i'm not sure why.

[neverquiteknown]

i'm not a fragile person. i never have been. i've always been completely independent. and though i used to be overly trusting of people and assumed everyone was essentially good, i've learned my lesson, and i've shut down a lot. i no longer give people the benefit of the doubt, i automatically consider people to be untrustworthy. i feel good about the fact that i'm not as naive as i used to be, but at the same time i wish i didn't have to come to terms with how things are. i wish they were different, so that i could always keep my sunny outlook on life.

i suppose what i dislike most is when people think i can't handle things. i hate being treated like a china doll. i don't need things sugar-coated, i don't need to continually be asked if i can handle things. it bothers me when people treat me like a child, as if i can't do anything by myself.

but there are those few people who can hit that point inside me and make me feel like i want to have someone take care of me. i haven't had that feeling in quite a long time. to be honest, i kind of miss it. by all means, i don't want to be taken care of. i'm co-dependent at my very weakest. i just love that feeling of having a big brother type or significant other that is willing to let me lean on them if need be. i like the comfort of knowing that if i need someone, they're there for me.

but hey, i'm just being hopeful.