The past couple of months
Well i guess u can say that i forget to update this thing all the time. The past coule of months have been, well not too good. Like i knew it would shaun and i fell apart. We were doing really well with the whole relationship thing and i guess we both started to get bored with it. We couldnt make up our minds if we wanted to be together or not. We broke up but still stayed close, very close. We were still in love with each other like mad. Of course i kept skipping school at least once a week to ya kno. But that wasn't just y we stayed with each other. He kept trying to make things right, but we wanted to make sure if we did get back together things would work. There was this one night, that he finally broke down on the phone and was like "god damn blake i am so in love with u". To be honest, i would do anything to hear that again. Well one day i skipped 4th and went down to the pavillion to chill. A chic had a bottle of rum, so we started to drink. I swore i was only gonna have a couple of drinks but despite was i told myself and how shaun yelled at me for it i like downed more than half of the bottle. So i am smashed and shaun has whitney and her parents take me home. i cant really rememeber wut happened next but acacording to my brother i got depressed called shaun and bitched him out and kept yellin that he didnt love me. Then my bro said i got so upset i stumbled into the bathrrom and took 6 oxycodene. I kept sayin i wanted to die and i hated my life. i guess the truth comes out when ur drunk. Then my parents came home noticed that i was on something and almost flew threw the roof. My step dad came up and threatened that i would never see shaun and whitney again. Like alwayz since i was drunk i just hit him. Next thing i kno my step dad and i r fist fightin. I kept blacking out. I remember coming back consious and bein pushed down stairs and my mom screaming. Then i black out again and when i came consious again two cops were there tryin to put me in cuffs. I apparently put up a good fight and they finally got me cuffed and arrested me. They took me to the hospital where i begged the nurse to let me call shaun. Hysterical i called him and told him what happened, i could swear he sounded like he was cryin but i was still a little tipsey so im not sure. After that the nurse asked what happeend and i told her what i knew. Accordin to the hospital report i threw up and kept blackin out and comming back to consiousness. I rememeber wakin up and bein perfectly sober and i was able to walk and talk like normal. I remember talkin to a hospital shrink whold me that I had 2 options - Juvy or Brooklane. I choose Brooklane because anyone who really knew me at that time knew that i needed some help. Then i asked the shrink if shaun was there. he said "they were" i asked y they left and he said that i couldnt see anybody cuz i was on an emergency petition. That just about broke my heart. Well i get to brooklane and find out that i would not be allowed to call shaun or whitney. I could only talk to family. Brooklane was alrite. But it was so depressing. My mom broke to me one night when she was visting that i wasn't allowed to see or speak to whitney anymore and that shaun and i had to take a break. That killed me. God for her to take away two of the things i loved the most. She said that shaun and i could talk but not alot. Ya kno he was the thing that got me out of brooklane. Everyday i thought about him and everytime i wanted to go off on someone i stopped and thought of him. I never thought things would end the way they did. Well about a week later i am relased from brooklane. As soon as i get home i call shaun. I cried and he did too. He was like "blake i swear if u drink like that again..." he kept repeating how much he loved me and how the week was horrible without me. It made me feel so good. Well things were goin ok. Not too good considerin i was living ina hosue with a cop i hated and who caused this whole thing. But havin shaun was good. Things got a little shady after a while. He started to act weird and i wanted to kno y. One day i was on the phone with his friend King who broke the news to me that shaun and lindsey (the slut of hagerstown) had fucked. I swear my life crumbled. I then come to find out it happened while i was in brooklane and hours after i came home. It still hurts to kno that the thing that helped me get threw everything did that. I talked to him about it and he explained how he "loves me but isnt IN love with me". Now i undersatnd how he feels cuz i still have love for him, but i am not in love with him. I am sick of the head games and i just can't take it anymore. I'm done, we r threw. I recently dated a guy names aaron (alotta people kno him as skitzo) and granted he treated me right, but i wasnt into him. I guess u can say i'm "pimpin" it now. Skitzo and i r still talkin kinda, cam and i r talkin and i got 2 other guys that im slowly startin to lure into my orbit. LOL. oh my. i guess life is a little better. True , im not completely happy but i work through everything. I got a job a red horse so u all should come see me.. Well im out for the night. Later