Pin dish about love lives in a Korean restaurant
Originally written for "Easier Said Than Done", which is a part of the Life For Rent series!thing that I wrote. I remember asking anamuan about Korean food. And then at the end of the day, it was like, "...wtf, this doesn't even fit the fic." XD
But I still like it. And since it sort of stands alone, I thought I'd post it.
Jin slid into their booth in the back of the small, crowded Korean restaurant and YamaPi breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh good. You didn't bring Erika-chan along."
Jin arched an eyebrow at YamaPi, but did not say any more as a waitress approached and offered Jin a warm washcloth. He took it kindly and then quickly ordered a mug of beer, sending the bright-eyed girl away so he could get in a word to his best friend. "…you did just say this was the two of us, Pi."
YamaPi shrugged, drinking from his own half-full glass of oolonghai. "Well, I don't know. You and Erika-chan are practically married nowadays, with the way you two are attached to each other."
Jin grinned softly with a shake of his head. "Just don't tell her that, okay? She'll start running before you can even finish your sentence."
"I know."
YamaPi has never told Jin how much he envied him and his relationship with the supposed queen bitch of the Japanese entertainment industry, Sawajiri Erika. Not even two years into their relationship and they were practically domestic-living together in Jin's formerly proclaimed bachelor pad (though for image's sake Erika still kept her own apartment across the city), walking Pin together on afternoons off, and occasionally double-dating with YamaPi and Yui when schedules permitted. No one had expected them to hit it off as well as they had, least of all Ryo who had introduced them at a fashion magazine party right after Erika's homecoming from a year abroad in England.
Surprisingly though the two of them had hit it off. YamaPi supposed it was because they were so similar. Both played up a slight crude, rude image that really was just a mask for the deep passion for life that they had buried within. It was because of that similarity that they had many shared experiences of being burned by rumors and the mass media as well. Erika, with her skittishness about relationships and men, found solace in Jin, who was able to convince her that he was real in a world that thrived on distorted images and fakery. Jin, with his love the spotlight and disgust for the strings that came attached with it, found a kindred spirit in Erika, who refused to give up her sass and fire despite her management's constant warnings that she should to better her image. Because they accepted each other completely, they did not have to compromise themselves when they were together.
YamaPi longed for that. To be naked and open with someone. But not just in a physical sense-if it need only be physical, YamaPi could have been satisfied a long time ago. It was the emotional he wanted, what he craved. (He had had him once upon a time, but like all good things, he had not realized it until he was gone.)
"So, what's so urgent?" Jin's mug of beer had already arrived and he started in with a good gulp. "Your message sounded kind of urgent."
"It wasn't urgent," YamaPi maintained. "Just something I really wanted to tell you."
Jin chuckled. "Fine. What is it that you wanted to really tell me? You were missing on Friday too. What was up with that? Kawano-san yelled at me for it, as if it was my fault!"
"That's because it usually is your fault." YamaPi paused as the waitress returned once more, bringing them their various side dishes before their main meal. "I ordered bulgolgi; I hope that's okay."
"When has it not been okay? That's like the only thing we eat when we come here." Jin quickly reached over and snagged some kimchi from the bowl closest to YamaPi as they waited for their meals to arrive. "Besides, don't change the subject. What happened on Friday?"
"A lot happened," YamaPi said ambiguously as the speedy waitress returned yet again with their steaming dishes of bulgolgi and white rice.
"Excuse me? Aren't you Akanishi Jin from KAT-TUN?"
YamaPi blinked, startled. Their waitress-clearly not from around here, if her heavy, foreign-accented Japanese said anything-had addressed them. Actually, it was more like she had just addressed Jin, as she was looking straight at him as if YamaPi hardly existed, which was hardly something YamaPi was used to nowadays.
Jin engaged with the girl, obviously indulging her. "I am! And this is my friend, YamaPi!" YamaPi kicked Jin in the shin underneath the table; the last thing he really wanted to be doing was playing small talk with some random girl he could care less about. Jin was not deterred by YamaPi's kick however, and continued to chat up the girl. "You're not from around here, are you?"
"I'm actually just here for the summer from America!" she returned with a gleeful smile that both idols were accustomed to seeing from overjoyed fans meeting their idols for the first time.
As soon as the word "America" fell from the young girl's lips, Jin immediately switched into his passable English (refined over time by all his clubbing in the American clubs in Roppongi with Erika) and YamaPi lost track of the conversation. He picked up snippets-something about New York, being Korean, and her family in Japan-but otherwise barely paid attention to the chatter at hand, more preoccupied with the happenings in his own life over the past few days.
Eventually, Jin wrapped up his talk with the waitress/fangirl and even offered her an autograph on her order pad. In turn, she scribbled something down and tucked it into Jin's hand, giving him a wink before walking away from the table and back into the kitchen.
YamaPi shook his head in disbelief. What was it with girls and Jin? Even when his relationship with Erika was clearly obvious from all the tabloid photos, he still got numbers.
Jin eagerly unfolded the slip of paper to see what he had received. "Oh, it's just her phone number." He crumpled it, sticking it in the currently empty ashtray on the edge of the table.
YamaPi rolled his eyes. "Did you really expect it to be something else after that rousing conversation?"
"It could have been a coupon for our next meal here, you never know!" Jin retorted, though from his tone he clearly recognized how stupid that sounded. "Anyway, getting back to the important things. What kind of 'a lot' happened on Friday?"
"A lot of stuff," YamaPi slowly started, reaching for the bean sprouts in front of him. "I went to see Koyama."
Jin, who had been taking a swig from his mug before starting on his plate of yummy beef, swallowed down his beer a little too quickly, coughing a little after he did. "Wait. Koyama? As in, Koyama Keiichiro? That Koyama? The one who up and left the jimusho without a trace after NewS broke up?"
YamaPi nibbled on the end of one of his pieces of beef, not meeting Jin's piercing gaze. "Yes. That Koyama. After all this time, we found him."
"I wasn't aware you were looking for him in the first place."
"I wasn't aware I was either, but I guess I was."
Jin noted the solemn, dark turn his best friend's voice took and frowned slightly. The hesitation and the hedging, none of it was like YamaPi at all. "Pi, what happened? Is Koyama alright?"
With a heavy sigh, YamaPi set his chopsticks down and finally looked up at Jin, meeting his concerned friend's eyes. "He's a different person now. A completely different person. And it's my fault."
"Is this about NewS again? How many times do Ryo and I have to tell you that that was not your fault? Johnny was just being an asshole." Jin bit into a particularly big slice of beef, grinding it down with his teeth. "Not. Your. Fault."
"I know that," YamaPi returned, his voice forceful so that Jin knew he was not just wallowing in self-pity again. "But this, with Koyama, this was my fault."
Completely clueless at this point, Jin did not say a word and simply waited silently for YamaPi to continue.
YamaPi took in a deep breath-calming himself or bracing himself, he was not all that sure-before speaking again. "You remember when I broke up with Yuu-chan?"
"Yeah, of course I do. You said she wasn't worth it anymore and were upset for months afterward."
"I wasn't upset about Yuu-chan. …Koyama and I, well, we were kind of together when NewS broke up."
"For how long?"
"Maybe a year? It wasn't exactly popular knowledge but…"
"So when you were with Yuu, you and Koyama were having an affair?"
YamaPi bristled at Jin's choice of words. Even after five years, he refused to think it had been an affair. If it had been an affair, it would have been something he would have easily had been able to toss aside after it had been over. Except for him, it had never really been over. Just incomplete. "It wasn't an affair."
"Technically you were cheating on your girlfriend with Koyama, Pi. What else would you call that?"
"It was a relationship," YamaPi maintained. "It still is a relationship."
Jin silent, took in YamaPi-the heaviness in his eyes, the way his jaw clenched, his fisted hand against the edge of the table. "You two were really serious," Jin whispered, not so much in surprise as he was just in awe of the way YamaPi was so totally and utterly emotionally invested in Koyama. How had he not noticed before? He should have noticed this in his best friend of all people. "Why didn't you say anything, Pi?"
"It wasn't exactly something I was proud of," YamaPi admitted. "I was sneaking around with one of my band-mates while dating this gorgeous girl, who was two-timing on me at the same time. Neither one was a healthy relationship. Besides, I think I was afraid that if I defined it-made it real-it would go away; I didn't want it to go away."
At this point, Jin had also set his chopsticks aside and was focused on YamaPi' story. "You didn’t want Koyama to go away?" he gently clarified.
YamaPi nodded in answer. "He's been living out in the country ever since he left the jimusho. Ryo found him when he was location shooting last week and told me. I eventually found out from Sakamoto-senpai that Koyama was working for some travel agency out there and then I went out to see him on Friday."
Jin again found himself confused. "V6's Sakamoto-senpai? Why did he know where Koyama was of all people?"
"He helped Koyama get the job; apparently, before he debuted with V6 he worked for them for a short time and still had friends there."
"Oh." Jin watched as YamaPi took a long drink from his oolonghai, finishing it off. "So, what exactly happened with Koyama on Friday then?"
YamaPi stared at the empty glass, running his finger in an endless circle along its rim. "I went to his work and he was upset. Yelled at me even. And really it wasn't like I didn't deserve it-I had taken him completely for granted when we were together, shut myself off from him, and made him think he was unwanted.
"I didn't know what else to do, so I just waited for him to cool down and tried to talk to him later that evening. He was still upset, but at least more receptive to what I had to say. At that point it was pretty late, so he took me back to his apartment and…" YamaPi's finger stopped in its place on the glass' rim as he struggled to vocalize the emotions he had been overwhelmed with when he first stepped into the apartment that evening. "Just being let into that world for the first time, seeing who Koyama had become-a mere shell of who he had been-it was hard. I mean, Koyama was an idol, Jin, like us. He shone in the spotlight, glittered even. And now, he's just…"
"…dull?"
YamaPi sighed, staring down at his untouched bulgolgi, probably cold by now. "I guess you could say that, but the idea of describing him like that-the idea that he could fit that description-is upsetting and frustrating. It's just like he's just walking through life-going through the motions, but not actually living it."
"And you want to fix it?"
"I do!" YamaPi earnestly answered; his voice much louder, but still not to be heard beyond the privacy of their table. "I know it's not all my fault-that the shock of NewS' breakup had a lot to do with it too-but I feel like maybe if I had said something back then instead of keeping my mouth shut and being so insistent on keeping things they way they were at that time instead of rolling with the changes and trying to make them work, maybe I could have saved Koyama."
Jin nodded his head solemnly. "It sounds like Koyama doesn't want to be saved though, Pi. At least not by you and maybe not by anyone."
"He let me stay the night, but when I woke up, he was already gone."
"So nothing happened?"
YamaPi laughed weakly. "He could barely look at me, let alone talk to me. Even if I wanted to touch him, I couldn't even bring myself to. There was no way anything could have happened."
"What about Yui-chan?"
"Yui…is my girlfriend."
Jin arched his eyebrow suspiciously at YamaPi's hesitant assertion. "And Koyama is?"
"Koyama is Koyama."
YamaPi's best friend was not in the least surprised by his conviction when he came to Koyama; after all, that was what this entire conversation had been about, right? "Pi, you know, I don't think that would fly with Yui."
"As reasonable as she can be, I don't think so either," YamaPi sighed, picking up his chopsticks once more if only to randomly shift around the rice on his plate. "But I don't know where this thing with Koyama is going, Jin. I know where I want it to go-I want it all back-but that's not my choice. It's Koyama's."
As he felt the conversation wind down, Jin slowly reached for his mug of beer (bubbles having dissipated long ago) and took a small sip. "I don't even know what to tell you, Pi," Jin honestly admitted, looking his best friend straight in the eye. "I can't say I agree with what you are doing to Yui, but that's your choice. I just feel like you maybe shouldn't get your hopes up too high about Koyama; it doesn't sound like 'fixing' him will be easy."
"I never said it would be," YamaPi assured. "Besides, these kinds of things are always easier said than done."
"You sound like you speak from experience."
"Just yours."
"Kame and I are different."
"How?"
"Kame was never 'broken', Pi."
"But you had to earn back his trust."
"There are days when I don't think I ever really did."
And that's all she wrote. yes, i apparently was trying to imply akame
But I still like it. And since it sort of stands alone, I thought I'd post it.
Jin slid into their booth in the back of the small, crowded Korean restaurant and YamaPi breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh good. You didn't bring Erika-chan along."
Jin arched an eyebrow at YamaPi, but did not say any more as a waitress approached and offered Jin a warm washcloth. He took it kindly and then quickly ordered a mug of beer, sending the bright-eyed girl away so he could get in a word to his best friend. "…you did just say this was the two of us, Pi."
YamaPi shrugged, drinking from his own half-full glass of oolonghai. "Well, I don't know. You and Erika-chan are practically married nowadays, with the way you two are attached to each other."
Jin grinned softly with a shake of his head. "Just don't tell her that, okay? She'll start running before you can even finish your sentence."
"I know."
YamaPi has never told Jin how much he envied him and his relationship with the supposed queen bitch of the Japanese entertainment industry, Sawajiri Erika. Not even two years into their relationship and they were practically domestic-living together in Jin's formerly proclaimed bachelor pad (though for image's sake Erika still kept her own apartment across the city), walking Pin together on afternoons off, and occasionally double-dating with YamaPi and Yui when schedules permitted. No one had expected them to hit it off as well as they had, least of all Ryo who had introduced them at a fashion magazine party right after Erika's homecoming from a year abroad in England.
Surprisingly though the two of them had hit it off. YamaPi supposed it was because they were so similar. Both played up a slight crude, rude image that really was just a mask for the deep passion for life that they had buried within. It was because of that similarity that they had many shared experiences of being burned by rumors and the mass media as well. Erika, with her skittishness about relationships and men, found solace in Jin, who was able to convince her that he was real in a world that thrived on distorted images and fakery. Jin, with his love the spotlight and disgust for the strings that came attached with it, found a kindred spirit in Erika, who refused to give up her sass and fire despite her management's constant warnings that she should to better her image. Because they accepted each other completely, they did not have to compromise themselves when they were together.
YamaPi longed for that. To be naked and open with someone. But not just in a physical sense-if it need only be physical, YamaPi could have been satisfied a long time ago. It was the emotional he wanted, what he craved. (He had had him once upon a time, but like all good things, he had not realized it until he was gone.)
"So, what's so urgent?" Jin's mug of beer had already arrived and he started in with a good gulp. "Your message sounded kind of urgent."
"It wasn't urgent," YamaPi maintained. "Just something I really wanted to tell you."
Jin chuckled. "Fine. What is it that you wanted to really tell me? You were missing on Friday too. What was up with that? Kawano-san yelled at me for it, as if it was my fault!"
"That's because it usually is your fault." YamaPi paused as the waitress returned once more, bringing them their various side dishes before their main meal. "I ordered bulgolgi; I hope that's okay."
"When has it not been okay? That's like the only thing we eat when we come here." Jin quickly reached over and snagged some kimchi from the bowl closest to YamaPi as they waited for their meals to arrive. "Besides, don't change the subject. What happened on Friday?"
"A lot happened," YamaPi said ambiguously as the speedy waitress returned yet again with their steaming dishes of bulgolgi and white rice.
"Excuse me? Aren't you Akanishi Jin from KAT-TUN?"
YamaPi blinked, startled. Their waitress-clearly not from around here, if her heavy, foreign-accented Japanese said anything-had addressed them. Actually, it was more like she had just addressed Jin, as she was looking straight at him as if YamaPi hardly existed, which was hardly something YamaPi was used to nowadays.
Jin engaged with the girl, obviously indulging her. "I am! And this is my friend, YamaPi!" YamaPi kicked Jin in the shin underneath the table; the last thing he really wanted to be doing was playing small talk with some random girl he could care less about. Jin was not deterred by YamaPi's kick however, and continued to chat up the girl. "You're not from around here, are you?"
"I'm actually just here for the summer from America!" she returned with a gleeful smile that both idols were accustomed to seeing from overjoyed fans meeting their idols for the first time.
As soon as the word "America" fell from the young girl's lips, Jin immediately switched into his passable English (refined over time by all his clubbing in the American clubs in Roppongi with Erika) and YamaPi lost track of the conversation. He picked up snippets-something about New York, being Korean, and her family in Japan-but otherwise barely paid attention to the chatter at hand, more preoccupied with the happenings in his own life over the past few days.
Eventually, Jin wrapped up his talk with the waitress/fangirl and even offered her an autograph on her order pad. In turn, she scribbled something down and tucked it into Jin's hand, giving him a wink before walking away from the table and back into the kitchen.
YamaPi shook his head in disbelief. What was it with girls and Jin? Even when his relationship with Erika was clearly obvious from all the tabloid photos, he still got numbers.
Jin eagerly unfolded the slip of paper to see what he had received. "Oh, it's just her phone number." He crumpled it, sticking it in the currently empty ashtray on the edge of the table.
YamaPi rolled his eyes. "Did you really expect it to be something else after that rousing conversation?"
"It could have been a coupon for our next meal here, you never know!" Jin retorted, though from his tone he clearly recognized how stupid that sounded. "Anyway, getting back to the important things. What kind of 'a lot' happened on Friday?"
"A lot of stuff," YamaPi slowly started, reaching for the bean sprouts in front of him. "I went to see Koyama."
Jin, who had been taking a swig from his mug before starting on his plate of yummy beef, swallowed down his beer a little too quickly, coughing a little after he did. "Wait. Koyama? As in, Koyama Keiichiro? That Koyama? The one who up and left the jimusho without a trace after NewS broke up?"
YamaPi nibbled on the end of one of his pieces of beef, not meeting Jin's piercing gaze. "Yes. That Koyama. After all this time, we found him."
"I wasn't aware you were looking for him in the first place."
"I wasn't aware I was either, but I guess I was."
Jin noted the solemn, dark turn his best friend's voice took and frowned slightly. The hesitation and the hedging, none of it was like YamaPi at all. "Pi, what happened? Is Koyama alright?"
With a heavy sigh, YamaPi set his chopsticks down and finally looked up at Jin, meeting his concerned friend's eyes. "He's a different person now. A completely different person. And it's my fault."
"Is this about NewS again? How many times do Ryo and I have to tell you that that was not your fault? Johnny was just being an asshole." Jin bit into a particularly big slice of beef, grinding it down with his teeth. "Not. Your. Fault."
"I know that," YamaPi returned, his voice forceful so that Jin knew he was not just wallowing in self-pity again. "But this, with Koyama, this was my fault."
Completely clueless at this point, Jin did not say a word and simply waited silently for YamaPi to continue.
YamaPi took in a deep breath-calming himself or bracing himself, he was not all that sure-before speaking again. "You remember when I broke up with Yuu-chan?"
"Yeah, of course I do. You said she wasn't worth it anymore and were upset for months afterward."
"I wasn't upset about Yuu-chan. …Koyama and I, well, we were kind of together when NewS broke up."
"For how long?"
"Maybe a year? It wasn't exactly popular knowledge but…"
"So when you were with Yuu, you and Koyama were having an affair?"
YamaPi bristled at Jin's choice of words. Even after five years, he refused to think it had been an affair. If it had been an affair, it would have been something he would have easily had been able to toss aside after it had been over. Except for him, it had never really been over. Just incomplete. "It wasn't an affair."
"Technically you were cheating on your girlfriend with Koyama, Pi. What else would you call that?"
"It was a relationship," YamaPi maintained. "It still is a relationship."
Jin silent, took in YamaPi-the heaviness in his eyes, the way his jaw clenched, his fisted hand against the edge of the table. "You two were really serious," Jin whispered, not so much in surprise as he was just in awe of the way YamaPi was so totally and utterly emotionally invested in Koyama. How had he not noticed before? He should have noticed this in his best friend of all people. "Why didn't you say anything, Pi?"
"It wasn't exactly something I was proud of," YamaPi admitted. "I was sneaking around with one of my band-mates while dating this gorgeous girl, who was two-timing on me at the same time. Neither one was a healthy relationship. Besides, I think I was afraid that if I defined it-made it real-it would go away; I didn't want it to go away."
At this point, Jin had also set his chopsticks aside and was focused on YamaPi' story. "You didn’t want Koyama to go away?" he gently clarified.
YamaPi nodded in answer. "He's been living out in the country ever since he left the jimusho. Ryo found him when he was location shooting last week and told me. I eventually found out from Sakamoto-senpai that Koyama was working for some travel agency out there and then I went out to see him on Friday."
Jin again found himself confused. "V6's Sakamoto-senpai? Why did he know where Koyama was of all people?"
"He helped Koyama get the job; apparently, before he debuted with V6 he worked for them for a short time and still had friends there."
"Oh." Jin watched as YamaPi took a long drink from his oolonghai, finishing it off. "So, what exactly happened with Koyama on Friday then?"
YamaPi stared at the empty glass, running his finger in an endless circle along its rim. "I went to his work and he was upset. Yelled at me even. And really it wasn't like I didn't deserve it-I had taken him completely for granted when we were together, shut myself off from him, and made him think he was unwanted.
"I didn't know what else to do, so I just waited for him to cool down and tried to talk to him later that evening. He was still upset, but at least more receptive to what I had to say. At that point it was pretty late, so he took me back to his apartment and…" YamaPi's finger stopped in its place on the glass' rim as he struggled to vocalize the emotions he had been overwhelmed with when he first stepped into the apartment that evening. "Just being let into that world for the first time, seeing who Koyama had become-a mere shell of who he had been-it was hard. I mean, Koyama was an idol, Jin, like us. He shone in the spotlight, glittered even. And now, he's just…"
"…dull?"
YamaPi sighed, staring down at his untouched bulgolgi, probably cold by now. "I guess you could say that, but the idea of describing him like that-the idea that he could fit that description-is upsetting and frustrating. It's just like he's just walking through life-going through the motions, but not actually living it."
"And you want to fix it?"
"I do!" YamaPi earnestly answered; his voice much louder, but still not to be heard beyond the privacy of their table. "I know it's not all my fault-that the shock of NewS' breakup had a lot to do with it too-but I feel like maybe if I had said something back then instead of keeping my mouth shut and being so insistent on keeping things they way they were at that time instead of rolling with the changes and trying to make them work, maybe I could have saved Koyama."
Jin nodded his head solemnly. "It sounds like Koyama doesn't want to be saved though, Pi. At least not by you and maybe not by anyone."
"He let me stay the night, but when I woke up, he was already gone."
"So nothing happened?"
YamaPi laughed weakly. "He could barely look at me, let alone talk to me. Even if I wanted to touch him, I couldn't even bring myself to. There was no way anything could have happened."
"What about Yui-chan?"
"Yui…is my girlfriend."
Jin arched his eyebrow suspiciously at YamaPi's hesitant assertion. "And Koyama is?"
"Koyama is Koyama."
YamaPi's best friend was not in the least surprised by his conviction when he came to Koyama; after all, that was what this entire conversation had been about, right? "Pi, you know, I don't think that would fly with Yui."
"As reasonable as she can be, I don't think so either," YamaPi sighed, picking up his chopsticks once more if only to randomly shift around the rice on his plate. "But I don't know where this thing with Koyama is going, Jin. I know where I want it to go-I want it all back-but that's not my choice. It's Koyama's."
As he felt the conversation wind down, Jin slowly reached for his mug of beer (bubbles having dissipated long ago) and took a small sip. "I don't even know what to tell you, Pi," Jin honestly admitted, looking his best friend straight in the eye. "I can't say I agree with what you are doing to Yui, but that's your choice. I just feel like you maybe shouldn't get your hopes up too high about Koyama; it doesn't sound like 'fixing' him will be easy."
"I never said it would be," YamaPi assured. "Besides, these kinds of things are always easier said than done."
"You sound like you speak from experience."
"Just yours."
"Kame and I are different."
"How?"
"Kame was never 'broken', Pi."
"But you had to earn back his trust."
"There are days when I don't think I ever really did."
And that's all she wrote. yes, i apparently was trying to imply akame