Tired of shit
I am really starting to get tired of my everyday life. It is the same old crap just a different day. I am especially getting sick and tired of one of my friends crap. Don't get me wrong I love my friends, but this one has been really getting to me. I believe all that he wants is to get into my pants, well atleast it sure seems like it. I know I flurt really bad, and give the wrong signals, but I am doing my best to stop that. I unconciously give the wrong signals a lot, and I really need to stop. I have a boyfriend and I do not want to do anything that will jepordize his and my relationship, I love him with all my heart, even though many do not understand why I am with him, yet I do not even understand why I am with him. All I can say is that I love him, and I cannot explain that love that I have for Deryk, he is my life, everything I do he knows about it, and vise versa for him. Yeah we both have our problems, but we are working together to change them and make it better for us in the long run, he is the person that I want to grow old with. Just no one seems to understand that, they all think that he is bad for me, I honestly do not care what other people think, yes I respect your opinion, but did you once ever stop and think if I am happy with what I got. The answer is yes I am. Yeah I know I have been in tears because of Deryk, but I have also pushed him to tears also. There is a lot of things that people don't know about him and I, because I choose not to tell anyone. Yes I understand that I talk a lot about Deryk, but the truth is what I say is only about half of it. It is the little things that he does for me that make me love him so much, for example cooking for me all the time, providing food and shelter for me, even going to the store for an emergency pack of tampons, or even shaving my legs for me. I know that some of you guys might find that gross and disgusting, but I enjoy it. He loves me for who I am, not just what I show people, but who I actually am as a person. I tend to put on a mask when I am around people, so they believe that I am a happy person and a people person when I actually hate people, and would rather sit in my room and stay away from everyone, I am also a huge bitch. I can be really mean, especially to Deryk. I ball everything up inside, and let people rip on me, and I make it seem like it does not bother me, when in turn it actually does, and in the long run I end up taking it out on Deryk. Well I believe that I have said enough.