(no subject)
I went to bed sunday night, wondering why i felt the way i did. Meditating on the nature of my punitive emotions, and my ability to exorcise my mind in concious and subconcious reality.
And so i came about to the truth, forcing myself to admit that this is the defining truth of who i am now:
I hate my life.
There is no reason i should have this feeling of ominous horror at having to be somewhere early in the morning in a storm under the civilized guise of a "job."
I went to the bank monday, closed my account with $800 in outstanding checks. mailed a money order for my car payment. dont know if i will ever make one again, but it purchases some time for now.
Showed up at my work way late. Did donuts in the ice-packed parking lot right in front of the office. almost lost control and drove into the office.
I got out when my boss came outside. i told him i quit. no particular reason. i think i'll be joining a monestary. no, i dont want to work today. you still owe me money for personal purchases of company equipment.
Goodbye
now i dont know what to do. i have a job lined up if i want it. i may be a taxi driver, though.
Tomorrow i will drive to tulsa. no clear purpose. but maybe to "get away and think". i think too godamned much. i hate this, hear, trapped in my head. nothing to do. i almost asked a chick out today. i know she would say yes. maybe even to going to tulsa with me. but i dont want to mislead her, i would do it for the wrong reasons. i need something, now, something or someone that is not here in my life now. i don't know what it is. nor who. nor why. i feel dead already
And so i came about to the truth, forcing myself to admit that this is the defining truth of who i am now:
I hate my life.
There is no reason i should have this feeling of ominous horror at having to be somewhere early in the morning in a storm under the civilized guise of a "job."
I went to the bank monday, closed my account with $800 in outstanding checks. mailed a money order for my car payment. dont know if i will ever make one again, but it purchases some time for now.
Showed up at my work way late. Did donuts in the ice-packed parking lot right in front of the office. almost lost control and drove into the office.
I got out when my boss came outside. i told him i quit. no particular reason. i think i'll be joining a monestary. no, i dont want to work today. you still owe me money for personal purchases of company equipment.
Goodbye
now i dont know what to do. i have a job lined up if i want it. i may be a taxi driver, though.
Tomorrow i will drive to tulsa. no clear purpose. but maybe to "get away and think". i think too godamned much. i hate this, hear, trapped in my head. nothing to do. i almost asked a chick out today. i know she would say yes. maybe even to going to tulsa with me. but i dont want to mislead her, i would do it for the wrong reasons. i need something, now, something or someone that is not here in my life now. i don't know what it is. nor who. nor why. i feel dead already