random thoughts over a overly complicated simple boy
i feel so tired all the time lately. when i get home from work i just want to fall asleep as soon as a lay on the couch. i feel like there are so many things i need to do, yet i keep receeding into nothingness. my minds has been so lost. i need to finish my application for csu. i need to change my car loan payments. i need to finish my website. i need to prepare for texas. i need to change my oil. i feel so... burned out, i guess. yet i enjoy working hard. although lately i don't see any payoff for it. i dont get paid overtime. money is not important to me as long as i am able to live how i enjoy. i think im a drifter. when i want something, i make it happen, but when things change, i dont mind, i just go with it. i know what i want, but for the most part i just enjoy observing. i suppose i like not being in control. sometimes. ... i dont know what my point is anymore. so tired, but i need to work on this other website, and this graphic for work.......... i constantly feel like im working harder and my goal is going to be that i dont have to work anymore. but thats rediculous. i always feel like im going to get to a point where im free. i dont know what from, but it feels like the harder i fight, the closer i get. im afraid one day i will wake up and realize i spent my whole life working. what is the point. ..ive been trying to embrace emotion. something that contradicts everything i am. it has oddly brought color to my life of calculations and observations. i also have a new mission. i want to bring happiness to CP, he is a good human who needs to stop focussing so much on the negative. .. i love racket ball. i want to play constantly. i wonder if they have teams for it. if it were a professional sport i would devote my life to it. i want to run some more. who wants to run with me? cookies make my tummy hurt. i hate CRM. i hate marketing. i just want to sleep forever. i miss waking up at 1pm every day. where am i going?