Man Smoking Sucks
As many of you know I used to be a really bad kid! I stole probably $1000 worth of stuff that I would usually just disregard, I smoked pot, and I just wasn't a really good person. Well I'm proud to say that I quit doing all of the above. I quit stealing after like freshmen year and I quit smoking pot last summer. But I also quit doing something else that I don't think anyone knew I did... I'm very ashamed of this and I've never really told anyone that I even did this besides my best friend Trev. But what I also quit was smoking cigarettes. Now I know to most of you this doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was for me. I was a really bad smoker and I got to the point where I smoked a pack a day. To most of you you're probably thinking oh well why does that matter you quit you're all better why should it matter. Well when I quit I quit cold turkey which means I didn't use the patch and I wasn't old enough to buy cigarettes so I wasn't able to get any plus no one in my house smoked. And the one person who I did get cigarettes from (Trev) I told whatever I do don't get them for me and he being a smoker him-self knew how hard this would be and he went along with it completely and even though I begged him constantly he wouldn't buy me any or even let me bum one off him. He also through respect smoked as little as possible with me around. And finally I got to the point where the cravings weren't nearly as bad and I could control them with my own free will. But still when I am around someone who is smoking I sometime almost feel the erge to take it out of their hands for a hit even though I know that in my heart I don't want that in my life any more.
What a story right. Well I've had a big problem lately I've been really stressed over a lot of different things that I really need to keep to my self at this point and not divulge to anyone. But any way in that stress I have always been more tempted to smoke and before I have fought it off effectively. Even just like last week I was thinking of going and smoking pot, but I talked to a really good friend about it and I realized that I didn't need that in my life and I really don't want it anymore because my life is so much better now. And to that friend that I talked to about that if you read this which I doubt you will I just want to thank you because you've been there for me so many times and I don't have any idea how I can ever repay you for that. But lately while driving the "C-Rolla" which my parents also drive I have gained a faint recollection of cigarette smoke covered up by some type of like lysol or something of that nature and then just the other day I saw an ash tray in my house for the first time since I was like 4. See you would have to know that my parents smoked before I was born both cigarettes and pot and I know that at least one of them (my dad) still smokes pot, but there are never any signs of it in the house so I'm not bothered by it, but this smell of smoke and all these signs of smoking are driving me crazy like literally like I'm freaking out and all this stress just adds on and makes me think well what if?.... but then I know that in my heart I don't want this for my self. I'm just so frustrated with my self right now I don't know what to do and its tearing me apart. Like yesterday I smelled that smell outside my parents bedroom and I went into my room and locked the door and just layed in my bed like shaking and it scared me sooo bad and then it made me angry and I got so frustrated I hit my wall and busted a hole in it which just pissed my parents off and now I got to fix that. And I know I should talk to my parents about it but I can't cause those of you who know my parents know that if I told them I even used to smoke they would either kill me or ground me till I was 18. So thats out of the question but I just have so many mixed emotions that I don't know how to feel. I'm angry at my self and my parents, I'm mad, I'm frustrated, I'm sad, and I just don't know how I should feel. And as many of you know I'm not the type of person to let all my emotions out and I never will be but all these things building up are going to come out and when they do I don't know what will happen. So I just want to apologize in advance for being moody or anything like that.
What a story right. Well I've had a big problem lately I've been really stressed over a lot of different things that I really need to keep to my self at this point and not divulge to anyone. But any way in that stress I have always been more tempted to smoke and before I have fought it off effectively. Even just like last week I was thinking of going and smoking pot, but I talked to a really good friend about it and I realized that I didn't need that in my life and I really don't want it anymore because my life is so much better now. And to that friend that I talked to about that if you read this which I doubt you will I just want to thank you because you've been there for me so many times and I don't have any idea how I can ever repay you for that. But lately while driving the "C-Rolla" which my parents also drive I have gained a faint recollection of cigarette smoke covered up by some type of like lysol or something of that nature and then just the other day I saw an ash tray in my house for the first time since I was like 4. See you would have to know that my parents smoked before I was born both cigarettes and pot and I know that at least one of them (my dad) still smokes pot, but there are never any signs of it in the house so I'm not bothered by it, but this smell of smoke and all these signs of smoking are driving me crazy like literally like I'm freaking out and all this stress just adds on and makes me think well what if?.... but then I know that in my heart I don't want this for my self. I'm just so frustrated with my self right now I don't know what to do and its tearing me apart. Like yesterday I smelled that smell outside my parents bedroom and I went into my room and locked the door and just layed in my bed like shaking and it scared me sooo bad and then it made me angry and I got so frustrated I hit my wall and busted a hole in it which just pissed my parents off and now I got to fix that. And I know I should talk to my parents about it but I can't cause those of you who know my parents know that if I told them I even used to smoke they would either kill me or ground me till I was 18. So thats out of the question but I just have so many mixed emotions that I don't know how to feel. I'm angry at my self and my parents, I'm mad, I'm frustrated, I'm sad, and I just don't know how I should feel. And as many of you know I'm not the type of person to let all my emotions out and I never will be but all these things building up are going to come out and when they do I don't know what will happen. So I just want to apologize in advance for being moody or anything like that.