Real Life: Good For You, Part 2
Master Post | Part One
His second weekend at the house, Jared comes downstairs during a break from his Friday afternoon raid to find a small, dark-haired girl sitting on top of Jensen on the living room floor, tickling him while Jensen is biting into his arm, obviously trying not to scream out loud.
Coincidentally, that's when Jared learns Jensen's ticklish.
When Jensen spots Jared standing in the doorway, his mouth comes up from his arm and Jared can see bite marks marring the skin.
"Help," Jensen gasps between laughs. His face is bright red and there are tears on his cheeks from laughing so hard. "Please!"
"Don't do it," the girl laughs, and her eyes twinkle at Jared.
"Please!" Jensen wheezes again.
Jared doesn't want to overstep any boundaries, but he also can't really say no when Jensen's begging, so before he has the chance to overthink his own words and actions, he walks over and lifts the girl off Jensen; just picks her right up, because wow--tiny.
"Sorry, ma'am," Jared says in his best Texas drawl. "I'm afraid I'm gonna hafta ask you to step away from the writhing man on the floor."
She gets her feet under him, then puts her hands on her hips and raises an eyebrow; looks from Jared to Jensen then back to Jared.
"He's cheeky," she tells Jensen, who's wiping tears from his eyes and seems to be regaining some air. "I like him."
Jensen nods and gives one last watery chuckle. "Jared, meet Genevieve. She's a fucking hellcat."
"Nice to meet you, Jared," Genevieve says, shaking his hand.
Jared's starting to feel like he's maybe getting used to people again by now, so he doesn't blush, doesn't even stutter, when he says, "You too. And sorry about the whole, picking you up thing."
"Don't worry, stud," Genevieve says with a wink and a nudge to Jared's arm. She might have been going for the shoulder, but she's tiny, so really--there's no way she could have reached it. "You can pick me up any day."
Jared's cheeks immediately go warm--so much for his social antennas growing back--but before he has the chance to start sputtering nonsense, Genevieve turns to Jensen and says, "I'll catch you next week--and you better be there, Ackles!" Then she strolls out of the room and a few seconds later the front door opens and closes.
Jensen's still sitting on the floor, and when Jared looks at him, he's got both eyebrows raised in obvious amusement.
"Dude."
Jared clears his throat. "You've got interesting friends."
"Yeah, they're a real hoot," Jensen says dryly, picking himself up off the floor and grimacing. "Man, I think she bruised my kidney."
"So is this normal?" Jared asks, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Should I expect to come across a lot of women sitting on you in the living room?"
Jensen stops in the middle of twisting his torso around. "So many dirty jokes to be made, so little time."
Jared can feel the blush coming back in full force, and he stares hard at his feet. "Shut up. You're gay, anyway."
Jensen laughs, and the realization of what he's said does nothing to lessen Jared's slight embarrassment.
"So what was that about?"
"Oh, nothing." Jensen tries to wave it off with an air of nonchalance, but it's pretty obvious it's not nothing. Ironic, Jared thinks, since Jensen's supposed to be an actor.
"There's this audition for the spring play, and Gen wants me to go, but--I don't know. It's a musical, and I'm not so big on the whole... singing in front of people thing."
"I didn't know you could sing," Jared says, which--duh, he's known the guy for a couple of weeks, and one evening of Jensen Ackles Q&A does not mean he knows the guy.
"Exactly!" Jensen says, plopping down in the couch. "That's the other thing, my voice isn't really worthy of a legendary musical!"
"Legendary musical?"
"Yeah, they're doing Rent. I'm not exactly big on Broadway stuff, but I can respect Rent."
Jared scratches his head a little. He's heard the title before at least, but beyond that he knows next to nothing about it.
"Well, sing me something," Jared says.
Jensen just stares at him as if he's grown a second head.
"Come on," Jared presses, sitting down on the coffee table in front of Jensen, bumping their knees together. "Everybody's their own worst critic, you know? Most people see a photo of themselves and hate it, even though everyone else thinks it's beautiful."
"Gee," Jensen deadpans. "Very romantic of you, Mr. Padalecki."
Jared refuses to be embarrassed anymore, and pushes down his blush as best he can. "Sing me something."
Jensen stares at him for another few seconds, before he scratches the bridge of his nose and clears his throat. Then he closes his eyes, folds his hands in his lap, and takes a breath.
"How did we get here, how the hell?" he sings, and Jared's drawn in by the soft rumble of Jensen's voice. It's warm, like Jensen's laugh, and Jared stares at him.
Jensen's face seems to relax, even as his brow furrows and his voice takes on a pained quality to match the words of the song. Jared can't take his eyes off Jensen, and for some reason he finds himself trying to memorize every detail of the moment. The freckles on Jensen's face, the way his eyelids shift a bit as he moves through the lyrics, the expression on his face that coincides with the heartbreak of the song, yet at the same time seems to convey exactly how at home Jensen is with this--with slipping into someone else's skin and singing their thoughts to an audience, even if that audience is just Jared.
Jensen finishes the song, and his eyes open to meet Jared's. For a few moments, Jared can't say anything--can't find the words to express how much he just wants Jensen to keep singing; how his voice somehow soothes him and relaxes him.
"You're really good," he eventually manages, and Jensen gives a little, awkward chuckle.
"Yeah, well..."
"No, really."
Jensen looks away--brings up a hand to rub at the back of his neck, brows furrowing a little. "I don't know, man. Musicals... You need to really be something else to pull that off. I mean, I can carry a tune, but I'm just not sure if I wanna be putting myself out there like that. Singing's different than acting." He laughs a little. "Genevieve's been trying to convince me to audition for Roger since the announcement came up."
Jared doesn't know who Roger is, but he still nods. "I think Genevieve sounds like a smart woman," he says.
Jensen turns back to Jared at that and stares at him with a lopsided smile, like maybe he's got a secret Jared doesn't--and hell, he probably does for all Jared knows. It's making Jared feel vaguely uncomfortable, so he clears his throat and stands up. With a start, he suddenly remembers that he's supposed to be in the middle of a raid, and that he really just came downstairs for a bagel--really!
"Well, I gotta..." he trails off and gestures to the kitchen. Jensen's still looking at him with that amused expression on his face.
"I think you should audition," is the last thing Jared says before quickly retreating back upstairs to his room. The others are probably waiting for him, and he can live without the bagel, just this once.
It's Monday and Jared's just walking into his introductory psychology class when his phone vibrates in his pocket. Flipping it open as he's sitting down at his desk, Jared finds a text from a number he doesn't know.
Jensen gave me ur #. Class ends @ 2. Coffee? -Genevieve.
Jared stares for a few seconds. Genevieve wants to hang out with him? The notion that he's actually making friends makes him stupidly happy, and he texts a quick Sure, Starbucks @ 2.
It's only after he's hit the send button that he realizes two things. First of all, he promised Jensen he'd come with him to this Mexican place Jensen swears up and down is the best Mexican--ever! Secondly, and he probably should have seen it right away, but honest to God, he was just so happy that someone was actually interested in talking to him--Genevieve's hitting on him.
Jared swallows, not quite sure what to do about this information. He should at least go meet her for coffee and explain that he's not interested--hell, he doesn't even know her--but he really hopes she'll still be interested in being friends. He just needs to come up with a good way to tell her that, without using those exact words, because his social skills may be rusty, but they're not that rusty.
Glancing at the clock to see that he still has a couple of minutes before the class starts, and making sure the professor's not in the room yet, Jared quickly dials Jensen's phone. Jensen picks up on the third ring.
"'lo?" He sounds sleepy and grumpy, and it amuses Jared to no end that the guy's still asleep at noon, when he knows for a fact Jensen didn't stay out last night.
"Hey Jen," he says, the nickname slipping out comfortably. "Just wanted to see if I could get a rain check on the Mexican? I'm having coffee with Genevieve."
There's rustling on the other end of the line, and a groan that Jared thinks means Jensen's trying to wake up. At least he hopes that's what it means.
"Coffee? Genevieve?" Jensen sounds far more interested in the coffee.
"Yeah, meeting her at Starbucks at 2," Jared says, feeling a little embarrassed.
"You dog," Jensen says around a yawn.
"It's not like that," Jared protests. "She seems really cool, I'm just--I'm not interested in her like that--I'm not--"
Jensen cuts him off with a sleepy laugh; he almost sounds drunk with it. "Oh man! I'm totally gonna swing by later and be a fly on your wall. Must. Laugh. At your misfortune."
"Might not be a terrible idea," Jared chuckles. Hell, maybe Jensen can help ease the awkwardness of trying to communicate to Genevieve that he's not interested in her in that way. "Anyway, rain check on the Mexican and I'll see you at 2?"
"Yeah, sure. I'll catch you then, Jay. Bye."
Jensen sounds like he's headed back to sleep--hell, he's probably asleep again already. Jared's already become accustomed to seeing his sleep-walking morning ritual. Sleep-talking on the phone wouldn't be a stretch.
"Bye, Jensen," Jared says and closes his phone.
When Jared arrives at Starbucks, there's no sign of Jensen, and Jared's half-tempted to wait outside just to avoid being left alone with Genevieve. That seems a bit too cowardly, even for him though, and he might not want to date her, but he does want to be her friend. Actively avoiding the first person who's ever reached out to him besides Jensen probably won't help his social life any, so Jared takes a deep breath and goes inside instead.
Genevieve is sitting at a table by the window with two coffees in front of her. Jared has a moment of extreme nervousness and gives a little, dorky wave, which--really, she's like five feet away, how sad can he get?--and heads over.
"Hi, Genevieve," he says, and Genevieve makes a face at him.
"Oh please, call me Gen."
"Okay," Jared says as he sits down, but his mind supplements that Jen equals Jensen, and he doubts he'll be calling her Gen anytime soon.
"I'm glad you could make it, Jared," she says, and her smile is friendly and warm.
"Yeah," Jared says, and unable to think of anything further to add to that, just manages a lame, "me too."
Genevieve tilts her head in a coy gesture as she slides a coffee towards him. "I wasn't sure how you liked it, so it's just regular black."
"Regular black's fine."
They sit in silence for a few moments, and Jared uses the coffee as an excuse for not speaking, even if it burns his tongue a little. If Genevieve is uncomfortable by the silence, she thankfully doesn't show it, and instead sips her own coffee.
"How are your classes going?" she asks.
Jared nearly sighs in relief. Classes are a safe subject.
"They're good," he says, nodding. "I think my English Lit professor is out to kill me, though?"
Genevieve raises an eyebrow. "Who do you have?"
"Um, Dr. Carbone?"
"Oh, he's not so bad," Genevieve laughs with an easy wave, "he likes to talk tough and give a ton of assignments to make every student think they'll fail his class for sure, but his tests are really easy. You'll do great."
"Well, that's a relief," Jared mutters, thinking about the piles of homework he already has in that class.
"Just be grateful you got Dr. Carbone, and not Dr. Lauren. She's terrible," Genevieve says, with a heavy emphasis on the last word. "I had her last spring, and I can't imagine how that woman ever finished a doctorate. She really isn't fit to be teaching anything."
Jared chuckles, tension fading a little, and he runs a hand through his hair.
"Maybe it's not a real doctorate," he suggests. "Maybe she took one of those online tests. How smart are you?"
Genevieve laughs at the idea and nods. "She probably got a perfect score and decided she was smart enough to teach college."
"Right," Jared agrees, "and that's how she got this job. I guess this place doesn't exactly represent the scholarly elite of America." Then he hurriedly adds, "Don't get me wrong, I like it here, but I'm just--I'm just saying..."
"...it's not Harvard," Genevieve finishes for him, a knowing smile on her face. "No, it's not. I love it here, though. I'm thinking of staying after I graduate, actually."
"Really?" Jared tries to imagine where he will be living once he's done with college, but nothing really sets off a spark in him; not even Texas. "That's cool."
"Oh please," Genevieve scoffs. "You don't have to lie to be polite. Most people around here dream of going off to big cities like New York or L.A. I know that what I want is different." She leans forward, and suddenly seems a little bit more serious. "It's just that I really like it here, and as long as I'm happy, who cares what anyone else thinks, right?"
Jared doesn't think life is quite that easy, but he doesn't want to say that to Genevieve, and just smiles and nods at her instead.
"So, Jared..." she starts and leans back in her seat again. She never gets to finish that sentence though, because that's the precise moment Jensen walks through the door.
To her credit, Genevieve's smile doesn't falter at all when Jensen walks over to their table.
"Hey guys," Jensen says with a wry smile at Jared. "What a coincidence."
Jared feels a small twinge of embarrassment hit him in the chest, but Genevieve just raises an eyebrow at Jensen. "Yeah," she says, not the slightest bit convinced. "Quite the coincidence."
She doesn't sound annoyed though, just amused, and when she looks at Jared again it's without blame in her eyes.
Jensen ignores the little look they exchange, and instead pulls up a chair and puts it next to Jared's. When he sits down and scoots as close as he can get until Jared's pretty much squished up against the window, both Jared and Genevieve laugh.
"So! What are you two crazy kids talking about?" Jensen asks.
"We were moving on from the question of whether or not Dr. Lauren got her alleged doctorate from an online test, to debating the merits of small town living versus big city ambitions, when someone decided to interrupt us." Genevieve gives Jensen a pointed look, but Jensen doesn't look deterred.
"Oh no!" he says, feigning ignorance. "How rude!"
Jared laughs and shoves at Jensen's shoulder. "Move over, dude, people are gonna get the wrong idea here."
Jensen does that thing where he throws his head back and laughs, warm and easy. He moves his chair away from the immediate vicinity of Jared's body, but he makes no motion to get up and leave them alone, either.
Genevieve looks at Jensen with a calculating stare for a moment, before seemingly deciding that attempting to get rid of him would lead nowhere, and instead sips her coffee. "So, Jensen, you're coming to the audition on Wednesday, right?"
Jared suddenly remembers Jensen's Rent audition and his hesitation to go. Jensen himself just looks down at the table and starts idly tracing invisible patterns with his finger. "Give it a rest, Gen. I'm not going."
"But Jensen," Genevieve starts, and Jensen immediately holds up a hand to stop her.
"No But Jensen!" he imitates in a whiny voice. "If I wanted to sing for people, I'd be a fucking music major. I'm not going."
"You should," Jared interjects, and turns to Genevieve. "He sang to me. He's really good!"
Genevieve perks up. "I know, right? I want him to get this part so bad! He'd be so good at it! Don't you think he'd make an awesome Roger?"
Jared still has no clue who Roger is, but he's confident that whatever the part is, Jensen would be great at it, so he just nods vigorously.
"Good God," Jensen mutters from next to him. "Now there's two of them."
"We just think you're really good, and you should try out for the part," Jared says.
Jensen stares at him for a long moment, a sort of intense stare with slightly narrowed eyes that makes Jared feel incredibly awkward. Jared glances over at Genevieve and finds her looking between the two of them as if she's figuring something out. It's getting very unsettling and slightly annoying to have so many new people randomly give him these wordless stares, but just as Jared's about to say something, Jensen purses his lips and says, "I'll think about it."
Anything Jared might have had to say about getting stared at disappears in Genevieve's excited whoop.
On Wednesday, Jared comes down to the kitchen after his afternoon raid to find a note on the fridge that says,
Jared,
I went to the audition. Be home later.
- Jensen.
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." -Thomas Edison.
Jensen actually doesn't get the part, but when he comes home an hour later and Jared's sitting on the stairs waiting for him, like an overeager kid, he still smiles brightly, claps Jared's shoulder and thanks him for pushing him into going.
"It's only a college play, man," he says, which is a far cry from his earlier description of Rent as an epic musical, but he genuinely seems fine with it.
"It got me out of my comfort zone, and I guess that's the point, right?" He gives Jared a wry smile. "Nobody ever got good at something by not pushing themselves."
Jared doesn't know what the theater people were thinking, turning Jensen down. He Wikipedia'd Rent and while he thinks the premise of the play sounds really retarded, he thinks Jensen would indeed have made an awesome Roger. Jensen seems so carefree and happy about it though, and seems to be more excited that he actually went to try out in the first place. So really, if Jensen's not upset, Jared can't bring himself to be upset about it either.
"Plus, come on--who wants to see some play where people randomly burst into song?"
Jared can't really argue with that.
Jensen ends up taking him to that Mexican place that evening, and Jared has to agree that the food really is awesome. When they get back to the house, they play some more Playstation while arguing over which action series was better, Die Hard or Lethal Weapon.
On the whole, it's not a bad day.
It's been nearly two weeks since Jensen got rejected from Rent when he randomly walks into Jared's room, rubbing his stomach.
"Man, I'm starving," he says, dramatically throwing himself onto Jared's bed.
Jared barely has time to alt-tab out of World of Warcraft and thank every higher deity that he was not logged onto voice chat. Seems Chris was right; complete privacy doesn't always exist in this house.
"Make some food?" Jared suggests lamely, swiveling his chair around to face Jensen on the bed.
"I want waffles," Jensen nearly pouts.
"Do we have waffles?" Jared asks.
"No."
"Then you're probably gonna have to go out and get them. Though I'm not sure if there is a waffle joint around here."
"There's not," Jensen confirms with a heavy sigh.
"Well, we could get some flour? Eggs? Maybe make them ourselves?"
Jensen lifts his head and looks at Jared suspiciously. "You know how to make waffles?"
Jared blushes a little. "My mama taught me," he admits. "We'd need a waffle iron though."
Jensen's head thumps down on the bed again. "We don't have that."
"Oh."
Jared's at a loss for words, and he's still not sure why Jensen's in his room. "Why are you up here, again?"
"I'm bored," Jensen informs him. "I'm supposed to practice a thing for next week, but I'm too bored. And as my roommate, it's your duty to entertain me. Or make me waffles. Or both. Either way."
"I don't recall seeing any entertainment or waffle clauses in my contract with Mr. Morgan," Jared says, eyes narrowing.
Jensen rolls over onto his side. "Jeff's a sneaky guy. You probably just didn't see the fine print."
Jared chuckles at that, and then notices Jensen squint at his computer screen, trying to make out what it is Jared's doing. He quickly stands up to block the view, not really eager for Jensen to see that he's surfing World of Warcraft strategy websites. "Well, I can help you practice your, uh--thing, if you want?"
Jensen's eyes move to Jared's face and widen a bit. "You wanna read lines with me?"
There's surprise, but no malice in the words, and Jared nods and shrugs. "Sure, why not? Beats studying by yourself, right?"
"Okay," Jensen says, getting up from Jared's bed and heading out and down the stairs. "I warn you though, it's a shitty play."
"It's okay," Jared responds, following close behind Jensen, "I'm a shitty actor."
Jensen's laugh rings through the house, and Jared's chest still feels warm when they sit down next to each other on the couch so they both can see Jensen's script.
Living with Jensen continues to be surprisingly--almost disturbingly--easy. It helps a lot that Jensen really is the most laidback guy on planet earth. If Jared locks himself up in his room for hours on end to play World of Warcraft, Jensen never looks at him oddly, and more than once he invites Jared to join him for dinner, or in one extraordinary case, for breakfast.
Jensen's crippling caffeine addiction and his less than exuberant morning personality was one of the first things Jared learned about him, and the morning he came down to find Jensen making pancakes, Jared almost died from a heart attack. It wasn't until Jensen explained with a sheepish grin that he hadn't been to sleep yet, but out with friends all night that it made sense.
Jared soon meets a few more of Jensen's friends, too--Jensen sometimes has them over for movies or video games, and Jared tries his best to be social when they are around. Jensen's presence helps, and Jared latches onto that, much like he had when Chad was around.
Jared does take extra care not to just hide behind Jensen the whole time, though; he knows that he was very close to becoming a lonely hermit because he got too dependent on Chad to keep his social life alive, and he doesn't want that to happen again. So he lets Jensen acts like a buffer--he helps Jared relax, and he gives Jared a starting point for conversation, but that's it. And really--it's all Jared needs, when all is said and done. He's not shy, not really, it's just that his people skills seem to have suffered a little bit as of late, so easing back into things using Jensen as a proxy seems to work out really well for him. It seems as long as he doesn't have to initiate the conversation, as long as a subject is presented he can say something about, he's just peachy. And Jensen's friends are for the most part really awesome.
Jared meets Tom and Mike, who according to Jensen are as inseparable as two people can get, and it seems to be a favorite pastime among Jensen's group of friends to make fun of how Tom manages to spend time with his girlfriend when he's so attached to Mike. The night after that, he meets Kristin, who a theater major and in most of Jensen's classes. She's quite possibly the tiniest girl Jared's ever met, smaller than Sandy even, she giggles a lot, and she's got the biggest unrequited crush on Mike history's ever seen--at least if Jensen is to be believed.
Two weeks after Jared first meets Tom and Mike, Tom stops by to invite Jensen for a movie, but Jensen has a rehearsal for something, and can't. Tom shrugs and says that's cool, then turns to where Jared's been making a sandwich in the kitchen and says, "You wanna go, Jay?"
Jared manages to accept the invite, finish his sandwich, have a decent conversation with both Tom and Jensen, and get all the way back to his room before doing a giddy, little fistpump, and he doesn't even care if it makes him a loser.
After that, he's just sort of automatically included into Jensen's entire circle of friends--absorbed, seemingly, without any drama or question, as if it's the most natural thing in the world.
Jared still hasn't found a way to tell Genevieve he's not interested in her, but she hasn't invited him to anything even remotely date-like since the botched coffee date anyway. Instead she comes over and watches movies and hangs out with both Jensen and Jared, so he figures it's not really an issue anymore. Sometimes Jared catches her looking at him funny, but so far she hasn't said anything, and if it does come up again, he figures he'll just tell her then.
As the weeks go by, Jared finds himself spending less and less time in World of Warcraft, feeling like maybe, just maybe, he's actually making real friends now.
Jensen knocks on his door on the first Friday in December. Sticking his head into Jared's room, he says, "Hey, a buncha people are coming over tonight to celebrate surviving our finals, you game?"
Jared just swivels his chair around and frowns at Jensen's smiling face. "But next week is finals week," he says, confused, and Jensen shrugs and blows a raspberry at him.
"Semantics."
It's enough to make Jared chuckle and nod.
"Okay, man. I'm there."
Jensen gives him one of his blinding grins in return and says, "Party!"
Jared waits until he hears Jensen's footsteps on the stairs before starting his voice chat program and logging in. Chad, Katie, and Faceman are logged in, and he picks up the headset and jabs a finger at the talk button.
"Hey guys."
"Hey douchebag," Chad and Faceman say almost at the same time.
"Perfect timing, log on dude," Faceman continues, "We're about to go raid, and there's a spot for you!"
"Actually," Jared says, almost regretfully, "I was just logging on to let you guys know I can't play tonight. Some guys are coming over."
"You're fucking lame," says Faceman.
"Sorry."
"Don't be sorry," Katie pipes in, "I think it's wonderful you're getting out more. I'm glad the whole roommate deal is working out for you."
"I have a fucking phone, you know," Chad says. "You can call me."
A pang of regret blossoms in Jared's chest and he picks at a loose thread at the hem of his shirt. "Sorry," he mumbles again.
"It's no big," Chad replies, but his tone doesn't quite agree with him. Still, Jared decides not to push it while Faceman and Katie can listen in, and he makes a mental note to call Chad later to see what's up, or at the very least be better about staying in touch outside of the computer as well.
For now, all he can say is, "I gotta go," and log off.
Jared plays video games with Jensen until Tom, Mike, and Genevieve arrive. Jensen punches Jared's shoulder playfully as they get up off the couch, promising him revenge later for the crushing loss he'd suffered. Tom and Mike brought a massive fucking keg, and it takes both of them to haul it into the kitchen. Jared watches with slightly wide eyes as they get it all set up, then take the plastic cups that Genevieve hands them and fills one for each person in the room.
When Jensen hands him a cup, Jared raises one eyebrow at him.
"You know I'm underage, right?"
Jensen shrugs. "Good for you. Nobody here is going to give two shits what you do, Jay. Drink as much or as little as you feel comfortable with."
The words are said with a friendly smile, and Jared returns it easily then takes the cup. "Thanks."
Mike and Tom raise their cups, and Mike declares loudly, "To getting through school!"
The beer is smooth and cool down Jared's throat, and he instantly likes it. He's been drunk before--he's not sheltered, and he's not a loser--but he doesn't enjoy drinking with the express purpose of getting drunk. Jensen's words, his promise, that Jared can pretty much do whatever he wants make him feel safe.
It doesn't take long before the house is full of people, both people Jared knows and doesn't know. Danneel is talking to Jensen in a corner, and Tom, Mike, and Tom's girlfriend, Jamie, are all piled up on the couch. Jamie's in Tom's lap, but hell if Tom isn't nearly in Mike's lap. The whole scenario is ridiculous, and it makes Jared smile into his cup. On the other side of Jamie sits Jason and Anna, and some little blonde girl Jared doesn't know is sitting on the floor next to Jason, talking animatedly about something Jared can't hear over the music.
There are people milling around, going in and out of the kitchen, some of them stopping to talk to him on the way or clapping him on the shoulder in passing, and Jared just takes it all in, reveling in the fact that this is what he'd wanted his college experience to be like. Just a regular guy, hanging at a party with his friends.
"Hey," Genevieve says from next to him, and bumps his hip with her own. She's just close enough and her voice is just loud enough so that it carries, and Jared turns to look down at her.
"Hey yourself," he says, even though it's a lame response. He feels warm and relaxed and happy, and he's got a delicious buzz going.
"Wanna get some air?" Genevieve asks in an undecipherable tone, and Jared's a little bit confused but still nods. It's just some air, right?
"Yeah, sure."
Kevin and Scott are smoking something that Jared's not entirely convinced is a regular cigarette on the front porch, asses plunked firmly in the gross, old couch. He wrinkles his nose at them, and he's pretty sure they're both way too old to be hanging around college students anyway, so Genevieve and Jared go around the house instead, to the stairs by the kitchen entrance. It's not snowing yet, so they sit down side by side on the wooden steps and listen to the dull thumping of music coming from inside.
"Man, I can't believe it hasn't snowed yet," Genevieve remarks, wrapping her own arms around herself and pulling on her shirt sleeves. "You'd think it would have snowed already, with this freezing weather!"
"Sorry, I don't have a jacket to give you," Jared responds a bit ruefully, and she laughs, short and sweet.
"That's okay," she says. "So how goes things, rooming with Jensen?"
Jared doesn't even have to think about his answer, feeling loose and relaxed from the beer and a good night. "It's great," he says immediately. "He's a great guy."
"Yeah, he is."
"He's really easy to get along with. I wasn't sure about this whole roommate thing--I'm kind of quirky--but it's working out great so far."
"I don't think you're quirky," Genevieve says, one corner of her mouth tilted up in an adorable, little smile. "At least not any more than the rest of us. Being quirky is not a bad thing."
"Thanks," Jared chuckles. "I think."
"So what made you decide to come all the way up here for school?" Genevieve asks.
Jared shrugs and gives the same explanation he gave to Chris. "I just wanted to do something different. Something far away, sort of a fresh start. I figured it'd give me a chance to kind of get out there on my own, you know?"
"I think that's really brave," Genevieve says, and her tone is suddenly very serious.
He looks at her, and she looks back, but her eyes are twinkling in the dusk and she's still wearing that adorable half-smile on her face.
When she leans over and kisses him, it takes Jared completely by surprise.
He doesn't jerk back, but he's not sure how to react, either. Her lips are soft and warm on his, the chill of the evening not having reached them yet. Her lips feels delicate against his, and he is suddenly acutely aware of their size difference. How much taller than her he is, and how small her shoulder feels where it nudges his; how he feels like he could just pick her up with one hand and have her balance on it, like a toy dog or a stuffed animal.
It all feels wrong somehow, and he breaks the kiss, licking his lips and staring into her face.
He really should have had that talk with her sooner.
"Sorry," he says weakly. "I just--what are you doing?"
She doesn't look hurt though, just gives him a calculating stare, and--okay, it's really annoying now.
"Nothing," she says in a voice that totally contradicts her. "Just testing something."
Jared's patience is running thin, and the relaxed, happy feeling he was nursing just minutes earlier is fading fast. Something snaps inside of him, maybe helped along by the beer, and words start spilling out. "Testing what? Why does everyone always talk to me as if they know something I don't? And why are you always staring at me?"
There's a reason he thought Genevieve was so cool from the first time he met her. She has this way of looking at things, of dealing with them, with an air of nonchalance and minimal drama that Jared likes. She is, like most of Jensen's friends, an easygoing person, so when Jared starts ranting at her, she just leans back and smiles at him. Puts a comforting hand on his arm, and shushes him gently.
"Jared," she says, calmly and quietly, "do you like Jensen?"
Jared's mind boggles. Does he like Jensen? He opens and closes his mouth a few times. The No is on the tip of his tongue, but no words come out. When a few more seconds go by and he still fails to produce any sound, Genevieve looks pleased with herself and smiles at him, warm and relaxed.
"That's what I thought."
There are so many thoughts racing through Jared's mind, and so many things he wants to say. He wants to know why Genevieve has gotten that impression. Does other people think he likes Jensen, too? Most of all, he wonders if he really does? He thinks about Jensen's smile and his laugh and how it seems to reach into his spine and warm him from the inside.
He doesn't have time to dwell too much on it however, because just then there's an intense screeching of brakes in front of the house, followed by two voices, one of which he recognizes as Chris's twang.
"The boys are back in town," Chris yells, and a second voice follows along with the slamming of car doors.
"It's all right, guys, the party can start now!"
Genevieve gives Jared another reassuring smile and stands up, brushing at her butt. "Looks like Steve and Chris are home," she says. "Come on, you haven't met Steve yet, have you?"
Jared's too dumbstruck to really say anything, so he just lets her lead him back into the house, but his mind is still racing. Does he like Jensen?
Somehow he feels cheated. He came out for a bit of air and goes back inside with a sexual identity crisis.
Totally unfair.
Steve turns out to be a lot like a blond clone of Chris. He takes one look at Jared, shakes his hand, and says, with careful emphasis on each word, "So you're living with Jensen now, huh?"
Jared thought it was weird when Chris did it, but in light of his recent conversation with Genevieve, it's even weirder. He can't help but wonder if everyone thinks he's interested in Jensen, and it's pretty unsettling. His mind is swirling, over-analyzing his every move, as he tries desperately to see--to remember--what he's done to give off the impression that he likes Jensen.
If he's acting odd, Steve and Chris either don't notice or blame it on the alcohol, and it's not long before they're the center of attention, hollering over the music and chugging golden liquor straight from the bottle.
Genevieve seems to have disappeared, maybe gone home or fell asleep somewhere, and with most everyone's attention being on Chris and Steve as they pull out their guitars and drunkenly attempt to harmonize, Jared's left to brood in silence. He kind of feels like drinking more, but he's never been the kind to drown his problems, and he's not even sure why it bothers him that people thinks he likes Jensen. Hell, so far, he's not even sure it's people, plural. It could just all be in Genevieve's head, and Chris and Steve could just be plain, old-fashioned weirdos who emphasize their words oddly.
Jared watches Jensen across the room, watches as he laughs at Chris and Steve, and leans over to say something into Tom's ear. Jared likes Jensen's laugh--this much he knows. He likes how carefree it is, and how warm it is. It's like a direct metaphor for Jensen himself, and Jared envies that easygoing nature. Jared doesn't fail completely in social settings--at least not once he gets his foot in the door, which is why Jensen acting as a buffer for his social life has worked out so well for him--but he's always had a tendency of overthinking things. He leans towards the overdramatic, he knows, and thinks fleetingly that maybe he should have been an actor, not Jensen.
The sounds of the party suddenly seem to assault Jared's ears, and he looks at Jensen smile and laugh, and knows he needs to get away--clear his head and think.
He hurries upstairs to his room, alcohol making him stumble a little on the top step, kicks off his shoes, and closes the door carefully without bothering to turn on the light, letting the darkness close comfortably around him. He's not sure where to go from here. What if Genevieve tells other people? What if she tells Jensen?
Jared's not even certain of his own feelings at the moment, and Jensen being told that Jared has a crush, regardless of the amount of truth in that statement, would quite possibly be embarrassing enough to kill Jared.
He's standing in the middle of his dark room, heart pounding in his chest, when the door opens. Light pours in from the hallway along with the sounds of the party still going on downstairs, and Jared can see Jensen silhouetted in the doorway.
"Hey, man," Jensen says, and Jared can't see it, but he can still hear the smile in his voice. "Where'd you run off to?"
Jared thinks it's a pretty stupid question considering they're both very clearly standing in his room, but then again--Jensen doesn't seem entirely sober, much less so than Jared.
"I'm pretty wiped out," Jared lies, hoping his voice isn't actually shaking, and that he's just imagining it. "I'm just gonna head to bed."
Jensen doesn't move for a few seconds, and Jared stares at the floor, and at the rectangle of light on his carpet from the open doorway; Jensen's shadow in the middle. He knows that Jensen can see his face, and he doesn't want anything to show, but something clearly does, because Jensen steps inside his room, pushed the door, but doesn't shut it, leaving a thin, little stripe of light to break the darkness.
"You okay?" he asks, and he sounds genuinely concerned.
"M'fine," Jared mumbles. "I told you, I'm just tired."
"Did something happen with Genevieve?" Jensen almost sounds angry now. "Did she do anything to upset you?"
Jared lets out a harsh, little laugh--did she do anything to upset him? Other than send him headfirst into a slightly alcohol-laced sexual crisis?
Jared really wants to be left alone with his thoughts, but at the same time, Jensen's concern is palpable, and the temptation to tell him everything is pushing at Jared's chest. Jensen's been nice to him; unknowingly helped Jared get comfortable in a strange town so far from home, and helped him make friends. Jared's eyes are getting accustomed to the darkness, and he glances at his computer screen. It's dark now, his PC in sleep mode, but he knows that if he were to nudge the mouse a little, the screen would come to life, and it would be right there on his desktop--the shortcut icon in the form of a gold and blue weapon crest. He thinks about his friends in the game, thinks about Chad, and then looks up at Jensen.
Jensen's never looked at Jared as if he was weird. He's said nothing when Jared's locked himself up in his room for marathon gaming sessions, and he's said nothing when Jared started hanging out with Genevieve, with Tom, with people who were Jensen's friends first.
Jensen is looking at Jared with what he thinks is a frown on his face--Jared can't be entirely sure in the dim light--but the worry is coming off him in waves.
Jared doesn't even know where to begin. He can't say, "I think I like you." He's not that brave.
Luckily, Jensen deems to sense Jared's distress in getting the words out, and he doesn't push, just stands there quietly--maybe swaying a little drunkenly, but no less patiently--and lets Jared take the time he needs to express himself.
"Genevieve thinks I'm gay," is what he says when his voice finally works again. It's not a lie, not really, but it's the only thing he knows how to say without embarrassing both himself and quite possibly Jensen.
Jensen doesn't say anything for a little while, but Jared doesn't think his facial expression changes much.
Finally, Jensen shifts a little. "Well, what do you think?" he asks, his voice gentle.
Jared looks down and pokes at the floor with his big toe. "I'm not sure," he mumbles, glancing at Jensen, not really sure what else to say.
Jensen continues to watch him in the darkness, face slightly more visible now that Jared's eyes are getting used to it.
Jared's heart skips a beat when Jensen finally moves, takes a step towards him. "Well, how's this," Jensen says, and it sounds like he's about to say something more, but before Jared really gets to complete that thought, Jensen's face seems to loom towards him in the darkness, and then there are soft lips covering his own.
Jared's brain sort of shuts down, and all he is aware of is that Jensen is kissing him. He can't move, he can't breathe, he can't think--he certainly doesn't have it in him to kiss Jensen back. All that registers in his brain is that Jensen is kissing him!
Jared must have made a little startled sound in the back of his throat, or maybe that's a whimper? Because Jensen pulls back, and even in the dark room, Jared can see Jensen's eyes look at him, twinkling a little with something that could be amusement, or it could be the alcohol.
"Well?" Jensen says, and Jared's wondering why his voice doesn't sound shaky, because Jared feels like his entire world just got flipped upside down, and the fact that Jensen seems able to remain cool and collected through the world turning all around like that, is just not right.
"W-Well, what?" Jared stammers, and then blurts out, because filtering his thoughts has never been his strong suit, "You kissed me!"
Jensen shrugs a little. "I did. Did you hate it?"
Jared starts a little. He's not even sure how to answer that. He didn't really register much about it beyond, Jensen's kissing me! But he definitely didn't hate it. His brain still isn't fully functional it seems, so all he gets out is a, "No, I--I..."
Jensen chuckles, deep in his throat and says, "Mmmkay, then."
And then he leans forward--slowly--Jared sees him coming and has plenty of time to pull away if he wishes, but he's completely rooted to the spot, unable to move--and puts his lips over Jared's again. The sensation is still shocking, as if someone touched a battery to his lips, but he still takes the time to actually feel the kiss, this time.
Jensen's lips are dry. That's the first thing that registers. Dry, but getting moist as they move against Jared's, carefully, coaxing. Jared fights down the urge to jerk his head away and run out of the room in blind panic, and instead lets his eyes slide shut, and tries furiously, desperately to just not to think so goddamn much. Jensen's tongue nudges against his, and fighting down the panic rising in the back of his throat, Jared lets out a little sigh, and kisses Jensen back.
Jensen tastes like cigarettes and beer, and there's the faint sting of alcohol on his tongue. His chest is strong and solid in front of Jared, and when their shoulders bump together, Jensen doesn't feel weird and bony and small like Genevieve did. One of his hands comes up to loosely grip Jared's elbow, and Jared startles a little at the touch.
Jensen breaks away then, his other hand coming up to rest on Jared's neck. "Hey," he says, "hey, it's okay."
Jared can see his smile in the dark room, and it's almost too much for him. He has to close his eyes and swallow hard before he nods.
Jensen's fingers start kneading Jared's neck almost carefully, gently, and Jared's head is swimming. With his eyes closed he feels rather than sees Jensen sink to his knees in front of him, and then Jensen's hands are at his waist, unbuttoning his jeans swiftly, and then sneaking inside.
Warm fingers close around him through his boxers, and it no longer matters how much Jared's mind is churning or how hard his heart is pounding in his chest; he still grows hard under Jensen's touch.
"Jensen--," he manages, but he's not sure what he wants, or what he's trying to say, and instead finds his hips jerking into Jensen's touch, as if they have a life of their own.
Jensen chuckles a little, a comforting and calming rumble in the darkness, and then he's pulling Jared's dick up and out over the lip of his boxers.
"Tell me if you want me to stop," he whispers, but before Jared even has a chance to react, his cock is engulfed in soft, wet heat, and--holy shit, Jensen's sucking him off. Giving him a blowjob, right there, calm as you please.
Every rational thought, every nervous tick, fades from Jared and drains out of his limbs, and all he can focus on is the feeling of Jensen's lips around his cock, Jensen's tongue dragging wetly along the underside to come up and rub against the head. The feeling is exhilarating and intoxicating at once, and Jared fights the urge to move, to grab Jensen's head and just--thrust.
A broken moan reaches Jared's ears, and he realizes with a start that it's his own voice. He's rock hard in Jensen's mouth, and Jensen starts sucking, carefully at first, and Jared thinks he might actually have a heart attack. His chest is aching and all the air is rushing out of his lungs, and his knees literally go wobbly, sending him stumbling backwards. His cock slips out of Jensen's mouth with a wet slurp as Jared's back hits the wall, but he doesn't have time to gather his wits because Jensen just follows him, shuffling forward on his knees and then closing his lips around Jared's cock again and sucking--harder this time, more eager.
Jensen's head bobs up and down, moves in even closer to Jared as he tries to get Jared's whole length in his mouth; when that doesn't work, one of Jensen's hands move from where they were clutching at Jared's thighs, to close around the base of his dick, stroking firmly in a rhythm that matches the strokes of his tongue perfectly.
Jared sees flashes of lights behind his eyelids--his cock is leaking more than he thought was possible. Outside of his own solo masturbatory sessions, where his mind is blank and he doesn't really think about anything, just jerks off for the tension relief, Jared doesn't have a lot of experience with sex. Sandy certainly never did this for him--the furthest they ever got was some heavy petting and groping, because she always stopped him before they got any further, and Jared simply never felt any real desire to push. Dimly, he thinks that this might explain that.
Jensen, though--Jensen sucks as if Jared's cock is the best thing in the whole world--as if he loves the taste of it, and can't get enough. The whole thing is completely surreal, and Jared opens his eyes, looks down, and in the darkness he can see Jensen, eyes closed as he sucks and licks, a look that can only be described as bliss on his face. The sight is dizzying, and it feels so wet and warm in Jensen's mouth, and Jensen makes these obscene, little slurping noises as his lips move along Jared's shaft and his tongue comes up to drag across the head of Jared's cock just one more time...
Sensory overload.
Jared gasps brokenly, something that is supposed to be Jensen's name but instead just comes out as a wordless sound, and then he's gone. Eyes squeezing shut again on their own accord, both hands clenching into fists against the wall, hips snapping forward--and really, he couldn't have stopped that even if he wanted to--and then Jared's coming his brains out, spurting into Jensen's mouth with a single, long exhale of breath that leaves his lungs burning for air. Jensen's hand clutches hard at Jared's thigh as he swallows furiously, and holy shit--he's swallowing Jared down--and that's the last coherent through Jared has for a while.
An unknown amount of time passes before his ears stop ringing and the sounds of the party going on downstairs filter into Jared's brain. By the time he regains his senses, he realizes that Jensen's still nuzzling his cock, cleaning it off with gentle licks that still makes him want to twitch, he's so sensitive.
That's about the time when everything hits Jared all at once; square in the chest like a truck full of bricks, and he freezes. Pure panic is threatening to set in, and Jensen must have felt him tense up, because he slowly pulls away from Jared's crotch and climbs to his feet again with a little grunt, rubbing at his knees on his way up.
Jared can't move. He can't speak. He can't even look Jensen in the eye. Instead he resorts to staring hard at his feet, and when Jensen takes a step closer again, tries to get into Jared's field of vision, Jared just closes his eyes outright again.
"Jared," Jensen tries, voice like gravel, and Jared can't help but flinch at the sound.
Maybe Jensen saw Jared's flinch. Maybe he simply decided against saying something, after all. Either way, Jensen doesn't say whatever he was about to say. Instead there's a small sigh from his general direction, a gentle puff of air that hits Jared's jaw.
"Take some time to figure things out, okay?" Jensen says. His voice is quiet and sweet, as if he's talking to a spooked animal. "I'll give you space."
Jared can't even bear to open his eyes.
It's only a few more moments of silence before Jared hears Jensen's feet shuffle across his floor, then the opening and closing of the door. It's another few moments before Jared dares to open his eyes, part of him terrified that Jensen is actually still in the room, and that he was psyching Jared out, opening and closing the door and pretending to leave. When Jared finally does pry his eyes open though, Jensen is indeed gone.
It's just Jared in the room, leaning against the wall in the darkness, with his limp dick hanging out of his pants, the lingering traces of Jensen's spit rapidly cooling and drying on his skin. He suddenly feels drained of all energy; boneless and exhausted, in a way that's not even remotely relaxing.
Jared barely finds it in him to crawl into bed and pull the covers up around his ears. Doing his best to settle his thoughts and his pounding heart, Jared attempts to drown out the sounds of the party, and doesn't stop to acknowledge the dull throb in his chest that almost feels a little bit like heartache.
Part Three
His second weekend at the house, Jared comes downstairs during a break from his Friday afternoon raid to find a small, dark-haired girl sitting on top of Jensen on the living room floor, tickling him while Jensen is biting into his arm, obviously trying not to scream out loud.
Coincidentally, that's when Jared learns Jensen's ticklish.
When Jensen spots Jared standing in the doorway, his mouth comes up from his arm and Jared can see bite marks marring the skin.
"Help," Jensen gasps between laughs. His face is bright red and there are tears on his cheeks from laughing so hard. "Please!"
"Don't do it," the girl laughs, and her eyes twinkle at Jared.
"Please!" Jensen wheezes again.
Jared doesn't want to overstep any boundaries, but he also can't really say no when Jensen's begging, so before he has the chance to overthink his own words and actions, he walks over and lifts the girl off Jensen; just picks her right up, because wow--tiny.
"Sorry, ma'am," Jared says in his best Texas drawl. "I'm afraid I'm gonna hafta ask you to step away from the writhing man on the floor."
She gets her feet under him, then puts her hands on her hips and raises an eyebrow; looks from Jared to Jensen then back to Jared.
"He's cheeky," she tells Jensen, who's wiping tears from his eyes and seems to be regaining some air. "I like him."
Jensen nods and gives one last watery chuckle. "Jared, meet Genevieve. She's a fucking hellcat."
"Nice to meet you, Jared," Genevieve says, shaking his hand.
Jared's starting to feel like he's maybe getting used to people again by now, so he doesn't blush, doesn't even stutter, when he says, "You too. And sorry about the whole, picking you up thing."
"Don't worry, stud," Genevieve says with a wink and a nudge to Jared's arm. She might have been going for the shoulder, but she's tiny, so really--there's no way she could have reached it. "You can pick me up any day."
Jared's cheeks immediately go warm--so much for his social antennas growing back--but before he has the chance to start sputtering nonsense, Genevieve turns to Jensen and says, "I'll catch you next week--and you better be there, Ackles!" Then she strolls out of the room and a few seconds later the front door opens and closes.
Jensen's still sitting on the floor, and when Jared looks at him, he's got both eyebrows raised in obvious amusement.
"Dude."
Jared clears his throat. "You've got interesting friends."
"Yeah, they're a real hoot," Jensen says dryly, picking himself up off the floor and grimacing. "Man, I think she bruised my kidney."
"So is this normal?" Jared asks, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Should I expect to come across a lot of women sitting on you in the living room?"
Jensen stops in the middle of twisting his torso around. "So many dirty jokes to be made, so little time."
Jared can feel the blush coming back in full force, and he stares hard at his feet. "Shut up. You're gay, anyway."
Jensen laughs, and the realization of what he's said does nothing to lessen Jared's slight embarrassment.
"So what was that about?"
"Oh, nothing." Jensen tries to wave it off with an air of nonchalance, but it's pretty obvious it's not nothing. Ironic, Jared thinks, since Jensen's supposed to be an actor.
"There's this audition for the spring play, and Gen wants me to go, but--I don't know. It's a musical, and I'm not so big on the whole... singing in front of people thing."
"I didn't know you could sing," Jared says, which--duh, he's known the guy for a couple of weeks, and one evening of Jensen Ackles Q&A does not mean he knows the guy.
"Exactly!" Jensen says, plopping down in the couch. "That's the other thing, my voice isn't really worthy of a legendary musical!"
"Legendary musical?"
"Yeah, they're doing Rent. I'm not exactly big on Broadway stuff, but I can respect Rent."
Jared scratches his head a little. He's heard the title before at least, but beyond that he knows next to nothing about it.
"Well, sing me something," Jared says.
Jensen just stares at him as if he's grown a second head.
"Come on," Jared presses, sitting down on the coffee table in front of Jensen, bumping their knees together. "Everybody's their own worst critic, you know? Most people see a photo of themselves and hate it, even though everyone else thinks it's beautiful."
"Gee," Jensen deadpans. "Very romantic of you, Mr. Padalecki."
Jared refuses to be embarrassed anymore, and pushes down his blush as best he can. "Sing me something."
Jensen stares at him for another few seconds, before he scratches the bridge of his nose and clears his throat. Then he closes his eyes, folds his hands in his lap, and takes a breath.
"How did we get here, how the hell?" he sings, and Jared's drawn in by the soft rumble of Jensen's voice. It's warm, like Jensen's laugh, and Jared stares at him.
Jensen's face seems to relax, even as his brow furrows and his voice takes on a pained quality to match the words of the song. Jared can't take his eyes off Jensen, and for some reason he finds himself trying to memorize every detail of the moment. The freckles on Jensen's face, the way his eyelids shift a bit as he moves through the lyrics, the expression on his face that coincides with the heartbreak of the song, yet at the same time seems to convey exactly how at home Jensen is with this--with slipping into someone else's skin and singing their thoughts to an audience, even if that audience is just Jared.
Jensen finishes the song, and his eyes open to meet Jared's. For a few moments, Jared can't say anything--can't find the words to express how much he just wants Jensen to keep singing; how his voice somehow soothes him and relaxes him.
"You're really good," he eventually manages, and Jensen gives a little, awkward chuckle.
"Yeah, well..."
"No, really."
Jensen looks away--brings up a hand to rub at the back of his neck, brows furrowing a little. "I don't know, man. Musicals... You need to really be something else to pull that off. I mean, I can carry a tune, but I'm just not sure if I wanna be putting myself out there like that. Singing's different than acting." He laughs a little. "Genevieve's been trying to convince me to audition for Roger since the announcement came up."
Jared doesn't know who Roger is, but he still nods. "I think Genevieve sounds like a smart woman," he says.
Jensen turns back to Jared at that and stares at him with a lopsided smile, like maybe he's got a secret Jared doesn't--and hell, he probably does for all Jared knows. It's making Jared feel vaguely uncomfortable, so he clears his throat and stands up. With a start, he suddenly remembers that he's supposed to be in the middle of a raid, and that he really just came downstairs for a bagel--really!
"Well, I gotta..." he trails off and gestures to the kitchen. Jensen's still looking at him with that amused expression on his face.
"I think you should audition," is the last thing Jared says before quickly retreating back upstairs to his room. The others are probably waiting for him, and he can live without the bagel, just this once.
It's Monday and Jared's just walking into his introductory psychology class when his phone vibrates in his pocket. Flipping it open as he's sitting down at his desk, Jared finds a text from a number he doesn't know.
Jensen gave me ur #. Class ends @ 2. Coffee? -Genevieve.
Jared stares for a few seconds. Genevieve wants to hang out with him? The notion that he's actually making friends makes him stupidly happy, and he texts a quick Sure, Starbucks @ 2.
It's only after he's hit the send button that he realizes two things. First of all, he promised Jensen he'd come with him to this Mexican place Jensen swears up and down is the best Mexican--ever! Secondly, and he probably should have seen it right away, but honest to God, he was just so happy that someone was actually interested in talking to him--Genevieve's hitting on him.
Jared swallows, not quite sure what to do about this information. He should at least go meet her for coffee and explain that he's not interested--hell, he doesn't even know her--but he really hopes she'll still be interested in being friends. He just needs to come up with a good way to tell her that, without using those exact words, because his social skills may be rusty, but they're not that rusty.
Glancing at the clock to see that he still has a couple of minutes before the class starts, and making sure the professor's not in the room yet, Jared quickly dials Jensen's phone. Jensen picks up on the third ring.
"'lo?" He sounds sleepy and grumpy, and it amuses Jared to no end that the guy's still asleep at noon, when he knows for a fact Jensen didn't stay out last night.
"Hey Jen," he says, the nickname slipping out comfortably. "Just wanted to see if I could get a rain check on the Mexican? I'm having coffee with Genevieve."
There's rustling on the other end of the line, and a groan that Jared thinks means Jensen's trying to wake up. At least he hopes that's what it means.
"Coffee? Genevieve?" Jensen sounds far more interested in the coffee.
"Yeah, meeting her at Starbucks at 2," Jared says, feeling a little embarrassed.
"You dog," Jensen says around a yawn.
"It's not like that," Jared protests. "She seems really cool, I'm just--I'm not interested in her like that--I'm not--"
Jensen cuts him off with a sleepy laugh; he almost sounds drunk with it. "Oh man! I'm totally gonna swing by later and be a fly on your wall. Must. Laugh. At your misfortune."
"Might not be a terrible idea," Jared chuckles. Hell, maybe Jensen can help ease the awkwardness of trying to communicate to Genevieve that he's not interested in her in that way. "Anyway, rain check on the Mexican and I'll see you at 2?"
"Yeah, sure. I'll catch you then, Jay. Bye."
Jensen sounds like he's headed back to sleep--hell, he's probably asleep again already. Jared's already become accustomed to seeing his sleep-walking morning ritual. Sleep-talking on the phone wouldn't be a stretch.
"Bye, Jensen," Jared says and closes his phone.
When Jared arrives at Starbucks, there's no sign of Jensen, and Jared's half-tempted to wait outside just to avoid being left alone with Genevieve. That seems a bit too cowardly, even for him though, and he might not want to date her, but he does want to be her friend. Actively avoiding the first person who's ever reached out to him besides Jensen probably won't help his social life any, so Jared takes a deep breath and goes inside instead.
Genevieve is sitting at a table by the window with two coffees in front of her. Jared has a moment of extreme nervousness and gives a little, dorky wave, which--really, she's like five feet away, how sad can he get?--and heads over.
"Hi, Genevieve," he says, and Genevieve makes a face at him.
"Oh please, call me Gen."
"Okay," Jared says as he sits down, but his mind supplements that Jen equals Jensen, and he doubts he'll be calling her Gen anytime soon.
"I'm glad you could make it, Jared," she says, and her smile is friendly and warm.
"Yeah," Jared says, and unable to think of anything further to add to that, just manages a lame, "me too."
Genevieve tilts her head in a coy gesture as she slides a coffee towards him. "I wasn't sure how you liked it, so it's just regular black."
"Regular black's fine."
They sit in silence for a few moments, and Jared uses the coffee as an excuse for not speaking, even if it burns his tongue a little. If Genevieve is uncomfortable by the silence, she thankfully doesn't show it, and instead sips her own coffee.
"How are your classes going?" she asks.
Jared nearly sighs in relief. Classes are a safe subject.
"They're good," he says, nodding. "I think my English Lit professor is out to kill me, though?"
Genevieve raises an eyebrow. "Who do you have?"
"Um, Dr. Carbone?"
"Oh, he's not so bad," Genevieve laughs with an easy wave, "he likes to talk tough and give a ton of assignments to make every student think they'll fail his class for sure, but his tests are really easy. You'll do great."
"Well, that's a relief," Jared mutters, thinking about the piles of homework he already has in that class.
"Just be grateful you got Dr. Carbone, and not Dr. Lauren. She's terrible," Genevieve says, with a heavy emphasis on the last word. "I had her last spring, and I can't imagine how that woman ever finished a doctorate. She really isn't fit to be teaching anything."
Jared chuckles, tension fading a little, and he runs a hand through his hair.
"Maybe it's not a real doctorate," he suggests. "Maybe she took one of those online tests. How smart are you?"
Genevieve laughs at the idea and nods. "She probably got a perfect score and decided she was smart enough to teach college."
"Right," Jared agrees, "and that's how she got this job. I guess this place doesn't exactly represent the scholarly elite of America." Then he hurriedly adds, "Don't get me wrong, I like it here, but I'm just--I'm just saying..."
"...it's not Harvard," Genevieve finishes for him, a knowing smile on her face. "No, it's not. I love it here, though. I'm thinking of staying after I graduate, actually."
"Really?" Jared tries to imagine where he will be living once he's done with college, but nothing really sets off a spark in him; not even Texas. "That's cool."
"Oh please," Genevieve scoffs. "You don't have to lie to be polite. Most people around here dream of going off to big cities like New York or L.A. I know that what I want is different." She leans forward, and suddenly seems a little bit more serious. "It's just that I really like it here, and as long as I'm happy, who cares what anyone else thinks, right?"
Jared doesn't think life is quite that easy, but he doesn't want to say that to Genevieve, and just smiles and nods at her instead.
"So, Jared..." she starts and leans back in her seat again. She never gets to finish that sentence though, because that's the precise moment Jensen walks through the door.
To her credit, Genevieve's smile doesn't falter at all when Jensen walks over to their table.
"Hey guys," Jensen says with a wry smile at Jared. "What a coincidence."
Jared feels a small twinge of embarrassment hit him in the chest, but Genevieve just raises an eyebrow at Jensen. "Yeah," she says, not the slightest bit convinced. "Quite the coincidence."
She doesn't sound annoyed though, just amused, and when she looks at Jared again it's without blame in her eyes.
Jensen ignores the little look they exchange, and instead pulls up a chair and puts it next to Jared's. When he sits down and scoots as close as he can get until Jared's pretty much squished up against the window, both Jared and Genevieve laugh.
"So! What are you two crazy kids talking about?" Jensen asks.
"We were moving on from the question of whether or not Dr. Lauren got her alleged doctorate from an online test, to debating the merits of small town living versus big city ambitions, when someone decided to interrupt us." Genevieve gives Jensen a pointed look, but Jensen doesn't look deterred.
"Oh no!" he says, feigning ignorance. "How rude!"
Jared laughs and shoves at Jensen's shoulder. "Move over, dude, people are gonna get the wrong idea here."
Jensen does that thing where he throws his head back and laughs, warm and easy. He moves his chair away from the immediate vicinity of Jared's body, but he makes no motion to get up and leave them alone, either.
Genevieve looks at Jensen with a calculating stare for a moment, before seemingly deciding that attempting to get rid of him would lead nowhere, and instead sips her coffee. "So, Jensen, you're coming to the audition on Wednesday, right?"
Jared suddenly remembers Jensen's Rent audition and his hesitation to go. Jensen himself just looks down at the table and starts idly tracing invisible patterns with his finger. "Give it a rest, Gen. I'm not going."
"But Jensen," Genevieve starts, and Jensen immediately holds up a hand to stop her.
"No But Jensen!" he imitates in a whiny voice. "If I wanted to sing for people, I'd be a fucking music major. I'm not going."
"You should," Jared interjects, and turns to Genevieve. "He sang to me. He's really good!"
Genevieve perks up. "I know, right? I want him to get this part so bad! He'd be so good at it! Don't you think he'd make an awesome Roger?"
Jared still has no clue who Roger is, but he's confident that whatever the part is, Jensen would be great at it, so he just nods vigorously.
"Good God," Jensen mutters from next to him. "Now there's two of them."
"We just think you're really good, and you should try out for the part," Jared says.
Jensen stares at him for a long moment, a sort of intense stare with slightly narrowed eyes that makes Jared feel incredibly awkward. Jared glances over at Genevieve and finds her looking between the two of them as if she's figuring something out. It's getting very unsettling and slightly annoying to have so many new people randomly give him these wordless stares, but just as Jared's about to say something, Jensen purses his lips and says, "I'll think about it."
Anything Jared might have had to say about getting stared at disappears in Genevieve's excited whoop.
On Wednesday, Jared comes down to the kitchen after his afternoon raid to find a note on the fridge that says,
Jared,
I went to the audition. Be home later.
- Jensen.
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." -Thomas Edison.
Jensen actually doesn't get the part, but when he comes home an hour later and Jared's sitting on the stairs waiting for him, like an overeager kid, he still smiles brightly, claps Jared's shoulder and thanks him for pushing him into going.
"It's only a college play, man," he says, which is a far cry from his earlier description of Rent as an epic musical, but he genuinely seems fine with it.
"It got me out of my comfort zone, and I guess that's the point, right?" He gives Jared a wry smile. "Nobody ever got good at something by not pushing themselves."
Jared doesn't know what the theater people were thinking, turning Jensen down. He Wikipedia'd Rent and while he thinks the premise of the play sounds really retarded, he thinks Jensen would indeed have made an awesome Roger. Jensen seems so carefree and happy about it though, and seems to be more excited that he actually went to try out in the first place. So really, if Jensen's not upset, Jared can't bring himself to be upset about it either.
"Plus, come on--who wants to see some play where people randomly burst into song?"
Jared can't really argue with that.
Jensen ends up taking him to that Mexican place that evening, and Jared has to agree that the food really is awesome. When they get back to the house, they play some more Playstation while arguing over which action series was better, Die Hard or Lethal Weapon.
On the whole, it's not a bad day.
It's been nearly two weeks since Jensen got rejected from Rent when he randomly walks into Jared's room, rubbing his stomach.
"Man, I'm starving," he says, dramatically throwing himself onto Jared's bed.
Jared barely has time to alt-tab out of World of Warcraft and thank every higher deity that he was not logged onto voice chat. Seems Chris was right; complete privacy doesn't always exist in this house.
"Make some food?" Jared suggests lamely, swiveling his chair around to face Jensen on the bed.
"I want waffles," Jensen nearly pouts.
"Do we have waffles?" Jared asks.
"No."
"Then you're probably gonna have to go out and get them. Though I'm not sure if there is a waffle joint around here."
"There's not," Jensen confirms with a heavy sigh.
"Well, we could get some flour? Eggs? Maybe make them ourselves?"
Jensen lifts his head and looks at Jared suspiciously. "You know how to make waffles?"
Jared blushes a little. "My mama taught me," he admits. "We'd need a waffle iron though."
Jensen's head thumps down on the bed again. "We don't have that."
"Oh."
Jared's at a loss for words, and he's still not sure why Jensen's in his room. "Why are you up here, again?"
"I'm bored," Jensen informs him. "I'm supposed to practice a thing for next week, but I'm too bored. And as my roommate, it's your duty to entertain me. Or make me waffles. Or both. Either way."
"I don't recall seeing any entertainment or waffle clauses in my contract with Mr. Morgan," Jared says, eyes narrowing.
Jensen rolls over onto his side. "Jeff's a sneaky guy. You probably just didn't see the fine print."
Jared chuckles at that, and then notices Jensen squint at his computer screen, trying to make out what it is Jared's doing. He quickly stands up to block the view, not really eager for Jensen to see that he's surfing World of Warcraft strategy websites. "Well, I can help you practice your, uh--thing, if you want?"
Jensen's eyes move to Jared's face and widen a bit. "You wanna read lines with me?"
There's surprise, but no malice in the words, and Jared nods and shrugs. "Sure, why not? Beats studying by yourself, right?"
"Okay," Jensen says, getting up from Jared's bed and heading out and down the stairs. "I warn you though, it's a shitty play."
"It's okay," Jared responds, following close behind Jensen, "I'm a shitty actor."
Jensen's laugh rings through the house, and Jared's chest still feels warm when they sit down next to each other on the couch so they both can see Jensen's script.
Living with Jensen continues to be surprisingly--almost disturbingly--easy. It helps a lot that Jensen really is the most laidback guy on planet earth. If Jared locks himself up in his room for hours on end to play World of Warcraft, Jensen never looks at him oddly, and more than once he invites Jared to join him for dinner, or in one extraordinary case, for breakfast.
Jensen's crippling caffeine addiction and his less than exuberant morning personality was one of the first things Jared learned about him, and the morning he came down to find Jensen making pancakes, Jared almost died from a heart attack. It wasn't until Jensen explained with a sheepish grin that he hadn't been to sleep yet, but out with friends all night that it made sense.
Jared soon meets a few more of Jensen's friends, too--Jensen sometimes has them over for movies or video games, and Jared tries his best to be social when they are around. Jensen's presence helps, and Jared latches onto that, much like he had when Chad was around.
Jared does take extra care not to just hide behind Jensen the whole time, though; he knows that he was very close to becoming a lonely hermit because he got too dependent on Chad to keep his social life alive, and he doesn't want that to happen again. So he lets Jensen acts like a buffer--he helps Jared relax, and he gives Jared a starting point for conversation, but that's it. And really--it's all Jared needs, when all is said and done. He's not shy, not really, it's just that his people skills seem to have suffered a little bit as of late, so easing back into things using Jensen as a proxy seems to work out really well for him. It seems as long as he doesn't have to initiate the conversation, as long as a subject is presented he can say something about, he's just peachy. And Jensen's friends are for the most part really awesome.
Jared meets Tom and Mike, who according to Jensen are as inseparable as two people can get, and it seems to be a favorite pastime among Jensen's group of friends to make fun of how Tom manages to spend time with his girlfriend when he's so attached to Mike. The night after that, he meets Kristin, who a theater major and in most of Jensen's classes. She's quite possibly the tiniest girl Jared's ever met, smaller than Sandy even, she giggles a lot, and she's got the biggest unrequited crush on Mike history's ever seen--at least if Jensen is to be believed.
Two weeks after Jared first meets Tom and Mike, Tom stops by to invite Jensen for a movie, but Jensen has a rehearsal for something, and can't. Tom shrugs and says that's cool, then turns to where Jared's been making a sandwich in the kitchen and says, "You wanna go, Jay?"
Jared manages to accept the invite, finish his sandwich, have a decent conversation with both Tom and Jensen, and get all the way back to his room before doing a giddy, little fistpump, and he doesn't even care if it makes him a loser.
After that, he's just sort of automatically included into Jensen's entire circle of friends--absorbed, seemingly, without any drama or question, as if it's the most natural thing in the world.
Jared still hasn't found a way to tell Genevieve he's not interested in her, but she hasn't invited him to anything even remotely date-like since the botched coffee date anyway. Instead she comes over and watches movies and hangs out with both Jensen and Jared, so he figures it's not really an issue anymore. Sometimes Jared catches her looking at him funny, but so far she hasn't said anything, and if it does come up again, he figures he'll just tell her then.
As the weeks go by, Jared finds himself spending less and less time in World of Warcraft, feeling like maybe, just maybe, he's actually making real friends now.
Jensen knocks on his door on the first Friday in December. Sticking his head into Jared's room, he says, "Hey, a buncha people are coming over tonight to celebrate surviving our finals, you game?"
Jared just swivels his chair around and frowns at Jensen's smiling face. "But next week is finals week," he says, confused, and Jensen shrugs and blows a raspberry at him.
"Semantics."
It's enough to make Jared chuckle and nod.
"Okay, man. I'm there."
Jensen gives him one of his blinding grins in return and says, "Party!"
Jared waits until he hears Jensen's footsteps on the stairs before starting his voice chat program and logging in. Chad, Katie, and Faceman are logged in, and he picks up the headset and jabs a finger at the talk button.
"Hey guys."
"Hey douchebag," Chad and Faceman say almost at the same time.
"Perfect timing, log on dude," Faceman continues, "We're about to go raid, and there's a spot for you!"
"Actually," Jared says, almost regretfully, "I was just logging on to let you guys know I can't play tonight. Some guys are coming over."
"You're fucking lame," says Faceman.
"Sorry."
"Don't be sorry," Katie pipes in, "I think it's wonderful you're getting out more. I'm glad the whole roommate deal is working out for you."
"I have a fucking phone, you know," Chad says. "You can call me."
A pang of regret blossoms in Jared's chest and he picks at a loose thread at the hem of his shirt. "Sorry," he mumbles again.
"It's no big," Chad replies, but his tone doesn't quite agree with him. Still, Jared decides not to push it while Faceman and Katie can listen in, and he makes a mental note to call Chad later to see what's up, or at the very least be better about staying in touch outside of the computer as well.
For now, all he can say is, "I gotta go," and log off.
Jared plays video games with Jensen until Tom, Mike, and Genevieve arrive. Jensen punches Jared's shoulder playfully as they get up off the couch, promising him revenge later for the crushing loss he'd suffered. Tom and Mike brought a massive fucking keg, and it takes both of them to haul it into the kitchen. Jared watches with slightly wide eyes as they get it all set up, then take the plastic cups that Genevieve hands them and fills one for each person in the room.
When Jensen hands him a cup, Jared raises one eyebrow at him.
"You know I'm underage, right?"
Jensen shrugs. "Good for you. Nobody here is going to give two shits what you do, Jay. Drink as much or as little as you feel comfortable with."
The words are said with a friendly smile, and Jared returns it easily then takes the cup. "Thanks."
Mike and Tom raise their cups, and Mike declares loudly, "To getting through school!"
The beer is smooth and cool down Jared's throat, and he instantly likes it. He's been drunk before--he's not sheltered, and he's not a loser--but he doesn't enjoy drinking with the express purpose of getting drunk. Jensen's words, his promise, that Jared can pretty much do whatever he wants make him feel safe.
It doesn't take long before the house is full of people, both people Jared knows and doesn't know. Danneel is talking to Jensen in a corner, and Tom, Mike, and Tom's girlfriend, Jamie, are all piled up on the couch. Jamie's in Tom's lap, but hell if Tom isn't nearly in Mike's lap. The whole scenario is ridiculous, and it makes Jared smile into his cup. On the other side of Jamie sits Jason and Anna, and some little blonde girl Jared doesn't know is sitting on the floor next to Jason, talking animatedly about something Jared can't hear over the music.
There are people milling around, going in and out of the kitchen, some of them stopping to talk to him on the way or clapping him on the shoulder in passing, and Jared just takes it all in, reveling in the fact that this is what he'd wanted his college experience to be like. Just a regular guy, hanging at a party with his friends.
"Hey," Genevieve says from next to him, and bumps his hip with her own. She's just close enough and her voice is just loud enough so that it carries, and Jared turns to look down at her.
"Hey yourself," he says, even though it's a lame response. He feels warm and relaxed and happy, and he's got a delicious buzz going.
"Wanna get some air?" Genevieve asks in an undecipherable tone, and Jared's a little bit confused but still nods. It's just some air, right?
"Yeah, sure."
Kevin and Scott are smoking something that Jared's not entirely convinced is a regular cigarette on the front porch, asses plunked firmly in the gross, old couch. He wrinkles his nose at them, and he's pretty sure they're both way too old to be hanging around college students anyway, so Genevieve and Jared go around the house instead, to the stairs by the kitchen entrance. It's not snowing yet, so they sit down side by side on the wooden steps and listen to the dull thumping of music coming from inside.
"Man, I can't believe it hasn't snowed yet," Genevieve remarks, wrapping her own arms around herself and pulling on her shirt sleeves. "You'd think it would have snowed already, with this freezing weather!"
"Sorry, I don't have a jacket to give you," Jared responds a bit ruefully, and she laughs, short and sweet.
"That's okay," she says. "So how goes things, rooming with Jensen?"
Jared doesn't even have to think about his answer, feeling loose and relaxed from the beer and a good night. "It's great," he says immediately. "He's a great guy."
"Yeah, he is."
"He's really easy to get along with. I wasn't sure about this whole roommate thing--I'm kind of quirky--but it's working out great so far."
"I don't think you're quirky," Genevieve says, one corner of her mouth tilted up in an adorable, little smile. "At least not any more than the rest of us. Being quirky is not a bad thing."
"Thanks," Jared chuckles. "I think."
"So what made you decide to come all the way up here for school?" Genevieve asks.
Jared shrugs and gives the same explanation he gave to Chris. "I just wanted to do something different. Something far away, sort of a fresh start. I figured it'd give me a chance to kind of get out there on my own, you know?"
"I think that's really brave," Genevieve says, and her tone is suddenly very serious.
He looks at her, and she looks back, but her eyes are twinkling in the dusk and she's still wearing that adorable half-smile on her face.
When she leans over and kisses him, it takes Jared completely by surprise.
He doesn't jerk back, but he's not sure how to react, either. Her lips are soft and warm on his, the chill of the evening not having reached them yet. Her lips feels delicate against his, and he is suddenly acutely aware of their size difference. How much taller than her he is, and how small her shoulder feels where it nudges his; how he feels like he could just pick her up with one hand and have her balance on it, like a toy dog or a stuffed animal.
It all feels wrong somehow, and he breaks the kiss, licking his lips and staring into her face.
He really should have had that talk with her sooner.
"Sorry," he says weakly. "I just--what are you doing?"
She doesn't look hurt though, just gives him a calculating stare, and--okay, it's really annoying now.
"Nothing," she says in a voice that totally contradicts her. "Just testing something."
Jared's patience is running thin, and the relaxed, happy feeling he was nursing just minutes earlier is fading fast. Something snaps inside of him, maybe helped along by the beer, and words start spilling out. "Testing what? Why does everyone always talk to me as if they know something I don't? And why are you always staring at me?"
There's a reason he thought Genevieve was so cool from the first time he met her. She has this way of looking at things, of dealing with them, with an air of nonchalance and minimal drama that Jared likes. She is, like most of Jensen's friends, an easygoing person, so when Jared starts ranting at her, she just leans back and smiles at him. Puts a comforting hand on his arm, and shushes him gently.
"Jared," she says, calmly and quietly, "do you like Jensen?"
Jared's mind boggles. Does he like Jensen? He opens and closes his mouth a few times. The No is on the tip of his tongue, but no words come out. When a few more seconds go by and he still fails to produce any sound, Genevieve looks pleased with herself and smiles at him, warm and relaxed.
"That's what I thought."
There are so many thoughts racing through Jared's mind, and so many things he wants to say. He wants to know why Genevieve has gotten that impression. Does other people think he likes Jensen, too? Most of all, he wonders if he really does? He thinks about Jensen's smile and his laugh and how it seems to reach into his spine and warm him from the inside.
He doesn't have time to dwell too much on it however, because just then there's an intense screeching of brakes in front of the house, followed by two voices, one of which he recognizes as Chris's twang.
"The boys are back in town," Chris yells, and a second voice follows along with the slamming of car doors.
"It's all right, guys, the party can start now!"
Genevieve gives Jared another reassuring smile and stands up, brushing at her butt. "Looks like Steve and Chris are home," she says. "Come on, you haven't met Steve yet, have you?"
Jared's too dumbstruck to really say anything, so he just lets her lead him back into the house, but his mind is still racing. Does he like Jensen?
Somehow he feels cheated. He came out for a bit of air and goes back inside with a sexual identity crisis.
Totally unfair.
Steve turns out to be a lot like a blond clone of Chris. He takes one look at Jared, shakes his hand, and says, with careful emphasis on each word, "So you're living with Jensen now, huh?"
Jared thought it was weird when Chris did it, but in light of his recent conversation with Genevieve, it's even weirder. He can't help but wonder if everyone thinks he's interested in Jensen, and it's pretty unsettling. His mind is swirling, over-analyzing his every move, as he tries desperately to see--to remember--what he's done to give off the impression that he likes Jensen.
If he's acting odd, Steve and Chris either don't notice or blame it on the alcohol, and it's not long before they're the center of attention, hollering over the music and chugging golden liquor straight from the bottle.
Genevieve seems to have disappeared, maybe gone home or fell asleep somewhere, and with most everyone's attention being on Chris and Steve as they pull out their guitars and drunkenly attempt to harmonize, Jared's left to brood in silence. He kind of feels like drinking more, but he's never been the kind to drown his problems, and he's not even sure why it bothers him that people thinks he likes Jensen. Hell, so far, he's not even sure it's people, plural. It could just all be in Genevieve's head, and Chris and Steve could just be plain, old-fashioned weirdos who emphasize their words oddly.
Jared watches Jensen across the room, watches as he laughs at Chris and Steve, and leans over to say something into Tom's ear. Jared likes Jensen's laugh--this much he knows. He likes how carefree it is, and how warm it is. It's like a direct metaphor for Jensen himself, and Jared envies that easygoing nature. Jared doesn't fail completely in social settings--at least not once he gets his foot in the door, which is why Jensen acting as a buffer for his social life has worked out so well for him--but he's always had a tendency of overthinking things. He leans towards the overdramatic, he knows, and thinks fleetingly that maybe he should have been an actor, not Jensen.
The sounds of the party suddenly seem to assault Jared's ears, and he looks at Jensen smile and laugh, and knows he needs to get away--clear his head and think.
He hurries upstairs to his room, alcohol making him stumble a little on the top step, kicks off his shoes, and closes the door carefully without bothering to turn on the light, letting the darkness close comfortably around him. He's not sure where to go from here. What if Genevieve tells other people? What if she tells Jensen?
Jared's not even certain of his own feelings at the moment, and Jensen being told that Jared has a crush, regardless of the amount of truth in that statement, would quite possibly be embarrassing enough to kill Jared.
He's standing in the middle of his dark room, heart pounding in his chest, when the door opens. Light pours in from the hallway along with the sounds of the party still going on downstairs, and Jared can see Jensen silhouetted in the doorway.
"Hey, man," Jensen says, and Jared can't see it, but he can still hear the smile in his voice. "Where'd you run off to?"
Jared thinks it's a pretty stupid question considering they're both very clearly standing in his room, but then again--Jensen doesn't seem entirely sober, much less so than Jared.
"I'm pretty wiped out," Jared lies, hoping his voice isn't actually shaking, and that he's just imagining it. "I'm just gonna head to bed."
Jensen doesn't move for a few seconds, and Jared stares at the floor, and at the rectangle of light on his carpet from the open doorway; Jensen's shadow in the middle. He knows that Jensen can see his face, and he doesn't want anything to show, but something clearly does, because Jensen steps inside his room, pushed the door, but doesn't shut it, leaving a thin, little stripe of light to break the darkness.
"You okay?" he asks, and he sounds genuinely concerned.
"M'fine," Jared mumbles. "I told you, I'm just tired."
"Did something happen with Genevieve?" Jensen almost sounds angry now. "Did she do anything to upset you?"
Jared lets out a harsh, little laugh--did she do anything to upset him? Other than send him headfirst into a slightly alcohol-laced sexual crisis?
Jared really wants to be left alone with his thoughts, but at the same time, Jensen's concern is palpable, and the temptation to tell him everything is pushing at Jared's chest. Jensen's been nice to him; unknowingly helped Jared get comfortable in a strange town so far from home, and helped him make friends. Jared's eyes are getting accustomed to the darkness, and he glances at his computer screen. It's dark now, his PC in sleep mode, but he knows that if he were to nudge the mouse a little, the screen would come to life, and it would be right there on his desktop--the shortcut icon in the form of a gold and blue weapon crest. He thinks about his friends in the game, thinks about Chad, and then looks up at Jensen.
Jensen's never looked at Jared as if he was weird. He's said nothing when Jared's locked himself up in his room for marathon gaming sessions, and he's said nothing when Jared started hanging out with Genevieve, with Tom, with people who were Jensen's friends first.
Jensen is looking at Jared with what he thinks is a frown on his face--Jared can't be entirely sure in the dim light--but the worry is coming off him in waves.
Jared doesn't even know where to begin. He can't say, "I think I like you." He's not that brave.
Luckily, Jensen deems to sense Jared's distress in getting the words out, and he doesn't push, just stands there quietly--maybe swaying a little drunkenly, but no less patiently--and lets Jared take the time he needs to express himself.
"Genevieve thinks I'm gay," is what he says when his voice finally works again. It's not a lie, not really, but it's the only thing he knows how to say without embarrassing both himself and quite possibly Jensen.
Jensen doesn't say anything for a little while, but Jared doesn't think his facial expression changes much.
Finally, Jensen shifts a little. "Well, what do you think?" he asks, his voice gentle.
Jared looks down and pokes at the floor with his big toe. "I'm not sure," he mumbles, glancing at Jensen, not really sure what else to say.
Jensen continues to watch him in the darkness, face slightly more visible now that Jared's eyes are getting used to it.
Jared's heart skips a beat when Jensen finally moves, takes a step towards him. "Well, how's this," Jensen says, and it sounds like he's about to say something more, but before Jared really gets to complete that thought, Jensen's face seems to loom towards him in the darkness, and then there are soft lips covering his own.
Jared's brain sort of shuts down, and all he is aware of is that Jensen is kissing him. He can't move, he can't breathe, he can't think--he certainly doesn't have it in him to kiss Jensen back. All that registers in his brain is that Jensen is kissing him!
Jared must have made a little startled sound in the back of his throat, or maybe that's a whimper? Because Jensen pulls back, and even in the dark room, Jared can see Jensen's eyes look at him, twinkling a little with something that could be amusement, or it could be the alcohol.
"Well?" Jensen says, and Jared's wondering why his voice doesn't sound shaky, because Jared feels like his entire world just got flipped upside down, and the fact that Jensen seems able to remain cool and collected through the world turning all around like that, is just not right.
"W-Well, what?" Jared stammers, and then blurts out, because filtering his thoughts has never been his strong suit, "You kissed me!"
Jensen shrugs a little. "I did. Did you hate it?"
Jared starts a little. He's not even sure how to answer that. He didn't really register much about it beyond, Jensen's kissing me! But he definitely didn't hate it. His brain still isn't fully functional it seems, so all he gets out is a, "No, I--I..."
Jensen chuckles, deep in his throat and says, "Mmmkay, then."
And then he leans forward--slowly--Jared sees him coming and has plenty of time to pull away if he wishes, but he's completely rooted to the spot, unable to move--and puts his lips over Jared's again. The sensation is still shocking, as if someone touched a battery to his lips, but he still takes the time to actually feel the kiss, this time.
Jensen's lips are dry. That's the first thing that registers. Dry, but getting moist as they move against Jared's, carefully, coaxing. Jared fights down the urge to jerk his head away and run out of the room in blind panic, and instead lets his eyes slide shut, and tries furiously, desperately to just not to think so goddamn much. Jensen's tongue nudges against his, and fighting down the panic rising in the back of his throat, Jared lets out a little sigh, and kisses Jensen back.
Jensen tastes like cigarettes and beer, and there's the faint sting of alcohol on his tongue. His chest is strong and solid in front of Jared, and when their shoulders bump together, Jensen doesn't feel weird and bony and small like Genevieve did. One of his hands comes up to loosely grip Jared's elbow, and Jared startles a little at the touch.
Jensen breaks away then, his other hand coming up to rest on Jared's neck. "Hey," he says, "hey, it's okay."
Jared can see his smile in the dark room, and it's almost too much for him. He has to close his eyes and swallow hard before he nods.
Jensen's fingers start kneading Jared's neck almost carefully, gently, and Jared's head is swimming. With his eyes closed he feels rather than sees Jensen sink to his knees in front of him, and then Jensen's hands are at his waist, unbuttoning his jeans swiftly, and then sneaking inside.
Warm fingers close around him through his boxers, and it no longer matters how much Jared's mind is churning or how hard his heart is pounding in his chest; he still grows hard under Jensen's touch.
"Jensen--," he manages, but he's not sure what he wants, or what he's trying to say, and instead finds his hips jerking into Jensen's touch, as if they have a life of their own.
Jensen chuckles a little, a comforting and calming rumble in the darkness, and then he's pulling Jared's dick up and out over the lip of his boxers.
"Tell me if you want me to stop," he whispers, but before Jared even has a chance to react, his cock is engulfed in soft, wet heat, and--holy shit, Jensen's sucking him off. Giving him a blowjob, right there, calm as you please.
Every rational thought, every nervous tick, fades from Jared and drains out of his limbs, and all he can focus on is the feeling of Jensen's lips around his cock, Jensen's tongue dragging wetly along the underside to come up and rub against the head. The feeling is exhilarating and intoxicating at once, and Jared fights the urge to move, to grab Jensen's head and just--thrust.
A broken moan reaches Jared's ears, and he realizes with a start that it's his own voice. He's rock hard in Jensen's mouth, and Jensen starts sucking, carefully at first, and Jared thinks he might actually have a heart attack. His chest is aching and all the air is rushing out of his lungs, and his knees literally go wobbly, sending him stumbling backwards. His cock slips out of Jensen's mouth with a wet slurp as Jared's back hits the wall, but he doesn't have time to gather his wits because Jensen just follows him, shuffling forward on his knees and then closing his lips around Jared's cock again and sucking--harder this time, more eager.
Jensen's head bobs up and down, moves in even closer to Jared as he tries to get Jared's whole length in his mouth; when that doesn't work, one of Jensen's hands move from where they were clutching at Jared's thighs, to close around the base of his dick, stroking firmly in a rhythm that matches the strokes of his tongue perfectly.
Jared sees flashes of lights behind his eyelids--his cock is leaking more than he thought was possible. Outside of his own solo masturbatory sessions, where his mind is blank and he doesn't really think about anything, just jerks off for the tension relief, Jared doesn't have a lot of experience with sex. Sandy certainly never did this for him--the furthest they ever got was some heavy petting and groping, because she always stopped him before they got any further, and Jared simply never felt any real desire to push. Dimly, he thinks that this might explain that.
Jensen, though--Jensen sucks as if Jared's cock is the best thing in the whole world--as if he loves the taste of it, and can't get enough. The whole thing is completely surreal, and Jared opens his eyes, looks down, and in the darkness he can see Jensen, eyes closed as he sucks and licks, a look that can only be described as bliss on his face. The sight is dizzying, and it feels so wet and warm in Jensen's mouth, and Jensen makes these obscene, little slurping noises as his lips move along Jared's shaft and his tongue comes up to drag across the head of Jared's cock just one more time...
Sensory overload.
Jared gasps brokenly, something that is supposed to be Jensen's name but instead just comes out as a wordless sound, and then he's gone. Eyes squeezing shut again on their own accord, both hands clenching into fists against the wall, hips snapping forward--and really, he couldn't have stopped that even if he wanted to--and then Jared's coming his brains out, spurting into Jensen's mouth with a single, long exhale of breath that leaves his lungs burning for air. Jensen's hand clutches hard at Jared's thigh as he swallows furiously, and holy shit--he's swallowing Jared down--and that's the last coherent through Jared has for a while.
An unknown amount of time passes before his ears stop ringing and the sounds of the party going on downstairs filter into Jared's brain. By the time he regains his senses, he realizes that Jensen's still nuzzling his cock, cleaning it off with gentle licks that still makes him want to twitch, he's so sensitive.
That's about the time when everything hits Jared all at once; square in the chest like a truck full of bricks, and he freezes. Pure panic is threatening to set in, and Jensen must have felt him tense up, because he slowly pulls away from Jared's crotch and climbs to his feet again with a little grunt, rubbing at his knees on his way up.
Jared can't move. He can't speak. He can't even look Jensen in the eye. Instead he resorts to staring hard at his feet, and when Jensen takes a step closer again, tries to get into Jared's field of vision, Jared just closes his eyes outright again.
"Jared," Jensen tries, voice like gravel, and Jared can't help but flinch at the sound.
Maybe Jensen saw Jared's flinch. Maybe he simply decided against saying something, after all. Either way, Jensen doesn't say whatever he was about to say. Instead there's a small sigh from his general direction, a gentle puff of air that hits Jared's jaw.
"Take some time to figure things out, okay?" Jensen says. His voice is quiet and sweet, as if he's talking to a spooked animal. "I'll give you space."
Jared can't even bear to open his eyes.
It's only a few more moments of silence before Jared hears Jensen's feet shuffle across his floor, then the opening and closing of the door. It's another few moments before Jared dares to open his eyes, part of him terrified that Jensen is actually still in the room, and that he was psyching Jared out, opening and closing the door and pretending to leave. When Jared finally does pry his eyes open though, Jensen is indeed gone.
It's just Jared in the room, leaning against the wall in the darkness, with his limp dick hanging out of his pants, the lingering traces of Jensen's spit rapidly cooling and drying on his skin. He suddenly feels drained of all energy; boneless and exhausted, in a way that's not even remotely relaxing.
Jared barely finds it in him to crawl into bed and pull the covers up around his ears. Doing his best to settle his thoughts and his pounding heart, Jared attempts to drown out the sounds of the party, and doesn't stop to acknowledge the dull throb in his chest that almost feels a little bit like heartache.
Part Three