baby mama freak out
So for those of you who don't know, being pregnant isn't all fun and guessing games.
I swing from quite happy to absolutely miserable every day.
Which is highly unusual for me, and therefore freaking out everyone.
I was quickly shutting the last chapters of the baby books, refusing to look at the birthing parts. Then I got the scoop from my friend who has an 11-month old girl and she told me the gruesome truth...what really happens to the mommy.
When I realized that a human being would be ripping through my body in a few months, I completely freaked out. My body will never be the same. I will have stitches in a place that used to be a pleasure zone...now it will be a zone of pain. This is not something to look forward to. Are people crazy? Congrats on your stretching ripping body parts? Why am I voluntarily doing this? I came to realize the only reason why women deliver babies is because they get so sick of pregnancy that they would do anything to just have it over with.
I got so angry with Mike, because none of this will happen to him physically...he can continue to happily await his child...he will just cuddle the baby and make cute noises at us.
It is difficult not to think men are completely evil during these realizations...if I had just settled on a nice girlfriend, nothing like this would happen to my body. And it's not like we can take it all back. Either way, at this point, would require an operation - one life giving, the other life taking. Zero non-body harming options. Lovely.
But then I think about the little body inside of me, and it can't stay there forever. I want to show him or her the world. I want to show the little one bunnies playing on a hillside. And I want them to meet all of the great people in my life.
Even though I want to do hypnobirthing, there will be drugs on hand. Memory altering drugs that will make everything seem funny and painless. I hope.
I swing from quite happy to absolutely miserable every day.
Which is highly unusual for me, and therefore freaking out everyone.
I was quickly shutting the last chapters of the baby books, refusing to look at the birthing parts. Then I got the scoop from my friend who has an 11-month old girl and she told me the gruesome truth...what really happens to the mommy.
When I realized that a human being would be ripping through my body in a few months, I completely freaked out. My body will never be the same. I will have stitches in a place that used to be a pleasure zone...now it will be a zone of pain. This is not something to look forward to. Are people crazy? Congrats on your stretching ripping body parts? Why am I voluntarily doing this? I came to realize the only reason why women deliver babies is because they get so sick of pregnancy that they would do anything to just have it over with.
I got so angry with Mike, because none of this will happen to him physically...he can continue to happily await his child...he will just cuddle the baby and make cute noises at us.
It is difficult not to think men are completely evil during these realizations...if I had just settled on a nice girlfriend, nothing like this would happen to my body. And it's not like we can take it all back. Either way, at this point, would require an operation - one life giving, the other life taking. Zero non-body harming options. Lovely.
But then I think about the little body inside of me, and it can't stay there forever. I want to show him or her the world. I want to show the little one bunnies playing on a hillside. And I want them to meet all of the great people in my life.
Even though I want to do hypnobirthing, there will be drugs on hand. Memory altering drugs that will make everything seem funny and painless. I hope.