or maybe not.

[neonfaerie]

A bit further into this new job. Right now I feel like a bad actor in a rather boring play that is only creating tension for the cast. I don't feel real and I've been concocting escape plans. Tom is right, I need to be there, both feet, mind and heart before I can make a sensible decision on staying or going. But I feel tempted to run. I'm quite good at that. I'm not too sure of my skills in any other direction.
Running has been a theme. My dreams are full of escapes, or turn into nightmares full of traps and tricks. I find myself a way out of things, generally before they get too messy. Of course, that can cause it's own difficulties. I want to be brave and deserve a good life. I just need to figure out if this path will actually lead me to one.
Feet on a psth, hmm. I am starting to think on paths and on a foot tattoo. Which will be painful and only slightly impulsive. I know vaguely what i want. Will it make me feel better, less of a sellout? Do I want to be good at this? Or am I negotiating a retreat and some sort of distraction to make me feel like me? Do I want to do this because I want to feel like someone else? Just what do I want? Success or escape? Rebellion? What?
So I vaguely know what I want from a tattoo. Maybe from life will follow.