Fic: I'll Take You There - Glee, Blam, PG
Title: I'll Take You There
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Blam
Rating: PG
Word Count: 5k
Summary:...in which bowties are a bad omen, Lord Tubbington becomes a naval officer, and Sam tries to get his shit together before it's too late.
Author's Note: So I prompted this fic on comment_fic some time ago, and scripps went and prompted it back. THANK YOU, SCRIPPS. You've gone and encouraged me to answer my own damned prompt... again. (No, seriously, dude. Thanks ;)
Sam will be the first one to admit - if only to himself - that he kind of chickened out after that whole thing with his SATs and the scholarship essay video that Blaine made for him.
He isn't proud of it. In fact, the Blonde Chameleon would be ashamed (if the Blonde Chameleon was a real alter ego, and not just an old suit that Sam wore, once, for a cousin's wedding.)
It's just that everything seemed to be changing so fast... Almost overnight, Finn had become Sam's teacher. Mr. Hummel was sick, and Sam and Brittany were married (except not really). Suddenly, Brittany was a genius... and the only thing - the only one - keeping the world even kinda, sorta sane was Blaine.
Seeing through Sam's bullshit. Sitting Sam down and making Sam see through it, too...
Talking to all of Sam's friends and putting that video together, even after the way Sam had acted that week - and never once giving Sam crap about his shitty attitude, which Blaine would have totally been in his rights to do.
It's not like Blaine hadn't had Sam's back all this year. But to go through all that trouble - to put up with so much of Sam's shit just because Sam needed him to, without Sam even asking... Sam's never had someone who wasn't family do that for him before. It's the kind of thing that Sam would do himself for Stevie, or for Stacie, if it would help, and he liked to think that he loves Blaine like a brother, before... But when Sam pulled Blaine to him in the astronomy classroom, and held Blaine close, he didn't feel the way that he feels when he hugs Stevie. Not even close.
So Sam backed off.
Not a lot. Not, he doesn't think, very noticeably. But he stopped checking in with Blaine every day as to whether or not Blaine's talked to Kurt or heard from Sebastian or Eli... Thinking that maybe, if he stopped thinking so much about Blaine's love life, he would stop thinking so much about Blaine's love life. He started saying that he loves Blaine like a brother, to his face, as if - by saying it - he can make it true. He promised himself not to ditch his girlfriend at any more dances to run off and do something with Blaine (no matter how awesome), and he and Brittany spent pretty much all of Mr. Schue's almost-wedding all over one another.
Clearly...
This is the punishment for Sam's cowardice.
"I don't know, guys... I just didn't think it was anything serious."
None of the other New Directions that Tina called into the auditorium for an emergency meeting have anything more to say about the problem than Marley, but Tina - at least - shares Sam's thoughts on the topic.
"Not serious?" Tina repeats, looking maybe a little more freaked out than necessary. "Did you see what he was wearing yesterday?!"
Sam sees Ryder and Jake share a lost look out of the corner of his eye, but he can only nod solemnly.
"The bowties are back," Sam says, trying not to freak out himself.
"This is extremely serious," Tina insists. "Blaine is in full-on Klaine mode. Out of remission. He actually thinks that he and Kurt are getting back together, even though Kurt totally booty-called him at Schue's non-wedding!"
"And that's bad... because?" Marley asks, frowning. "I thought he and Kurt had, like, this epic love story or something." A few of her fellow New Directions newbies nod, despite the sound Tina makes in the background.
Sam ignores Tina's scoffs, and the way Marley's words make his stomach feel, and focuses on getting one point across. "It's bad because Blaine can get so caught up in Kurt sometimes that he forgets about himself." It had never occurred to Sam before Blaine and Kurt's break-up, but now that it has, the thought of them getting back together... after the way Blaine heart-eyed Kurt all through Mr. Schue and Mrs. Pillsbury's reception, and Kurt told anyone who'd listen that they're just friends-
"And had is the operative word," Tina adds. "They aren't together, they aren't getting back together, and the sooner somebody helps Blaine figure that out, the better!"
Kitty makes some pretty unkind comments about Tina's motivations in keeping Blaine and Kurt apart - and how Kitty thinks Tina'd like to help Blaine "figure that out" - but Sam has already zoned out of the conversation and lets Tina fight her own battles.
He's Blaine's best friend. He's the guy who Blaine talked sense into when Sam was going off the rails. Sam is the "somebody" who needs to talk some sense into Blaine now. He just has to get over his own issues, man up, and do it.
~0~
Figuring out how... that's the easy part of Sam's task.
Or it should be.
Deciding what to say to Blaine shouldn't be difficult for Sam. He's had trouble - a time or two - convincing Blaine that he's as great a guy as he really is, but telling Blaine how great he is should be easy. Sam's never known anyone as easy for him to talk to as Blaine. And yet, Sam's been struggling with his feelings for Blaine for a while now - nevermind the question of how to share those feelings with Blaine or if he even wants to. And now Sam can't imagine looking Blaine in the eyes and telling him that going after Kurt again is a bad idea. Not without saying a whole lot of other things that he can't find the words for much less intends to say.
Ironically, it's Brittany who helps Sam put things into perspective. (Or maybe not so ironically - she was declared a genius just recently, after all.)
"Maybe you don't know how to keep Blaine and Kurt from getting back together because you don't really want to stop them from getting back together," she suggests, sewing some extra piping onto the costume she's making for Lord Tubbington for a reason that Sam can't remember. "I think it'd be great if they kissed and made up, like me and Santana."
Sam knows that it doesn't occur to Brittany that Sam might be bothered to hear her talk about her reunion with Santana (who she ditched Sam to hook up with after the dance at Mr. Schue's reception.) But it still helps him feel better about not really being bothered by it at all.
It also helps him feel okay about saying, "I don't think that's it. I think I'm having trouble telling Blaine not to get back together with Kurt because I don't know how to say it without sounding... you know. Jealous."
It doesn't occur to Brittany either, apparently, to talk about Sam being jealous about somebody else. Somebody else who's a guy, which obviously wouldn't really bother Brittany, but still-
"But you are jealous," she says, not a hint of uncertainty in her voice.
Sam just stares at her. "What?"
"It was sooo obvious at Mr. Schue and Coach Sylvester's wedding," Brittany explains, without explaining anything. Sam tries to correct her ("Britt, Mr. Schue didn't marry-") but Brittany goes on as if Sam hasn't said anything.
"I almost didn't notice because I was busy being jealous of Santana trying to talk Quinn into becoming a bicorn for her-"
"Trying to- Wait, what?"
Brittany looks at Sam over the stitching of Lord Tubbington's tiny jacket. "But when Kurt was singing with Blaine, you totally looked like you wanted to go up on the stage and hit Kurt with the microphone stand or something. It was kind of sad and kind of hot," Brittany finishes her little speech with a typical lack of any awkwardness whatsoever.
And she blows Sam's mind.
Because sometimes Brittany makes things sound simple that are really very complicated, and sometimes Brittany just points out how simple certain simple things really ought to be.
And Sam suddenly realizes that this is one of those times. Sam is jealous of Blaine being with Kurt. When he found out that the two of them had been having sex practically all day at Mr. Schue's wedding, he felt about as bad as he had the day he failed all of his aptitude tests. And Blaine maybe tends to lose himself when he's with Kurt, but (and Sam only feels a tiny bit full of himself in saying this) if anything, Blaine's found himself since Blam was created. Sam thinks he could really have a chance at making Blaine happy, if Blaine would let him.
So why shouldn't Sam admit how he's grown to feel about his best friend? To himself... to Blaine. Hell, to anybody who cares to hear it. Sam's best friend is gay, and (apparently) three of his ex-girlfriends are bi-sexual. When he thinks about it that way, being afraid to own up to loving a guy very much not like a brother seems sort of silly to Sam.
"Okay..." Sam breathes deep and tries to sound a lot calmer than he feels, having made kind of an important decision about what he's going to do with this revealation. "So... what now?"
"Now you do what we always do when we feel something we want everybody else to know about," Brittany says, as if it should be obvious. She holds up her sewing project in triumph, and Sam nods at her craftsmanship.
For a moment, he's distracted by wondering what Lord Tubbington could be doing that requires a tiny Navy Admiral's uniform, but he knows what Brittany is telling him.
He leaves pretty quickly after that, needing to do some research... and some practicing.
~0~
Despite Tina's panic and Sam's own misgivings, Blaine doesn't immediately drop out of school to shadow Kurt in New York, and the bowties disappear again after only a week. This gives Sam time to the what's and the when's and the where's of his not chickening out of saying what he's decided to say to Blaine.
Unfortunately, being prepared and being ready are too different things, and Sam almost kicks Operation Blam 2.0 into action twice before nearly blurting out his feelings in the fricking locker room on Guilty Pleasures week.
"Sam, do you... have feelings for me?" Blaine asks him, like he's expecting Sam to say no but he just can't help himself.
Sam's heart is beating in his chest a mile a minute. Since coming to terms with the way that his feelings for Blaine have changed, Sam's started to notice things that would probably have been obvious to him a long time ago if he hadn't been clinging to denial. Things that tell him that, even if Blaine is pining over Kurt again these days, he maybe wouldn't mind hearing that Sam's been pining over him.
Blaine even sang Sam a song (whatever Blaine might say, Sam knows that song was for him; he has to believe that, or he'll lose his nerve to sing his song for Blaine completely), and it's the first time that a Phil Collins song ever brought Sam to tears.
It occurs to Sam as Blaine stares at him, looking equal parts wary and hopeful, that he may have been backing out of opening up to Blaine this week because he's been waiting for Blaine to beat him to it. And Blaine looks so certain that he's about to be disappointed... Sam knows that he can't put this on him any longer. He almost says it - 'Yes... Yeah, dude, I do.' But Sam didn't stress over picking the perfect song to sing to Blaine, and then stress over performing it, for the past month for nothing.
Sam casts a look around, making sure that nobody's eavesdropping on what may as well be a 'yes' (otherwise, why wouldn't he just say 'no'?) and tells Blaine, "I don't want to talk about it here. Can you meet me in the auditorium after school?"
Blaine's eyes are as wide as saucers, but he stutters out a, "I- Of course. Of course, Sam, whatever you need but-" before Sam's nerves finally overtake him and he has to bolt.
"Cool. Thanks, bro! I'll see after school," Sam tosses over his shoulder as he high-tails it out of the locker room.
"Wait! Sam, why the-"
Sam doesn't stick around to hear whatever Blaine's about to ask him about, but he promises himself that he'll make it up to Blaine when he sings him his song. That is, if Blaine likes what Sam's song has to say.
Sam spends the rest of day practicing hope.
~0~
"Sam?"
When Blaine joins Sam in the auditorium, Sam already has two stools set up in the middle of the stage where his guitar also waits, he's got Kitty making sure that no one interrupts them (Sam asked if she would help him out, no questions asked, and she agreed remarkably easy; "If this'll nip Tina's next Emergency Creeper meeting in the bud, I'm all for it," she said), and Blaine keeps looking around him like he expects Sam to have someone hiding in the curtains to jump out and spook him at any moment.
"Sam, why did you want to meet-"
Sam straddles his stool, pulls his guitar strap over his head, and gestures to the stool in front of him as he answers. Blaine's blush as he perches carefully across from Sam is adorable, but then Blaine's face smoothes out, and Sam can practically hear inside of Blaine's head, the way Blaine is probably telling himself to calm down. Sam hasn't invited him, all alone, to sit with him in a dark auditorium with a guitar because he wants to sing to him.
Sam bites down on his smile and silently tells the voice he imagines inside of Blaine's head to shut the hell up.
"Blaine, I wanted you to meet me here in the auditorium because I have something to tell you. Something important..."
Blaine's expression immediately shifts to pure, undivided concern. "Are you al-"
"Yeah. Yeah, dude, I'm alright. You're alright. We're-" Sam stops and refines his statement. "Actually, no... I don't think you're alright. and I wanted to talk to you about it."
Sam realizes that he may have chosen the wrong approach to take with this when Blaine's shoulders go stiff and he sits up so straight on the stool, he might as well have been cared up from it.
"What?"
"Kurt, Blaine," Sam says. He had sort of resolved himself not to bring Kurt into this, because this seems complicated enough without bringing Blaine's uncertain feelings about his ex into it. But Sam just can't help himself. The one thing that scares him more than the fact that maybe he's misinterpreted Blaine's feelings for him as being the same as his feelings for Blaine is Kurt, and while Sam is trying this face-his-fears thing head-on, why not face them all at once? "Bro, you seemed totally fine about you and Kurt being just friends now and moving on... And then Mr. Schue's wedding happened, and bam. Suddenly, you've found your bowties again and you were all over Kurt at the wedding and-" Sam makes himself stop, really not wanting to keep going in the direction he's somehow wandered onto.
Blaine looks understandably confused.
"My... bowties? Sam... what are you talking about?"
"Timing, Blaine," Sam says. He's thought about this a lot Blaine was getting over Kurt. If Sam's right that Blaine was totally crushing on him back before the Sadie Hawkin's Day dance, then Blaine was still crushing about the time that Sam started to subtly freeze him out. Then Blaine starts chasing after Kurt again... It might not be a coincidence. "Why are you going after Kurt again? Why now?"
Blaine's gone red in the face again, but this time it's not because he's blushing shyly. "What do you mean, 'why now'? Sam, I've always loved Kurt..."
"But you aren't in love with him anymore," Sam insists. "You haven't been for a while." 'Otherwise you wouldn't have gotten hung up on me,' he wants to say. "Otherwise you wouldn't be so cool about that guy Adam Kurt's supposed to be seeing."
"That's none of your-"
"And you would actually care that Kurt spent the whole weekend of Schue's wedding telling everybody that you two are still friends," Sam says, unable to stop thinking about it, "even though everybody knew y'all were doing it every chance you got."
Sam flinches at the look that crosses Blaine's face at that, and he immediately reaches out, to grab Blaine if he has to and keep him from storming out, but Blaine just sits there, fuming, and Sam's hand goes back to his guitar.
"Dude, I'm not judging you..." Sam says in a softer voice. "I'm just saying. I don't think it's because you're falling in love with Kurt again. I think it's because you're just scared."
"Oh, really." Blaine says it with attitude, but there's a quaver in his voice that says Sam's on the right track, and it keeps Sam talking.
"Yeah. People do all kinds of stupid things when they're scared," Sam says, speaking from experience. "They do things they wouldn't do otherwise or they don't do things that they ought to do until it's almost too late..."
Some of Blaine's anger starts to deflate... Sam can see it. Confusion becomes the most obvious emotion on his face, and he sounds lost rather than defensive when he says, "What do you think I'm scared of, Sam? And what does that have to do with... with any of this."
Blaine looks around them, and Sam takes a deep breath.
"I think you're scared of loving someone who doesn't love you back," Sam says. 'And so am I,' he doesn't say yet. "And this... is my way of telling you that I- I want to help you out with that. I've prepared a song... and I hope it'll explain why I want to do that."
Blaine stares at Sam for a long moment - just staring. And then he nods. Sam pulls his guitar into position and starts to play.
"Much as you blame yourself, you can't be blamed for the way you feel...," he sings. "Had no example of a love that was even remotely real." He can see Blaine frowning at what Sam is suggesting, before the tune that Sam's adapted for his guitar starts to sink in and his face goes blank, then his eyes widen in shock.
It doesn't slow Sam's pulse when Blaine's lip part, like on a gasp, at all. But Sam keeps singing, refuses to let his eyes fall from Blaine's face. If this doesn't work, he probably won't be able to work up the nerve to try again, so he's got to give this attempt all he's got.
"How can you understand something that you never had?" Sam sings, silently apologizing to Kurt for kind of dissing him through song, even though Sam didn't write the lyrics. "Ooh, baby, if you let me, I can help you out with all of that..."
Blaine does gasp when Sam gets to the chorus of the song. "Oh, let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself... Boy, let me love you and all your trouble. Don't be afraid, boy, let me help."
And watching Blaine's face change as he sings, while continuing to sing like he can't see the crazy mix of emotions crossing his best friend's face, makes this one of the hardest performances that Sam's ever done. Blaine's eyes shine. He isn't smiling - or frowning anymore - and it kind of drives Sam nuts to not be able to tell just what, exactly, Blaine is thinking while Sam repeats, "Oh, let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself." These are someone else's words that Sam is singing, but Sam means them as a promise as he sings, "Boy, let me love you... A heart of numbness gets brought to life. I'll take you there."
This is probably the most vulnerable Sam has ever felt singing for someone, and he's sung for people he's cared about before. He sang to Quinn and to Mercedes and to Brittany... Sam isn't sure if it's that Blaine is the first guy that Sam's ever sung to, or that Sam isn't entirely sure how Blaine is going to react to what he's saying - or if it's a sign of how different what Sam feels for Blaine is from what Sam felt for all of the girls that he's loved. But, whatever it is, Sam can feel his pulse keeping pace with the rising tempo of the music he's making. He feels like his heart is in his throat, and if he thinks too much about what he's saying - about how true it is that Blaine doesn't love himself, not really; not yet...
Sam has to stop the thinking and concentrate on his next verse. "I can see the pain behind your eyes; it's been there for quite a while. I just wanna be the one to remind what it is to smile..." Sam thinks he's earned that right. He has been here for Blaine this year, too, after all. He was the one to pull Blaine out of his self-hating funk after Eli. Sam - not Kurt. "I would like to show you what true love can really do," Sam sings at the top of his lungs, knowing that every bit of want and please that he's feeling has got to be obvious in his voice.
Sam doesn't look away... but Blaine does. "Oh, let me love you..." Sam sings it again and again, sounding more like he's begging than singing at times, at least in his own ears.
Sam sings and wills Blaine to look back up at him - to give him some sign as to what he should do here. Obviously, what Sam is saying is upsetting Blaine... But why Blaine's upset is what's important. Even when Blaine stands up, like he's going to flee, and Sam has to drop his guitar - let the musical accompaniment stop with a sharp twang of his fingers jerking against the chords in surprise that Blaine is actually trying to run away from him - Sam just keeps singing, letting his voice carry his message. He wraps one hand around one of Blaine's wrists, and that's enough to stop Blaine from retreating. Other than to glance at Sam once, in surprise, Blaine still won't look Sam in the eyes, but he does listen to the rest of Sam's song.
"Oh, let me love you. I know you're troubled...," Sam sings, fighting against the lump that wants to settle in his throat. "Don't be afraid, boy, let me help. Let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself..."
Sam is singing much more quietly by the time he gets to the end. Blaine is looking at him again... and his eyes are full of tears. One escapes Blaine's thick lashes to run down his cheek as Sam sings softly, "Boy, let me love you. Let me love you, baby..." hoping that this isn't the only chance Blaine's ever going to give him to call him baby and get away with it.
Silence settles between them as soon as the song ends. The only sounds in the auditorium, in fact, are Blaine's unsteady breathing and - Sam is certain - the thud of Sam's heart.
"Why... why would you do this to me?" Blaine asks, so quietly Sam has to hold his breath to hear it.
This is why Sam chickened out as soon as he starting feeling more for Blaine than friendship. Because he knew it would hurt like this if he ended up saying something about it and Blaine shot him down.
The ache in Sam's chest says it's too late for playing chicken now, though, so Sam answers Blaine's question.
"I think the lyrics kind of speak for themselves, right? I- I love you, dude."
"Yeah, you love me," Blaine says, some new look in his eyes that Sam is kind of stunned to see - stunned to hear in Blaine's voice. "Like a brother." Blaine sounds almost bitter... No, really bitter; pissed, actually, and Sam's never had Blaine pissed at him before.
But if that's the only problem Blaine has with what Sam's saying, then Sam can live with that.
Sam slips his hand down from Blaine's wrist and takes Blaine's hand, threading their fingers together and enjoying seeing the anger seep out of Blaine's expression.
"Blaine, did it sound like I was singing to my brother just now?"
Telling Blaine that he loves him the way Sam usually tells people things that are important may not be enough in this instance, Sam realizes. Not after he's already told Blaine 'I love you' dozens of times but never in the context that he should have.
So Sam decides, on the spur of the moment, to give up on 'tell' and try 'show' - even though the thought of taking that step now (his first kiss with a boy... right after his first declaration of love to a boy - which is all kinds of backwards) sends a shot of pure adrenaline up Sam's spine.
"I- I don't understand-" Blaine mumbles weakly, but he's looking Sam in the eyes again, and he's licking his lips...
That's all the encouragement Sam needs. "Okay, then, I'll explain," Sam whispers, already moving in close enough that his words brush against Blaine's lips as he brings their mouths together.
Sam kisses Blaine slow and sweet - his practiced 'give me a chance and I promise to make it good for you' kiss; the kiss he uses when he likes a girl and figures he'd better bring his A game if he wants to convince her to like him back.
But it's obvious pretty quickly that Blaine doesn't need any convincing. Shortly after Sam gets his first taste of Blaine, Blaine's lips parting and welcoming Sam's hesitant tongue in - as Sam fights the urge to turn their kiss into something as hot as the feeling spreading along his skin - Blaine pulls sharply away. Away from the kiss... away from the hand still holding his. But before Sam can take this withdrawal the wrong way, Blaine moves both of his hands to the sides of Sam's face and crashes their lips back together... He licks into Sam's mouth with way more confidence than Sam had entering into his. Sam hears a noise and only vaguely realizes that it came from himself - a deep-throated moan as his hands move instinctively to Blaine's hips, pulling Blaine as close as Sam can get him with his guitar still hanging between them. Blaine's answering gasp has Sam kissing Blaine back with every bit as much heat, and what had started as a kind of tentative exploration becomes one of the hottest make-out sessions of Sam's life, even with the both of them standing in an auditorium, separated by their clothes and Sam's guitar and all of the things that they still haven't really talked about.
Afterwards, Sam can't control the grin that takes over his face. He had reasons - maybe even good ones - to not want to take the chance of making something like this happen, but right now, in this moment, he remembers one of the main reasons that he looks up to the superheroes in his comic books and even plays, sometimes, at being one himself.
Heroes are all about facing their fears. Facing risk. And while the comic book heroes don't do it for any selfish reasons, Sam can see how taking a big chance can bring a big reward.
Blaine's hand in his and the taste of Blaine on his lips are Sam's.
It's a huge argument for never chickening out from speaking his feelings again.
[end.]
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Blam
Rating: PG
Word Count: 5k
Summary:...in which bowties are a bad omen, Lord Tubbington becomes a naval officer, and Sam tries to get his shit together before it's too late.
Author's Note: So I prompted this fic on comment_fic some time ago, and scripps went and prompted it back. THANK YOU, SCRIPPS. You've gone and encouraged me to answer my own damned prompt... again. (No, seriously, dude. Thanks ;)
Sam will be the first one to admit - if only to himself - that he kind of chickened out after that whole thing with his SATs and the scholarship essay video that Blaine made for him.
He isn't proud of it. In fact, the Blonde Chameleon would be ashamed (if the Blonde Chameleon was a real alter ego, and not just an old suit that Sam wore, once, for a cousin's wedding.)
It's just that everything seemed to be changing so fast... Almost overnight, Finn had become Sam's teacher. Mr. Hummel was sick, and Sam and Brittany were married (except not really). Suddenly, Brittany was a genius... and the only thing - the only one - keeping the world even kinda, sorta sane was Blaine.
Seeing through Sam's bullshit. Sitting Sam down and making Sam see through it, too...
Talking to all of Sam's friends and putting that video together, even after the way Sam had acted that week - and never once giving Sam crap about his shitty attitude, which Blaine would have totally been in his rights to do.
It's not like Blaine hadn't had Sam's back all this year. But to go through all that trouble - to put up with so much of Sam's shit just because Sam needed him to, without Sam even asking... Sam's never had someone who wasn't family do that for him before. It's the kind of thing that Sam would do himself for Stevie, or for Stacie, if it would help, and he liked to think that he loves Blaine like a brother, before... But when Sam pulled Blaine to him in the astronomy classroom, and held Blaine close, he didn't feel the way that he feels when he hugs Stevie. Not even close.
So Sam backed off.
Not a lot. Not, he doesn't think, very noticeably. But he stopped checking in with Blaine every day as to whether or not Blaine's talked to Kurt or heard from Sebastian or Eli... Thinking that maybe, if he stopped thinking so much about Blaine's love life, he would stop thinking so much about Blaine's love life. He started saying that he loves Blaine like a brother, to his face, as if - by saying it - he can make it true. He promised himself not to ditch his girlfriend at any more dances to run off and do something with Blaine (no matter how awesome), and he and Brittany spent pretty much all of Mr. Schue's almost-wedding all over one another.
Clearly...
This is the punishment for Sam's cowardice.
"I don't know, guys... I just didn't think it was anything serious."
None of the other New Directions that Tina called into the auditorium for an emergency meeting have anything more to say about the problem than Marley, but Tina - at least - shares Sam's thoughts on the topic.
"Not serious?" Tina repeats, looking maybe a little more freaked out than necessary. "Did you see what he was wearing yesterday?!"
Sam sees Ryder and Jake share a lost look out of the corner of his eye, but he can only nod solemnly.
"The bowties are back," Sam says, trying not to freak out himself.
"This is extremely serious," Tina insists. "Blaine is in full-on Klaine mode. Out of remission. He actually thinks that he and Kurt are getting back together, even though Kurt totally booty-called him at Schue's non-wedding!"
"And that's bad... because?" Marley asks, frowning. "I thought he and Kurt had, like, this epic love story or something." A few of her fellow New Directions newbies nod, despite the sound Tina makes in the background.
Sam ignores Tina's scoffs, and the way Marley's words make his stomach feel, and focuses on getting one point across. "It's bad because Blaine can get so caught up in Kurt sometimes that he forgets about himself." It had never occurred to Sam before Blaine and Kurt's break-up, but now that it has, the thought of them getting back together... after the way Blaine heart-eyed Kurt all through Mr. Schue and Mrs. Pillsbury's reception, and Kurt told anyone who'd listen that they're just friends-
"And had is the operative word," Tina adds. "They aren't together, they aren't getting back together, and the sooner somebody helps Blaine figure that out, the better!"
Kitty makes some pretty unkind comments about Tina's motivations in keeping Blaine and Kurt apart - and how Kitty thinks Tina'd like to help Blaine "figure that out" - but Sam has already zoned out of the conversation and lets Tina fight her own battles.
He's Blaine's best friend. He's the guy who Blaine talked sense into when Sam was going off the rails. Sam is the "somebody" who needs to talk some sense into Blaine now. He just has to get over his own issues, man up, and do it.
~0~
Figuring out how... that's the easy part of Sam's task.
Or it should be.
Deciding what to say to Blaine shouldn't be difficult for Sam. He's had trouble - a time or two - convincing Blaine that he's as great a guy as he really is, but telling Blaine how great he is should be easy. Sam's never known anyone as easy for him to talk to as Blaine. And yet, Sam's been struggling with his feelings for Blaine for a while now - nevermind the question of how to share those feelings with Blaine or if he even wants to. And now Sam can't imagine looking Blaine in the eyes and telling him that going after Kurt again is a bad idea. Not without saying a whole lot of other things that he can't find the words for much less intends to say.
Ironically, it's Brittany who helps Sam put things into perspective. (Or maybe not so ironically - she was declared a genius just recently, after all.)
"Maybe you don't know how to keep Blaine and Kurt from getting back together because you don't really want to stop them from getting back together," she suggests, sewing some extra piping onto the costume she's making for Lord Tubbington for a reason that Sam can't remember. "I think it'd be great if they kissed and made up, like me and Santana."
Sam knows that it doesn't occur to Brittany that Sam might be bothered to hear her talk about her reunion with Santana (who she ditched Sam to hook up with after the dance at Mr. Schue's reception.) But it still helps him feel better about not really being bothered by it at all.
It also helps him feel okay about saying, "I don't think that's it. I think I'm having trouble telling Blaine not to get back together with Kurt because I don't know how to say it without sounding... you know. Jealous."
It doesn't occur to Brittany either, apparently, to talk about Sam being jealous about somebody else. Somebody else who's a guy, which obviously wouldn't really bother Brittany, but still-
"But you are jealous," she says, not a hint of uncertainty in her voice.
Sam just stares at her. "What?"
"It was sooo obvious at Mr. Schue and Coach Sylvester's wedding," Brittany explains, without explaining anything. Sam tries to correct her ("Britt, Mr. Schue didn't marry-") but Brittany goes on as if Sam hasn't said anything.
"I almost didn't notice because I was busy being jealous of Santana trying to talk Quinn into becoming a bicorn for her-"
"Trying to- Wait, what?"
Brittany looks at Sam over the stitching of Lord Tubbington's tiny jacket. "But when Kurt was singing with Blaine, you totally looked like you wanted to go up on the stage and hit Kurt with the microphone stand or something. It was kind of sad and kind of hot," Brittany finishes her little speech with a typical lack of any awkwardness whatsoever.
And she blows Sam's mind.
Because sometimes Brittany makes things sound simple that are really very complicated, and sometimes Brittany just points out how simple certain simple things really ought to be.
And Sam suddenly realizes that this is one of those times. Sam is jealous of Blaine being with Kurt. When he found out that the two of them had been having sex practically all day at Mr. Schue's wedding, he felt about as bad as he had the day he failed all of his aptitude tests. And Blaine maybe tends to lose himself when he's with Kurt, but (and Sam only feels a tiny bit full of himself in saying this) if anything, Blaine's found himself since Blam was created. Sam thinks he could really have a chance at making Blaine happy, if Blaine would let him.
So why shouldn't Sam admit how he's grown to feel about his best friend? To himself... to Blaine. Hell, to anybody who cares to hear it. Sam's best friend is gay, and (apparently) three of his ex-girlfriends are bi-sexual. When he thinks about it that way, being afraid to own up to loving a guy very much not like a brother seems sort of silly to Sam.
"Okay..." Sam breathes deep and tries to sound a lot calmer than he feels, having made kind of an important decision about what he's going to do with this revealation. "So... what now?"
"Now you do what we always do when we feel something we want everybody else to know about," Brittany says, as if it should be obvious. She holds up her sewing project in triumph, and Sam nods at her craftsmanship.
For a moment, he's distracted by wondering what Lord Tubbington could be doing that requires a tiny Navy Admiral's uniform, but he knows what Brittany is telling him.
He leaves pretty quickly after that, needing to do some research... and some practicing.
~0~
Despite Tina's panic and Sam's own misgivings, Blaine doesn't immediately drop out of school to shadow Kurt in New York, and the bowties disappear again after only a week. This gives Sam time to the what's and the when's and the where's of his not chickening out of saying what he's decided to say to Blaine.
Unfortunately, being prepared and being ready are too different things, and Sam almost kicks Operation Blam 2.0 into action twice before nearly blurting out his feelings in the fricking locker room on Guilty Pleasures week.
"Sam, do you... have feelings for me?" Blaine asks him, like he's expecting Sam to say no but he just can't help himself.
Sam's heart is beating in his chest a mile a minute. Since coming to terms with the way that his feelings for Blaine have changed, Sam's started to notice things that would probably have been obvious to him a long time ago if he hadn't been clinging to denial. Things that tell him that, even if Blaine is pining over Kurt again these days, he maybe wouldn't mind hearing that Sam's been pining over him.
Blaine even sang Sam a song (whatever Blaine might say, Sam knows that song was for him; he has to believe that, or he'll lose his nerve to sing his song for Blaine completely), and it's the first time that a Phil Collins song ever brought Sam to tears.
It occurs to Sam as Blaine stares at him, looking equal parts wary and hopeful, that he may have been backing out of opening up to Blaine this week because he's been waiting for Blaine to beat him to it. And Blaine looks so certain that he's about to be disappointed... Sam knows that he can't put this on him any longer. He almost says it - 'Yes... Yeah, dude, I do.' But Sam didn't stress over picking the perfect song to sing to Blaine, and then stress over performing it, for the past month for nothing.
Sam casts a look around, making sure that nobody's eavesdropping on what may as well be a 'yes' (otherwise, why wouldn't he just say 'no'?) and tells Blaine, "I don't want to talk about it here. Can you meet me in the auditorium after school?"
Blaine's eyes are as wide as saucers, but he stutters out a, "I- Of course. Of course, Sam, whatever you need but-" before Sam's nerves finally overtake him and he has to bolt.
"Cool. Thanks, bro! I'll see after school," Sam tosses over his shoulder as he high-tails it out of the locker room.
"Wait! Sam, why the-"
Sam doesn't stick around to hear whatever Blaine's about to ask him about, but he promises himself that he'll make it up to Blaine when he sings him his song. That is, if Blaine likes what Sam's song has to say.
Sam spends the rest of day practicing hope.
~0~
"Sam?"
When Blaine joins Sam in the auditorium, Sam already has two stools set up in the middle of the stage where his guitar also waits, he's got Kitty making sure that no one interrupts them (Sam asked if she would help him out, no questions asked, and she agreed remarkably easy; "If this'll nip Tina's next Emergency Creeper meeting in the bud, I'm all for it," she said), and Blaine keeps looking around him like he expects Sam to have someone hiding in the curtains to jump out and spook him at any moment.
"Sam, why did you want to meet-"
Sam straddles his stool, pulls his guitar strap over his head, and gestures to the stool in front of him as he answers. Blaine's blush as he perches carefully across from Sam is adorable, but then Blaine's face smoothes out, and Sam can practically hear inside of Blaine's head, the way Blaine is probably telling himself to calm down. Sam hasn't invited him, all alone, to sit with him in a dark auditorium with a guitar because he wants to sing to him.
Sam bites down on his smile and silently tells the voice he imagines inside of Blaine's head to shut the hell up.
"Blaine, I wanted you to meet me here in the auditorium because I have something to tell you. Something important..."
Blaine's expression immediately shifts to pure, undivided concern. "Are you al-"
"Yeah. Yeah, dude, I'm alright. You're alright. We're-" Sam stops and refines his statement. "Actually, no... I don't think you're alright. and I wanted to talk to you about it."
Sam realizes that he may have chosen the wrong approach to take with this when Blaine's shoulders go stiff and he sits up so straight on the stool, he might as well have been cared up from it.
"What?"
"Kurt, Blaine," Sam says. He had sort of resolved himself not to bring Kurt into this, because this seems complicated enough without bringing Blaine's uncertain feelings about his ex into it. But Sam just can't help himself. The one thing that scares him more than the fact that maybe he's misinterpreted Blaine's feelings for him as being the same as his feelings for Blaine is Kurt, and while Sam is trying this face-his-fears thing head-on, why not face them all at once? "Bro, you seemed totally fine about you and Kurt being just friends now and moving on... And then Mr. Schue's wedding happened, and bam. Suddenly, you've found your bowties again and you were all over Kurt at the wedding and-" Sam makes himself stop, really not wanting to keep going in the direction he's somehow wandered onto.
Blaine looks understandably confused.
"My... bowties? Sam... what are you talking about?"
"Timing, Blaine," Sam says. He's thought about this a lot Blaine was getting over Kurt. If Sam's right that Blaine was totally crushing on him back before the Sadie Hawkin's Day dance, then Blaine was still crushing about the time that Sam started to subtly freeze him out. Then Blaine starts chasing after Kurt again... It might not be a coincidence. "Why are you going after Kurt again? Why now?"
Blaine's gone red in the face again, but this time it's not because he's blushing shyly. "What do you mean, 'why now'? Sam, I've always loved Kurt..."
"But you aren't in love with him anymore," Sam insists. "You haven't been for a while." 'Otherwise you wouldn't have gotten hung up on me,' he wants to say. "Otherwise you wouldn't be so cool about that guy Adam Kurt's supposed to be seeing."
"That's none of your-"
"And you would actually care that Kurt spent the whole weekend of Schue's wedding telling everybody that you two are still friends," Sam says, unable to stop thinking about it, "even though everybody knew y'all were doing it every chance you got."
Sam flinches at the look that crosses Blaine's face at that, and he immediately reaches out, to grab Blaine if he has to and keep him from storming out, but Blaine just sits there, fuming, and Sam's hand goes back to his guitar.
"Dude, I'm not judging you..." Sam says in a softer voice. "I'm just saying. I don't think it's because you're falling in love with Kurt again. I think it's because you're just scared."
"Oh, really." Blaine says it with attitude, but there's a quaver in his voice that says Sam's on the right track, and it keeps Sam talking.
"Yeah. People do all kinds of stupid things when they're scared," Sam says, speaking from experience. "They do things they wouldn't do otherwise or they don't do things that they ought to do until it's almost too late..."
Some of Blaine's anger starts to deflate... Sam can see it. Confusion becomes the most obvious emotion on his face, and he sounds lost rather than defensive when he says, "What do you think I'm scared of, Sam? And what does that have to do with... with any of this."
Blaine looks around them, and Sam takes a deep breath.
"I think you're scared of loving someone who doesn't love you back," Sam says. 'And so am I,' he doesn't say yet. "And this... is my way of telling you that I- I want to help you out with that. I've prepared a song... and I hope it'll explain why I want to do that."
Blaine stares at Sam for a long moment - just staring. And then he nods. Sam pulls his guitar into position and starts to play.
"Much as you blame yourself, you can't be blamed for the way you feel...," he sings. "Had no example of a love that was even remotely real." He can see Blaine frowning at what Sam is suggesting, before the tune that Sam's adapted for his guitar starts to sink in and his face goes blank, then his eyes widen in shock.
It doesn't slow Sam's pulse when Blaine's lip part, like on a gasp, at all. But Sam keeps singing, refuses to let his eyes fall from Blaine's face. If this doesn't work, he probably won't be able to work up the nerve to try again, so he's got to give this attempt all he's got.
"How can you understand something that you never had?" Sam sings, silently apologizing to Kurt for kind of dissing him through song, even though Sam didn't write the lyrics. "Ooh, baby, if you let me, I can help you out with all of that..."
Blaine does gasp when Sam gets to the chorus of the song. "Oh, let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself... Boy, let me love you and all your trouble. Don't be afraid, boy, let me help."
And watching Blaine's face change as he sings, while continuing to sing like he can't see the crazy mix of emotions crossing his best friend's face, makes this one of the hardest performances that Sam's ever done. Blaine's eyes shine. He isn't smiling - or frowning anymore - and it kind of drives Sam nuts to not be able to tell just what, exactly, Blaine is thinking while Sam repeats, "Oh, let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself." These are someone else's words that Sam is singing, but Sam means them as a promise as he sings, "Boy, let me love you... A heart of numbness gets brought to life. I'll take you there."
This is probably the most vulnerable Sam has ever felt singing for someone, and he's sung for people he's cared about before. He sang to Quinn and to Mercedes and to Brittany... Sam isn't sure if it's that Blaine is the first guy that Sam's ever sung to, or that Sam isn't entirely sure how Blaine is going to react to what he's saying - or if it's a sign of how different what Sam feels for Blaine is from what Sam felt for all of the girls that he's loved. But, whatever it is, Sam can feel his pulse keeping pace with the rising tempo of the music he's making. He feels like his heart is in his throat, and if he thinks too much about what he's saying - about how true it is that Blaine doesn't love himself, not really; not yet...
Sam has to stop the thinking and concentrate on his next verse. "I can see the pain behind your eyes; it's been there for quite a while. I just wanna be the one to remind what it is to smile..." Sam thinks he's earned that right. He has been here for Blaine this year, too, after all. He was the one to pull Blaine out of his self-hating funk after Eli. Sam - not Kurt. "I would like to show you what true love can really do," Sam sings at the top of his lungs, knowing that every bit of want and please that he's feeling has got to be obvious in his voice.
Sam doesn't look away... but Blaine does. "Oh, let me love you..." Sam sings it again and again, sounding more like he's begging than singing at times, at least in his own ears.
Sam sings and wills Blaine to look back up at him - to give him some sign as to what he should do here. Obviously, what Sam is saying is upsetting Blaine... But why Blaine's upset is what's important. Even when Blaine stands up, like he's going to flee, and Sam has to drop his guitar - let the musical accompaniment stop with a sharp twang of his fingers jerking against the chords in surprise that Blaine is actually trying to run away from him - Sam just keeps singing, letting his voice carry his message. He wraps one hand around one of Blaine's wrists, and that's enough to stop Blaine from retreating. Other than to glance at Sam once, in surprise, Blaine still won't look Sam in the eyes, but he does listen to the rest of Sam's song.
"Oh, let me love you. I know you're troubled...," Sam sings, fighting against the lump that wants to settle in his throat. "Don't be afraid, boy, let me help. Let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself..."
Sam is singing much more quietly by the time he gets to the end. Blaine is looking at him again... and his eyes are full of tears. One escapes Blaine's thick lashes to run down his cheek as Sam sings softly, "Boy, let me love you. Let me love you, baby..." hoping that this isn't the only chance Blaine's ever going to give him to call him baby and get away with it.
Silence settles between them as soon as the song ends. The only sounds in the auditorium, in fact, are Blaine's unsteady breathing and - Sam is certain - the thud of Sam's heart.
"Why... why would you do this to me?" Blaine asks, so quietly Sam has to hold his breath to hear it.
This is why Sam chickened out as soon as he starting feeling more for Blaine than friendship. Because he knew it would hurt like this if he ended up saying something about it and Blaine shot him down.
The ache in Sam's chest says it's too late for playing chicken now, though, so Sam answers Blaine's question.
"I think the lyrics kind of speak for themselves, right? I- I love you, dude."
"Yeah, you love me," Blaine says, some new look in his eyes that Sam is kind of stunned to see - stunned to hear in Blaine's voice. "Like a brother." Blaine sounds almost bitter... No, really bitter; pissed, actually, and Sam's never had Blaine pissed at him before.
But if that's the only problem Blaine has with what Sam's saying, then Sam can live with that.
Sam slips his hand down from Blaine's wrist and takes Blaine's hand, threading their fingers together and enjoying seeing the anger seep out of Blaine's expression.
"Blaine, did it sound like I was singing to my brother just now?"
Telling Blaine that he loves him the way Sam usually tells people things that are important may not be enough in this instance, Sam realizes. Not after he's already told Blaine 'I love you' dozens of times but never in the context that he should have.
So Sam decides, on the spur of the moment, to give up on 'tell' and try 'show' - even though the thought of taking that step now (his first kiss with a boy... right after his first declaration of love to a boy - which is all kinds of backwards) sends a shot of pure adrenaline up Sam's spine.
"I- I don't understand-" Blaine mumbles weakly, but he's looking Sam in the eyes again, and he's licking his lips...
That's all the encouragement Sam needs. "Okay, then, I'll explain," Sam whispers, already moving in close enough that his words brush against Blaine's lips as he brings their mouths together.
Sam kisses Blaine slow and sweet - his practiced 'give me a chance and I promise to make it good for you' kiss; the kiss he uses when he likes a girl and figures he'd better bring his A game if he wants to convince her to like him back.
But it's obvious pretty quickly that Blaine doesn't need any convincing. Shortly after Sam gets his first taste of Blaine, Blaine's lips parting and welcoming Sam's hesitant tongue in - as Sam fights the urge to turn their kiss into something as hot as the feeling spreading along his skin - Blaine pulls sharply away. Away from the kiss... away from the hand still holding his. But before Sam can take this withdrawal the wrong way, Blaine moves both of his hands to the sides of Sam's face and crashes their lips back together... He licks into Sam's mouth with way more confidence than Sam had entering into his. Sam hears a noise and only vaguely realizes that it came from himself - a deep-throated moan as his hands move instinctively to Blaine's hips, pulling Blaine as close as Sam can get him with his guitar still hanging between them. Blaine's answering gasp has Sam kissing Blaine back with every bit as much heat, and what had started as a kind of tentative exploration becomes one of the hottest make-out sessions of Sam's life, even with the both of them standing in an auditorium, separated by their clothes and Sam's guitar and all of the things that they still haven't really talked about.
Afterwards, Sam can't control the grin that takes over his face. He had reasons - maybe even good ones - to not want to take the chance of making something like this happen, but right now, in this moment, he remembers one of the main reasons that he looks up to the superheroes in his comic books and even plays, sometimes, at being one himself.
Heroes are all about facing their fears. Facing risk. And while the comic book heroes don't do it for any selfish reasons, Sam can see how taking a big chance can bring a big reward.
Blaine's hand in his and the taste of Blaine on his lips are Sam's.
It's a huge argument for never chickening out from speaking his feelings again.
[end.]