(no subject)
This morning has been some humid motherfucker. That's right, it wouldn't have been such a humid motherfucker, if i had the car to drive with home. But i didn't. And waiting outside for the bus, was friggin annoying (if you think that i'm whining, fuck you. Shut up. I'm mad). So everything was set-up, i took the car, drove off at 5something pm, the traffic was relatively fine, everything was flowing. The ride was ok, except some excessive headbanging during the carride, which appears to be a bit...dangerous (i should turn that into a thought of the day sometime). I was having my MD player connected to the car's stereo, and obviously not hearing anything. So only at the end of the road to jerusalem, i mean the steep one, i started getting aware of strange noises that come from the motor. First they sounded like overtones, but quickly (i mean fast) they developped into something very frightening. It sounded as if one of the motorparts would be broken and would be actually literally being dragged on the asphalt. Well, that was not the case, but that's what it sounded like anyway. I didn't want to stop the car in the middle of nowhere, so i decided to take a risk and try to park it as close as i could to D's place. I realized that the noise are getting really frightening when using the 1st and 2nd gear. But somehow, i did make it and parked the care relatively close, on some street corner. I tried to bow down below the car, trying to figure out maybe something would be visible, and almost got myself getting under another car (yes, i was NOT parking in a good/legal place). Called DD up, and only then i called my dad. Well, after calling the towing service it appeared that we don't have any insurance. But the real deal was that our insurance company switched the towing service. Ok, so what should i do? I'm already here, i thought if i would have the car towed i'd probably have to come with it, so i'll order the towing service only at night, and that's what i did. Meanwhile not only DD was coming, but also her friend Eitan, and we spend like two or more hours together. Well, yeah, Eitan is great as he was before, we were talking about lots of philosophical/spiritual/whatever -stuff, i even had a outer-body experience for 0.9 seconds. (now, i know you think i'm talkin' crap, that's why i won't get into it). But in the first place i didn't really understand if Eitan was there because he wanted to or because she'd asked him or something like that. I was just wondering, but that went away after we started talking. Apparently he was supposed to talk with "us" about something that might give the relationship hope (you know i don't believe in that, bu you can never know). Eventually Eitan left us and we were hikin' like two ghosts through the empty alleys of the (un)holy city. Oh, i need to remember that i had something very tasty in one of the more stylish cafe's in this country (probably, not that i'm experienced). You know, all that has happened, it's really weird. Why did the car's motor brake only WHEN i already arrived in jerusalem? I mean, it could have happened when i was on the road before, it could've happened in the middle of the highway... it's only weird, since i'm not having any conclusions/illusions..
Eitan claims that he has found the perfect way "for me", i mean something that would totally "do it", although thework has already helped me a lot. There's supposed to be a very certain pattern according to which i'm behaving and he says that it's all described in Ken Wilber's "boomeritis". Of course i tried to hook into his website, but it seems way over my head. DD gave me also a WIE magazine, although i was afraid i'd be way too flaky for me, i'll have to read the ken wilber article there, if i want to understand at least something of what he says. The whole issue about all the different states of awareness that Eitan was telling me about is pretty amazing. A bit complicated, but incredibly amazing.
So you're wondering why i used DD's name for the first time? Why i don't call her "she" anymore. Because that's the healthy way, in my opinion. What exactly brought me in the first place to NOT use her name in the journal and turn her into that overly mysterious She-girl? Well, most of the reasons are quite obvious. I was afraid of "us" not working out, i was afraid of writing about her freely under her "real" identity and then one day just seeing her vanish. And the most obvious for me: i was the regular Drama-king. Before even knowing her, i gave her the identity of this ultra-mysterious meta-human crystal-queen named "SHE" (for her name might not be spoken). Well, i'm past that. That was fucking paranoid and especially fucking childish. I need to learn to adjust to people by what they are and not try to fit them into some shining glittering cage that doesn't exist anyway. So? I've grown up? Ah, shut up.
Someone left a message in my tagBox, that the whole page, despite being blocked from showing up on other browers than IE, looks totally messed up in IE on Mac. Now, first of all i was a bit shocked. But then again...i'm not even really sure i care (yet), because i don't care about the mac-situation in general, as you know. The only problem is if i should send someone my link as a part of the portfolio and it won't show up properly. I mean, damned, if it's IE 5, why can't it be just like the regular IE? I mean, there isn't IE6 for mac yet, but the 5.5 with all its servicePacks displayed my page correctly. Guess you can't make a page look good on every browser. And yes, i might be using way too much Css on my site. The buglist on mac-IE is quite long, btw, check it out. And except that, until i'll publish my portfolio, i don't know how much i should care about statistically 4.8% of mac users visiting my page (except you, robin, of course :). Hmm...i might put on the netscape "welcome" page a link to the mozilla - respecting version...
It's official; This day has been a humid motherfucker. My dad got back from work and even he testified for the fact that you can turn the aircondition on and still get a "free shower". Bah & yuck and all their friends.
Must have been incredibly bored, because just out of curiousity i downloaded today all instant messengers there are. I mean, not "all-all" of them, but the famous ones: Aim, yahoo, microsoft messenger, etc. of course i un-installed all of them (except AIM) after a few minutes. I don't know, when i've been with DD to that cheap internet-cafe i saw there a guy talking on four different windows of some IM, but it was a different look. Everything looked fluffy there, lots of cute icons. Yeah, my feminine side.
Speaking about the feminine Side, i thought about taking the goatee off. I mean i don't have anything to lose, then why wasn't i able to do it today while standing in front of the mirror? I have no clue.
I don't know why i'm feeling so exhausted. It's like my batteries are empty. It's a weird feeling. I think i'll log off. Now.