Today is my last day
Okay my post just got deleted. Recap: My last day @ md is today and ends in about 5 hours. I'm taking a vacation from working. I want to find out more about myself and figure out my emotional needs and what I can do to deal with my personal things.
I really don't feel like typing all that I had said again so I am just going to make this a quick post. I need to talk about my pain and what me and kyle have gone through and the only person I want to talk about it to is John because I feel as though he can understand. I want to show him my past and I want him to help me understand why I am so attached and so hurt. The girl Kyle is dating now makes him happy. As much as I want kyle to be rejected and as much as I want kyle to feel the pain I felt...I'm glad he has someone to make him happy. I don't know how john is going to react if I ask him how he feels about me talking about kyle. It's incredible how someone can be such a big part of your life and how someone can live inside of you for so long. It hurts so much. I am so angry. I am so dissapointed & I want this to be over. I will always love kyle...but I don't know what I meant to him I dont know if he ever say that he feels the same way I do.
Time is helping me. Time is getting me through this...but time is making it harder for me to actually commit to someone. John is a beautiful person. Johns someone who cares about me and wants to get to know me. Meanwhile jesse did all those things, my love for jesse is that of friends and I don't think I can ever see jesse as a guy again. Jesse's everything a girl wants a guy...his personality is one that is hard to find--so why cant I see past the friendship? It's like I cant get attached to a guy anymore. Although I love hanging out with john, I love getting to know him and he's really cute...and I have such high hopes for us... I dont want to get dissaopinted if time is against us. I dont want to know that we'll end up being friends...
I'm just not in the right shape to be a gf, and I want comfort and security before a stupid physical relationship.
I don't know if john can provide that for me. John has me. I want to focus my attention on him....I dont know.
I really don't feel like typing all that I had said again so I am just going to make this a quick post. I need to talk about my pain and what me and kyle have gone through and the only person I want to talk about it to is John because I feel as though he can understand. I want to show him my past and I want him to help me understand why I am so attached and so hurt. The girl Kyle is dating now makes him happy. As much as I want kyle to be rejected and as much as I want kyle to feel the pain I felt...I'm glad he has someone to make him happy. I don't know how john is going to react if I ask him how he feels about me talking about kyle. It's incredible how someone can be such a big part of your life and how someone can live inside of you for so long. It hurts so much. I am so angry. I am so dissapointed & I want this to be over. I will always love kyle...but I don't know what I meant to him I dont know if he ever say that he feels the same way I do.
Time is helping me. Time is getting me through this...but time is making it harder for me to actually commit to someone. John is a beautiful person. Johns someone who cares about me and wants to get to know me. Meanwhile jesse did all those things, my love for jesse is that of friends and I don't think I can ever see jesse as a guy again. Jesse's everything a girl wants a guy...his personality is one that is hard to find--so why cant I see past the friendship? It's like I cant get attached to a guy anymore. Although I love hanging out with john, I love getting to know him and he's really cute...and I have such high hopes for us... I dont want to get dissaopinted if time is against us. I dont want to know that we'll end up being friends...
I'm just not in the right shape to be a gf, and I want comfort and security before a stupid physical relationship.
I don't know if john can provide that for me. John has me. I want to focus my attention on him....I dont know.