911 (3/?)
Title: 911 (3/?)
Author: Neolithicdream
Pairing/Character: Do you need to ask? Calzona.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: They are not together. And that is fine. Callie has her girlfriend, Arizona has hers. They aren't friends. All that binds them is their daughter. But the correct response to a 911 page is to run. That much hasn't changed.
A/N: I don't watch the show anymore. So this isn't canon past their final breakup. I don't expect anything from the show and I'm not even sure I'd want a Calzona reunion on the show. BUT my little fangirl heart beats on in fanfic. This is one of my many fantasy takes on how they come together. There will be significant others mentioned and harsh words exchanged but this is still pure Calzona.
A/N: Thanks for reading and especially those who took time to comment, something I don't always take the time to do myself.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual
Previously
"Callie?" she whispered, "...what's wrong?"
Callie just stared at her momentarily, "You came?" She shook her head, a tiny smile ghosted passed her lips "...I wasn't sure you would, I mean..."
"911..." Arizona's smile was fleeting, hesitant, "... You don't ignore 911, right."
Callie's smile disappeared, nodding in understanding, in realisation. Arizona came because it was a 911 page. That was all. That knowledge surprised her by the hurt that accompanied it. And yet she was surprised that she was surprised.
"Im sorry, I shouldn't have...I mean technically it's not...there's no fire, no emergency, it's not..." Her words trailed off, her head shook almost imperceptibly.
"But you did. You sent me an emergency page and I came running." In times of confusion Arizona had always found it helpful to state the obvious.
"I'm sorry..."
Arizona sighed loudly, part in concern, part admittedly in annoyance, "So what? Nothing's wrong? There's no problem?"
Callie's subdued tone would have worried her even without her words, "No...there is something...well there might be....but it's not your problem, you can go...its not..." She trailed off into silence.
This is why they couldn't be friends thought Arizona. Whenever she tried to be a friend, Callie swatted her away like a buzzing fly. She'd done the same when Arizona tried to be all happy and jolly about Callie dating again. Hell she'd even suggested potential dates for her at one point only for Callie to tell her she was being inappropriate and that her help was neither required nor welcome. And this was from the self same Callie who had accused her of being jealous when she'd warned her off a potential dating nightmare.
And now she was doing it again. She had paged her not the other way around. A 911 page too and now Callie was dismissing her without so much as a by your leave.
"You know what? Fine!" Arizona huffed and turned to go. "But next time don't bother paging me because I won't..." Her rant was interrupted as Callie's hand grabbed hers, a firm strong grasp in total contrast to the tone of her voice that followed,
"I, I found a lump...I ..." The words that followed went unheard, drowned out by the near deafening sound in Arizona's head, the thunderous thumping of her own heart, the sound of dread.
Arizona was not a world class surgeon.
Not now.
She was not a Doctor.
Not now.
She was not a former resident who'd done two rotations, one medical, one surgical in Oncology.
No.
Right now she was just a person who'd heard those dreaded words, "I found a lump."
As Callie's grasp on her left hand lessened she turned back, swallowed hard and tried to steady her voice. Callie's eyes were cast downward, at her own feet so she missed the look on her former wife's face, unguarded fear mingled with something else.
She sat down on the other bed in the narrow OnCall room. Facing Callie, their knees almost touching. And broke the silence that had engulfed them since Callie's words.
"A lump? What...I mean, where, what...?"
Callie lifted her eyes and pointed to her left breast and inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly.
"Ok, right..." and Callie noted that as Arizona spoke she did that thing she always did when she was thinking, a few short nods of her head, almost as if she was agreeing with herself as to her next words.
"Arizona..."
But the blonde shook her head silencing her. "Callie...it's...its probably nothing..you know the numbers..." She squeezed her eyes shut trying to remember the most recent statistics she'd read, a random image of Lexie Grey and her eidetic memory flashing before her, ".... 80% of lumps are..."
Callie finished "...completely harmless, cysts or benign ..."
"Yes, exactly!" Arizona nodded with enthusiasm. "And even where a tumour is detected the stats are...wait no...we don't have to even think that way because its not...it's just a cyst or..."
"Yeah, right?" Callie replied and they fell into a brief silence, their eyes never quite leaving each other.
"When?"
"What?"Callie answered Arizona's question with her own.
"When did you feel the lump?"
"Oh, right...uhm...it was the other week, on the beach... I thought I felt something pull slightly but I thought it was just my new bikini was uncomfortable and..."
"In Miami?" Arizona spoke as she tried to rid herself of entirely unwanted and inappropriate images of Callie,the beach and a bikini.
Callie nodded, "...but then when we got back my mother had brought Sofia to her beautician and had her ears pierced and I was so furious that..."
Arizona couldn't help but smile. She'd been concerned, no not concerned, flat out worried about her daughter's trip to Miami. It was one thing for her ex-wife to expose herself to the potential of more rejection from her Mother but exposing their daughter was another thing entirely. It had caused some trouble between the mothers. Actually it was the cause of a short but very intense and loud argument. It was the closest thing they'd had to real emotion between them in a very long time. So when a near hysterical Sofia had phoned her in floods of tears while in Miami she had immediately assumed the worst.
Those barely distinguishable words interspersed with heart breaking sobs, "Mama! . Mi Abuela!" And several gulped sobs later, "my Mami" and finally what sounded like "meanie." Callie had then grabbed the phone off her and spoke hurriedly in a flurry of Spanish finally changing to English with the words, "I am going to kill my mother."
Never in her wildest dreams did Arizona think she'd feel sympathy for Lucia Torres but that day she did. She might never forgive that woman for past behaviour but by all accounts on their trip to Miami Lucia had pulled out all the stops. The red carpet had been rolled out, especially for Sofia. Sofia had come home really believing she was in fact Princess Sofia of Miami. After all her Abuelo and Abuela lived in a castle and she had been brought to the "awesomest places ever" where all the people knew her Abuela's name. And that included a trip to the Beauty parlour where Sofia had her first manicure, her first pedicure and her first body piercing. Callie had reacted to the latter as if Lucia had allowed her daughter to be mutilated and all hell had broken loose. She really hadn't helped matters by saying, "Callie, it's only her ears, I bet they look really cute." Callie abruptly ended the call.
"... And then it's been so busy since we got back....that....but then I felt something last night so I checked and then... I found...I mean I think I did..." Callie spoke hesitantly, stress evident in her voice, low as it was.
"Look, you check yourself regularly, every six weeks so it wasn't there what...a month ago, right? So it can't be anything to..."
"Uhm...well I haven't been...not as regularly as...well..." Callie said nervously, she knew what was to come and she wasn't disappointed
"Calliope! What? You know how important this is..." Arizona spoke in what could only be described as an angry but controlled shriek, "...how important to thoroughly examine your breasts on a regular schedule, you know this, you know that..."
It had been only a couple of weeks after Karev's wedding that Arizona had asked Callie to check her breasts adding shyly "...and I can do yours if you'd like."
She had laughed and, teasing her lover, had added "Honey if you want to feel me up you don't have to make up excuses and I'm very happy to grope you on demand."
Cue a long, very long lecture about the importance of regular self examination. It turned out Arizona had been deadly serious. Her paternal grandmother, whom she had never known had succumbed to breast cancer in the seventies and when Arizona was a young teenager Barbara Robbins had undergone a partial mastectomy. It was a subject very close to Arizona's heart.
It had become their thing. Every 4-6 weeks they would examine each other in a loving and tender but thorough way. Once when she'd been tired and grumpy she'd declined only to see a tear escape down Arizona's face shortly after. Embarrassed by the rogue tear Arizona had mumbled "It's important to check and I don't want to lose you to something stupid and..." Callie had never refused again. And mostly when they'd finish there would be a little (or a lot) more touching, this time of a far less clinical nature.
Arizona had stood up in mid- rant,then realising just how inappropriate it was to be shouting at Callie in the circumstances, had sat down again, muttering a low apology.
"I know...it's my own stupid fault if..." Callie whispered but was cut off when Arizona grabbed both her hands with her own, encasing them in a firm grip, "No." Her voice was as firm as her grip, "It's not your fault, it's no ones fault, it's just a stupid cyst and..."
"... it's the stupid cyst's fault." Callie added, with a smile. Arizona had nodded with a reciprocal smile. And just for a brief moment they sat there,smiling, agreeing,with hands entwined.
Just the two of them.
The sound of a clatter outside broke the spell, both releasing their grasp simultaneously, Arizona biting her lip nervously, Callie doing likewise.
"I made the appointment with the Breast clinic today and its for tomorrow and then I kind of freaked out and came in here and...then I paged you...and I'm sorry."
Arizona shook her head, about to tell her it was fine, that after all that's what friends are for, when you're scared or worried, that there was no point hiding away being lonely and afraid when you had people who...
" I'm not even sure if its real, if its a real lump...maybe I'm imagining it...I thought maybe you could check and see if its..."
"You paged me to do a breast exam on you?"
"uhm, yeah...I..." She'd just thought of it now actually, truth was she'd paged Arizona without thinking. On instinct. But she couldn't tell her that, her ex-wife, the woman she'd walked away from that.
"Ahh, uhh...I ..." She was hurt or something like that. Or maybe angry. Then again hurt and anger had become almost irrevocably intertwined in her dealings with Callie in the last few years. Ever since that damned plane fell from the sky. So intertwined she wasn't sure she could tell them apart anymore. "... I'm not sure if that's a good idea, I mean it's not...uhm..." The thought of laying her hands on her wife's, no, not her wife, her ex-wife's chest seemed,well it seemed wrong "...its not appropriate."
"Why?" Callie seemed genuinely perplexed. "I mean you're a Doctor, you know how to carry out an examination, and..."she suppressed a giggle "...It's not like you're a resident and I'm harassing you?" She'd smiled but quickly stopped as she saw Arizona's face. She tried a different tack "I mean I kind of freaked out when I thought I felt something, but maybe I was just panicky cause its personal but you, you can be cool and clinical and dispassionate even." That only seemed to simply to deepen Arizona's frown however and then she had stood and turned to walk away.
"Arizona, please?"
Arizona curbed her emotions, closed her eyes, pushed her tongue into her right cheek and sighed, "Fine, lets get this over with, shall we?" If Callie saw her as a cool dispassionate medic well that exactly what she would be. "Can you open your shirt Dr. Torres?"
Arizona's tone confused her, the "Dr. Torres" part even more. A minute ago they'd almost felt like friends, now Arizona was treating her like a patient, a stranger.
Still she did what she was bid, then unclasping her front-opening bra leaving herself exposed.
Arizona turned, sat beside her and about to lay her hands on her just paused. Covering her hesitation she briskly rubbed her hands together saying softly "Cold Hands.
Callie immediately finished the old saying "Warm heart" and smiled nervously.
Arizona smiled too and began.
Her touch was as gentle yet firm as Callie had remembered. She hadn't quite thought through the implications however when she'd asked Arizona. That much became perfectly clear as soon as Arizona touched. The effect on her nipples instantaneous as Arizona's fingertips prodded her left breast. She'd blushed, then had shut her eyes tight as she murmured her apology. She kept her eyes shut, fists clenched in the rough sheet covering the bed as Arizona worked on.
To Callie, Arizona seemed unaffected however, her breath even and steady as she worked until she paused, at exactly where Callie had hoped she wouldn't.
" You feel it too." She asked quietly, pointlessly.
"Yeah." Arizona replied, a brief moment later, then almost silently mouthing the additional words "damn it."
As she readjusted her clothing Arizona had said it was small, repeated the comforting statistics once again, then as she stood up to leave said, "I know it may seen unnecessary, I mean you're a surgeon and all...but I think you should bring someone with you tomorrow, you know? As a patient advocate. It may seem silly but tomorrow you're not a Doctor you're a patient and maybe you could ask a friend, maybe Meredith or...maybe...your..."
"Can you come? My appointment is for 11o'clock?"
"Me?"
"Yeah, please Arizona, I mean you'll be calm and ...."
"Cold and dispassionate." Arizona added before agreeing hurriedly, adding in a rush "I've got to go, research for my surgery tomorrow, I'll see you at 11 in the morning so."
Callie watched her leave, the OnCall room automatically closing behind her. That woman never failed to confuse her these days. She blew hot and cold, so changeable that Callie wondered sometimes if she'd ever known her at all. She'd been a mystery to her half the time when they were married so it was hardly surprising that she still was now that she was a virtual stranger. And anyway right now she needed to be selfish and worry about herself. Arizona and her incomprehensible mood swings were not her concern anymore.
********************
"Bailey!"
Chief Bailey turned to see exactly who was shouting her name from across the concourse.
"Robbins, you yelled?" She asked sarcastically. She was Chief now and had made it clear she intended to run a tight ship. Especially when it came to her surgical staff. Far too much personal business had interfered with the smooth running of this hospital in the past but not on her watch. She expected her surgical staff to keep their personal business where it belonged. Which was away from her and away from her Hospital.
"Sorry, Chief...I..."
" You ready for our surgery later?" As Chief she didn't have as much time to devote to surgery as before. That was inevitable with the constraints of the job but it meant she made the most of every hour she did spend in the OR. Today she was assisting Robbins in a Fetal surgery on a woman 24 weeks pregnant. The foetus had a heart defect so severe that it was unlikely to survive the trauma of birth but Robbins had a plan to change that. Arizona Robbins had developed into a renowned Fetal surgeon in a remarkably short period of time. And Miranda Bailey knew that it was only a matter of time before an offer too big to turn down came for her. In the meantime Robbins was still one of her surgeons and she relished the opportunity to watch her work.
"About that I'm going to have to postpone the..."
"Why? has something happened to our patient? You said the window of opportunity for the surgery was..."
" She's fine ...for now...I just need to postpone till later today, about 2"
"Why?" Arizona missed the "Nazi" like tone in her Chiefs voice.
"Oh, I have a scheduling conflict earlier that's all."
"And I have a husband and son who expect to see me tonight. So I'm going to need a bit more than you have a scheduling conflict, Dr. Robbins."
"You may be my Chief but I decide the hows the wheres and the whens of my surgeries, Dr.Bailey." Somewhere between a plane crash and a divorce Arizona Robbins had lost, along with many more important things, her authority issues. Especially when the authority figure was someone she'd once considered a close friend. "And my scheduling conflict is personal and you don't do personal,ok?"
Miranda Bailey considered this woman to be her friend, a friendship that may have cooled somewhat for reasons both known and, to her at least, unknown, but friend or no friend she was the Chief and that deserved more respect than the Peds/ Fetal surgeon had just given her.
"Doctor Robbins..." The sharp tone was not missed this time and Arizona just sighed saying "Not today,ok, Miranda, don't let's do this today" and for the first time Bailey heard exhaustion in her surgeons voice. an exhaustion that was mirrored in her face.
"Arizona? what's up? You look absolutely terrible."
"Gee thanks."
Miranda gently guided her companion to a small concealed seated area and then repeated her earlier question, "What scheduling conflict?" And this time she asked as a friend.
Arizona just shook her head but even if her authority figure issues were a thing of the past that did not mean she was a match for the patented Bailey stare.
"I have to go to the breast clinic this morning for..."
"Arizona, are you..."
Baileys concern was evident which on another day would probably both annoy and please her but today wasn't about her, nothing about this was about her. It was all about her ex. And yet, as she'd spent last night tossing and turning all she'd wanted to do was talk to somebody about this.
"Oof...what the..."
"Sorry,Lucy. I didn't mean to kick you or...or wake you."
"It's ok babe, are you ok? You've been distracted all evening and...have you slept at all?"
"A bit." Arizona lied. She and Lucy had planned this evening out for weeks coinciding as it did with both Lucy's daughters being away and the premiere of a Kurt Cobain/Nirvana documentary that Arizona was really excited about. But all she could think about was tomorrow and the what ifs that tomorrow might bring. When they'd got home o Lucy's she'd been genuinely exhausted. She'd lied when Lucy had asked in concern, there was no way she was going to tell her wonderful girlfriend what was actually on her mind. that would have been unfair on so many levels so she'd mumbled something about a big surgery and pressure at work instead.
"C'mere..." Lucy whispered, enveloping her in a bear hug, then settling again, she as big spoon, Arizona as little spoon, "... try to relax and get some shut eye."
And now it was morning and Callie hadn't asked to keep it a secret and she wasn't bound by patient/ client confidentiality but could she tell Bailey? Should she tell Bailey? She absolute believed the news would be good,that her fitful night sleep would have been much ado about nothing. But what if Callie's lump was part of the 20% that wasn't harmless? And what if she was part of the even smaller percentage again that didn't have a good outcome? What then? Callie wouldn't need her then. she would need a friend. Not someone she saw as cold and unfeeling. Not an ex wife. she would need her friends and in the hospital Bailey was one of her closest.
"Arizona...?" Bailey repeated.
"No, no it's not me, Im fine it's for..." She hesitated, "...I'm not telling you this because you're Chief or a Doctor ok?" She waited for some acknowledgement and after a brief pause Bailey nodded and Arizona continued, "I'm teling you this because you're a friend, because you're her friend."
Miranda Bailey waited.
"It's Callie."
She quickly gave her the Cliff notes version of yesterday and what was to happen today. Bailey remained silent till she was finished. Only nodding in agreement when Arizona reeled of all the positive statistics including the ones she'd brushed up on last night.
"So she asked you to do a Breast exam yesterday and you felt the lump?"
"Yup."
"That must have been awkward?" Bailey asked, quietly wondering to herself why on earth Torres didn't ask her or even Meredith Grey both of whom she was far friendlier with than her ex-wife.
"Yeah," Arizona half smiled, half laughed and as an afterthought, "Well it felt awkward for me, Im not sure it was for Callie, I'm not sure she remembers that's here was a time when we used to be..." She just shrugged resignedly.
"Thats not true, Arizona." Bailey said gently. She'd listened in the nearly 18 months since the two had, to the surprise of their friends and colleagues,separated apparently amicably. Robbins true to form had said next to nothing to her about it. She suspected that she had been more vocal to her closer confidantes. Torres had been the one to tell her, telling her it was mutual and for the best. She'd wondered sometimes how mutual it was as sometimes Callie would say something or hint at an underlying bitterness towards the blonde. Then other times she just seemed freer and happier and lighter. Still it had been sad. There had been times when the two women had seemed so damn happy, so perfectly in tune. Before the plane crash they'd seemed the epitome of a happy couple.
"Whatever, it is what it is." Arizona shrugged.
Arizona promised to let her know as soon as possible and in any event they be meeting up later for the surgery.
As she walked down the corridor to the exam room in the Clinic she had felt lighter somehow. Telling Bailey had been good. She guessed a trouble shared sometimes really was a trouble shared.
She opened the door cautiously, sticking her head in first. Callie was there, already in a hospital gown.
"Hey."
"Hi." She replied. The sight of her wife in a hospital gown brought her back.The last time she'd seen her wear one was during her recovery, in the aftermath of the car crash.
It felt like a lifetime ago.
It felt like yesterday.
Author: Neolithicdream
Pairing/Character: Do you need to ask? Calzona.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: They are not together. And that is fine. Callie has her girlfriend, Arizona has hers. They aren't friends. All that binds them is their daughter. But the correct response to a 911 page is to run. That much hasn't changed.
A/N: I don't watch the show anymore. So this isn't canon past their final breakup. I don't expect anything from the show and I'm not even sure I'd want a Calzona reunion on the show. BUT my little fangirl heart beats on in fanfic. This is one of my many fantasy takes on how they come together. There will be significant others mentioned and harsh words exchanged but this is still pure Calzona.
A/N: Thanks for reading and especially those who took time to comment, something I don't always take the time to do myself.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual
Previously
"Callie?" she whispered, "...what's wrong?"
Callie just stared at her momentarily, "You came?" She shook her head, a tiny smile ghosted passed her lips "...I wasn't sure you would, I mean..."
"911..." Arizona's smile was fleeting, hesitant, "... You don't ignore 911, right."
Callie's smile disappeared, nodding in understanding, in realisation. Arizona came because it was a 911 page. That was all. That knowledge surprised her by the hurt that accompanied it. And yet she was surprised that she was surprised.
"Im sorry, I shouldn't have...I mean technically it's not...there's no fire, no emergency, it's not..." Her words trailed off, her head shook almost imperceptibly.
"But you did. You sent me an emergency page and I came running." In times of confusion Arizona had always found it helpful to state the obvious.
"I'm sorry..."
Arizona sighed loudly, part in concern, part admittedly in annoyance, "So what? Nothing's wrong? There's no problem?"
Callie's subdued tone would have worried her even without her words, "No...there is something...well there might be....but it's not your problem, you can go...its not..." She trailed off into silence.
This is why they couldn't be friends thought Arizona. Whenever she tried to be a friend, Callie swatted her away like a buzzing fly. She'd done the same when Arizona tried to be all happy and jolly about Callie dating again. Hell she'd even suggested potential dates for her at one point only for Callie to tell her she was being inappropriate and that her help was neither required nor welcome. And this was from the self same Callie who had accused her of being jealous when she'd warned her off a potential dating nightmare.
And now she was doing it again. She had paged her not the other way around. A 911 page too and now Callie was dismissing her without so much as a by your leave.
"You know what? Fine!" Arizona huffed and turned to go. "But next time don't bother paging me because I won't..." Her rant was interrupted as Callie's hand grabbed hers, a firm strong grasp in total contrast to the tone of her voice that followed,
"I, I found a lump...I ..." The words that followed went unheard, drowned out by the near deafening sound in Arizona's head, the thunderous thumping of her own heart, the sound of dread.
Arizona was not a world class surgeon.
Not now.
She was not a Doctor.
Not now.
She was not a former resident who'd done two rotations, one medical, one surgical in Oncology.
No.
Right now she was just a person who'd heard those dreaded words, "I found a lump."
As Callie's grasp on her left hand lessened she turned back, swallowed hard and tried to steady her voice. Callie's eyes were cast downward, at her own feet so she missed the look on her former wife's face, unguarded fear mingled with something else.
She sat down on the other bed in the narrow OnCall room. Facing Callie, their knees almost touching. And broke the silence that had engulfed them since Callie's words.
"A lump? What...I mean, where, what...?"
Callie lifted her eyes and pointed to her left breast and inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly.
"Ok, right..." and Callie noted that as Arizona spoke she did that thing she always did when she was thinking, a few short nods of her head, almost as if she was agreeing with herself as to her next words.
"Arizona..."
But the blonde shook her head silencing her. "Callie...it's...its probably nothing..you know the numbers..." She squeezed her eyes shut trying to remember the most recent statistics she'd read, a random image of Lexie Grey and her eidetic memory flashing before her, ".... 80% of lumps are..."
Callie finished "...completely harmless, cysts or benign ..."
"Yes, exactly!" Arizona nodded with enthusiasm. "And even where a tumour is detected the stats are...wait no...we don't have to even think that way because its not...it's just a cyst or..."
"Yeah, right?" Callie replied and they fell into a brief silence, their eyes never quite leaving each other.
"When?"
"What?"Callie answered Arizona's question with her own.
"When did you feel the lump?"
"Oh, right...uhm...it was the other week, on the beach... I thought I felt something pull slightly but I thought it was just my new bikini was uncomfortable and..."
"In Miami?" Arizona spoke as she tried to rid herself of entirely unwanted and inappropriate images of Callie,the beach and a bikini.
Callie nodded, "...but then when we got back my mother had brought Sofia to her beautician and had her ears pierced and I was so furious that..."
Arizona couldn't help but smile. She'd been concerned, no not concerned, flat out worried about her daughter's trip to Miami. It was one thing for her ex-wife to expose herself to the potential of more rejection from her Mother but exposing their daughter was another thing entirely. It had caused some trouble between the mothers. Actually it was the cause of a short but very intense and loud argument. It was the closest thing they'd had to real emotion between them in a very long time. So when a near hysterical Sofia had phoned her in floods of tears while in Miami she had immediately assumed the worst.
Those barely distinguishable words interspersed with heart breaking sobs, "Mama! . Mi Abuela!" And several gulped sobs later, "my Mami" and finally what sounded like "meanie." Callie had then grabbed the phone off her and spoke hurriedly in a flurry of Spanish finally changing to English with the words, "I am going to kill my mother."
Never in her wildest dreams did Arizona think she'd feel sympathy for Lucia Torres but that day she did. She might never forgive that woman for past behaviour but by all accounts on their trip to Miami Lucia had pulled out all the stops. The red carpet had been rolled out, especially for Sofia. Sofia had come home really believing she was in fact Princess Sofia of Miami. After all her Abuelo and Abuela lived in a castle and she had been brought to the "awesomest places ever" where all the people knew her Abuela's name. And that included a trip to the Beauty parlour where Sofia had her first manicure, her first pedicure and her first body piercing. Callie had reacted to the latter as if Lucia had allowed her daughter to be mutilated and all hell had broken loose. She really hadn't helped matters by saying, "Callie, it's only her ears, I bet they look really cute." Callie abruptly ended the call.
"... And then it's been so busy since we got back....that....but then I felt something last night so I checked and then... I found...I mean I think I did..." Callie spoke hesitantly, stress evident in her voice, low as it was.
"Look, you check yourself regularly, every six weeks so it wasn't there what...a month ago, right? So it can't be anything to..."
"Uhm...well I haven't been...not as regularly as...well..." Callie said nervously, she knew what was to come and she wasn't disappointed
"Calliope! What? You know how important this is..." Arizona spoke in what could only be described as an angry but controlled shriek, "...how important to thoroughly examine your breasts on a regular schedule, you know this, you know that..."
It had been only a couple of weeks after Karev's wedding that Arizona had asked Callie to check her breasts adding shyly "...and I can do yours if you'd like."
She had laughed and, teasing her lover, had added "Honey if you want to feel me up you don't have to make up excuses and I'm very happy to grope you on demand."
Cue a long, very long lecture about the importance of regular self examination. It turned out Arizona had been deadly serious. Her paternal grandmother, whom she had never known had succumbed to breast cancer in the seventies and when Arizona was a young teenager Barbara Robbins had undergone a partial mastectomy. It was a subject very close to Arizona's heart.
It had become their thing. Every 4-6 weeks they would examine each other in a loving and tender but thorough way. Once when she'd been tired and grumpy she'd declined only to see a tear escape down Arizona's face shortly after. Embarrassed by the rogue tear Arizona had mumbled "It's important to check and I don't want to lose you to something stupid and..." Callie had never refused again. And mostly when they'd finish there would be a little (or a lot) more touching, this time of a far less clinical nature.
Arizona had stood up in mid- rant,then realising just how inappropriate it was to be shouting at Callie in the circumstances, had sat down again, muttering a low apology.
"I know...it's my own stupid fault if..." Callie whispered but was cut off when Arizona grabbed both her hands with her own, encasing them in a firm grip, "No." Her voice was as firm as her grip, "It's not your fault, it's no ones fault, it's just a stupid cyst and..."
"... it's the stupid cyst's fault." Callie added, with a smile. Arizona had nodded with a reciprocal smile. And just for a brief moment they sat there,smiling, agreeing,with hands entwined.
Just the two of them.
The sound of a clatter outside broke the spell, both releasing their grasp simultaneously, Arizona biting her lip nervously, Callie doing likewise.
"I made the appointment with the Breast clinic today and its for tomorrow and then I kind of freaked out and came in here and...then I paged you...and I'm sorry."
Arizona shook her head, about to tell her it was fine, that after all that's what friends are for, when you're scared or worried, that there was no point hiding away being lonely and afraid when you had people who...
" I'm not even sure if its real, if its a real lump...maybe I'm imagining it...I thought maybe you could check and see if its..."
"You paged me to do a breast exam on you?"
"uhm, yeah...I..." She'd just thought of it now actually, truth was she'd paged Arizona without thinking. On instinct. But she couldn't tell her that, her ex-wife, the woman she'd walked away from that.
"Ahh, uhh...I ..." She was hurt or something like that. Or maybe angry. Then again hurt and anger had become almost irrevocably intertwined in her dealings with Callie in the last few years. Ever since that damned plane fell from the sky. So intertwined she wasn't sure she could tell them apart anymore. "... I'm not sure if that's a good idea, I mean it's not...uhm..." The thought of laying her hands on her wife's, no, not her wife, her ex-wife's chest seemed,well it seemed wrong "...its not appropriate."
"Why?" Callie seemed genuinely perplexed. "I mean you're a Doctor, you know how to carry out an examination, and..."she suppressed a giggle "...It's not like you're a resident and I'm harassing you?" She'd smiled but quickly stopped as she saw Arizona's face. She tried a different tack "I mean I kind of freaked out when I thought I felt something, but maybe I was just panicky cause its personal but you, you can be cool and clinical and dispassionate even." That only seemed to simply to deepen Arizona's frown however and then she had stood and turned to walk away.
"Arizona, please?"
Arizona curbed her emotions, closed her eyes, pushed her tongue into her right cheek and sighed, "Fine, lets get this over with, shall we?" If Callie saw her as a cool dispassionate medic well that exactly what she would be. "Can you open your shirt Dr. Torres?"
Arizona's tone confused her, the "Dr. Torres" part even more. A minute ago they'd almost felt like friends, now Arizona was treating her like a patient, a stranger.
Still she did what she was bid, then unclasping her front-opening bra leaving herself exposed.
Arizona turned, sat beside her and about to lay her hands on her just paused. Covering her hesitation she briskly rubbed her hands together saying softly "Cold Hands.
Callie immediately finished the old saying "Warm heart" and smiled nervously.
Arizona smiled too and began.
Her touch was as gentle yet firm as Callie had remembered. She hadn't quite thought through the implications however when she'd asked Arizona. That much became perfectly clear as soon as Arizona touched. The effect on her nipples instantaneous as Arizona's fingertips prodded her left breast. She'd blushed, then had shut her eyes tight as she murmured her apology. She kept her eyes shut, fists clenched in the rough sheet covering the bed as Arizona worked on.
To Callie, Arizona seemed unaffected however, her breath even and steady as she worked until she paused, at exactly where Callie had hoped she wouldn't.
" You feel it too." She asked quietly, pointlessly.
"Yeah." Arizona replied, a brief moment later, then almost silently mouthing the additional words "damn it."
As she readjusted her clothing Arizona had said it was small, repeated the comforting statistics once again, then as she stood up to leave said, "I know it may seen unnecessary, I mean you're a surgeon and all...but I think you should bring someone with you tomorrow, you know? As a patient advocate. It may seem silly but tomorrow you're not a Doctor you're a patient and maybe you could ask a friend, maybe Meredith or...maybe...your..."
"Can you come? My appointment is for 11o'clock?"
"Me?"
"Yeah, please Arizona, I mean you'll be calm and ...."
"Cold and dispassionate." Arizona added before agreeing hurriedly, adding in a rush "I've got to go, research for my surgery tomorrow, I'll see you at 11 in the morning so."
Callie watched her leave, the OnCall room automatically closing behind her. That woman never failed to confuse her these days. She blew hot and cold, so changeable that Callie wondered sometimes if she'd ever known her at all. She'd been a mystery to her half the time when they were married so it was hardly surprising that she still was now that she was a virtual stranger. And anyway right now she needed to be selfish and worry about herself. Arizona and her incomprehensible mood swings were not her concern anymore.
********************
"Bailey!"
Chief Bailey turned to see exactly who was shouting her name from across the concourse.
"Robbins, you yelled?" She asked sarcastically. She was Chief now and had made it clear she intended to run a tight ship. Especially when it came to her surgical staff. Far too much personal business had interfered with the smooth running of this hospital in the past but not on her watch. She expected her surgical staff to keep their personal business where it belonged. Which was away from her and away from her Hospital.
"Sorry, Chief...I..."
" You ready for our surgery later?" As Chief she didn't have as much time to devote to surgery as before. That was inevitable with the constraints of the job but it meant she made the most of every hour she did spend in the OR. Today she was assisting Robbins in a Fetal surgery on a woman 24 weeks pregnant. The foetus had a heart defect so severe that it was unlikely to survive the trauma of birth but Robbins had a plan to change that. Arizona Robbins had developed into a renowned Fetal surgeon in a remarkably short period of time. And Miranda Bailey knew that it was only a matter of time before an offer too big to turn down came for her. In the meantime Robbins was still one of her surgeons and she relished the opportunity to watch her work.
"About that I'm going to have to postpone the..."
"Why? has something happened to our patient? You said the window of opportunity for the surgery was..."
" She's fine ...for now...I just need to postpone till later today, about 2"
"Why?" Arizona missed the "Nazi" like tone in her Chiefs voice.
"Oh, I have a scheduling conflict earlier that's all."
"And I have a husband and son who expect to see me tonight. So I'm going to need a bit more than you have a scheduling conflict, Dr. Robbins."
"You may be my Chief but I decide the hows the wheres and the whens of my surgeries, Dr.Bailey." Somewhere between a plane crash and a divorce Arizona Robbins had lost, along with many more important things, her authority issues. Especially when the authority figure was someone she'd once considered a close friend. "And my scheduling conflict is personal and you don't do personal,ok?"
Miranda Bailey considered this woman to be her friend, a friendship that may have cooled somewhat for reasons both known and, to her at least, unknown, but friend or no friend she was the Chief and that deserved more respect than the Peds/ Fetal surgeon had just given her.
"Doctor Robbins..." The sharp tone was not missed this time and Arizona just sighed saying "Not today,ok, Miranda, don't let's do this today" and for the first time Bailey heard exhaustion in her surgeons voice. an exhaustion that was mirrored in her face.
"Arizona? what's up? You look absolutely terrible."
"Gee thanks."
Miranda gently guided her companion to a small concealed seated area and then repeated her earlier question, "What scheduling conflict?" And this time she asked as a friend.
Arizona just shook her head but even if her authority figure issues were a thing of the past that did not mean she was a match for the patented Bailey stare.
"I have to go to the breast clinic this morning for..."
"Arizona, are you..."
Baileys concern was evident which on another day would probably both annoy and please her but today wasn't about her, nothing about this was about her. It was all about her ex. And yet, as she'd spent last night tossing and turning all she'd wanted to do was talk to somebody about this.
"Oof...what the..."
"Sorry,Lucy. I didn't mean to kick you or...or wake you."
"It's ok babe, are you ok? You've been distracted all evening and...have you slept at all?"
"A bit." Arizona lied. She and Lucy had planned this evening out for weeks coinciding as it did with both Lucy's daughters being away and the premiere of a Kurt Cobain/Nirvana documentary that Arizona was really excited about. But all she could think about was tomorrow and the what ifs that tomorrow might bring. When they'd got home o Lucy's she'd been genuinely exhausted. She'd lied when Lucy had asked in concern, there was no way she was going to tell her wonderful girlfriend what was actually on her mind. that would have been unfair on so many levels so she'd mumbled something about a big surgery and pressure at work instead.
"C'mere..." Lucy whispered, enveloping her in a bear hug, then settling again, she as big spoon, Arizona as little spoon, "... try to relax and get some shut eye."
And now it was morning and Callie hadn't asked to keep it a secret and she wasn't bound by patient/ client confidentiality but could she tell Bailey? Should she tell Bailey? She absolute believed the news would be good,that her fitful night sleep would have been much ado about nothing. But what if Callie's lump was part of the 20% that wasn't harmless? And what if she was part of the even smaller percentage again that didn't have a good outcome? What then? Callie wouldn't need her then. she would need a friend. Not someone she saw as cold and unfeeling. Not an ex wife. she would need her friends and in the hospital Bailey was one of her closest.
"Arizona...?" Bailey repeated.
"No, no it's not me, Im fine it's for..." She hesitated, "...I'm not telling you this because you're Chief or a Doctor ok?" She waited for some acknowledgement and after a brief pause Bailey nodded and Arizona continued, "I'm teling you this because you're a friend, because you're her friend."
Miranda Bailey waited.
"It's Callie."
She quickly gave her the Cliff notes version of yesterday and what was to happen today. Bailey remained silent till she was finished. Only nodding in agreement when Arizona reeled of all the positive statistics including the ones she'd brushed up on last night.
"So she asked you to do a Breast exam yesterday and you felt the lump?"
"Yup."
"That must have been awkward?" Bailey asked, quietly wondering to herself why on earth Torres didn't ask her or even Meredith Grey both of whom she was far friendlier with than her ex-wife.
"Yeah," Arizona half smiled, half laughed and as an afterthought, "Well it felt awkward for me, Im not sure it was for Callie, I'm not sure she remembers that's here was a time when we used to be..." She just shrugged resignedly.
"Thats not true, Arizona." Bailey said gently. She'd listened in the nearly 18 months since the two had, to the surprise of their friends and colleagues,separated apparently amicably. Robbins true to form had said next to nothing to her about it. She suspected that she had been more vocal to her closer confidantes. Torres had been the one to tell her, telling her it was mutual and for the best. She'd wondered sometimes how mutual it was as sometimes Callie would say something or hint at an underlying bitterness towards the blonde. Then other times she just seemed freer and happier and lighter. Still it had been sad. There had been times when the two women had seemed so damn happy, so perfectly in tune. Before the plane crash they'd seemed the epitome of a happy couple.
"Whatever, it is what it is." Arizona shrugged.
Arizona promised to let her know as soon as possible and in any event they be meeting up later for the surgery.
As she walked down the corridor to the exam room in the Clinic she had felt lighter somehow. Telling Bailey had been good. She guessed a trouble shared sometimes really was a trouble shared.
She opened the door cautiously, sticking her head in first. Callie was there, already in a hospital gown.
"Hey."
"Hi." She replied. The sight of her wife in a hospital gown brought her back.The last time she'd seen her wear one was during her recovery, in the aftermath of the car crash.
It felt like a lifetime ago.
It felt like yesterday.