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Feeling like there is so much on my mind to get out but on the other hand there is nothing. So frustrating.
It's getting closer to kyes 2nd birthday and as much as I try not to think about him I can't help it. He is my little boy. This time 2years ago he had stopped moving and I remember sitting at the bottom of a freezing cold shower begging him to kick. He didn't kick. I was so scared, and I hate that my mind has now tried to keep me' from the pain and memories and little things will keep coming back to my mind, like the afternoon after I'd finally given birth, my room had a sign on it that said don't come in, but a nurse decided to ignor that, and while I was having a last cuddle with my son she came in and said he was so quiet and that she bet he would grow up and be the neighborhood menace. I couldn't speak I was in shock, and She just kept saying how tiny he was and that he will catch up eventually. Was pure hell. After about 10mins of her saying that he will catch up and asking all about his name and saying he will grow up to be perfect I finally got it together and just said please stop it, my son died and I'm trying to say goodbye. She looked so shocked and just quickly left the room.
There is so many memories popping up lately and my heart is feeling so torn. I look at summer with so much love and I just miss kye so much, I wonder what he would be like, wonder who he would have looked like and I will always wonder about what could have been. It's dangerous to think about all the things that could have been.
I just miss my kye bear. I will always love him, and I'll always remember his birthday, and how cute he was, how he had my hands and feet, and my hair colour.
27 weeks <3
Kye bear <3
Mummy will always love you my sweet pea
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