breakthrough
i am having a major problem right now, and would very much appreciate any support, comfort, opinions or advice anyone has.
i have been on anti-depressant medication since i was 14... in and out of hospitals... and just generally been through a lot. now i find myself in a healthy enough headspace where i can finally get off of paxil, a drug i have been on for a long time, and one that i feel has done more damage than good. i am going through acupuncture, massage therapy, and counseling weekly. i am on vitamins and homeopathic supplements. i am coming off this drug properly - going off paxil can include severe symptoms such as lapsing into comas, so it is important to go off slowly and with support. withdrawal is hell - immense physical and emotional discomfort. but i want to do this because i know in the long run i'll feel better.
i am currently unable to have sex. firstly, i feel no sexual urges or sensations, which is a very normal symptom, and secondly, i am so ill and dizzy that i doubt i could get through sex without puking. my partner and i have not had sex in a few months. and this is where the problem is.
korbin talks to me about sex everyday... about how much they want it, how i can't give it to them. it often reduces me to tears, because i feel sex is more important to them than my mental health. i understand that when in love with a person, sex is amazing and a totally important and vital part of a relationship. but, to me, i think love is stronger than sex. is this wrong? is it wrong for me to expect korbin to respect and support me through this without constantly hounding me about what a shame i am that i am incapable of giving them sex? i am in tears because they want to break up with me because, namely, i am selfish. i am selfish because i cannot give them sex because i cannot feel any sex drive. i am selfish because i am trying to look after myself through this process and can't go partying with them becase loud music and bright lights make me sick to my stomach and induce a headache. they keep telling me how selfish i am and about how i can't be in a relationship... and getting mad when i ask them to please, just take care of themselves. stop worrying so much about me and us and just relax and take care of yourself. they won't though. they seem fixated on not taking care of themselves in order to blame me - saying i am selfish and won't look after them, won't put out, etc. i am a mess. if anyone has been through anything similar... please. i would just like some support right now.
i have been on anti-depressant medication since i was 14... in and out of hospitals... and just generally been through a lot. now i find myself in a healthy enough headspace where i can finally get off of paxil, a drug i have been on for a long time, and one that i feel has done more damage than good. i am going through acupuncture, massage therapy, and counseling weekly. i am on vitamins and homeopathic supplements. i am coming off this drug properly - going off paxil can include severe symptoms such as lapsing into comas, so it is important to go off slowly and with support. withdrawal is hell - immense physical and emotional discomfort. but i want to do this because i know in the long run i'll feel better.
i am currently unable to have sex. firstly, i feel no sexual urges or sensations, which is a very normal symptom, and secondly, i am so ill and dizzy that i doubt i could get through sex without puking. my partner and i have not had sex in a few months. and this is where the problem is.
korbin talks to me about sex everyday... about how much they want it, how i can't give it to them. it often reduces me to tears, because i feel sex is more important to them than my mental health. i understand that when in love with a person, sex is amazing and a totally important and vital part of a relationship. but, to me, i think love is stronger than sex. is this wrong? is it wrong for me to expect korbin to respect and support me through this without constantly hounding me about what a shame i am that i am incapable of giving them sex? i am in tears because they want to break up with me because, namely, i am selfish. i am selfish because i cannot give them sex because i cannot feel any sex drive. i am selfish because i am trying to look after myself through this process and can't go partying with them becase loud music and bright lights make me sick to my stomach and induce a headache. they keep telling me how selfish i am and about how i can't be in a relationship... and getting mad when i ask them to please, just take care of themselves. stop worrying so much about me and us and just relax and take care of yourself. they won't though. they seem fixated on not taking care of themselves in order to blame me - saying i am selfish and won't look after them, won't put out, etc. i am a mess. if anyone has been through anything similar... please. i would just like some support right now.