Atheism
I've been contemplating religion a lot, and I think I've come to another conclusion. Maybe atheism isn't the worse thing in the world.
I came to this thought after a religious discourse I had with my mother. She was talking about how she doesn't like Catholicism, but that she believes in God and Jesus Christ. She said the answer I hate to hear the most "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." My frustration showed clearly and she asked what I thought was wrong with such an answer. I replied: "Spirituality and religion go hand in hand. Spirituality is finding yourself in a religious manner. Religion is just a paradigm and spirituality is the ultimate answer. Just because you're not following a mainstream religion doesn't mean you're not following one at all. You're just following your own brand of religion. You're still Christian, because you believe in Jesus, but you don't have to be Catholic or Baptist. You can be just Christian. I, on the other hand, don't give a damn about spiritualism or religion and stopped believing in Christianity a long time ago." It got quiet and we started discussing the uses of religion, but the answer scared me. I think a part of me expected the Earth to split open and Hell would swallow me whole. I was waiting to hear thunderclaps and God with his big white beard to speak and say "HOW DARE YOU?" but you know what did happen?
Nothing.
Ok, my mom was probably a little disappointed. She might feel she failed as a religious adviser in some way, but she's going through a religious change as well. If she's not stable in her belief, she cannot expect me to be as well. Or maybe I am stable in my disbelief, in my lack of faith, and it scares her that I know such an answer before her.
I really like the idea of not believing in anything. It's a little scary, but I don't want to rely on something as ever changing as religion to provide me with answers. This does not mean I will not have any paradigm, as I very much enjoy psychology and other sciences. One thing that bothers me about religion is its' obsession with death. What is going to happen to us in the afterlife? I do not have the answer for this, but I also don't care what happens to me when I die. I have no clue what's going to happen. If zombies rose and said "Hey, there's a God, so whatch out" or if bugs were to spell out "Don't go backwards, go to Nirvana" for me, I would believe in religion. I would reconsider atheism. But that doesn't happen, we aren't given anything tangible about the afterlife. I was contemplating exploring other religions, but I don't think it will really help. If I was worried about the state of my soul when I died, religion might have a shot. But I don't really care about where I go, or what happens to me, because all I know for sure is what is happening to me now in this life.
Now, by all means, this does not mean I'm going to run around, making bad decisions because "NOTHING'S GONNA HURT ME NOW!" I'm not going to suddenly be immoral because I don't have a god to fear. In fact, I think my "Religious Journey" is now a "Moral Journey: What am I ok with, what am I now ok with and why?" I just don't like the idea of being for the sake of my afterlife. If I'm going to be good, I want to do it in this life, for the benefit of this life. Not just be good for some sort of trade off, but be good because it is right in this life. But is right in this life? This is what I shall strive for.
I came to this thought after a religious discourse I had with my mother. She was talking about how she doesn't like Catholicism, but that she believes in God and Jesus Christ. She said the answer I hate to hear the most "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." My frustration showed clearly and she asked what I thought was wrong with such an answer. I replied: "Spirituality and religion go hand in hand. Spirituality is finding yourself in a religious manner. Religion is just a paradigm and spirituality is the ultimate answer. Just because you're not following a mainstream religion doesn't mean you're not following one at all. You're just following your own brand of religion. You're still Christian, because you believe in Jesus, but you don't have to be Catholic or Baptist. You can be just Christian. I, on the other hand, don't give a damn about spiritualism or religion and stopped believing in Christianity a long time ago." It got quiet and we started discussing the uses of religion, but the answer scared me. I think a part of me expected the Earth to split open and Hell would swallow me whole. I was waiting to hear thunderclaps and God with his big white beard to speak and say "HOW DARE YOU?" but you know what did happen?
Nothing.
Ok, my mom was probably a little disappointed. She might feel she failed as a religious adviser in some way, but she's going through a religious change as well. If she's not stable in her belief, she cannot expect me to be as well. Or maybe I am stable in my disbelief, in my lack of faith, and it scares her that I know such an answer before her.
I really like the idea of not believing in anything. It's a little scary, but I don't want to rely on something as ever changing as religion to provide me with answers. This does not mean I will not have any paradigm, as I very much enjoy psychology and other sciences. One thing that bothers me about religion is its' obsession with death. What is going to happen to us in the afterlife? I do not have the answer for this, but I also don't care what happens to me when I die. I have no clue what's going to happen. If zombies rose and said "Hey, there's a God, so whatch out" or if bugs were to spell out "Don't go backwards, go to Nirvana" for me, I would believe in religion. I would reconsider atheism. But that doesn't happen, we aren't given anything tangible about the afterlife. I was contemplating exploring other religions, but I don't think it will really help. If I was worried about the state of my soul when I died, religion might have a shot. But I don't really care about where I go, or what happens to me, because all I know for sure is what is happening to me now in this life.
Now, by all means, this does not mean I'm going to run around, making bad decisions because "NOTHING'S GONNA HURT ME NOW!" I'm not going to suddenly be immoral because I don't have a god to fear. In fact, I think my "Religious Journey" is now a "Moral Journey: What am I ok with, what am I now ok with and why?" I just don't like the idea of being for the sake of my afterlife. If I'm going to be good, I want to do it in this life, for the benefit of this life. Not just be good for some sort of trade off, but be good because it is right in this life. But is right in this life? This is what I shall strive for.