(no subject)
why do i do this to myself? it causes so much pain, i see an image and the old feelings come flooding in. i know things are different, so much better. but i drag myself through the dirt again thinking, "maybe it wont be as bad this time?" every new detail i learn helps me to numb the sore. how far down is it? ever just under the surface? at least i do not produce a physical reaction anymore, only a lightning strike through my brain... and heart. the similarities scare me. will it ever be fully gone? only when i have learned to