[FIC] Our different pasts, Our intertwined present Epilogue
Rating: NC-16 (vulgar language)
Genre: Drama
Pairing: Yoosu
Story: Park Yoochun has a dark past he stashed away. Kim Junsu has a painful love he wants to forget. They hate each other's guts when they first meet yet Fate has it that they stay in each other's present. But what holds for their future?
Disclaimers: I don't own the characters.
Warning: Vulgar language
[chapter 1] [chapter 2] [chapter 3+4] [chapter 5] [chapter 6] [chapter 7+8] [chapter 9] [chapter 10] [chapter 11] [chapter 12] [chapter 13] [chapter 14] [chapter 15] [chapter 16+17] [chapter 18] [chapter 19] [chapter 20] [chapter 21] [chapter 22] [chapter 23] [chapter 24] [chapter 25] [chapter 26] [chapter 27] [chapter 28] [chapter 29] [chapter 30] [chapter 31] [chapter 32] [chapter 33] [chapter 34] [chapter 35] [chapter 36]
Epilogue
“Dear passengers, thank you for choosing Korean Air. We will be taking off shortly. Please switch off all…”
The message being played was drowned out in the man’s mind as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He knew he would probably be fidgeting throughout the flight. His heart was pounding from the uncertainty he was feeling since he received the call that morning.
Flashback…
“Micky-san?”
Micky Park Yoochun looked up from his work.
“Den-wa… there’s a call for you. I think it’s from Korea.”
A curious look appeared on the man’s face.
“Arigato.”
He replied, as he picked up the phone on his table and pressed to answer the call.
“Moshi moshi?”
“Dongsaeng… speak Korean please.”
A smile appeared on the man’s face.
“Jaejoong hyung! What a pleasant surprise!”
“I’d say… you need me to call you once in a while to check on you and you still feel surprised?”
Micky smiled sheepishly into the phone as he scratched the back of his head. It was just like his Jae hyung to behave like his umma but he did miss the other man very much. He had not seen him in the two years he moved to work in Japan. He would miss home very much every time he heard him over the phone. But Jaejoong never called him at his workplace. He always called Micky at his apartment at night.
“You never call me at my workplace. Is something wrong? This is not about Yunho hyung is it?”
“No… Yunho is fine. Don’t worry.”
Micky heaved a sigh of relief. Before he left Korea, he begged Jaejoong to keep in contact with Yunho and Changmin so that he would be able to know how the two men were doing. Jaejoong was reluctant at first. But it seems his friendship with the two became deeper over the two years and now they were working together in a multi-national company.
Yunho’s injury left him almost blind. But with special glasses, he was able to live life normally. However, the doctors did warn him that if he overstrained his eyes, he may go blind. Given Yunho’s drive, Micky was always worried that he may overwork himself and constantly asked Jaejoong to look after him. The older man had since cared for Yunho like he did with Micky. Without Micky around, Jaejoong probably could not kick the habit of fussing over another person and somehow, Yunho became that someone.
“Well, it can’t be about Hyesung hyung… how’s the man?”
“He’s fine too… still happily running his bar and seems to be developing something with Minwoo hyung… ha…”
Micky smiled widely when he heard that. It’s time Hyesung hyung moved on. It would be what his Jun Jin hyung would have wanted too.
“So you’re calling because you miss me? Heh…”
“…”
A frown clouded over Micky’s face when his joke did not get the response he expected.
“Something is wrong, isn’t it, hyung? What is it?”
Pause.
“It’s… it’s about Junsu… Yoochun.”
Micky could feel his throat turn dry. He had not heard this name for two years. Though he could not say the same for his thoughts. He had lost count of how many times he had dreamt of this person.
That day, after Junsu left his ward, he never saw the man again. He had tried to look for him. To look for another way out. To be together.
But Junsu refused to see him. Not even Changmin could help him.
So Yoochun decided to leave Korea. It was too painful for him to stay. Although in the eyes of the law he was acquitted of the charge of the murder of Kim Kang-In on the fact that he did it out of the defence for another, he had been given the death sentence in the eyes of Kim Junsu.
Yoochun knew Junsu did not hate him. But he also knew it was impossible for him to ask the other man to be with the person who killed his brother.
Knowing the situation between them, Jaejoong never once mentioned Junsu in their calls. He knew he would just be raking up an unhappy past of his dongsaeng’s. But now, Jaejoong actually called from Korea, to his workplace, and it was regarding Junsu. Yoochun could already feel his heart in his throat.
“What… what about Junsu, hyung? What happened?”
Now…
“Yoochun!”
The said man turned his head at the call of his name. A name he had not used for the past two years as it only served to remind him of the fact that he could never be with the person he loved.
“Until the day I am not Kim Junsu… and you are not Park Yoochun… we can never be together…”
“Jaejoong hyung,”
Despite all his troubled thoughts, Yoochun could not help but smile when he saw his hyung. He hugged Jaejoong tightly as soon as he reached his side. Jaejoong returned the hug as tightly. It felt good to see his dongsaeng after so long.
“I missed you so much, hyung. But you haven’t changed much.”
“How much could I have changed? I’m just glad you look quite good yourself.”
Both men smiled at each other before the elder one signaled for Yoochun to follow him.
“So…”
Yoochun started hesitantly, as he sat in the car with Jaejoong.
“Yeah?”
“Jun… Junsu is still… missing?”
Jaejoong let out a sigh before he turned to look briefly at Yoochun.
“Yeah… I called you immediately after Changmin and Yunho told me what happened. The minute Junsu found out about the matter, he just took off and was nowhere to be found. I guess they were desperate too… to ask me to get you back.”
Yoochun sat in silence. Things happened so suddenly that he did not know what to make of it. He did not even know if he did the right thing by returning to Korea. He did not know if this was what Junsu would have wanted.
Jaejoong glanced at his dongsaeng again before he turned back to watch the road before him.
“Well… besides being desperate… I think Yunho and Changmin were thinking of something else… you know what this implies right, Yoochun? I think Junsu ran away because he understood the implication of the matter. This changes a lot of things, Yoochun…”
“Don’t go on, hyung… I’m really confused now…”
“Well… you shouldn’t be… you should be glad. Frankly, all of us really hope to see the two of you happy. You two went through so much… you deserve to be happy. You two have been avoiding one another for nothing for the past two years. Don’t you think…”
“Hyung… I really need some peace and quiet… I need to think things over… could you send me somewhere?”
***
Yoochun pushed past the long grass absent-mindedly. He needed some peace and quiet to think. He needed to know what the best course of action was. He smiled a sad smile when he realised the last time he came to the beach was with Junsu.
He let out a long sigh as he pushed past the final batch of grass before he smelt the salt in the wind. He stood where he was, closed his eyes and just listened to the waves rushing in. He could feel himself relax a little already.
As he opened his eyes to walk nearer to the sea, he realised he was not alone on the beach.
There, standing near the waves was another man.
Junsu.
Yoochun blinked a few times to be sure his eyes were not playing tricks on him. He was sure it was Junsu. He could recognise the man anywhere. But he did not know if he was ready to face him. What was he supposed to say to him?
Before Yoochun could walk away, Junsu turned around.
Their gazes met.
They both stood frozen.
Silence.
When long enough had passed, Junsu seemed to have jolted out of his trance. He bent to pick up his jacket and walked very quickly past Yoochun to the only opening of the beach.
“Junsu, wait!”
Yoochun called out as he grabbed Junsu’s arm. He may not be ready to face the other man. But he was not going to just let him disappear from his sight.
“Can we talk? Please?”
Junsu had not turn around to face Yoochun. He had not expected to see Yoochun, much less talk to him. They had not spoken nor seen each other for two years. Junsu did not know what to say.
“Please, Junsu… We really need to talk… I cannot let you go… I know if I do… I probably would not see you again… Please…”
Junsu shut at his eyes at Yoochun’s pleading voice. He did not want to give in but he could not find a reason not to. He finally nodded his head.
They retreated back to the beach and sat, facing the vast ocean.
“I know what happened… Jaejoong hyung told me… They were worried about you…”
Junsu just kept silent.
Yoochun turned to glance briefly at Junsu. He still could not believe he was actually looking at the other man. He had a strong urge to just pull Junsu into his arms but he knew he could not do that. He wondered if he could ever do that again.
“How… how are you holding up?”
Junsu made a small movement of just looking out into the vast ocean. He still did not speak.
The sound of the waves hitting the shores was never louder as the silence between the two men ensued.
Yoochun bit his lower lip before he opened his mouth to speak.
“Is it… is it true? Is it true that you are… adopted?”
Junsu visibly tensed. He could feel his heart sink again. Just like that morning when his mother broke the news to him.
“Junsu… I should have told this to you sooner… but I needed time to come to terms with Kang-In’s death… but I think it is not fair for me to hide this from you any longer…”
“You are adopted… Junsu… I adopted you… because I wanted to get revenge at Kim Choi Won…”
“I was angry with his philandering ways… I was angry at the fact that he does not love me… I wanted to get back at him. I wanted to punish him. So I deliberately sent his son to an orphanage and adopted you. You were only a few months younger than Kang-In… I know Kim Choi Won would not be able to tell the difference. I know he would give you the best and train you to be the best… I wanted him to feel the betrayal when he finds out you are not his flesh and blood. I want him to have a taste of what it is like to be betrayed and made used of…“
“Mi-an-hae… It’s not fair to you at all… And I never expected my own son to seek revenge on us… I guess that is my retribution… I destroyed your life… I’m so so sorry…”
A single tear rolled down Junsu’s cheeks as he thought of what his mother said to him. Everything he believed in since he was born was a lie. Everything he had put his heart and soul into was a lie. His whole life was a big practical joke.
“Junsu?”
Yoochun’s voice made Junsu’s heart skip a beat. He missed hearing that voice. He missed feeling the warmth from those hands. It suddenly dawned on Junsu that Yoochun was the only real thing that happened to him.
Yet, he gave him up… for a family he did not belong to at all.
Junsu turned to face Yoochun finally. Something in him snapped.
“I can’t stay here…”
Junsu shouted out abruptly as he stood up to walk away.
“Junsu, wait! Ka-ji mah!”
Yoochun called after him as he ran to catch up.
“Let me go, Yoochun… I cannot face you… I don’t know how to face you!”
“Would you just calm down and talk things over!”
“I can’t…. I CAN’T! Let me go!”
“No…I cannot let you go… not after I just found you… not after there is a chance for us to be together again!”
“No… I don’t deserve you! I cannot be with you… you don’t deserve to be with someone like me…!”
“What are you talking about! Would you please stop running away from me!”
Yoochun picked up speed and grabbed Junsu’s shoulders to turn him around.
PUNCH!
Junsu fell from the impact of the punch onto the soft sand.
“How long do you want to run? Where can you run to? Why must you always run from me?!”
Yoochun was panting from the running and the shouting. He knew what Junsu was feeling. The younger man must feel guilty to have given up their relationship for nothing. But Yoochun understood it was not his fault. It was circumstances that forced them apart.
“It was not your fault! How long more do you want to punish yourself? How long more do you want to punish me?”
Junsu could feel angry tears clouding his vision as he lain on the sand. He gave up on Yoochun two years ago. How could he ask that Yoochun take him back now? He was a nobody now. He had no right to ask Yoochun back.
“I can’t… I cannot ask you to take me back now… It’s not fair to you… I don’t deserve this…”
Yoochun’s heart ached at the Junsu before him now. He had never seen Junsu think so little of himself. He had never seen Junsu so dejected before.
Yoochun walked slowly towards the other man.
“I want to be with you, Junsu. I’ve always wanted to… I’ve never stopped thinking about you for the past two years. I know this may be a blow to you… but we can be together now… Please be with me.“
Yoochun did not go any nearer to Junsu except to stand beside him. Junsu probably needed time to think things through. Yoochun did not want to put more pressure on the other man but he also wanted the other man to know that he would be there for him.
Junsu shut his eyes at Yoochun’s gentle words, causing tears to spill. He wanted very much to give in to Yoochun’s request. He wanted very much to be with the other man. Like Yoochun, Junsu never stopped thinking about the older man for the past two years. Sometimes, he even questioned his decision to give up their relationship. But he would always arrive at the same conclusion - he could not be with the man who killed his brother.
Yet, Fate has a cruel sense of humour. Kim Junsu did not belong to the Kim family at all. He sacrificed everything for the family - including Yoochun and in the end, he got nothing.
“No, Yoochun…”
Yoochun could feel a stab to his heart.
“I cannot be with you…”
“WHY?! I don’t understand!”
Yoochun could not help but shout. He cannot comprehend what Junsu was thinking. Nothing can stop them from being together now.
“Because… I have lost everything… My family… My identify… My love… ”
Yoochun just stood still and listened.
“If I be with you now… I would have lost my pride too… I cannot let that happen… Do you understand? I cannot let Fate do whatever it wants with me anymore… I want a say in my life… Can you understand?”
Yoochun gave a dry laugh. Junsu was right. All along, they were played at the hands of Fate. Fate brought them together, made them go through so many things, only to make it impossible for them to be together. Yet, it seems Fate had dealt its final card on them, as if telling them it has had its fun. The greatest joke was on Junsu and it was no wonder that the man now refused to do Fate’s bidding.
“The only thing I have a say in my life now… is you… Perhaps… all along… the only thing I could control about my life was you… and right now… I cannot be with you… not now… Mi-an-hae… Yoochun ah…”
Junsu had stood up and was facing Yoochun directly with bloodshot eyes. Yoochun’s eyes were puffy too from crying earlier.
“Sarang hae, Junsu ah…”
The spoken words lingered in the air, mixed with the constant sounds of the waves.
Yoochun had nothing else to say.
Junsu could tell Yoochun understood him. He always knew Yoochun would. He knew Yoochun would let him go. Like he did, two years ago.
Both men stood in silence, watching each other for a long time, before Junsu took the first step to leave.
Like he did, two years ago.
***
“Take care of yourself, Yoochun.”
Jaejoong spoke from the vicinity of Yoochun’s shoulders as they broke apart from their hug.
“Yeah… you take care too, hyung. And err…”
“I know… watch out for Junsu… I will…”
Yoochun gave a slight smile.
“Take care, Yoochun.”
“Thanks Yunho hyung. It was good catching up with you and Changmin.”
“Junsu hyung will come to his senses one day, Yoochun hyung.”
“Thanks Changmin… I err… don’t wish to think about it anymore. I’m quite tired… I just hope Junsu can be happy… wherever he is…”
The atmosphere visibly dropped by a few degrees at the mention of the missing man. It had been a week since Yoochun last saw Junsu. Yoochun did not try to locate the other man any more. The rest had no luck with finding him either. Yoochun did not deny that he remained in Korea as he still harboured a little hope that Junsu might return. But when one week had passed with no news of him, Yoochun decided it was time for him, and for them, to move on.
“Take things easy, dongsaeng… you’ve come a long way… things will pick up… they have to.”
“Thanks, Hyesung hyung. Oh… I’m gonna miss you all so much!”
Yoochun said earnestly as he lunged into Hyesung for a goodbye hug. The rest joined in. He’s got a feeling, he was not returning to Korea for a very long time. This place was too sad for him now.
***
“Dear passengers, thank you for choosing Korean Air. We will be taking off shortly. Please fasten your seatbelts and switch off…”
Yoochun laughed sadly to himself when a sense of déjà vu rushed over him when he heard the announcement. He looked out the window absent-mindedly, hoping to take in whatever he could of this country he was leaving behind.
He could feel another passenger stop beside his seat to put his luggage in the overhead compartment. Usually he would be curious to see who he would be sitting with for the flight. But he was in no mood that day.
“Hi…”
Yoochun could feel his hair stand up at the voice. He turned around slowly.
“Could you tell me where would be a good location to stay in Tokyo? I’m going there to rebuild my life and you seem like a nice enough person to ask.”
Yoochun looked wide-eyed at the person standing before him.
“I must be dreaming, right?”
“Erm… not unless you know who you are talking to…”
“Do I? Am I supposed to know you?”
The man laughed briefly before he sat down to face Yoochun with a solemn look.
“Mi-an hae… I know I have hurt you, Yoochun… so many times… I said that day I wanted a say in my life because I could not bring myself to just be with you because you came looking for me… call me proud if you must… but at that time… I feel that I have to leave you in order to retain what little pride I had left.”
Yoochun remained still as he listened… to Junsu who was looking straight at him.
“I needed time to sort things out. When I found out I was adopted, it was not just the fact that I gave you up for nothing. Everything I knew since I was born became nothing. Everything I sacrificed and believed in became nothing. I became nothing in that instant, Yoochun. It was too much for me to take all at once.”
Yoochun’s eyes softened as he listened to Junsu. He was not lying when he told Changmin he was tired. He was tired of hearing Junsu say sorry to him. He was tired of seeing Junsu walk away from him. Though he knew it was not Junsu’s fault, there was only so much he could take. He had really decided to move on. But after seeing and hearing Junsu, Yoochun realised moving on may not be as easy as he thought.
“When I saw you that day, I had so many thoughts running through me… I realised we could be together now… nothing could stop us…. …but something in me snapped, Yoochun. Being with you then seemed like my only choice… just like you shooting Kang-In to save me was your only choice… just like me giving you up two years ago was the only choice… I just hated that Fate decided everything for us and left me with no other choice.”
“So you chose to leave me again… just to get back at Fate? Am I just that to you? A way to get back at Fate?”
Yoochun said sorely. He did not understand what Junsu was implying.
“No… no… of course not… It’s just… I don’t wish to get back with you because it was my only choice. It’s not fair to you. Do you get what I am saying?”
“No… No, I don’t get what you are saying at all! I don’t even understand why you’re here at all!”
Yoochun raised his voice unintentionally. He was just too frustrated with how things turned out. And he still did not understand what Junsu wanted. He turned to look out the window, instead of at Junsu.
Junsu took a few breaths before he reached over to force Yoochun to face him. Yoochun tried to resist.
“What do you want from me, Junsu? Are you just trying to explain to me why you don’t want to be with me? I get it… because you wanna get back at Fate!”
“Would you just calm down and listen to me?”
“No…I don’t want to calm down… I don’t want to listen to you… Guess what, I don’t want to do your bidding… just like you don’t want to do Fate’s bidding… even though you SHOULD!”
“Stop being childish!”
“I am childish! Now could you please leave me alone!”
“No…”
“What do you mean -”
Time seemed to have come to a standstill as their lips met.
All senses in Yoochun’s body instantaneously tinkled as he tasted the heavens of Junsu’s mouth.
Junsu’s tense muscles relaxed as he took in Yoochun’s taste and breath in his mouth. He had missed it so much. His eyes fluttered close as he enjoyed the moment.
Before both boys realised, all eyes in the cabin were on them. As if they suddenly realised where they were, both of them broke apart at the same time.
“Now, can you listen to me?”
Junsu said, as he tried to ignore the funny looks he knew they were getting.
Yoochun adjusted his attire and his position on the seat as he muttered a ‘Fine’ under his breath.
Junsu blew out a heavy sigh before he started.
“What I mean is… I want to show you that I want to be with you… because I want it.”
Yoochun turned to stare at Junsu.
“I’m not with you because it is the only choice I have got… I want to be with you… because that is what I want. Because this is what I need… YOU. Get it?”
Junsu snapped, angry that Yoochun made him resort to kissing him in public before he would listen.
Yoochun blinked a few times and continued to stare at Junsu with a distracted look on his face.
Junsu started to frown.
Suddenly, Yoochun started to break into a wide smile and then into a laughing fit.
Junsu started to look worried.
“Yoochun ah… are you alright? Your illness is not acting up again, is it? Where’s your medication?”
Junsu searched through Yoochun’s jacket pockets frantically. He did not expect Yoochun to react like this. Was it too much for him to take?
“No!”
“What?”
Junsu shouted, unable to believe what Yoochun said to him.
“Why should I be at your beck and call? Why is it always about what you want? What about what I want?”
Junsu looked on the verge of tears.
“Alright, I’ve had my revenge. I’m joking… I’m joking!”
“Omph!”
Junsu could feel all air squeezed out of him when Yoochun pulled him in for a bear hug abruptly.
“YES YES YES!”
Junsu frowned with confusion for a while, but as Yoochun’s body warmth spread through his own, he was already smiling at the happiness he felt.
“You scared me… I thought you meant it when you said no… I mean… I’ve thought about the possibility of you rejecting me… but… it really hurt…”
“Well news flash for you… that is how I felt when you left me… TWICE… the second time was worse…”
Junsu fell silent at the realization of how much pain he had put Yoochun through.
“Sarang hae, Yoochun ah…”
Yoochun smiled to himself as he wrapped his arms tighter around Junsu’s small frame.
“I’m not dreaming, right? This is really happening, right?”
Junsu separated himself reluctantly from Yoochun’s arms to look straight at the other man.
“From now… till forever…”
Yoochun leaned in to capture Junsu’s lips with his own. He did not care even if the whole world was looking. At that moment, there were only the two of them.
Junsu felt the same.
“Does Jaejoong and the rest already know about this?”
“Nope… I did not tell anyone. We should probably let them know when we get to Japan.”
“So… you’re gonna move in with me?”
“Of course… where else could I go?”
“Realise we have never really lived together before?”
“Yeah… so?”
“Well… since it’s MY place… I’m gonna have the final say in everything.”
“Hey, that’s not fair!”
“Yes it’s fair… don’t you try and be your overbearing self in MY house…”
“Did you just say I was overbearing?”
“Well, you are…”
“No, I’m not…”
“Yes, you are… stop denying…”
“I’m not denying… I’m just not!”
“Can’t hear you!”
“Park Yoochun!”
As the bickering went on and on in the otherwise quiet plane cabin, it would seem funny to whomever walked past the pair, that even though they were arguing, their hands were tightly intertwined with each other’s.
From then… till forever.
THE END
Author's notes: Oh my... this is the end... My first completed loooong fic.... haha... Just wanna say THANK YOU to those who have followed through from beginning to end, those who joined halfway... ALL who left comments on my work. Though a lot of things did not turn out the way I had planned in my head... but this is what writing is all about I guess. I had fun writing this. Hope all of you had fun reading it too! I hope you guys like the ending! ^_^