Doctor Anxiety
So, next week I have my bi-annual appointment with my neurologist. (I've got generalised dystonia.)
I don't usually like neuro appointments because they can be pretty uncomfortable physically and I don't always get along with my neurologists. (Lately, it's been better, but it's still there, in the back of my head.)
I'm also nervous because my neurological symptoms have become more pronounced lately since I've been under more stress (I've been fighting with my department about my thesis and I'm currently in a slow melt down because no one at the college will even talk to me). I know that stress = more pronounced muscle problems. That's a given and my docs know that, too.
I'm just... I'm freaking out. More than I already was.
I feel like a failure that I'm limping and shaking more. I feel like asking about it is either going to make it worse (playing juggle-the-medications), make me look lazy (why am I not doing more about calming down and getting my college stuff back on track), like I'm medication seeking (that I just want meds to fix things that I should fix myself), or that I'm just a jackass who can't take care of myself. (My disability is, in a lot of ways, tied up in a lot of my self esteem issues which really isn't helping my doctor anxiety.)
Any suggestions? Please?
(I also intend to ask my neuro for a recommendation for a local person to help me with anxiety and I'm scared of that - that somehow this will become about my anxiety and not my dystonia, even though I've been diagnosed with dystonia for more than half my life.)
I don't usually like neuro appointments because they can be pretty uncomfortable physically and I don't always get along with my neurologists. (Lately, it's been better, but it's still there, in the back of my head.)
I'm also nervous because my neurological symptoms have become more pronounced lately since I've been under more stress (I've been fighting with my department about my thesis and I'm currently in a slow melt down because no one at the college will even talk to me). I know that stress = more pronounced muscle problems. That's a given and my docs know that, too.
I'm just... I'm freaking out. More than I already was.
I feel like a failure that I'm limping and shaking more. I feel like asking about it is either going to make it worse (playing juggle-the-medications), make me look lazy (why am I not doing more about calming down and getting my college stuff back on track), like I'm medication seeking (that I just want meds to fix things that I should fix myself), or that I'm just a jackass who can't take care of myself. (My disability is, in a lot of ways, tied up in a lot of my self esteem issues which really isn't helping my doctor anxiety.)
Any suggestions? Please?
(I also intend to ask my neuro for a recommendation for a local person to help me with anxiety and I'm scared of that - that somehow this will become about my anxiety and not my dystonia, even though I've been diagnosed with dystonia for more than half my life.)