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why do i do this to myself? it causes so much pain, i see an image and the old feelings come flooding in. i know things are different, so much better. but i drag myself through the dirt again thinking, "maybe it wont be as bad this time?" every new detail i learn helps me to numb the sore. how far down is it? ever just under the surface? at
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... but I do know the feeling of "maybe this time it will be different."
I've followed that hunch a few times, and from my experience, well, my relationship, it never really changed. Words were said and apologies were given, but in the end I still felt like I was right back at the beginning.
However, things can and do, indeed, they always change. Change is one thing that I look forward to now it seems like.
I would have to say a lightning strike through your brain is definately a physical change, although I get the feeling you mean your mind. If indeed you do feel an electrical current through your head, that's certainly not a good thing and is probably dependant apon your emotional status (the brain has no nerves that transmits physical pain, tis true).
All I can give you are these small words, we're only here for but a brief glimpse in the cosmic eye, enjoy what you can and what stops your joy, do away with.
Sorry you're so distraught (sp?) right now, I hope that you'll be able to see the light again. It's there, tis always there.
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