THE RULES OF CAPITALISM

[nephilimnexus]

Rule One
Wherever there is a demand, someone will create a supply.

Rule Two
Illegal is just another way of saying expensive.

Rule Three
There is never an event so tragic or terrible that an American won’t try to profit from it.

Rule Four
Profit is the difference between what something costs and what it is actually worth.

Rule Five
The more you work, the less you make. The more you make, the less you work.

Rule Six
The end goal of capitalism is feudalism.

Rule Seven
The three biggest enemies of profit are morality, ethics and human empathy.

Rule Eight
If you’re not lying to the tax collectors then you’ve already lost the game.

Rule Nine
A monopoly cannot fail.

Rule Ten
Justice always goes to the highest bidder.

Rule Eleven
It not enough to succeed - others must fail.

Rule Twelve
When you can completely oppress people without using any weapons you’re doing it right.

Rule Thirteen
The Constitution only applies to governments, not your employers.

Rule Fourteen
The only votes that matter are those of shareholders.

Rule Fifteen
Those who take out their frustrations on those beneath them rather than those above them are what holds a capitalist society together.

Rule Sixteen
People who stay bought are priceless.

Rule Seventeen
If you think that the only way out of debt is death, look up what a funeral costs.

Rule Eighteen
A lawyer’s job is to hand your bribe to the judge for you.

Rule Nineteen
If your bank is running the entire country yet, keep merging.

Rule Twenty
Realty is the only thing that’s real.

Rule Twenty One
If the air is still free then you aren’t polluting enough.

Rule Twenty Two
The best solutions are the ones that generate profit for a problem that you created.

Rule Twenty Three
A person whose commission depends on finding a solution to a problem will fix it quickly.
A person whose salary depends on finding a solution to a problem will never will.

Rule Twenty Four
If the profit is greater than the fines, go for it.

Rule Twenty Five
That which generates profit can never be truly destroyed.