because of what you did to me, I'm damaged
December 12
redbrunja Leo Fitz and Grant Ward.
This is completely rambling and unstructured because it's Friday night and my brain is not functioning at its best. (Much like Fitz's thanks to Ward-induced hypoxia...) It's also probably a bit more Fitz and lot less Ward than you'd like. Sorry not sorry.
I've always assumed that Fitz didn't have many friends growing up, and certainly not many male friends. His manner's abrasive, and he's not terribly patient with people who can't keep up with his intellect. I'm going to go out on a (pretty sturdy) limb and guess that he was bullied failrly extensively and systematically at school.
I think when he met Ward, he expected that to continue, because he associates overt masculinity with bullies, and he reacted by playing up his own intelligence and trying to make Ward seem uneducated (not to the same extent as he did later with Trip, but the jealousy factor was strong by then). Part of that is also down to his insecurity, I think. He's happy with his intellect, but feels like in some way it's not ~manly enough to be clever. Witness his comment to Skye about wanting to be the one who does something with his hands every now and again. I think he probably would have continued to overcompensate by dismissing Ward as ~less than, at least for longer, if Ward hadn't jumped out of the plane to save Simmons.
Ward told Raina he did that to earn the team's trust, and I think that's probably true on some level, but doubt that it was that calculated in the moment. Maybe it was, but I doubt we'll ever know for sure. Either way, it had a profound effect on Fitz. That was the day that everything changed for Fitz, because he was faced with the awful truth that he was in love with his best friend, and that he didn't have the skills to save her. Not only that, but she was able to take him by surprise and knock him out, before the stereotypical hero leapt to the rescue in the nick of time. He was left doubting everything: his friendship, his skills, and his own worth to the team.
But then he gets to go on a mission with Ward. And yes, he falls back into his habit of sniping at Ward, because he's torn between being so grateful to Ward for saving Simmons and so angry that Ward essentially shoved him out of the way to do it, that he doesn't know how to act around him. Fitz does amazing work on the mission, though, proving his worth to Ward and the rest of the team, but more importantly to himself. He comes back far more confident, and shares a jock nod with Ward across the cargo bay.
And so begins a beautiful friendship.
Until the Hydra reveal, I friendshipped the crap out of them. I'm a sucker for ~unlikely friendships, where the people have nothing in common, but somehow find some common ground.
And then it all went to shite.
It's telling, I think, that Fitz held to the belief that Ward wasn't Hydra/evil/the bad guy/whatever way longer than anyone else on the team. He's not especially idealistic about people in general (even if he isn't happy to dismiss them as "born evil" like Simmons is), as evidenced by his immediate suspicion of pretty much everyone he meets. Instead it was the disbelief of someone who thought he had finally found a friend amongst the very people who made him suspicious of people in the first place. That made the betrayal that much worse for him, I think - the sense that he should have seen it coming, because he knew better.
The scene where Fitz finds Ward in the Vault is, hands-down, one of my favourite scenes of the season so far. Even though Fitz suspected he was there, and that was why he went down there, he basically collapsed, and it was heartbreaking and awful but also completely convincing. I take everything Ward says with a (fucking enormous) pinch of salt these days, because I feel like I have to. So I don't know if I believe that he wasn't trying to kill them. At this point, I'm not sure it matters, except in Ward's head. The outcome was the same.
I don't know if Ward and Fitz will ever get to be bestest buds again, or even if that's where the show wants to take us. I do think that Ward will have to do a little more than just save someone's life to win Fitz over, though. Been there, done that, bought the Hydra t-shirt.
redbrunja Leo Fitz and Grant Ward.
This is completely rambling and unstructured because it's Friday night and my brain is not functioning at its best. (Much like Fitz's thanks to Ward-induced hypoxia...) It's also probably a bit more Fitz and lot less Ward than you'd like. Sorry not sorry.
I've always assumed that Fitz didn't have many friends growing up, and certainly not many male friends. His manner's abrasive, and he's not terribly patient with people who can't keep up with his intellect. I'm going to go out on a (pretty sturdy) limb and guess that he was bullied failrly extensively and systematically at school.
I think when he met Ward, he expected that to continue, because he associates overt masculinity with bullies, and he reacted by playing up his own intelligence and trying to make Ward seem uneducated (not to the same extent as he did later with Trip, but the jealousy factor was strong by then). Part of that is also down to his insecurity, I think. He's happy with his intellect, but feels like in some way it's not ~manly enough to be clever. Witness his comment to Skye about wanting to be the one who does something with his hands every now and again. I think he probably would have continued to overcompensate by dismissing Ward as ~less than, at least for longer, if Ward hadn't jumped out of the plane to save Simmons.
Ward told Raina he did that to earn the team's trust, and I think that's probably true on some level, but doubt that it was that calculated in the moment. Maybe it was, but I doubt we'll ever know for sure. Either way, it had a profound effect on Fitz. That was the day that everything changed for Fitz, because he was faced with the awful truth that he was in love with his best friend, and that he didn't have the skills to save her. Not only that, but she was able to take him by surprise and knock him out, before the stereotypical hero leapt to the rescue in the nick of time. He was left doubting everything: his friendship, his skills, and his own worth to the team.
But then he gets to go on a mission with Ward. And yes, he falls back into his habit of sniping at Ward, because he's torn between being so grateful to Ward for saving Simmons and so angry that Ward essentially shoved him out of the way to do it, that he doesn't know how to act around him. Fitz does amazing work on the mission, though, proving his worth to Ward and the rest of the team, but more importantly to himself. He comes back far more confident, and shares a jock nod with Ward across the cargo bay.
And so begins a beautiful friendship.
Until the Hydra reveal, I friendshipped the crap out of them. I'm a sucker for ~unlikely friendships, where the people have nothing in common, but somehow find some common ground.
And then it all went to shite.
It's telling, I think, that Fitz held to the belief that Ward wasn't Hydra/evil/the bad guy/whatever way longer than anyone else on the team. He's not especially idealistic about people in general (even if he isn't happy to dismiss them as "born evil" like Simmons is), as evidenced by his immediate suspicion of pretty much everyone he meets. Instead it was the disbelief of someone who thought he had finally found a friend amongst the very people who made him suspicious of people in the first place. That made the betrayal that much worse for him, I think - the sense that he should have seen it coming, because he knew better.
The scene where Fitz finds Ward in the Vault is, hands-down, one of my favourite scenes of the season so far. Even though Fitz suspected he was there, and that was why he went down there, he basically collapsed, and it was heartbreaking and awful but also completely convincing. I take everything Ward says with a (fucking enormous) pinch of salt these days, because I feel like I have to. So I don't know if I believe that he wasn't trying to kill them. At this point, I'm not sure it matters, except in Ward's head. The outcome was the same.
I don't know if Ward and Fitz will ever get to be bestest buds again, or even if that's where the show wants to take us. I do think that Ward will have to do a little more than just save someone's life to win Fitz over, though. Been there, done that, bought the Hydra t-shirt.