Diplomacy
Every now and then I insert into this journal little snipets from conversations or forum posts that tickle, I should probably do it alot more than I do. Anyways a model that I've worked with a couple times (nice girl) today apologised for not getting back to me before about a shoot we discussed a while back, she claimed her head was all over the place after breaking up with her fiance. I offered her my congratulations along with my general view on relationships, which seemed to strike a chord with her, among other things she told me it was the most sincere comversation she'd had with anyone regarding the issue. Which I must admit panders well to my ego as I like to think of myself a bit as the blunt truth teller (rather than the society norm of the diplomat) I also like to think this is the superior way to be.
Diplomacy is all well and good but in the end it is really naught more than dishonesty. When you routinely try to say the things that you think others want to hear, just to make them feel better then as far as I'm concerned it just dilutes anything you might say in the future that is actually sincere. I'd rather stick to the blunt truth the whole time, yeah I piss some people off and don't make as many friends as I could, yeah I hurt some feelings at times, but when I say something positive then atleast people know that it is 100% genuine.
Mind you what I said to her wasn't really in any way negative or likely to hurt her, I think I just surprised her by veering from the stereotypical "oh you poor dear, I hope you feel better soon, there are thousands of fish in the sea" kinda thing.
What I said was:
"Congratulations!!
(yeah that's my way of expressing my general view on relationships)
I'm sure there are some successful ones out there, I'm sure there are some people out there that make each other genuinely happy but they are the exception rather than the rule, certainly in my experience.
If you just think about it logicaly, what is the rate of divorce these days, it's up to like 80 or 90% now isn't it? then think of the "successful" marriages, how many of them stay together for the sake of social politeness, family pressure, kids, guilt etc?? Problably a great deal, then when you think of how many relationships most people have these days before they get married....well it seems that most relationships have an extraordinarily tiny chance of succeeding.
But it's not the straight out failures that hurt....it's the ones that we drag on much longer than we should, our minds are stupid like that, we don't enjoy being with the other person, they cause more distress in our lives than happiness yet we stay with them??? We feel guilty, we hunger after security, we keep thinking of all the little unique things about this person that we know we wont find anywhere else....and these things stay our hand from doing that which we should do in order to be happier.
So yeah, congratulations :)
Things will get better and in the end you'll be glad you dodged the bullet that you did (and wonder why it took you so long too most probably)"
Diplomacy is all well and good but in the end it is really naught more than dishonesty. When you routinely try to say the things that you think others want to hear, just to make them feel better then as far as I'm concerned it just dilutes anything you might say in the future that is actually sincere. I'd rather stick to the blunt truth the whole time, yeah I piss some people off and don't make as many friends as I could, yeah I hurt some feelings at times, but when I say something positive then atleast people know that it is 100% genuine.
Mind you what I said to her wasn't really in any way negative or likely to hurt her, I think I just surprised her by veering from the stereotypical "oh you poor dear, I hope you feel better soon, there are thousands of fish in the sea" kinda thing.
What I said was:
"Congratulations!!
(yeah that's my way of expressing my general view on relationships)
I'm sure there are some successful ones out there, I'm sure there are some people out there that make each other genuinely happy but they are the exception rather than the rule, certainly in my experience.
If you just think about it logicaly, what is the rate of divorce these days, it's up to like 80 or 90% now isn't it? then think of the "successful" marriages, how many of them stay together for the sake of social politeness, family pressure, kids, guilt etc?? Problably a great deal, then when you think of how many relationships most people have these days before they get married....well it seems that most relationships have an extraordinarily tiny chance of succeeding.
But it's not the straight out failures that hurt....it's the ones that we drag on much longer than we should, our minds are stupid like that, we don't enjoy being with the other person, they cause more distress in our lives than happiness yet we stay with them??? We feel guilty, we hunger after security, we keep thinking of all the little unique things about this person that we know we wont find anywhere else....and these things stay our hand from doing that which we should do in order to be happier.
So yeah, congratulations :)
Things will get better and in the end you'll be glad you dodged the bullet that you did (and wonder why it took you so long too most probably)"