Cold, Tired, Sick
I feel Cold, Tired, and Sick. Not a great combo to have at once.
I'm cold in the physical and emotional sense. I was working on the bug out in the cold and wet of my parents garage, so I'm freezing, and I feel cold on the inside (deep, huh?)
I'm tired because I don't eat to gain energy, and I can't sleep because my mind is restless and it is fighting with it's self on what to do or say next, or why things are the way they are. And how to fix them.
Sick- well, ever since I had a life-changing event (yeah, shove off, it was), and I got food poisoning, I have been sick to my stomach. I won't go into details, just know it's bad. And it won't go away. I don't know if now it is all emotional, or if it actually is something serious.
I don't know what to do. It's like, a major chunk of me has died off and I will never be able to grow it back. Kinda like brain cells.
I was talking to an old friend today, who asked how I was doing. All I said was "eh." She asked how things were. My response "eh." She asked if I am doing okay. "Eh" was all she got. I said everything is just "eh." Why eat when I will just be sick from it? Why bother trying to put 2 and 2 together to get a positive outcome that makes my life better?
EH. *shoulder shrug*
Oh well. The pain I am experiencing physically and emotionally should pass, or so I'm told.
What makes it hard, is that its now almost Christmas, and I will be alone, for the first time in my life, and it scares me. I wanted to spend it with someone special, or my family, or someone. I don't want anyone to feel guilty. I don't want to be alone. I know people love me, but all the love in the world can't fix me now. I don't know what to do, so I move through life with this Eh philosophy I created.
Anyhoo, I hope you all had a good Turkey day. I need to go try and go to sleep. I have work tomorrow.
I'm cold in the physical and emotional sense. I was working on the bug out in the cold and wet of my parents garage, so I'm freezing, and I feel cold on the inside (deep, huh?)
I'm tired because I don't eat to gain energy, and I can't sleep because my mind is restless and it is fighting with it's self on what to do or say next, or why things are the way they are. And how to fix them.
Sick- well, ever since I had a life-changing event (yeah, shove off, it was), and I got food poisoning, I have been sick to my stomach. I won't go into details, just know it's bad. And it won't go away. I don't know if now it is all emotional, or if it actually is something serious.
I don't know what to do. It's like, a major chunk of me has died off and I will never be able to grow it back. Kinda like brain cells.
I was talking to an old friend today, who asked how I was doing. All I said was "eh." She asked how things were. My response "eh." She asked if I am doing okay. "Eh" was all she got. I said everything is just "eh." Why eat when I will just be sick from it? Why bother trying to put 2 and 2 together to get a positive outcome that makes my life better?
EH. *shoulder shrug*
Oh well. The pain I am experiencing physically and emotionally should pass, or so I'm told.
What makes it hard, is that its now almost Christmas, and I will be alone, for the first time in my life, and it scares me. I wanted to spend it with someone special, or my family, or someone. I don't want anyone to feel guilty. I don't want to be alone. I know people love me, but all the love in the world can't fix me now. I don't know what to do, so I move through life with this Eh philosophy I created.
Anyhoo, I hope you all had a good Turkey day. I need to go try and go to sleep. I have work tomorrow.