(no subject)
In some ways, Borstal Boy is like the perfect combination of The Boys & Girl from County Clare and The Escapist. While it has no Barantini, it is chock-full of BoB actors, by which I mean not only do we get Rrrrobin Lainggg, but also Mark Huberman, who plays Les Hashey -- as well as some other surprises. Anyway, Borstal Boy has mad Irishmen, prison escapes, nudity and explosions, all wrapped up in one big WWII-era coming-of-age story. And so I would like to present the tale of how Babe Heffron woke up and found himself in an English juvie hall with Stan Shunpike, Stan from The Faculty and a delightful cast of misfits, none of whom believe him when he insists that he's a goddamn paratrooper from South Philly.
So, the actual story of the film is about a guy (future famous Irish poet and playwright Brendan Behan) who's arrested for bringing explosives into England on behalf of the IRA. He's sentenced to four years at Borstal Hall, where he slowly realizes that even the English are people and oh yeah, sexuality is funny, especially when Charlie fuckin' Millwall is the greatest creature in the history of ever and he takes you on as his china plate mate.
But the star of our story is Babe Heffron, who is totally baffled by the fact that everyone insists on calling him "Jock." In this scene, our purported hero (who will go by Stan, since I'm so amused that this is where I recognize him from) has just arrived at Borstal, when what should pull up but an ominous truck.
It's a little bit like Con Air, isn't it?
ALSO. Stan Shunpike, Les Hashey and Stan the Jock, all in a row. Shunpike is going to be known as Cobb, because he kind of looks like Craig Heaney and also OH MY GOD HE SUCKS.
The truck disgorges its quarry...
OH. LOOK AT THAT.
"What the fuck is all this and why am I dressed like a fuckin' moron?" says Babe, CLEARLY MIFFED.
"Take him away!" says the headmaster, who has a voice like Eddie Izzard doing God as James Mason.
Babe is starting to understand just how much he is not in South Philly anymore.
He does manage to do the penguin walk proud, though.
As well as a tribute performance of Bill Guarnere's HOLY SHIT UNDERBITE.
At night, Babe plots how the hell he's gonna get out of this one. He has to come up with a plan... a clever plan...
Meanwhile, we learn that Les Hashey actually has a rather magnificent bitchface.
Someone has stolen all his cigarettes. It's funny because he's Canadian.
So, once they let Babe out of solitary in the shed, Stan from The Faculty approaches him.
"I'm not American, I'm really, really Irish and literary and rebellious," he says, in a very thick Irish accent.
Well, thinks Babe, two can play at that game.
And so he reveals one of his greatest weapons.
An almost impenetrable Scottish accent.
Properly transcribed, we learn that Babe is actually trying to tell Stan that he jumps out of airplanes. Without this context, really he's just doing a lot of inexplicable things with his hands.
"I don't know how I got here, they just grabbed me while I was out on my weekend pass and threw me in the brig."
"Not that I don't welcome the excuse to get away from drills or nothin', but..."
"I kinda got somewhere else to be, yanno?"
"Hey, hey, you listenin' to me?" And just to prove that it's really Babe and not some none-too-bright stand-in named "Jock," he shows off his admirably horrible teeth.
"They're coming," says Stan suddenly, getting up in Babe's personal space.
"Aliens."
"...That was weird," Babe says to himself.
"Listen, if I'm gonna be stuck here with you, I need to make sure you're gonna be useful to me, all right? Say something useful to me, please. Just prove it to me that you can."
He doesn't.
Babe makes some funny faces with no real narrative function.
"Dude," says Stan, "what the everliving feck have you been smoking?"
"Ahaha, okay," says Babe. "You are useless to me, so I will be useless to you."
Useless... but adorable.
One of his other secret weapons.
"Make sure you stay on your guard," Stan tells him, and walks off, without preamble.
It becomes apparent that Babe is going to have to bust out of this place some other way.
How about a musical number?
Bridget O'Flynn, where have you been?
Now look at the state of your Sunday clothes!
Look at your shoes and your new silk hose!
Why, you've been doin' the rumba, I suppose.
Cobb, being a snivelly sort of shit in this film, is not charmed. That may be because in this role, he's a sex offender. NEVER TRUST SEX OFFENDERS, GUYS. FYI.
Sadly, because they're heathens, the token Jew, Hashey and Charlie Millwall are not impressed by Babe's foxhole awesomeness either.
"--You went to see the big parade? The big parade, me eye!"
"Eh, you know what? Screw it. My talents are lost on you knuckleheads."
And so he returns merrily to KP duty. Because Babe doesn't believe in showing despair unless the circumstances are a lot more dire.
Meanwhile, Hashey manages to never keep his mouth shut...
...while at the same time saying almost nothing at all.
Babe is disappointed that his fellow replacement is buying into this mind-trip so fully. He's going to keep on fighting the good fight.
Later, he and Stan take a trip to the library.
"Soooo, let's say I was lookin' to find a little somethin' about, oh, how to get from this place to Aldbourne."
"Or London, maybe? I got some friends I could meet up with in London. Train schedules? You got timetables? Maps?"
"Nothing here comes for free, boy," says the librarian with his awesome tie. "First you must complete a trial by ordeal."
"Really?" says Babe, with nervous laughter. "Well, who don't like the sound of that?"
There's actually no plot point here either. I just feel obligated to warn you that you are about to be BLINDED.
No, really. Last chance not to look.
It rather took me by surprise as well.
Meanwhile, Hashey and Stan hang out and see the sights, including a Welshman going into a state of apoplexy at the sight of a bunch of teenage boys kicking a rugby ball.
Apparently the Welsh are always amusing.
Okay, really, these are just here for andrealyn's sake.
Well, and I enjoy Hashey's bitchface a lot.
After a spirited game of rugby, several of the boys are enlisted in a "whistle while you work" scheme on behalf of the headmaster's irritating artist daughter.
"--ZIM ZAM GODDAMN -- what, you guys never heard that one?"
My narrative is not so strong in this one: it's easily disrupted when there's Millwall to be had.
Babe tries to go for more a Broadway ballads routine.
Somehow I feel this may have worked better in Singin' in the Rain.
As a consolation prize for not being very good at musical numbers, the boys get brought to the talkies.
With a bottle of contraband whiskey.
Babe feels loosey-goosey and totally okay with this.
Cobb is a prick and steals it from him, but it's okay because Charlie just hangs out on the right side of the frame and is AWESOME.
As it turns out, Babe's had quite enough anyway.
But, n'aww, lookit that grin. They may not be Easy, but they're all right.
I believe the only appropriate sound effect here is THONK.
The second half of the picspam will go up tomorrow. Thumbnails live here for those without high-speed. As always, let me know if you'd like a .zip file with the full resolution caps.
So, the actual story of the film is about a guy (future famous Irish poet and playwright Brendan Behan) who's arrested for bringing explosives into England on behalf of the IRA. He's sentenced to four years at Borstal Hall, where he slowly realizes that even the English are people and oh yeah, sexuality is funny, especially when Charlie fuckin' Millwall is the greatest creature in the history of ever and he takes you on as his china plate mate.
But the star of our story is Babe Heffron, who is totally baffled by the fact that everyone insists on calling him "Jock." In this scene, our purported hero (who will go by Stan, since I'm so amused that this is where I recognize him from) has just arrived at Borstal, when what should pull up but an ominous truck.
It's a little bit like Con Air, isn't it?
ALSO. Stan Shunpike, Les Hashey and Stan the Jock, all in a row. Shunpike is going to be known as Cobb, because he kind of looks like Craig Heaney and also OH MY GOD HE SUCKS.
The truck disgorges its quarry...
OH. LOOK AT THAT.
"What the fuck is all this and why am I dressed like a fuckin' moron?" says Babe, CLEARLY MIFFED.
"Take him away!" says the headmaster, who has a voice like Eddie Izzard doing God as James Mason.
Babe is starting to understand just how much he is not in South Philly anymore.
He does manage to do the penguin walk proud, though.
As well as a tribute performance of Bill Guarnere's HOLY SHIT UNDERBITE.
At night, Babe plots how the hell he's gonna get out of this one. He has to come up with a plan... a clever plan...
Meanwhile, we learn that Les Hashey actually has a rather magnificent bitchface.
Someone has stolen all his cigarettes. It's funny because he's Canadian.
So, once they let Babe out of solitary in the shed, Stan from The Faculty approaches him.
"I'm not American, I'm really, really Irish and literary and rebellious," he says, in a very thick Irish accent.
Well, thinks Babe, two can play at that game.
And so he reveals one of his greatest weapons.
An almost impenetrable Scottish accent.
Properly transcribed, we learn that Babe is actually trying to tell Stan that he jumps out of airplanes. Without this context, really he's just doing a lot of inexplicable things with his hands.
"I don't know how I got here, they just grabbed me while I was out on my weekend pass and threw me in the brig."
"Not that I don't welcome the excuse to get away from drills or nothin', but..."
"I kinda got somewhere else to be, yanno?"
"Hey, hey, you listenin' to me?" And just to prove that it's really Babe and not some none-too-bright stand-in named "Jock," he shows off his admirably horrible teeth.
"They're coming," says Stan suddenly, getting up in Babe's personal space.
"Aliens."
"...That was weird," Babe says to himself.
"Listen, if I'm gonna be stuck here with you, I need to make sure you're gonna be useful to me, all right? Say something useful to me, please. Just prove it to me that you can."
He doesn't.
Babe makes some funny faces with no real narrative function.
"Dude," says Stan, "what the everliving feck have you been smoking?"
"Ahaha, okay," says Babe. "You are useless to me, so I will be useless to you."
Useless... but adorable.
One of his other secret weapons.
"Make sure you stay on your guard," Stan tells him, and walks off, without preamble.
It becomes apparent that Babe is going to have to bust out of this place some other way.
How about a musical number?
Bridget O'Flynn, where have you been?
Now look at the state of your Sunday clothes!
Look at your shoes and your new silk hose!
Why, you've been doin' the rumba, I suppose.
Cobb, being a snivelly sort of shit in this film, is not charmed. That may be because in this role, he's a sex offender. NEVER TRUST SEX OFFENDERS, GUYS. FYI.
Sadly, because they're heathens, the token Jew, Hashey and Charlie Millwall are not impressed by Babe's foxhole awesomeness either.
"--You went to see the big parade? The big parade, me eye!"
"Eh, you know what? Screw it. My talents are lost on you knuckleheads."
And so he returns merrily to KP duty. Because Babe doesn't believe in showing despair unless the circumstances are a lot more dire.
Meanwhile, Hashey manages to never keep his mouth shut...
...while at the same time saying almost nothing at all.
Babe is disappointed that his fellow replacement is buying into this mind-trip so fully. He's going to keep on fighting the good fight.
Later, he and Stan take a trip to the library.
"Soooo, let's say I was lookin' to find a little somethin' about, oh, how to get from this place to Aldbourne."
"Or London, maybe? I got some friends I could meet up with in London. Train schedules? You got timetables? Maps?"
"Nothing here comes for free, boy," says the librarian with his awesome tie. "First you must complete a trial by ordeal."
"Really?" says Babe, with nervous laughter. "Well, who don't like the sound of that?"
There's actually no plot point here either. I just feel obligated to warn you that you are about to be BLINDED.
No, really. Last chance not to look.
It rather took me by surprise as well.
Meanwhile, Hashey and Stan hang out and see the sights, including a Welshman going into a state of apoplexy at the sight of a bunch of teenage boys kicking a rugby ball.
Apparently the Welsh are always amusing.
Okay, really, these are just here for andrealyn's sake.
Well, and I enjoy Hashey's bitchface a lot.
After a spirited game of rugby, several of the boys are enlisted in a "whistle while you work" scheme on behalf of the headmaster's irritating artist daughter.
"--ZIM ZAM GODDAMN -- what, you guys never heard that one?"
My narrative is not so strong in this one: it's easily disrupted when there's Millwall to be had.
Babe tries to go for more a Broadway ballads routine.
Somehow I feel this may have worked better in Singin' in the Rain.
As a consolation prize for not being very good at musical numbers, the boys get brought to the talkies.
With a bottle of contraband whiskey.
Babe feels loosey-goosey and totally okay with this.
Cobb is a prick and steals it from him, but it's okay because Charlie just hangs out on the right side of the frame and is AWESOME.
As it turns out, Babe's had quite enough anyway.
But, n'aww, lookit that grin. They may not be Easy, but they're all right.
I believe the only appropriate sound effect here is THONK.
The second half of the picspam will go up tomorrow. Thumbnails live here for those without high-speed. As always, let me know if you'd like a .zip file with the full resolution caps.