I've learned...
.... a few things about myself over time. I learned that a lot of times I make the WORSE decisions ever. And sometimes I learn. I hate doing this. I always regret the decisions that I make. So what I know is that I make horrible decisions and sometimes I learn. I think the times I do learn isn't going to make a difference. What I learn is how to deal with the problems instead of preventing the problems. Like if I'm arguing with someone, I shouldn't try to win the arguement or even try to compromise to find an end in the arguement. Instead I need to find a way to prevent the arguement. That's pretty easy for simple things like that, right? But what about decisions that could be life changing. Like allowing someone into my life who shouldn't be there. Or shutting someone out of my life who could be valuable. How do I know if it's the right decision for me? This isn't a problem I can't keep screwing up. I need to be able to make the right decision each time. If not then I'm put in very uncompromising situations where I will regret the decision. I think out of these two decisions, the toughest is the letting someone back into my life. It's easy to become friends again, but when you start to trust someone again and they break your trust, it's very hard on the emotions and heart. So knowing this, it's hard to make the decision of trusting again. Here is where I run the risk of letting someone go that I maybe shouldn't have. I've learned that I need help. I need help in this situation. I need help making decisions. I need help to make my life the best I can make it. I need a partner. I wont be able to do it myself. 20 years has proven that I can't do it by myself. I've been through too much. Too much heart ache, too much pain. I've been almost murdered, almost burned alive, I've been through hell and back. I need assistance, and if you know who I'm talking about, help me make the right decision. Things can change, for me and you. Please.