(possibly)***T*** hypocritical fat fucking mess.
she can have the fucking scale and this fucking disorder. FUCK IT ALL. FUCK THE FUCKING GOD DAMN SCALE. FUCK THE WORLD. FUCK NUMBERS. FUCK IT ALL. jesus its not worth it nothing is worth anything. fat fucking peice of shit. nothing works. nothing makes me happy. nothing. starving keeps me losing the same 15 pounds. starving and binging and purging and my obsession with the fucking devil scale keeps me gaining the same 15 pounds of hatred towards myself. fucking A I fucking ugh ugh man just ugh thats all I can say. I fucking hate myself. I want to throw the fucking scale at the mirror I want to break the mirror into a thousand peices go blind and lose my sense of touch. i'm the biggest hypocrit in the entire fucking world. One minute i need the scale the next i want it to fucking die. and as I say I want it to die I envision it in my bathroom wishing it never leaves.
Why do I trap myself in this hell? Why fuck why? why any of this? is reality that fucking shitty and painful that I rather trap myself in this hell? I'm cursing myself in my head right now for uttering these words. for asking for freedom from this.,.,.because this is my life my soul my heart my wisdom my mind. I am nothing with this and NOTHING with out this and I'm nothing in between. There is no balance. I hate this. I hate myself and everything about me. I hate that I am terrified of food. I hate that I can't handle food in my body. I hate that my life revolves around food. I hate that I hate my scale. I hate that it rules my life. I hate that I hate myself. I hate that I hate everything. I hate that I can't not obbsess over calories and working out and scales and self destruction. Why why do I hate myself so much that my main goal in life seems to be to ruin myself. fat fucking fuck up I hate you you so much i want you and everything you've become to DIE and wither away you ingrate. thats what i want of myself. that and to just fucking die and thats not even worth it.
Why do I trap myself in this hell? Why fuck why? why any of this? is reality that fucking shitty and painful that I rather trap myself in this hell? I'm cursing myself in my head right now for uttering these words. for asking for freedom from this.,.,.because this is my life my soul my heart my wisdom my mind. I am nothing with this and NOTHING with out this and I'm nothing in between. There is no balance. I hate this. I hate myself and everything about me. I hate that I am terrified of food. I hate that I can't handle food in my body. I hate that my life revolves around food. I hate that I hate my scale. I hate that it rules my life. I hate that I hate myself. I hate that I hate everything. I hate that I can't not obbsess over calories and working out and scales and self destruction. Why why do I hate myself so much that my main goal in life seems to be to ruin myself. fat fucking fuck up I hate you you so much i want you and everything you've become to DIE and wither away you ingrate. thats what i want of myself. that and to just fucking die and thats not even worth it.