(no subject)
So I've just sort of been thinking about things, and one of the things that came into my head was sexuality, and how people present and perceive it. Specifically, homo/bisexuality.
Both heterosexual and non-heterosexual people will present alternate sexualities as identities, and I don't think they are. Being gay isn't who you are, but a facet of you. It's one of a hundred different things that make you who you are. There's nothing wrong with being proud of your sexuality or embracing it, but when you try to define yourself--or other people--by it, you run the risk of creating stereotypes. Saying that 'gay' or 'lesbian' are identities also puts forth the idea that 'gay' and 'lesbian' have certain criteria. I'm sure we're all familiar with the homosexual stereotypes; they're rampant pretty much everywhere. Some of them are downright offensive and hurtful, and some are just bizarre. And they come about because people present a sexuality as an identity, as if who you like in bed has anything to do with what kind of person you are.
America as a society is very concerned with what other people are doing. We're concerned with that they're eating, what they're wearing, what they're watching, and who they're sleeping with. It's an obsession. Gossip is a national pastime. Half of our entertainment consists of talking about that time when so-and-so did such-and-such with whogivesacrap in Bumfuck, USA. This is by no means unique to America, of course, but as I can't speak for any other countries, I'm going with the American perspective here. We're a gossipy people, and this extends to sexuality.
There are, of course, people who think that being anything other than straight as an arrow--and also white and, preferably, male--is wrong. This varies in intensity from 'ew' to 'you are a sin against the grand creator of the universe, and your very existence is an error that tarnishes my soul every time I come into contact with you', but it's all toxic. 'Harmless' homophobia still teaches that homo/bisexuality is something other and different and strange, and should be feared and made alien.
And then there are people who are very accepting and supportive and encouraging, and that's good. Those people help.
And then there are people who don't care.
And everyone, except for that third group--of which there are few--are adding to the problem. They assign traits to 'gay', put labels on it, and say that you need to fit into one of them. We love labeling things. We'll come up with the most convoluted descriptors, but they're still descriptors. They're labels. They're saying that your sexuality also determines your personality, and I say that's a load of bull.
Who you sleep with and what kind of sex has no bearing on what kind of person you are. You can be the sweetest little girl on earth and like heavy lesbian S&M and bondage, or the most manly football playing guy and like getting pegged by your girlfriend. Sex is just one facet of people, one that we pay a lot of attention to, but not the only one.
Most heterosexual people don't describe themselves by their sexuality. They don't say, "Hi, I'm Courtney, and I really like to have sex with men." It's, "Hi, I'm Courtney, and I like to read fantasy and sci-fi, and I really like animals." Saying that your identity is your sexuality is saying that all of the traits you display are also because of that, that they're somehow intertwined. The slim gay boy who likes shopping and manicures somehow likes these things because he's gay, not along with being gay. The butch lesbian girl would presumably be very feminine if she weren't a lesbian. It's a ridiculous assumption to make, of course, but that's what you get down to when people start identifying themselves by their sexualities. It leads to stereotypes.
So I say: embrace your sexuality. Be proud of it. Don't let anyone shame you into hiding it or feeling bad about it. But don't identify yourself by what you like to do in bed and who you like to do it with, because that's not the only part of you.
Both heterosexual and non-heterosexual people will present alternate sexualities as identities, and I don't think they are. Being gay isn't who you are, but a facet of you. It's one of a hundred different things that make you who you are. There's nothing wrong with being proud of your sexuality or embracing it, but when you try to define yourself--or other people--by it, you run the risk of creating stereotypes. Saying that 'gay' or 'lesbian' are identities also puts forth the idea that 'gay' and 'lesbian' have certain criteria. I'm sure we're all familiar with the homosexual stereotypes; they're rampant pretty much everywhere. Some of them are downright offensive and hurtful, and some are just bizarre. And they come about because people present a sexuality as an identity, as if who you like in bed has anything to do with what kind of person you are.
America as a society is very concerned with what other people are doing. We're concerned with that they're eating, what they're wearing, what they're watching, and who they're sleeping with. It's an obsession. Gossip is a national pastime. Half of our entertainment consists of talking about that time when so-and-so did such-and-such with whogivesacrap in Bumfuck, USA. This is by no means unique to America, of course, but as I can't speak for any other countries, I'm going with the American perspective here. We're a gossipy people, and this extends to sexuality.
There are, of course, people who think that being anything other than straight as an arrow--and also white and, preferably, male--is wrong. This varies in intensity from 'ew' to 'you are a sin against the grand creator of the universe, and your very existence is an error that tarnishes my soul every time I come into contact with you', but it's all toxic. 'Harmless' homophobia still teaches that homo/bisexuality is something other and different and strange, and should be feared and made alien.
And then there are people who are very accepting and supportive and encouraging, and that's good. Those people help.
And then there are people who don't care.
And everyone, except for that third group--of which there are few--are adding to the problem. They assign traits to 'gay', put labels on it, and say that you need to fit into one of them. We love labeling things. We'll come up with the most convoluted descriptors, but they're still descriptors. They're labels. They're saying that your sexuality also determines your personality, and I say that's a load of bull.
Who you sleep with and what kind of sex has no bearing on what kind of person you are. You can be the sweetest little girl on earth and like heavy lesbian S&M and bondage, or the most manly football playing guy and like getting pegged by your girlfriend. Sex is just one facet of people, one that we pay a lot of attention to, but not the only one.
Most heterosexual people don't describe themselves by their sexuality. They don't say, "Hi, I'm Courtney, and I really like to have sex with men." It's, "Hi, I'm Courtney, and I like to read fantasy and sci-fi, and I really like animals." Saying that your identity is your sexuality is saying that all of the traits you display are also because of that, that they're somehow intertwined. The slim gay boy who likes shopping and manicures somehow likes these things because he's gay, not along with being gay. The butch lesbian girl would presumably be very feminine if she weren't a lesbian. It's a ridiculous assumption to make, of course, but that's what you get down to when people start identifying themselves by their sexualities. It leads to stereotypes.
So I say: embrace your sexuality. Be proud of it. Don't let anyone shame you into hiding it or feeling bad about it. But don't identify yourself by what you like to do in bed and who you like to do it with, because that's not the only part of you.