in their seats. Shige finds it ironic that the filming in in NHK hall where most of them spent their teenage years during filming of Shounen Club. “For the first time since debut, we have the members together.”
The fans are screaming now and it takes all Shige has not the wince at the sound as he claps as well and steps to the side as the other five come on stage. He’s overcome with this feeling of nostalgia standing on stage with the nine of them. Suddenly, Shige doesn’t feel like he’s 31 and pretty successful and proud of his life. He feels 16 again; 16 and awkward and not sure as to what he’s going to do after he graduates high school. As he looks around at the others. They don’t look their respective ages. It’s like it’s 2003 again and they’ve just been formed as the volleyball support group. He’s a little scared for the first time in years.
--
The dressing room is filled with nine tired bodies flopped about. It’s clearly obvious that the room was not made for that many people, the others have their own but they’ve decided to crash here. It was a long event, something Shige never wants to live through again.
“Whose ever idea it was to have this event,” Ryo beings to say. It comes out as mumble against the arm of the couch that he’s slumped over. “I will personally see to it that they end up dead if we ever have to do this again.”
Taka’s laugh is low from another part of the room, but he doesn’t comment because Yamapi beats him to it. “Getting old are we, Ryo-chan?”
Ryo throws a shoe at him, it’s not like it’s his anyway. It misses completely with his lack of trying but hits Shige in the back of the head.
“Really?” He whips his head around to glare. “Was that necessary?”
Ryo snorts in response and closes his eyes, “please. It’s not like I aimed for you.”
“It’s not like you aimed at all,” Yamapi’s laugh fills the room and then is joined by some others. “I don’t think you even have any aim. Not anymore at least.”
“Last I remembered I was the one who attacked people, not you.”
Another shoe goes flying through the room and hits Shige once more. A low sound escapes his throat as he picks it up to throw it back having it land square on Ryo’s chest before flopping back into his lap. “If you can’t aim correctly you shouldn't try at all.”
Everyone looks between the two of them for a moment. Ryo stands abruptly with a sigh, “I’m going to change.”
His other shoe is tossed back in his direction by Taka with a, “Nice seeing you again Ryo-kun.”
The moment the other has left Yamapi is sitting next to Shige with a grin, “something is up.” Shige’s return glare is frightening that Yamapi only backs away to go change himself. “We’ll talk later,” he promises. Not if Shige can help it.
Somehow or another, they all end up at a bar after getting back into street clothes. It’s some place Yamapi and Koyama frequent a lot so it’s not a big deal when the nine of them pile in. The place is next to empty but just incase they grab two tables in the back pushing them together.
Even with just having done a three-hour event together it was quite the right catching up. “Sure, you can catch up on a music program, but you can’t include all the dirty secrets like you can here.” Or at least that was Ryo’s argument.
Shige almost chokes on his drink, but plays it off with an awkward obviously fake sneeze. “There’s a reason why you haven’t been in a drama in a while,” Kusano comments. Half the table agrees with him.
“But he was good when we worked together,” Uchi offers. No one pays the comment any attention. He tried, Shige thinks, it’s the thought that counts.
“If we’re revealing dirty secrets,” Yamapi’s voice is low as he leans in towards the middle of the table reaching for the astray, “we have to do this right. No half assing it.”
“Drinking game?”
It’s strange how even after years of being apart Yamapi, Ryo, and Uchi are all on the same wave link. Shige would rather not explore the depths of their friendship, but he’s sure if he mentioned his observations to Tegoshi, the younger would be more than happy to.
If Shige felt nervous before going on stage, and horrible when getting off, he’s sure glad that his mind is muddled now because the drinking game somehow turned into something else once everyone was at least tipsy. He’s not sure what he is now, but Tegoshi’s head is in his lap, Koyama and Yamapi are making out a few tables over, Taka split an hour ago, with Kusano not too long after him, Massu is calm (though he can’t really tell if that’s because of the alcohol or despite it at the moment, he lost count of the drinks he’s consumed let alone everyone else’s). Ryo and Uchi are double teaming him with all these demanding questions, more than half of which he can’t even understand. In his defense, they probably can’t understand his answers either so it’s kind of win-win he feels.
Ryo’s words are slurring together painfully. “All I’m saying is that, if you want to get the girl you need to go for the gold. And by gold I mean the earrings.”
They weren’t talking about girls, though.
Uchi nods in agreement. “But say she’s allergic to gold.”
The thought is dismissed as Ryo waves a hand. “Move on!” His voice is booming in the back area. Shige takes another drink.
“Anything to add to this, Shige?”
“You have sex hair right now.” The table goes still. “It’s pretty attractive.” Did he just say that outloud? He grabs the beer pitcher and fills his glass once more then drinks it down till the last drop not stopping. No, he didn’t say that. Of course not. He slams the glass on the table taking a deep breath.
Ryo’s fingers and fiddling with his hair now. It’s getting long for his usual wear in the past seven years. It’s looking more close to how he had it back when they did Sakura Girl. Shaggy. It looks silky soft. Shige kind of wants to touch it, instead he lets his hand fall to Tegoshi’s hair gaining a groggy noise from him as he rubs his cheek against Shige’s leg. That can’t be a good move.
“Yes, that...” Uchi looks between the two of them for a moment and finishes his beer. He’s probably the most sober out of all of them next to Massu, if he’s sober at all. No one actually knows. “I should get those two home...” He nods to Koyama and Yamapi in the corner. “Or to a hotel at least.”
They all look over. Shige really wishes he hadn’t. Not with the way that intimacy just radiates off them even from a distance. It makes his stomach wretch. Though, that could be the beer talking.
“Will you all be fine?” There is a slight delay between Uchi’s words. One that has formed due to alcohol. Slowing his thought process down.
“Dandy like daisies” Ryo replies with a grin after downing another. That can’t be healthy. Shige’s also pretty sure that comment didn’t make sense, but he doesn’t say anything.
--
The air around them is warm, making him sweat more than he would like. From the corner of his eye he sees Ryo dancing around. It’s an amusing sight, since Ryo doesn’t dance anymore. Most of Kanjani8’s songs don’t require it these days, keeping to the cooler image of a pop/rock band than a boyband. Truth be told, Ryo never was the most graceful in his dancing.
The wall is hard, but cool on his back and he leans against it and closes his eyes. He loses himself in his thoughts, his senses and thought process dulled by the alcohol. It’s kind of pleasant, in a strange way. His mind isn’t running a mile a minute for once, and all his worries have seemed to fly out the window. It’s just him and Ryo out on a warm summer night.
“I miss you.” He blurts out because when drunk Shige has learned that there is no filter between his brain and his mouth. Usually he just thinks it and not a second later it’s said out in the open.
Ryo doesn’t say anything but leans against the wall next to him taking deep even breaths.
It isn’t until they’re in the cab and he’s pressed up next to Ryo do the words settle in his head. Still, in his drunken stupor he’s not concerned about it because this doesn’t mean anything. Instead he leans into the other’s warmth. Even when Ryo seems to grab his hand and hold it tight Shige doesn’t think much of it.
Just before they part ways as the cab stops before Shige’s apartment Ryo leans over and kisses him full on the lips. It sloppy in drunken haze but it’s one of the best kisses Shige’s ever had.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
September 4th, 2017 at 3:56 pm
We should have dinner.
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
September 4th, 2017 at 4:00 pm
...why?
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
September 4th, 2017 at 4:04 pm
Because I said so and I’m hungry
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
September 4th, 2017 at 4:17 pm
I’m busy.
-Shige
--
He doesn’t know why, but Ryo is turning up everywhere lately, more so than he’s used to. He’s pretty sure Kanjani8 doesn’t have this many Tokyo activities. And even if they did (which he knows they don’t), that doesn’t mean Shige should be seeing Ryo at the Jimusho all the time.
Koyama is constantly badgering him to “just talk to Ryo”. Though, what he’s supposed to actually talk to Ryo about, Shige isn’t sure.
“We have nothing to talk about Koyama.” He says constantly, but Koyama never gives up. Setting up endless meetings and bailing out on the last minute so he’s stuck with Ryo for a few hours. Ryo always makes fun of him for it just like before, only there’s no mirth behind his words. They’re more playful than anything this time around.
“You’d think,” Ryo says with a laugh stepping into the kitchen. “That by now you’d learn to turn his requests for these things down.” He hops up onto the counter and watches as Shige cooks. They were supposed to have dinner with Koyama and Yamapi, but as usual they were a no show.
Shige doesn’t respond but keeps his eyes focused on the sauce pan.
“I mean, this is what the fourth, no fifth time?” He pours the pasta into the boiling water that Shige appeared to be ignoring. “You know exactly what they’re doing.”
Shige smirks. “Having sex?”
“I’d really rather not think about that before dinner.” Ryo gives a disgusted look.
“I bet you it’s really dirty.” He muses looking up thoughtfully at the ceiling. “You should hear the things Koyama says when he’s drunk.”
Ryo groans. “The food!”
Now Shige can’t help but bark out a laugh as he looks at Ryo and points the spoon at him. “And I’m sure Yamashita-kun is the one who taught him everything.”
Ryo shuts the water under the pasta off. “I can’t.” He raises his hands up in defeat while walking out of the kitchen. “My appetite is gone!”
Now Shige is crying with laughter clutching onto the counter. He’s close to knocking the saucepan off the stove but doesn’t seem to notice.
“Will you pay attention before you make a mess!?” Ryo finally shouts shocking Shige into silence. They awkwardly move around each other for the rest of the night.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 9th, 2017 at 6:43 am
You should really accept my offers to hang out since we end up alone when you take Koyama’s.
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
October 12th, 2017 at 3:00 pm
But I never said I wanted to hang out with you.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 12th, 2017 at 4:56 pm
Right in the heart, Kato-kun.
Right in the heart.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 12th, 2017 at 5:00pm
I think Koyama will leave you alone if you tell him you came to the concert.
The catch is you actually have to come.
-Ryo
--
Despite knowing better, Shige finds himself lingering outside of the concert venue after the show ends. He didn’t buy a ticket and actually go though. He thought it would be too weird.
He keeps his head low and a scarf high around his neck in the night air. It’s stupid of him to be there, Shige knows this. He feels like an idiot with the sunglasses on his face concealing his identity as people walk by him. Maybe if he goes home now Ryo won’t know he’s there.
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 21st, 2017 at 10:53 pm
I see you’re stupid hair.
-Ryo
Or not.
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 21st, 2017 at 10:56 pm
Did you drive here?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
October 21st, 2017 at 10:59 pm
Possibly.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 21st, 2017 at 11:02 pm
Good. We’re going drinking.
-Ryo
--
Shige wakes to the clanking of dishes and the aroma of coffee coming from a distance. He’s positive, in his hazy state of mind muddled with sleep, that this time it’s his own apartment. His own bed. So why is there coffee? He doesn’t recall the previous evening's events as he stares at the closet door slightly open with a shirt sleeve peeking out. His eyes slowly adjust to the light, warmth seeping out of his body the longer he stays there.
“How long are you going to lie there?” Comes Ryo’s voice from the doorway.
Shige is standing at the foot of his bed, having finally willed himself to get up and investigate. His eyes go wide at the sight of Ryo and his wild hair. Immediately he looks down to take inventory of his clothes.
Ryo sucks his teeth. “Even at the age of Thirty--”
“Thirty-one.”
“You still worry over stupid things.” Ryo throws a slipper at him. “We didn’t do anything!” Shige can hear the disappointment in his voice. “I don’t take advantage of people.”
“Right.” He eyes Ryo as he walks past him and down the hall, letting his nose lead him to the coffee.
Shige watches Ryo maneuver around the kitchen--his kitchen--cooking breakfast as if he lives there; as if he owns the place; as if-- No, that one is not an option. He sips his coffee slowly never letting his eyes leave Ryo.
“I just don’t understand,” Ryo comments with his back turned. “I invite you to go drinking. To celebrate the end of my concert, but you’re the one who ends up trashed.”
So that’s what happened. “I believe being trashed would result in a hangover, which I do not have.”
Ryo flips the stove off and turns at him with a spatula. “That’s because I am a considerate person.”
Shige snorts.
“I knew you’d never trust me if I let you get completely trashed.” His back is to Shige again filling two places with what Shige assumes to be eggs from the smell. “I was not going back to square one.”
They eat in silence, Shige more picking at his food than eating it, stealing occasional glances at Ryo through his bangs and trying not to get caught.
“You suck at being subtle.”
“And you suck at cooking eggs.”
“You just don’t know a good thing when it’s right in front of you.” Ryo says lifting his head up high either praising himself or the eggs, (Shige has a strong feelings it’s both).
He hesitates, face going red slightly as he stares intently at his eggs. Shige wills them to just jump in his mouth so he can be distracted and not say anything stupid. He knows this feeling. The feeling of having something to say and knowing full well that he is going to say it no matter how much his mind protests because sometimes his brain stops functioning properly when connecting thoughts and actions.
“I’m pretty sure I like you.” Dammit.
“I know.” Ryo doesn’t bat an eye and keeps eating, as if Shige confesses to him everyday.
Shige begins to panic because Ryo probably thinks he’s joking, or means as friends. But he doesn’t! “No you don’t understand,” he says leaning on the table trying to get Ryo’s attention. “I like you.”
Ryo’s laugh is low and breathy, “I know what you mean Shige. I’m not stupid.”
He’s about to just shove his own face into the eggs. Maybe, if he’s lucky they’ll kill him.
Ryo seems to notice his inner turmoil and sets aside his plate leaning towards Shige. “I’ll let you in on a secret,” he says in a whisper. He takes a look around them, and Shige plays along. “Come here.” Ryo motions Shige closer they both scoot in more. His mouth is right by Shige’s ear, and hand cupped around it to keep the sound from escaping. Ryo’s breath tickles his neck as he speak causing Shige to shift and attempt to get away from the soft puffs of air. “We’ve been dating for a while; you’re just oblivious.”
It’s not so much Ryo’s statement that shocks Shige but his action after. His eyes go wide as he watches Ryo pull back with a smirk getting up from the table and removing their plates. Shige places a hand to his face once Ryo’s back is turned then looks at his fingertips. “Did you just--”
Ryo grins as he comes back to the table, this time sitting on top of it right next to Shige. “Yes.” He flicks him in the forehead. “Do you realize how many dates we’ve had?”
Shige shakes his head.
“Of course not. Oblivious like I said!” He goes to flick Shige again but stops just before his finger connects and instead runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve known for a while.”
“Know what?” Shige’s voice is soft, scared to ask any questions.
“You’re feelings~.” Ryo teases pressing their foreheads together. “Since Koyama’s first disappearing act.” He leans close to Shige’s ear once more. “Sometimes,” Ryo whispers, “I like you better drunk. Only because you’re more honest.”
The tips of Shige’s ears are red now. He’s feels a bit ridiculous to be acting like this. He’s thirty-one, not seventeen. So, he acts his age. He puts a hand on the back of Ryo’s neck and pulls their faces close together. His lips are soft, Shige never would have guessed. When they pull apart, Shige places his free hand on Ryo’s thigh and turns him around to face him. Ryo’s knees on either side of his torso, feet on the chair next to Shige’s thighs.
“You taste like coffee.” He treads his fingers through Ryo’s hair softly. “Coffee and eggs.”
Ryo chuckles, “and? Aren’t my eggs amazing?”
Shige scrunches his face. “I’d rather have the coffee.”
Ryo punches his shoulder lightly, but places a kiss on the tip of his nose at the same time.
It’s all so stupid, Shige thinks. He wasted so much time avoiding Ryo for reasons he doesn’t even remember now. He doesn’t even know if there was an actual reason. Not that it matters really because despite everything, he’s sitting at his dining table with Ryo before him being sickeningly domestic at ten in the morning on a Thursday in October. There’s an uneaten plate of eggs in his sink, a half a cup of coffee on the table, and ruffled sheets on his bed. He probably needs a shower right now, and god knows how oily his hair is (hair that Ryo is now playing with), but none of that really matters. Because Ryo is there, and it’s strangely perfect.
He laces his fingers with Ryo’s. “You’re pretty sappy in the mornings.” He says with a smile kissing Ryo once more. He’s wanted to do it for so long, and now he’ll never stop.
It’s okay if Ryo’s sappy. Shige is too.
From: newsficcon
Title: Turpentine erase me whole (Cause I don't want to live my life alone)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: RyoShige
Warnings: none
Summary: Seven years go by since the departure of Yamapi and Ryo and everything has settled into bliss; no worrying about what will happen next year, no stressing the double schedule of some of their members. Shige is content with his life, that is until a small bit of information and one simple text throws everything askew.
Notes: I was really happy when I got this assignment, for weeks I had been mulling over a future fic and then this perfection came along :3 I really hope that you enjoy it pinkpapyrus since what you gave to work with was so fun and exciting. I’m babbling now. xD
“It’s not actually goodbye, we’ll still see each other in the halls.” Ryo’s voice is low under the downpour as they stand outside the Jimusho building. His hand is warm on Shige’s shoulder leaving a pleasant feeling on the left side of his body. A small puff of smoke escapes from between his lips.
It’s cold for October, like winter has come early. Or maybe that’s just Shige. His entire body is cold except for where Ryo is. It has been for days, since the news of Yamapi and Ryo leaving NEWS, and no one is taking it particularly well.
“Maybe we can go out for drinks next week?” Ryo gives him a shy smile, probably feeling the tension.
Shige looks over, avoiding his eyes. ”Yeah,” he chokes out, voice barely over a whisper. “That’d be nice.” One of his trademark fake smiles ghosts his lips. He doesn’t even have the energy to try to make it seem remotely convincing.
Silence falls as they both look out toward the street and other buildings, watching cars pass by. Time is lost now, in this moment, their last moment together as NEWS members.
It startles him when Ryo clears his throat. Out of the corner of his eye, Shige can see Ryo looking down. The hand has fallen from his shoulder now, all warmth completely gone. “I know I’ve said this already, but--”
Their knuckles brush together, Shige’s silent plea asking him not to apologize anymore. Instead Ryo changes his tune, looking back up at the sky. “I’ll mail you,” are his final words on the subject ,and he steps out into the rain toward the van picking him up to take him home.
-
“Yamashita-kun is releasing a new album,” Shige says, dropping the paper on the coffee table as he passes heading to the kitchen in Koyama’s apartment.
Koyama scrunches his face up but otherwise doesn’t comment.
“How are things,” comes the question over the sticky sound of a magnet being removed from refrigerator, “between you and him.”
He sighs loudly, a pout evident in his voice. “I don’t know Shige. We haven’t talked since he stormed off two weeks ago.”
Shige snickers to himself, “I still don’t understand how the two of you ended up in a relationship.” He returns to the living room with a bottle of water for himself and Koyama. “You two don’t seem compatible.”
Koyama hums. After seven years, everything is stable. NEWS has risen to a considerably popular status with few worries on what will come the next year. Yamapi’s solo career is more or less booming thanks to his popularity from even before NEWS, and from the things that get passed around the Jimusho, Kanjani8 is doing exceptionally well. They’ve risen to the top, or as close as you can get to the top with Arashi around.
A few years back Koyama and Yamapi starting dating. Shige hadn’t even known that the two had even kept contact after their departure; Koyama had been the one most broken up about it. For a while he took the relationship with a grain of salt just to be sure but things between them were stable for a while.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Koyama huffs, ruffling his pitch black hair and sinking further into the couch.
Shige laughs. “Then what do you want to talk about? Our impending next single?”
Koyama scrunches his face once more.
“I can leave.” He leans forward out of the armchair preparing to get up to go home, not that there is anything better to do there. Maybe he’ll mail a few college friends, it has been awhile since they’ve talked. Though at the ages of about 30 or so, most of them are married by now. Still, it doesn’t hurt to try.
“Have you talked to Ryo-chan lately?”
The name sounds foreign from Koyama’s mouth. It has been so long since he has heard Ryo referred to by that name. Now it’s always Kanjani8’s Nishikido Ryo-kun or Nishikido-san or Nishikido-senpai with the occasional Ryo here and there. “No.” His reply is curt, straight to the point.
“Tomo says that he’s broken up with his girlfriend again.”
Shige sit back in his chair and plays with the water bottle, fringe hiding his eyes slightly. It’s getting long, maybe he should get a haircut. “Okay?”
“He got her pregnant. She got an abortion.”
Shige doesn’t understand why Koyama is telling him this. It’s not his business unless Ryo tells him himself, and that isn’t going to happen. They are not friends, not personal friends. Work friends, maybe.
Koyama’s voice is laced with worry. “Tomo says he’s been so depressed lately.”
“I’m sure he’s fine, Kei.”
Koyama sighs. “Maybe.”
The room feels awkward now. It’s getting stuffy with the tension of one silly topic. Shige rises with a deep sigh. “I’m going to go now.”
“But you just got here!” Koyama looks heartbroken that his friend is leaving so soon.
“I know, but...” He doesn’t really have an excuse for why he’s leaving. “We’ll have dinner tomorrow, okay? I’ll cook.” This puts a smile on Koyama’s face, not a big one, but it counts as he nods in agreement, seeing Shige off.
--
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
May 23rd, 2017 at 4:47 pm
Koyama told me what happened.
Well, Yamapi told him, and he told me but still.
You okay?
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
May 27th, 2017 at 8:10 am
I’m going to kill Pi.
Idiot can’t keep his mouth shut.
I’m fine. Not like I’ve never had a break up before.
-Ryo
--
Shige stares at the reply with sleepy eyes. How was he even supposed to reply to that? It was stupid to mail in the first place. Shige slaps his phone back down on the nightstand and rolls over in his bed, aiming for more sleep. There is no reason to be up this early, he doesn't have work until noon.
Instead of sleeping, though, Shige stares at his closet doors about four feet away from his bed. “What does that even mean?” He questions allowed slightly irritated. He was just trying to be a friend. Okay, so maybe it’s stupid to try to do that after seven years. Better late than never, though.
Sleep has escaped him for the morning, Shige decides with a sigh. There are plenty of things he can do anyway. He has a pile of laundry growing as the days go on. Now would be as good a time as any to do them.
--
“Yamapi says Ryo got a text from you.” Koyama’s voice fills the car as Shige drives. His cell phone sitting on the dashboard. He glances at it cautiously, but doesn’t answer. “Something you want to tell me?”
Shige stops at a traffic light before clearing his throat. “Not really. No.”
Koyama’s voice is hopeful. “Did he reply?”
“Does it matter?”
He laughs. “That’s a yes. Did you?”
“I’m driving,” Shige says turning a corner heading towards his favorite cafe for a late morning coffee. “I’ll call you during lunch.”
“Oh, but Shige--” The line cuts off.
Cafe Nada is a small place in a back street Shige found by mistake one chilly autumn afternoon. There’s a small door that leads up a flight of stairs to the second floor where the cafe is. It has a homey feeling which is what Shige needs during those long days. There is an entire wall in the back that has been turned into a bookshelf by the owner, filling as the years go on with all sorts of books mostly left behind or donated. The tables around the cafe are simple enough, some pressed against the wall with wooden chairs. Then there are others, little coffee tables with couches or a big comfy chairs.
It has been three years since he’d discovered this place and he loves it to death. The owner makes coffee by hand. He even has one of the old fashioned coffee bean grinders. The sound has become soothing to Shige’s ears. The walls are a darker shade, like a blue-grey. It’s somewhat calming, making it easy to sink back into a chair and just forget your problems.
He comes at least once a week. It’s never busy when he’s around, next to dead (not that he minds). So he takes off his sunglasses and reclines in a chair with his nice warm cup of coffee and a book he picked off the shelf.
“What are the chances of this meeting?” A voice sounds from behind him. It doesn’t register at first. He knows it all so well, but it’s been ages so he only turns the page and reads more before whipping his head around with wide eyes. “Oh, that’s the look I was going for. One of pure horror.”
Shige blinks. “Why are you here?” He tries to even out his voice.
Sipping his coffee, Ryo smirks. “I wonder.” He fills in the chair across from the other. “This is a coffee shop, Kato. Don’t tell me your age is effecting your brain.”
He clucks his tongue. “You are older than me, remember?” He closes his eyes and drinks from his cup as well.
“Minor details.” Ryo waves his hand in dismissal. “Not important.”
“Did you need something?”
Ryo shrugs. “I need a reason to say hello to an ex-bandmate?” He raises an eyebrow. “My, we are snooty now, aren’t we, Shige?”
“Oh, yes. Let me tell you.”
“Just like when you texted me?” Ryo smirks.
“I’m allowed to be concerned.”
Ryo only laughs and ruffles Shige’s hair as he stands. “Sure, Shige.”
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
June 10th, 2017 at 2:23 pm
It’s funny how we don’t see each other for seven years and then you’re everywhere.
Is it fate?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
June 10th, 2017 at 8:56 pm
You don’t believe in fate Nishikido-kun.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
June 12th, 2017 at 11:37 am
That’s what makes this so fun.
-Ryo
--
“You’re scowling,” Tegoshi points out in the dressing room in a singsong voice. They are on their way for a photoshoot, and Shige is the only one not ready yet. If he sits there too long the stylist are going to begin to nag him. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately.”
“Why aren’t you ready yet?” Koyama screeches walking back into the room. He makes a grab for Shige’s phone, but misses. “What’s more important than this?”
Shige slips the phone in his bag after powering it off. “Nothing.” His voice is low and even as he begins to change. He ignores the eyes on his back until he’s fully dressed. “Everything is fine. Stop looking at me like that.” He smiles slightly in a joking matter. Koyama sees through it a presses his lips together in a thin line.
“Ah!” Tegoshi says distractedly slapping both of them on the arms. “I forgot to tell you what I overheard the other day!” His smile is dark reminding Shige greatly of when he used to run around playing pranks on everyone. “They’re going to have a music program this summer.”
“I thought it was something, you know, important.”
Tegoshi glares at him, “I’m not finished, Shige.” He was talking more to Koyama anyway.
Shige mocks him in a low voice earning a nice kick to the back of his knee. “Will you just finish?!”
“Then shut up.” They exchange looks for a bit until Tegoshi deems it ready to start talking again. “It’s an odd year to do it if you ask me. They should wait until 2023 when it’s an actual landmark but whatever. They’re going to have everyone come back together for a music special. All of NEWS. Even Takahiro.”
Shige’s speechless, but Koyama seems to be able to do enough talking for the both of them. “How did they even manage that?”
Tegoshi shrugs. “I don’t know, but isn’t it exciting?” He jumping around now singing and suddenly Shige feels like he’s in his early twenties again and doesn't know how to manage his feelings. Still, he smiles and says he can’t wait till the show.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
June 20th, 2017 at 1:09 pm
So what’s this about a music program with all the NEWS members?
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
June 20th, 2017 at 2:23 pm
Are we playing this game again?
The game where you don’t text me back?
-Ryo
--
Shige glares at his phone as it rings on the coffee table. It hasn’t stopped for the past hour and it’s giving him a headache. He doesn’t want to turn it off, though, god forbid it’s an emergency. When he finally does look at it, they’re all texts. Ryo, Ryo, Ryo, Uchi--they worked together a few years back in a drama which was more fun than Shige had thought it would be. Sometimes they go for drinks. Ryo, Ryo, Koyama, Ryo, Ryo-- He stops looking through them and opts to call instead.
Voice mail. Figures.
“Nishikido-kun, why are you blowing up my phone? I know you’re not busy, because you just messaged me not ten minutes ago? Is it important?”
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 1st, 2017 at 9:43 pm
Any conversation with me is important.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 1st, 2017 at 9:46 pm
Entertain me. I’m bored.
-Ryo
--
“Shigeeeee~” Tegoshi sings draping himself over Shige’s back in their meeting room. “What happened to your phone?” he asks directly in Shige’s ear. He reaches a hand out, trying to get a closer look. The screen has a giant crack in the upper left and one of the buttons on the side is missing. The paint is chipped off. “It looks like it went through a war zone.”
Shige snatches it back, shrugging Tegoshi off his back. “I had an accident.”
“It looks more like on purpose than accident,” Massu interjects.
“I wanted a new one anyway,” he covers, switching over contacts and information. “It’s the same number.”
“Didn’t you just buy that one?” Tegoshi is glued to his side, and by now he has learned that there is no point in trying to get him off until he’s ready. “Last month was it?”
“Shige looks conflicted,” Koyama says, coming into the room and sitting across from him. “Have you mailed back yet?”
“What, do they play whisper down the lane now? Yamapi tells you everything?”
Koyama tilts his head to the side. “Maybe. We made up, by the way.”
“I know. I saw you two going out for drinks from here the other night.”
A cat-like smile spreads across his face. “You should come next time.”
Shige laughs. “Sorry, I’m not doing the third wheel bit anymore.”
“I’ll go!” Tegoshi says, happily jumping in his seat at the same time Koyama says. “Go with Ryo-chan.”
Shige stops and glares at his phone, but doesn't accept the offer.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 5th, 2017 at 7:49 pm
Yamapi is inviting me to drinks with him and Koyama.
Any idea why?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
July 5th, 2017 at 7:53 pm
I know why.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 5th, 2017 at 8:00 pm
...Are you going to tell me?
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 5th, 2017 at 8:03 pm
Ohh, I know why. Koyama asked you to come as well.
I knew I liked him for a reason.
-Ryo
--
“Do you like making my life difficult?” Shige’s voice is rough when Koyama comes into work the next day looking a bit under the weather.
“So loud,” Koyama mumbles to himself then registers what Shige said. “Ryo-chan?” A smile spreads across his face, previous feelings gone. “What happened?”
“What do you mean what happened? Nothing happened,” he says like it’s obvious. “He’s just been texting me all night. This is your fault. All because you told me what happened.”
Koyama laughs and pats him on the shoulder. “It’s okay to still care about him you know.”
Shige doesn’t want to care though. He’s scared to.
“Just because he’s not our bandmate anymore, he’s still our friend.”
Shige doesn’t remember being friends with Ryo. At least, he tries not to remember.
--
When he wakes to a loud banging on his apartment door, Shige is only mildly annoyed. It’s eight am and he doesn’t have to get up just yet. When he finds out who is the source of the banging though he questions why he still lives in the same apartment as seven years ago.
“It’s eight in the morning, Nishikido-kun.” He blocks the doorway preventing Ryo any possible way to get in. “Why are you here?”
He ignores the question. “Gone back to formalities, have we?” He clicks his tongue. “You’ve been ignoring me.”
“Oh is that what it’s called? I thought it was just not replying.” Shige rolls his eyes. “Good to know.”
Ryo almost glares but stops himself. “Are you going to let me in?”
“No.”
“Why?”
Shige doesn’t actually have a reason and his brain isn’t coming up with any shitty ones either. Reluctantly he steps to the side. He somehow thinks that Koyama is behind this one again.
--
Tegoshi’s face is hovering over Shige’s body as he lies on the dressing room couch. “Shige looks tired, ne?” He sings lightly. Shige doesn’t move. “Something happen?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Tegoshi watches as the features on Shige’s face shift, changing with each passing thought running through his head. He pokes the other’s cheek for a bit to further entertain himself until one of the other members came in. “Shige’s being strange.” He announced loudly.
Masuda laughed to himself, “and it has nothing to do with you poking his face?”
Tegoshi stopped and thought about this for a moment. “Why would that be th--hey!” He stopped short when Shige sat up on the couch ruining all of Tegoshi’s fun. “I wasn’t finished!”
Shige doesn’t spare him a glance as he stands from the couch and stretches. “I’m going to go find some coffee.” Not waiting for a response Shige leaves the room wandering down the halls with no company but his thoughts. He still can’t get over Ryo’s sudden visit the previous day.
Ryo was standing in his doorway with an amused look on his face before walking past Shige into the apartment. He toes off his shoes then goes to relax on Shige’s couch. “it’s been awhile since I’ve been here.” He looks around the living room, taking in the few changes. “Ah!” He points to the small rug under the coffee table. “What happened to the one I gave you?”
Shige slowly joins him in the living room and looks down under the coffee table, “there was an accident with some wine.” He thinks back to the the carpet that Ryo had given him so many years ago. How much he had loved it and his surprise at Ryo’s generosity when he just gave it to him. His annoyance when Tegoshi threw a party a few years ago at Shige’s house without his consent and spilled wine everywhere. “It was too much to clean up, the stain was permanent.”
“Idiot.” Ryo sighs then looks around a bit more, “place still looks more or less the same.”
Shige shrugs heading to the kitchen. It’s obvious the other isn’t going to leave for a while so he might as well offer him something to drink. “I didn’t see the need for a change.” Though he did many times, he just never knew where to start. He had grown attached to everything in his living room.
The couch was old now, fading in color, but soft and comforting. His worries would just roll away sometimes when he laid there for an hour or two. His entertainment center was too big to rearrange so that actually just stayed as is. They only changes he ever really made were the additional bookshelves and changing of his television a few years back after Tegoshi broke that as well.
“That’s so like you.” Ryo says when Shige comes back with two cups of tea for them. He sits in the arm chair, away from Ryo. “Takes you years to change once you get used to it.”
Shige hesitates. What is that supposed to mean? “...um, is that a compliment?”
Ryo doesn’t answer, but sips from his drink.
The silence around them is strange. This entire setup is weird. He’s still in his pajamas for christ's sake. “Why are you here, Nishikido-kun?”
“I was in the area.”
“You live a few blocks away.” Even since before Ryo’s apartment has always been close by. His Tokyo apartment that is. He kept both after leaving NEWS and sticking to Kanjani8. Shige heard from Koyama who heard from Yamapi that it was just easier this way than spending extra money at a hotel for when in Tokyo. “You haven’t visited since,” you left. He finishes in his head not really wishing to discuss the topic.
Ryo shrugs. “I was bored.”
He’s never understood Ryo or his thought process. “I don’t get you.” He scowls looking at his own untouched cup before placing it on the coffee table. “I need to get dressed.” He announces to the room when standing. Not sparing another glance he walks back to his bedroom and changes clothes.
Even thinking back to the day’s events Shige doesn’t understand what happened. It’s not as if he cares what Ryo does, it doesn’t affect him. And for all the world knows, that was merely a visit between ex-bandmates. Co-workers. Whatever the hell you would call them now. It was so normal, which is what bothers him. There was no tension, just easy conversation. Seven years after no contact outside of work and it was as if no time had passed at all.
It was an easy day, with talking and relaying stories from the years. He doesn't understand what any of this means. It’s not supposed to be easy to talk to Nishikido Ryo. He’s supposed to be nervous, and tongue tied and Ryo’s supposed to make fun of him.
But he’s 30 now, Shige remembers. Not 20, 22, 23, or any of those ages that Ryo would poke fun at him. He’s 30 and has grown up. He doesn’t quite feel it though as he stands in the Jimusho halls getting coffee from a vending machine. He didn’t even want coffee though...
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 27th, 2017 at 4:57 pm
So, are you done ignoring my texts?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
July 27th, 2017 at 5:23 pm
No.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 27th, 2017 at 5:46 pm
When did you become such a dick?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
July 27th, 2017 at 6:03 pm
I learned from the best.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
July 28th, 2017 at 7:20 am
That hurts Shige. Right in the heart.
You have struck me down and now you must take care of me till I am better.
-Ryo
--
“I will not go out with you for drinks.” Shige’s voice in stern in the dressing room, echoing down the hall. “There is nothing you can say to make me change my mind.” He pulls his shirt over his head getting ready for their performance on Music Station.
Koyama looks back with a pout, his shoulders slumped down, “But Shige!”
Shige shakes his head, “no, don’t give me that face Kei.” He looks away.
Outside of the door Tegoshi had his ear pressed up against it listening intently. Massu stood next to him with his arms crossed and a weak look. “Don’t you think you’re a bit old to be eavesdropping?” Tegoshi waves him off with a ‘shhhh’, trying to press himself closer to the door.
“Please, Shige?” Koyama begs once more while Shige finishes getting dressed. Koyama was the first to arrive and is already dressed. “It’s been so long since we’ve gone out.”
Shige eyes him carefully knitting his brows together when pulling on a vest. “Something in my stomach just tells me you’re planning against me. I don’t like it.” He sits on the couch to tie his shoes, hair falling into his face when he glances up. Koyama is still looking at him with a hurt puppy look. Shige knows he is secretly hoping he will give in.
Tegoshi falls to the floor with a startled look on his face when the door opens.
“What are you doing?” Shige asks darkly.
“Eavesdropping.” Massu answers with a laugh.
“Massu!” Tegoshi yells with a glare. “You’re not supposed to give away our plans.”
Shige steps over him and starts down the hall. “It’s hard to back up a different story when you are caught red handed.” He really doesn’t understand his bandmates.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:14 am
I just saw a recording of MSute.
How do you manage to let Koyama of all people con you?
I saw your face, I know he lied.
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:27 am
Does it matter?
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:32 am
*shivers*
That’s cold Shigeaki-sensei. You are leaving me in the cold. I’m going to freeze.
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:37 am
Good. Maybe the way of the earth will go back in order then.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:41 am
I hope a giant pitcher of beer spills on you tomorrow night.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 3rd, 2017 at 12:45 am
Also, your hair sucks again.
-Ryo
--
The bar was warm and dim filled with dark lights and soft natural colors. It was homely, Shige supposed, though he still didn’t understand the point as to why he was there. He’d much rather spend his night at home with a beer working on his book. Well he still needed to come up with the idea for his book let alone write it. Maybe coming out was a better idea after all. Avoid a headache he didn’t want.
Koyama pushed him into a booth. The seats were big and soft. Comforting during his reluctance, making it harder to deny the ease of the evening. So maybe he was just being a bit of a dick when Koyama initially asked him to come out. After his first drink, Shige relaxed a bit into the booth across from Koyama enjoying the conversation.
“Oh, there’s Tomo,” Koyama said waving a hand above his head then standing to slid in next to Shige.
Shige’s face paled as he looked at Koyama indignantly. “what?”
“Tomo.” He repeated not sparing Shige a look still waving down Yamapi. “Oh, Ryo-chan’s with him.” The smile in his voice was obvious. Shige knew he was being set up now.
“What?” His voice cracks.
Koyama’s returning look was weary. “You keep saying that, why?”
He sputters but doesn’t answer before the two in question sit down across. He doesn’t actually mind that they’re there it’s just; Shige’s more annoyed that Koyama didn’t inform him prior. He would have prepared himself mentally for this (or skipped out). But now he’s sitting here with feelings of despair and confusion on how he is expected to act during his entire evening. If only Koyama had told him from the beginning he’d know how to act and wouldn’t be-
“You’re pretty quiet, Shige.” Yamapi’s voice brought him out of his internal arguments on all the reasons why he should not be there.
He jumps slightly. “Huh?” Ryo’s snort causes his eyes to dart between the three sitting around him. He realizes that escape is also impossible; he’s surrounded on all sides.
“Did a cat steal your tongue?” Ryo’s voice is sharp in contrast to Yamapi’s. Straight to the point. “Usually you have more to offer to the conversation.”
“Oh.” Shige looks down at his beer. “I didn’t really have anything to add.” He wasn’t actually paying attention, but there is no need to share that.
“Still as boring as ever.”
Koyama pouts. “You’re worried about your book aren’t you? Did you come up with an idea yet?”
“Book?” Yamapi and Ryo say in tandem. “Another one?” Ryo finishes.
Shige shrugs. “I was debating on it.”
The conversations takes a turn for the better, or worse in Shige’s opinion, as they discuss ideas for his book. He wasn’t even sure he was going to go along with it at all. He had mentioned it to his editor a few weeks ago, just a passing thought really, but only if an idea were grand enough to get him fully motivated would he go through with it. So far none were in the oven.
“I wasn’t really serious about it,” he says to start. “I’m just tossing ideas around seeing what comes to me. A no pressure zone.”
Yamapi ponders this for a moment. “Well, what do you have?”
Shige clears his throat looking at his hands tight around his beer. “Honestly.”
“Well that would help the conversation, wouldn't it?” Ryo’s voice is low and snappy. Shige pays it no mind.
“Nothing.”
“Tch.”
Koyama places a hand on his shoulder as comfort. “Maybe you’re overthinking it.”
A beat is tapped out on the table’s surface, no real rhythm established. Just noise from Yamapi’s fingertips. “Maybe it can be on personal experiences,” He offers suddenly. “Memories and shit you’ve been through.”
Ryo snorts. “Sounds like a diary.”
“Well, I wasn’t meaning it like that.”
“Oh!” Koyama’s voice is filled with excitement. “That’s a good idea. You could take some of your life’s events, change them up a bit for anonymity but still have it be you.”
Shige looks at the three of them for a moment before taking a full swig of his beer contemplating the idea. “I’m not sure.”
“The story of a Johnny’s.” Ryo’s voice is mocking as he leans back in the booth drinking his beer like a hot shot. “How thrilling.”
Shige is beginning to notice a bit of venom in Ryo’s tone, it unsettles him. “It’s not exactly original,” he says after a long pause of silence. “I remember either from Hikaru Genji or one of our other senpai's released something about his life in Johnny’s before.”
“Well, you were never the most original person.”
A long sigh escapes Shige after he finishes his beer. His eyes are glued to Ryo in a glare. “What the fuck is your problem? Why are you being so...impossible?”
Ryo shrugs, but doesn’t answer, only returning Shige’s glare for a bit.
There was silence all around the table for a while after that. Everyone was nursing their drinks, on occasion Koyama and Yamapi would exchange words over something small but other than that tension filled the table stronger than it had in the beginning.
When the feeling hadn’t left after a half hour Koyama stands abruptly smiling weakly at Shige. “I just remembered something I had to do.”
“What?” His voice is laced in panic. “This was your idea, you can’t bail.”
“It’s not bailing when you stay for a bit, Shige,” Yamapi says standing as well.
Ryo’s tone is humorless as he looks suspiciously at the two of them. “Oh?” He knows what’s going on already. It was the only way he would agree to come along. Yamapi easily spilled his guts. “And what do you have to do?”
Koyama smiles at Ryo and starts to push Yamapi away. “A date.”
He makes gagging noises while Shige tries to drown his troubles in his beer. This was not Shige’s idea of a night out. Maybe he should’ve stayed home.
Hours later when Shige’s mind is less coherent and he’s easily talking to Ryo while still all pouts and grumbling, he sighs, “I knew this would happen.” His words are slurring together a bit. Nothing too serious, but it’s enough to have Ryo laugh. Shige eyes him but doesn’t comment any further and peers into his empty beer bottle for a bit then grumbles to himself some more about how Koyama is stupid and likes to abandon his friends because he is stupid.
Suddenly he points a finger at Ryo and glares, “why were you acting like that earlier?” He sounds pretty sober at the moment, but Ryo and see his fingers faltering.
“I don’t know. I was disappointed.”
Shige doesn’t know what that means so he huffs a little to himself and sits back. “Odd way of showing it.” He’s thinking about getting up and going home. It’s not like Ryo can actually stop him.
“Well, you don’t know why I was.”
“Are you going to tell me?”
Ryo laughs. “Of course not.”
Shige sighs and stands getting ready to leave. He doesn’t need to take this. He should’ve left hours ago. But then Ryo’s hand is on his wrist and other flagging down a waitress ordering more drinks.
Well, he supposes one more couldn’t hurt.
--
It’s colder than he expected that morning. Shige shivers burrowing himself deeper under the covers ignoring the unfamiliar scent. It was soothing the back of his mind, fighting off that oncoming headache he was sure to wake up with. Shifting more to warm himself up Shige’s leg brushes against something warm. He hums his appreciation for it and moves closer rolling onto his other side away from the window.
Hearing a muffled “morning” and warm breath on his face Shige’s eyes open wide. Before him was an equally sleepy Nishikido Ryo with closed eyes and wild black hair. He feels the air escape his chest and he’s gasping to breathe, clawing at the sheet, vision going blurry as his eyes shut. Ryo’s shaking him, trying to get him to calm down, to “breathe dammit. You are not dying in my bed.”
Shige is on his back breathing deeply sheets fisted in his hands and sweat running down his face when his eyes snap open. The bed is empty aside from him, but just as he suspected it’s not his. He can smell Ryo’s cologne and he pries herself away from the bed. He’s not naked, though, close enough. A shiver runs through his body in the cold air conditioned apartment as he looks for his clothes pulling them on quickly. He doesn’t remember what happened, doesn’t want to remember.
Catching a glimpse of his reflection Shige stops to stare at the man before him. His eyes are dark with worry, circles forming under his eyes from stress and not sleeping. He notices the thinness of his face and wonders why it’s just now beginning to bother him. He should eat more perhaps.
His nerves calm a bit once he’s out into the main part of Ryo’s apartment. It’s quiet and still no trace of life at the moment aside from him. He doesn’t remember it looking like this. It used to be more, wild and lively but now it’s settled. Less of a bachelor pad and just an apartment. A lump forms in Shige’s throat as he looks around a bit. He can’t stay here, he’s going to suffocate again; go into a panic.
He grabs one of Ryo’s thrown around baseball caps and pulls it low over his head then slips on his shoes and bolts out of the apartment.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 5th, 2017 at 12:49 pm
A half hour. That’s all I said I’d be. And then you bolt. What the fuck?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
August 5th, 2017 at 12:55 pm
I don’t want to talk right now, Nishikido-kun.
Leave me alone.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 5th, 2017 at 1:08 pm
Too fucking bad.
Talk.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 5th, 2017 at 1:23 pm
You’re seriously not going to text me back? Asshole.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 5th, 2017 at 2:30 pm
You’re acting like a child. Just answer me.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 12th, 2017 at 8:34 pm
It’s been 6 days Shige. Talk to me.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
August 12th, 2017 at 8:45 pm
Do I have to come over there?
I swear if I leave this up to you, I’m not going to fucking hear from you for another seven years.
I’ll be too old to care then.
-Ryo
--
Tegoshi is dancing around the room and talking to an animated Koyama. Massu hasn’t arrived yet and Shige, well, he is sitting on the couch of the dressing room willing his headache to go away. It’s not working. He’s debating on drugging himself up to deal with this nightmare.
An end-of-the-summer special. A one-time music program just for them, just for News, to relive all those wonderful years and see ex-bandmates you haven’t seen in ages. Only it wasn’t that wonderful. It was a horrible idea. Shige wished it didn’t have to happen, not now while he’s having a hard time with keeping control of his life again.
“Aren’t you just excited?” Tegoshi asks with the same energy he had when he was 20.
Koyama nods with a smile, “I haven’t seen Kusano since he left.”
“And then Taka!” Tegoshi adds, though Shige feels that Tegoshi hardly remembers the other since Taka was only around for one song and it’s probably his most hated song to date. He remembers Taka’s departure, and it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Two sets of eyes turn to him expectedly. “What about you Shige?” Tegoshi’s voice is really high tonight, more so than usual. Shouldn't it get lower, he wonders, Tegoshi is almost 31. “Are you excited?”
He shrugs and removes his gaze looking to another part of the room praying that Massu will show up soon. “I don’t know. I’ve seen Uchi recently. And I know Taka’s doing well--”
“But are you excited?” Koyama questions again.
Shige doesn’t really know what he is.
--
The stage is bright, the fans loud as four member NEWS file onto the stage. Koyama takes his usual role as main MC which he’s been doing for years now. Shige’s glad someone can do it, and that someone isn’t Tegoshi who’s swaying a bit next to him like a teenager.
There is a bit of talk between the four of them before Koyama feels it’s time to get to the main event. “You all might have heard rumours by now. This has been in motion for months, but we have a surprise for you all.” He signals to someone off stage and the fans gasp in their seats. Shige finds it ironic that the filming in in NHK hall where most of them spent their teenage years during filming of Shounen Club. “For the first time since debut, we have the members together.”
The fans are screaming now and it takes all Shige has not the wince at the sound as he claps as well and steps to the side as the other five come on stage. He’s overcome with this feeling of nostalgia standing on stage with the nine of them. Suddenly, Shige doesn’t feel like he’s 31 and pretty successful and proud of his life. He feels 16 again; 16 and awkward and not sure as to what he’s going to do after he graduates high school. As he looks around at the others. They don’t look their respective ages. It’s like it’s 2003 again and they’ve just been formed as the volleyball support group. He’s a little scared for the first time in years.
--
The dressing room is filled with nine tired bodies flopped about. It’s clearly obvious that the room was not made for that many people, the others have their own but they’ve decided to crash here. It was a long event, something Shige never wants to live through again.
“Whose ever idea it was to have this event,” Ryo beings to say. It comes out as mumble against the arm of the couch that he’s slumped over. “I will personally see to it that they end up dead if we ever have to do this again.”
Taka’s laugh is low from another part of the room, but he doesn’t comment because Yamapi beats him to it. “Getting old are we, Ryo-chan?”
Ryo throws a shoe at him, it’s not like it’s his anyway. It misses completely with his lack of trying but hits Shige in the back of the head.
“Really?” He whips his head around to glare. “Was that necessary?”
Ryo snorts in response and closes his eyes, “please. It’s not like I aimed for you.”
“It’s not like you aimed at all,” Yamapi’s laugh fills the room and then is joined by some others. “I don’t think you even have any aim. Not anymore at least.”
“Last I remembered I was the one who attacked people, not you.”
Another shoe goes flying through the room and hits Shige once more. A low sound escapes his throat as he picks it up to throw it back having it land square on Ryo’s chest before flopping back into his lap. “If you can’t aim correctly you shouldn't try at all.”
Everyone looks between the two of them for a moment. Ryo stands abruptly with a sigh, “I’m going to change.”
His other shoe is tossed back in his direction by Taka with a, “Nice seeing you again Ryo-kun.”
The moment the other has left Yamapi is sitting next to Shige with a grin, “something is up.” Shige’s return glare is frightening that Yamapi only backs away to go change himself. “We’ll talk later,” he promises. Not if Shige can help it.
Somehow or another, they all end up at a bar after getting back into street clothes. It’s some place Yamapi and Koyama frequent a lot so it’s not a big deal when the nine of them pile in. The place is next to empty but just incase they grab two tables in the back pushing them together.
Even with just having done a three-hour event together it was quite the right catching up. “Sure, you can catch up on a music program, but you can’t include all the dirty secrets like you can here.” Or at least that was Ryo’s argument.
Shige almost chokes on his drink, but plays it off with an awkward obviously fake sneeze. “There’s a reason why you haven’t been in a drama in a while,” Kusano comments. Half the table agrees with him.
“But he was good when we worked together,” Uchi offers. No one pays the comment any attention. He tried, Shige thinks, it’s the thought that counts.
“If we’re revealing dirty secrets,” Yamapi’s voice is low as he leans in towards the middle of the table reaching for the astray, “we have to do this right. No half assing it.”
“Drinking game?”
It’s strange how even after years of being apart Yamapi, Ryo, and Uchi are all on the same wave link. Shige would rather not explore the depths of their friendship, but he’s sure if he mentioned his observations to Tegoshi, the younger would be more than happy to.
If Shige felt nervous before going on stage, and horrible when getting off, he’s sure glad that his mind is muddled now because the drinking game somehow turned into something else once everyone was at least tipsy. He’s not sure what he is now, but Tegoshi’s head is in his lap, Koyama and Yamapi are making out a few tables over, Taka split an hour ago, with Kusano not too long after him, Massu is calm (though he can’t really tell if that’s because of the alcohol or despite it at the moment, he lost count of the drinks he’s consumed let alone everyone else’s). Ryo and Uchi are double teaming him with all these demanding questions, more than half of which he can’t even understand. In his defense, they probably can’t understand his answers either so it’s kind of win-win he feels.
Ryo’s words are slurring together painfully. “All I’m saying is that, if you want to get the girl you need to go for the gold. And by gold I mean the earrings.”
They weren’t talking about girls, though.
Uchi nods in agreement. “But say she’s allergic to gold.”
The thought is dismissed as Ryo waves a hand. “Move on!” His voice is booming in the back area. Shige takes another drink.
“Anything to add to this, Shige?”
“You have sex hair right now.” The table goes still. “It’s pretty attractive.” Did he just say that outloud? He grabs the beer pitcher and fills his glass once more then drinks it down till the last drop not stopping. No, he didn’t say that. Of course not. He slams the glass on the table taking a deep breath.
Ryo’s fingers and fiddling with his hair now. It’s getting long for his usual wear in the past seven years. It’s looking more close to how he had it back when they did Sakura Girl. Shaggy. It looks silky soft. Shige kind of wants to touch it, instead he lets his hand fall to Tegoshi’s hair gaining a groggy noise from him as he rubs his cheek against Shige’s leg. That can’t be a good move.
“Yes, that...” Uchi looks between the two of them for a moment and finishes his beer. He’s probably the most sober out of all of them next to Massu, if he’s sober at all. No one actually knows. “I should get those two home...” He nods to Koyama and Yamapi in the corner. “Or to a hotel at least.”
They all look over. Shige really wishes he hadn’t. Not with the way that intimacy just radiates off them even from a distance. It makes his stomach wretch. Though, that could be the beer talking.
“Will you all be fine?” There is a slight delay between Uchi’s words. One that has formed due to alcohol. Slowing his thought process down.
“Dandy like daisies” Ryo replies with a grin after downing another. That can’t be healthy. Shige’s also pretty sure that comment didn’t make sense, but he doesn’t say anything.
--
The air around them is warm, making him sweat more than he would like. From the corner of his eye he sees Ryo dancing around. It’s an amusing sight, since Ryo doesn’t dance anymore. Most of Kanjani8’s songs don’t require it these days, keeping to the cooler image of a pop/rock band than a boyband. Truth be told, Ryo never was the most graceful in his dancing.
The wall is hard, but cool on his back and he leans against it and closes his eyes. He loses himself in his thoughts, his senses and thought process dulled by the alcohol. It’s kind of pleasant, in a strange way. His mind isn’t running a mile a minute for once, and all his worries have seemed to fly out the window. It’s just him and Ryo out on a warm summer night.
“I miss you.” He blurts out because when drunk Shige has learned that there is no filter between his brain and his mouth. Usually he just thinks it and not a second later it’s said out in the open.
Ryo doesn’t say anything but leans against the wall next to him taking deep even breaths.
It isn’t until they’re in the cab and he’s pressed up next to Ryo do the words settle in his head. Still, in his drunken stupor he’s not concerned about it because this doesn’t mean anything. Instead he leans into the other’s warmth. Even when Ryo seems to grab his hand and hold it tight Shige doesn’t think much of it.
Just before they part ways as the cab stops before Shige’s apartment Ryo leans over and kisses him full on the lips. It sloppy in drunken haze but it’s one of the best kisses Shige’s ever had.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
September 4th, 2017 at 3:56 pm
We should have dinner.
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
September 4th, 2017 at 4:00 pm
...why?
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
September 4th, 2017 at 4:04 pm
Because I said so and I’m hungry
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
September 4th, 2017 at 4:17 pm
I’m busy.
-Shige
--
He doesn’t know why, but Ryo is turning up everywhere lately, more so than he’s used to. He’s pretty sure Kanjani8 doesn’t have this many Tokyo activities. And even if they did (which he knows they don’t), that doesn’t mean Shige should be seeing Ryo at the Jimusho all the time.
Koyama is constantly badgering him to “just talk to Ryo”. Though, what he’s supposed to actually talk to Ryo about, Shige isn’t sure.
“We have nothing to talk about Koyama.” He says constantly, but Koyama never gives up. Setting up endless meetings and bailing out on the last minute so he’s stuck with Ryo for a few hours. Ryo always makes fun of him for it just like before, only there’s no mirth behind his words. They’re more playful than anything this time around.
“You’d think,” Ryo says with a laugh stepping into the kitchen. “That by now you’d learn to turn his requests for these things down.” He hops up onto the counter and watches as Shige cooks. They were supposed to have dinner with Koyama and Yamapi, but as usual they were a no show.
Shige doesn’t respond but keeps his eyes focused on the sauce pan.
“I mean, this is what the fourth, no fifth time?” He pours the pasta into the boiling water that Shige appeared to be ignoring. “You know exactly what they’re doing.”
Shige smirks. “Having sex?”
“I’d really rather not think about that before dinner.” Ryo gives a disgusted look.
“I bet you it’s really dirty.” He muses looking up thoughtfully at the ceiling. “You should hear the things Koyama says when he’s drunk.”
Ryo groans. “The food!”
Now Shige can’t help but bark out a laugh as he looks at Ryo and points the spoon at him. “And I’m sure Yamashita-kun is the one who taught him everything.”
Ryo shuts the water under the pasta off. “I can’t.” He raises his hands up in defeat while walking out of the kitchen. “My appetite is gone!”
Now Shige is crying with laughter clutching onto the counter. He’s close to knocking the saucepan off the stove but doesn’t seem to notice.
“Will you pay attention before you make a mess!?” Ryo finally shouts shocking Shige into silence. They awkwardly move around each other for the rest of the night.
--
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 9th, 2017 at 6:43 am
You should really accept my offers to hang out since we end up alone when you take Koyama’s.
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
October 12th, 2017 at 3:00 pm
But I never said I wanted to hang out with you.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 12th, 2017 at 4:56 pm
Right in the heart, Kato-kun.
Right in the heart.
-Ryo
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 12th, 2017 at 5:00pm
I think Koyama will leave you alone if you tell him you came to the concert.
The catch is you actually have to come.
-Ryo
--
Despite knowing better, Shige finds himself lingering outside of the concert venue after the show ends. He didn’t buy a ticket and actually go though. He thought it would be too weird.
He keeps his head low and a scarf high around his neck in the night air. It’s stupid of him to be there, Shige knows this. He feels like an idiot with the sunglasses on his face concealing his identity as people walk by him. Maybe if he goes home now Ryo won’t know he’s there.
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 21st, 2017 at 10:53 pm
I see you’re stupid hair.
-Ryo
Or not.
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 21st, 2017 at 10:56 pm
Did you drive here?
-Ryo
To: Nishikido Ryo
From: Kato Shigeaki
October 21st, 2017 at 10:59 pm
Possibly.
-Shige
To: Kato Shigeaki
From: Nishikido Ryo
October 21st, 2017 at 11:02 pm
Good. We’re going drinking.
-Ryo
--
Shige wakes to the clanking of dishes and the aroma of coffee coming from a distance. He’s positive, in his hazy state of mind muddled with sleep, that this time it’s his own apartment. His own bed. So why is there coffee? He doesn’t recall the previous evening's events as he stares at the closet door slightly open with a shirt sleeve peeking out. His eyes slowly adjust to the light, warmth seeping out of his body the longer he stays there.
“How long are you going to lie there?” Comes Ryo’s voice from the doorway.
Shige is standing at the foot of his bed, having finally willed himself to get up and investigate. His eyes go wide at the sight of Ryo and his wild hair. Immediately he looks down to take inventory of his clothes.
Ryo sucks his teeth. “Even at the age of Thirty--”
“Thirty-one.”
“You still worry over stupid things.” Ryo throws a slipper at him. “We didn’t do anything!” Shige can hear the disappointment in his voice. “I don’t take advantage of people.”
“Right.” He eyes Ryo as he walks past him and down the hall, letting his nose lead him to the coffee.
Shige watches Ryo maneuver around the kitchen--his kitchen--cooking breakfast as if he lives there; as if he owns the place; as if-- No, that one is not an option. He sips his coffee slowly never letting his eyes leave Ryo.
“I just don’t understand,” Ryo comments with his back turned. “I invite you to go drinking. To celebrate the end of my concert, but you’re the one who ends up trashed.”
So that’s what happened. “I believe being trashed would result in a hangover, which I do not have.”
Ryo flips the stove off and turns at him with a spatula. “That’s because I am a considerate person.”
Shige snorts.
“I knew you’d never trust me if I let you get completely trashed.” His back is to Shige again filling two places with what Shige assumes to be eggs from the smell. “I was not going back to square one.”
They eat in silence, Shige more picking at his food than eating it, stealing occasional glances at Ryo through his bangs and trying not to get caught.
“You suck at being subtle.”
“And you suck at cooking eggs.”
“You just don’t know a good thing when it’s right in front of you.” Ryo says lifting his head up high either praising himself or the eggs, (Shige has a strong feelings it’s both).
He hesitates, face going red slightly as he stares intently at his eggs. Shige wills them to just jump in his mouth so he can be distracted and not say anything stupid. He knows this feeling. The feeling of having something to say and knowing full well that he is going to say it no matter how much his mind protests because sometimes his brain stops functioning properly when connecting thoughts and actions.
“I’m pretty sure I like you.” Dammit.
“I know.” Ryo doesn’t bat an eye and keeps eating, as if Shige confesses to him everyday.
Shige begins to panic because Ryo probably thinks he’s joking, or means as friends. But he doesn’t! “No you don’t understand,” he says leaning on the table trying to get Ryo’s attention. “I like you.”
Ryo’s laugh is low and breathy, “I know what you mean Shige. I’m not stupid.”
He’s about to just shove his own face into the eggs. Maybe, if he’s lucky they’ll kill him.
Ryo seems to notice his inner turmoil and sets aside his plate leaning towards Shige. “I’ll let you in on a secret,” he says in a whisper. He takes a look around them, and Shige plays along. “Come here.” Ryo motions Shige closer they both scoot in more. His mouth is right by Shige’s ear, and hand cupped around it to keep the sound from escaping. Ryo’s breath tickles his neck as he speak causing Shige to shift and attempt to get away from the soft puffs of air. “We’ve been dating for a while; you’re just oblivious.”
It’s not so much Ryo’s statement that shocks Shige but his action after. His eyes go wide as he watches Ryo pull back with a smirk getting up from the table and removing their plates. Shige places a hand to his face once Ryo’s back is turned then looks at his fingertips. “Did you just--”
Ryo grins as he comes back to the table, this time sitting on top of it right next to Shige. “Yes.” He flicks him in the forehead. “Do you realize how many dates we’ve had?”
Shige shakes his head.
“Of course not. Oblivious like I said!” He goes to flick Shige again but stops just before his finger connects and instead runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve known for a while.”
“Know what?” Shige’s voice is soft, scared to ask any questions.
“You’re feelings~.” Ryo teases pressing their foreheads together. “Since Koyama’s first disappearing act.” He leans close to Shige’s ear once more. “Sometimes,” Ryo whispers, “I like you better drunk. Only because you’re more honest.”
The tips of Shige’s ears are red now. He’s feels a bit ridiculous to be acting like this. He’s thirty-one, not seventeen. So, he acts his age. He puts a hand on the back of Ryo’s neck and pulls their faces close together. His lips are soft, Shige never would have guessed. When they pull apart, Shige places his free hand on Ryo’s thigh and turns him around to face him. Ryo’s knees on either side of his torso, feet on the chair next to Shige’s thighs.
“You taste like coffee.” He treads his fingers through Ryo’s hair softly. “Coffee and eggs.”
Ryo chuckles, “and? Aren’t my eggs amazing?”
Shige scrunches his face. “I’d rather have the coffee.”
Ryo punches his shoulder lightly, but places a kiss on the tip of his nose at the same time.
It’s all so stupid, Shige thinks. He wasted so much time avoiding Ryo for reasons he doesn’t even remember now. He doesn’t even know if there was an actual reason. Not that it matters really because despite everything, he’s sitting at his dining table with Ryo before him being sickeningly domestic at ten in the morning on a Thursday in October. There’s an uneaten plate of eggs in his sink, a half a cup of coffee on the table, and ruffled sheets on his bed. He probably needs a shower right now, and god knows how oily his hair is (hair that Ryo is now playing with), but none of that really matters. Because Ryo is there, and it’s strangely perfect.
He laces his fingers with Ryo’s. “You’re pretty sappy in the mornings.” He says with a smile kissing Ryo once more. He’s wanted to do it for so long, and now he’ll never stop.
It’s okay if Ryo’s sappy. Shige is too.