Trust is so fragile. Difficult to build and easily broken. And what does it mean that I allow my trust to be broken over and over and over again, but keep coming back for more. Try to forget and forgive. Am I stupid? Mentally disabled? Not selfish enough? Do I hate myself? Seek out abuse? Am I naieve for believing that people will change their ( Read more... )

So after the new member aria sing the other night Jim and I raided the library booksale downstairs. I found the singer's music theater anthology soprano vol 1. for $2, and a copy of the Red Tent for 50 cents, amongst other things. I wasn't sure how I'd like the red tent being a book based on religiosity and other things I generally despise, but let ( Read more... )

I would like to say that God damn it, I am fucking talented. I can sing just about anything really well. I am a damn fine actress. I'm smart, I'm witty, I'm fantastic in a crisis. So why, why, why, why do my friends, of all people, fail to recognize this? People I don't spend time with socially think I'm really really shiny. They pay me to sing ( Read more... )

So today I had to choose between my engagement ring and the apartment. So much for the symbol of our commitment.

So today is one of those days when I want babies. I don't have them very often thank goodness, cause the reality of my life is that I just don't make enough money to support myself, let alone another human being, and I almost certainly never will. But this little boy on the bus with his mom (about my age) is so ridiculously cute it makes me wish I

I want to know what's wrong with me. Why don't I get roles any more? Is it because I used to be the big fish in the little pond and now the pond is bigger? Is it a matter of conections? Or repetoire? I know it isn't talent. I know that I'm just as talented as the people getting roles, and more talented than some of them. So wtf? I want a frigging ( Read more... )

so here I am crammed in a non-moving train with noisy, smelly, sweaty people running late to a final dress and stressed out because the train schedule is preventing me from getting to the first job I've had in months. I frigging hate public transport in Boston.

Oh so much and so little. Working on two shows simulaneously is frustrating and rewarding- I just wish it were a little more financially rewarding. We had to go begging to pay rent- Jim said he'd take care of it but then couldn't. My mother apparently won't speak my name any more ( I guess her agenda is more important than being part of my life) it ( Read more... )

You can see your breath inside the train. At least it's snowing - yesterday it was literally too cold to snow. 14 degrees is just not ok. Alcina load-in today: looking forward to working hard. (if the train ever leaves the station so I can actually get there.) In other news: yet another reason to get my license- Jim gets pissed if I ask for a ride ( Read more... )

So I wore my costume to my gig today, and now I have to ride the train home in it. Don't I look weird as a brunette? This wig is crazy. Bleck- I can't wait to get home and into real people clothes. Not that I'm complaining about work- just my own short sightedness in not bringing something else to wear. Esp since I'l be wearing this again tomorrow ( Read more... )