I don’t remember when I was... tadpole
the title of this entry was brought to you by iKON's Bling Bling and I have never related more to the lyrics in a song. I too cannot remember the last time I was a tadpole.
mood
worse than usual tonight which is the sole reason for this entry as i am trying to write everything down to clear my mind. i am angry for reasons unknown to me. i'm guessing the stress of the awful week at work finally caught up with me and now threatens to ruin my weekend. NOT A FAN.
work
it's only the beginning of the year but im already regretting that i put my first vacation at the end of february. i need a break soonish or i am going to snap. i hate waking up in the mornings, i made some really dumb mistakes which haunt me (although they had consequences no worse than "half an hour on the phone with a customer, explaining to them that i am too dumb to read and asking for their help") and i am dreading the upcoming week when the colleague i am sharing my office with will return from her vacation and demand my attention at 7.54 AM every. single. day. I am SO not good with social interaction. I don't know how to tell her to shut the fuck up and that I really don't want to talk about "how sloooow the work computer is this morning, maaaaaan *genervtes stöhnen*" every goddamn morning. i hate having to eat a meal with these people every eight weeks, oh my god.
i need a new job. i know that. but i am not a single step closer to figuring out what i want to do than i was two years ago (or seven years ago, lets be real). i am constantly torn between "keep this lame job that pays well and on time and doesn't demand too much and is old-fashioned enough to grant you some benefits you might not get in other fields" and my inner sailor senshi screaming "YOU GOTTA CHANGE THE WORLD. MAKE IT BETTER. GET A JOB THAT ACTUALLY MEANS SOMETHING BESIDES 'keep capitalism alive'. COME ON, KIWI, I DIDN'T FIGHT FOR THE WHOLE UNIVERSE JUST SO YOU CAN SIT ON YOUR ASS AND DO NOTHING!"
she is very demanding. damn girl, chill a bit.
anyways. i have no interest in pursuing any kind of VERY MUCH NEEDED further training in accounting because ... no. im still not good at it after one and a half years of doing nothing else. sadly accounting is the only practical skill i have acquired so far (apart from rusty japanese, and a ton of soft skills that can't be precisely quantified and are therefore harder to sell) and if i don't want to lie on my résumé AGAIN, my only option is to apply with a really big firm, start in accounting, somehow prove that i am absolutely perfectly well suited for virtually everything else and then start doing that.
my job right now offers exactly zero further career options (i probably wouldn't even pursue them even if they were available but that's beside the point). heck, my colleague who is one step short of becoming a full fledged tax advisor thanks to her fifthy three beside-the-job training programs and vocational trainings is still doing the same exact shit as I - the highly unsuccessful Asian Studies girl who had exactly zero experience with accounting (contrary to what i told these people when i applied for the job, höhö) - is doing (granted, she is also handling the whole in-house financial accounting stuff which i don't know shit about and will hopefully NEVER ever know shit about, but that's basically it.)
so i gotta get outta there. goddamn it.
sounds fucking easy WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR KIWI
(i'm still looking at the job offerings of a certain game development company. why am i thinking that accounting in a video game firm is that much better than accounting anywhere else??? god.)
mood 2
turns out i wasn't angry at anything, i was just hungry. why does this keep happening. every damn time.
move
pinku and I are looking at a flat tomorrow which offers such ridiculously good conditions that i am sure the place is haunted. we shall see. (we are also both still awake at this hour and haven't prepared any documents we might need for tomorrow. LÄUFT BEI UNS.)
mood
worse than usual tonight which is the sole reason for this entry as i am trying to write everything down to clear my mind. i am angry for reasons unknown to me. i'm guessing the stress of the awful week at work finally caught up with me and now threatens to ruin my weekend. NOT A FAN.
work
it's only the beginning of the year but im already regretting that i put my first vacation at the end of february. i need a break soonish or i am going to snap. i hate waking up in the mornings, i made some really dumb mistakes which haunt me (although they had consequences no worse than "half an hour on the phone with a customer, explaining to them that i am too dumb to read and asking for their help") and i am dreading the upcoming week when the colleague i am sharing my office with will return from her vacation and demand my attention at 7.54 AM every. single. day. I am SO not good with social interaction. I don't know how to tell her to shut the fuck up and that I really don't want to talk about "how sloooow the work computer is this morning, maaaaaan *genervtes stöhnen*" every goddamn morning. i hate having to eat a meal with these people every eight weeks, oh my god.
i need a new job. i know that. but i am not a single step closer to figuring out what i want to do than i was two years ago (or seven years ago, lets be real). i am constantly torn between "keep this lame job that pays well and on time and doesn't demand too much and is old-fashioned enough to grant you some benefits you might not get in other fields" and my inner sailor senshi screaming "YOU GOTTA CHANGE THE WORLD. MAKE IT BETTER. GET A JOB THAT ACTUALLY MEANS SOMETHING BESIDES 'keep capitalism alive'. COME ON, KIWI, I DIDN'T FIGHT FOR THE WHOLE UNIVERSE JUST SO YOU CAN SIT ON YOUR ASS AND DO NOTHING!"
she is very demanding. damn girl, chill a bit.
anyways. i have no interest in pursuing any kind of VERY MUCH NEEDED further training in accounting because ... no. im still not good at it after one and a half years of doing nothing else. sadly accounting is the only practical skill i have acquired so far (apart from rusty japanese, and a ton of soft skills that can't be precisely quantified and are therefore harder to sell) and if i don't want to lie on my résumé AGAIN, my only option is to apply with a really big firm, start in accounting, somehow prove that i am absolutely perfectly well suited for virtually everything else and then start doing that.
my job right now offers exactly zero further career options (i probably wouldn't even pursue them even if they were available but that's beside the point). heck, my colleague who is one step short of becoming a full fledged tax advisor thanks to her fifthy three beside-the-job training programs and vocational trainings is still doing the same exact shit as I - the highly unsuccessful Asian Studies girl who had exactly zero experience with accounting (contrary to what i told these people when i applied for the job, höhö) - is doing (granted, she is also handling the whole in-house financial accounting stuff which i don't know shit about and will hopefully NEVER ever know shit about, but that's basically it.)
so i gotta get outta there. goddamn it.
sounds fucking easy WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR KIWI
(i'm still looking at the job offerings of a certain game development company. why am i thinking that accounting in a video game firm is that much better than accounting anywhere else??? god.)
mood 2
turns out i wasn't angry at anything, i was just hungry. why does this keep happening. every damn time.
move
pinku and I are looking at a flat tomorrow which offers such ridiculously good conditions that i am sure the place is haunted. we shall see. (we are also both still awake at this hour and haven't prepared any documents we might need for tomorrow. LÄUFT BEI UNS.)