Costumes and Conversations 1/?

[neolithicdream]

Title: Costumes and Conversations 1/2??

Author: Neolithicdream 

Pairing/Character: Calzona (Some Callie/OC, Mention of past LeAz but really Calzona all the way!!!!)

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Inspired by a prompt for the Halloween Challenge a few weeks back. 2 years after Arizonas infidelity and over a year after their divorce they reluctantly bring Sofia trick or treating together. Some last minute minute adjustments mean some rather revealing costumes which ultimately lead to some revealing conversations. Post cheating, post Leah. And bear in mind that while I love my angst I also love Calzona.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual



Arizona huffed loudly as she sat down, stabbing her straw through the juice carton with a viciousness that, despite everything, was unnatural for her and sighed.

The others shared questioning glances, instinctively looking round for either Torres or Clancy. When the blonde woman wore her bad mood on her sleeve like this publicly inevitably it had something to do with one or other of the Ortho Attendings.

"Okay, what has Torres done now?" Karev asked gruffly. If it were just him and his mentor the question would be asked far gentler. But he was Alex Karev and he had a reputation to protect. She was one of only two people who truly knew the real Alex, the second poked him none too gently in the ribs, shaking her head furiously at him to shut up.

"Ouch, what the hell,Jo?" Karev looked at his fiancée in confusion even as she rolled her eyes at his obliviousness.

His squealed "ouch" roused Arizona from her own thoughts, "hmmm, what?"

"What's up?" April Kepner asked, concern evident in her voice. Over the last two years the two women had become close friends. The current crop of interns called then the McPerkies but, in truth, that only went to prove how stupid the current interns really were. Sure outwardly they might be bright eyed and optimistic and joyous but scrape a millimeter or two beneath the surface and they both oozed pain.

They both understood what it was to lose everything.
They both knew what it was to believe absolutely and to have that belief shattered.
They both knew what it was to look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back.

Initially Kepner had reached out the hand of friendship for no reason other than the other woman was clearly hurting and sorely lacking in the friendship department. An act of kindness and one April had never regretted. For it turned out that Arizona Robbins was an awesome friend. A friend in need. And April had plenty of need when her own disastrously short lived marriage had imploded.

"Nothing." Arizona beamed back a kilowatt smile that fooled none of her table mates. To outsiders they were a motley crew of misfits but they had each others backs when needed. A mismatch of Hospital ranks too. Arizona, a board member and Head of Department, hanging out with a couple of Third Year Residents was strange enough. But Alex Karev being firm friends with April Kepner and, of all things a Dermatology Attendings was just too weird.

"Sweetie, this is us you're talking to, spill!" Dr. Murphy's voice was soft and caring, very unlike the Dr. Murphy that most beyond this table knew.

"Yeah, Sweetie, spill!" The sarcastic tones of Dr. Gillian Anderson were clearly directed at her girlfriend even if the words were aimed at Arizona. The entire table laughed including a loud guffaw from Arizona. The entire table except Leah Murphy who blushed profusely. " Uhm, Sorry, Gilly, I mean ,it's just..." Her relationship with Arizona may have been short-lived,and very much one-sided when it came to significant emotions, but nonetheless she had been Leah's first and, thanks mainly to Arizona's understanding and kindness, when it ended a deep and true friendship had emerged. Still, calling your ex a term of endearment in front of your current ( and very much hoped final) girlfriend was never wise.

Fortunately those at the table understood. Murphy had been a damaged and broken person two years ago. The scars of an unhappy and lonely childhood hidden expertly under an invisibility cloak of ambition and obnoxiousness. A cloak worn threadbare in patches that became all to visible when anyone at all showed her some love or attention. It led her to go from " zero to I love you" in 60 seconds with a series of unsuitable people the last two of whom were seated at this very table. However while Karev brushed her aside like yesterday's uneaten dinner Arizona, though equally broken herself, did not. Their relationship was doomed to fail and did, spectacularly, in tears and screamed recriminations. And yet, somehow Arizona, by then herself utterly shattered and spent, found again her ' good man in a storm' persona and somehow protected Leah from the worst.

She took her under her wing, became a friend and mentor. She even played matchmaker for her, in tandem with Kepner and Wilson, setting up dates with suitable men and women, all too no avail. It still bothered them all no end that ultimately it was Alex Karev with his boorish "hey there's a busty redhead over there who keeps staring at your ass, Murphy" who sealed the deal. She and the " busty redhead", aptly named Gillian Anderson, had been inseparable ever since.

It was the thing that brought them altogether.

Robbins, Karev.
Kepner,Wilson.
Murphy and Anderson

They'd all been broken,were all damaged.
They were all outsiders.

Karev and Wilson by family and the foster system.

Murphy by a mother too busy looking for love from a series of strangers to show any to her own flesh and blood.

Kepner and Robbins by their own similar actions of adultery even though both acted for different reasons and in opposite directions. Arizona betraying the love of her life with a near stranger, April betraying her new Husband with Jackson Avery whom she still believed was the love of her life. Both ending up alone as Callie and Jackson respectively moved on and into new relationships.

And Anderson? Well she was the outsiders outsider. It wasn't enough she was raised by a lone father who believed in Aliens and Crop Circles. It wasn't enough that several of her close relatives had been both abducted and probed by said Aliens. No what ultimately damned her was her chosen speciality.

Dermatology.

Murphy spoke again, "Now what has she done?" She felt protective of her ex. Sure it had hurt at the time when Arizona had made it clear that Leah's love was definitely unrequited but she understood now. Leah knew that if she and Gilly ever split she'd still love her all the same. maybe forever. So she got it now, how Arizona felt about, would possibly always feel about her ex-wife.

"No."

Arizona shook her head. She loved her friends, truly, but she wished they wouldn't knock Callie the way they did sometimes. Callie was, well she was doing her best. Callie was the one who had been betrayed, and maybe she wasn't perfect, or blameless but she wasn't the one who strayed, she wasn't the one who cheated. No that was entirely on Arizona. And always would be.

Callie had moved on. As she was entitled to so do. Just because she had flourished, both professionally and personally, since they split, was not a reason to hate her. Not that Arizona had needed a reason before. Except she hadn't hated her,not really. If anything she had hated herself. Therapy had taught her that, and a lot more besides.

A whole main course of insight, into herself, and Callie and their relationship.
Served with a side of regrets.
Followed by a dessert of too late pie

Seeing the sceptical glances of her friends she hook her head and smiled, " It's not Cal - Dr. Torres, It's Sofia. She wants me to go 'trick or treat'ing with her this evening."

"But that's great!" Leah said, almost drowning out Kepners high - pitched "Yay!"

"Oh, do you want us to all go together like last year? Wilson asked, "Ooh, are we getting the Band back together?" She smiled, always happy to reference her fave movie of all time.

"We weren't the Blues Brothers!" Alex added snarkily, "..we went as the freakin' seven dwarves, and I'm not doing that this year..." said harshly before he added in a much softer tone, " ...not even for the Sofemeister. And anyway we've already got our Bonnie and Clyde stuff."

"Well you can count us in if you want to...we love dressing up!" Murphy added a little too eagerly. Everyone laughed except her girlfriend, who somewhat petulantly added "Hey, we're going to be Mulder and Scully, remember?" Before adding somewhat unnecessarily "Leah's going as Mulder."

Arizona laughed, her bad mood from earlier almost gone. Last year she had Sofia for Halloween. Every alternate weekend, every alternate Holiday, two consecutive nights a week and unlimited access if she was in Daycare. it was the only thing she'd asked her Attorney to fight for, Sofia. Not that Calle really put up too much of a struggle.

And Sofia wanted to go as Snow White last year. And what Sofa wanted.... So in the end it was Snow White and the Seven 'not so little' Little People. The seventh ( and sometimes) member of the Misfits was Richard Webber. He'd never fully recovered from his electrocution , so surgery was no longer an option.

So he was the ultimate outsider now. The Surgeon who couldn't, the Chief who wasn't. He took no sides, so ended up on all sides.

"Don't worry, Alex, she's going as Cinderella this time."

"Ok, then!" He sounded just a tad disappointed all the same. "So are you and Kepner going as the Ugly Sisters?" This time,attacked on both sides, his squealed ouch made the nearly full Canteen look in their direction.

*****

Including an unseen Callie Torres who had been watching for a while. They always sat at the same table, Arizona's crowd. And there was one table, out of sight from their table, but if you angled your chair just so, you got a perfect view. It was her guilty pleasure. The only time she could just sit and watch and wonder what might have been.

If she'd seen the signs.
If she'd noticed her wife's depression.

If she'd smelled the despair off her broken wife in time.
Just as pungent in its own way as the putrid leg had been.

If she'd spoken the truth to her instead of making a false promise.
If she'd spoken at all.
If they'd spoken at all.

If she'd listened afterwards.
To the pleas for forgiveness.
The pleas just to listen.

If she'd touched on their issues
Instead of just craving her touch
Maybe Arizona wouldn't have sought the touch of another.

If she'd paid attention to any of her five senses.

Afterwards.
Or before.

Instead of allowing them to be drowned out by her all encompassing rage.
Drowned out first by an equally desperate need for it all to be fine, for it all to be the way it was before life changed on a dime.

Then maybe she'd be sitting at that table now.
With the so called Misfits.
With her wife.

Not staring unseen at her ex -wife.

She hated that they were called the Misfits. Rather she hated that Arizona was part of the Misfits. The rest of them? Well the name fit quite well. Especially Dr. Murphy, she was just...she could not abide her. And it wasn't, despite what Bailey and Hunt thought, because Murphy had been with her wife. Had dated her wife.

No, because that was ridiculous. That whole relationship was, beyond, beyond absurd. Leah was an insecure Klingon, a child. And Arizona had clearly not been in her right mind during that whole time. Callies therapist had suggested as much. Mentioned traumas and PTSD as a possible cause. Not that she'd spent all her therapy talking about Arizona. In fact her therapist had spent an annoying amount of time making Callie talk about herself rather than the people who had hurt her.

She'd learned a lot about herself in those sessions.
That she wasn't always the victim anymore than she was always the Architect of her own misfortune.

She'd learned a lot. Knowledge she hoped would help her not make the same mistakes again. The next time she fell in love.
The next time she allowed herself to feel that.
If there was a next time.

No, she disliked Murphy because she was an idiot, a simpering idiot. She refused to have her on her service, ever. Mike said she was actually quite talented, quite smart,when she was on his service. The only time she got to experience Ortho. Mike said she had good instincts for Ortho, had good hands.

But she didnt care what her boyfriend thought of Murphy or her instincts or her damn hands. The hands that had touched her wife, that had touched her wife since she had.

Arizona shouldn't be sitting joking and laughing with the Misfits. She wasn't a Misfit, she was a Department Head, a Board Member, one of the GreySloan Seven. She was beautiful and kind and an amazing Mom, an incredible surgeon. And she wasn't a slut or a whore or any of the other names she had rained down on her in the aftermath.

But she wasn't her wife either. And that wasn't Callie's fault, at least not mostly. She wasn't the cheater, Arizona was and that would not change.

But just maybe a little more forgiveness and a little less anger might have changed things.
But it was too late now, forgiveness came too late, too late by far.

Arizona had moved on. She had her Misfit friends, hadn't much choice when Callie forced their old friends to choose and Arizona had not.

"Your friends, Callie, not ours, right? Just like your apartment, not ours. Your way, not ours. But she's not your daughter, she's ours, yours and mine and I won't let you take her too."

Sofia was the only thing she'd put up a fight on. And Callie had fought her on it, just stupid minor things like drop off times and... alternating instead of shared holidays. Just crap really. Just cause she wanted Arizona to fight for something, so that she would know that some of their life together had been real, had been true; had been worth fighting for.

For she fought for nothing. When Callie had the divorce papers served on her in front of the entire Board, just to garner a reaction, she had just nodded and said Ok. She had just given up. When Callie asked for the return of all jewellery exchanged during their marriage, a brown envelope appeared in her locker the next day. The very next day.

The more unreasonable Callie had been, the quicker Arizona agreed. She seemed only too anxious to extricate herself from their marriage. Just as Callie's anger had begun to abate, Arizona's apathy increased.

Callie sighed. She didnt know why she did this. Watched her ex. Heart constricting every time she saw her laugh at someone else's jokes. She didnt care about her. She certainly didnt need her. She had someone now. a nice someone. A non dramatic someone who loved her, who loved her daughter. Who wanted to make babies with her.

Last night before his trip away he had given her jewellery. Had given her time to consider it too, a question asked on bended knee. He was every thing she'd ever dreamed of, everything her mother had ever dreamed of for her too. Kind and considerate, attractive in his own way. A remarkable man, Mike Clancy in some respects. A surgeon without ego. He was quite happy performing hip and knee replacements all day long, didn't aspire to awards or breakthrough discoveries. He said he'd leave that to the genius of the family.

So long as he got to play a game of Hoops once a week with his pals and a few drinks after that's all he needed. He was not a dancer, nor a foodie but said he loved her food and was happy to watch her dance. He was a one woman man. Always had been. Married his childhood sweetheart then nursed her through a debilitating illness until her death. He'd tried the dating scene for a while, finding it a little intense, even had one girlfriend dump him for being dull. Then he'd met Callie, his boss.

He told her once that she was the most exotic woman he'd ever known, couldn't quite believe he had snagged her. He didn't mind her somewhat adventurous romantic history, he told her he was just glad she'd got it out of her system before she met him.

Sofia really liked him which was essential. She'd dated before Mike; a nurse from Seattle Pres - Gloria and a lawyer from a top city firm, Marjorie. Sofia had despised both women, terrorised them actually.

So really what the hell was she doing stalking the woman who tore her asunder two years ago, the woman who cared not a whit for her then or now?

Sofia. That's why. She had dropped a bomb on her today when they had bumped into Arizona. Begged Arizona to come trick or treating with them tonight. And Arizona? All she had to do was say she couldn't, she knew damn well it was her Holiday with her. But instead she just stood there, mouth hanging open. Which Sofia took as yes and then she could not be the bad guy,  not when Sofia was so excited to have both Mami and Mama with her at the same time. A novelty, a thing that never happened except on her birthday.

She wondered if Arizona had put her up to it, but the look of horror on her face told her not. But Callie was pissed all the same. She had it all planned, Sofia was Cinderella and she was the evil stepmother. Sure it wasn't going to match the extravaganza Arizona had pulled off last year, her and her magical troupe of misfits but it was going to be great. Just her and Sofia. And now Arizona was going to ruin it. She'd probably turn up as the fairy freaking Godmother and take all the limelight, all Sofia's attention.

Well at least Sofia would be happy having her favourite Mommy with her. Callie bit down on her jealousy, knew it was irrational, but still it hurt. Sofia wouldn't be 5 for a few months yet, she loved them both, equally. Just Arizona was the fun one, the one who didnt shout at her when she was bold, the one who didnt lose her temper. The one who turned out to be a great Mom, an awesome Mom.

***

"So if you get to spend Halloween with Sofia, what's got your knickers in a twist?" Alex asked in characteristic Alex fashion.

"Callie." She replied as if that explained it all. And in many ways, it did. far more than Arizona Robbins would ever admit to, or even acknowledge to herself. But her friends knew, the deep secret, the one hidden behind beaming smiles and twinkling eyes. It was always Callie. They worried that it might always be Callie. And that was just a disaster waiting to happen.

She still loved her wife. Her friends knew it even if she didn't. She'd probably still loved her as she was cheating on her, as she screamed at her to go get a bone saw and even the score. Leah Murphy knew full well that Arizona had still loved her wife even when she was rocking her world. Deep down Leah had always known that the beautiful blonde could never reciprocate her feelings. Still loved her wife after all the counselling to deal with the anger, the guilt, the sorrow. Still loved her after she threw an impromptu dinner party for them to celebrate her freedom the day the Final divorce decree plopped into her letterbox.

Still loved her as she embarked on a series of dates with a series of women, two of whom managed to last to the fifth date.

Still loved her now, over two years from the fateful storm when she threw their love on a burning pyre; over one year after the divorce. Over several lovers. Over months of watching her wife and daughter grow close to a man she despised.

Mike Clancy.

She hated him with a venom she hadn't known she possessed. Was probably the only person who'd ever had such strong feelings for the man. And so, as her friends, they all hated him in solidarity. It was irrational, and in truth for the rest, he was a hard man to hate. He was in fact, a good man. A nice man.

He was competent. Karev would not hesitate to page him for a simple break or indeed a case of mild scoliosis. In the ER he was a useful colleague and Murphy said in the OR none of his patients ever emerged after surgery worse than they went in.
Anderson said he had fantastic pores. Even Chief Webber thought he was a ' fine addition' to the surgical staff.

But she hated him, so they did too. It was what friends did.

They didnt hate Torres, because their friend still adored her, so they kept quiet. Well apart from Leah, who kind of did hate her.

"Torres?" Leah asked, in an even tone. " What she say this time?"

"Nothing..." Arizona sighed, "...but she looked horrified at the thought of having to spend a couple of hours with me but..." She sighed again before slurping loudly the last drop of juice from the carton, " .. do you think she'll ever stop hating me? I mean what the hell did I ever do to her?" The nervous giggle from Jo Wilson coupled with the quiet "well, uhm..." from April caused Arizona to add " ...well apart from the obvious!"  She sighed again "I don't get it, I mean she's happy now, right? She's all loved up with her Ortho puppy so why the hell can't she let it go?" After a moments silence she added "Besides I have nothing to wear tonight, I don't have a costume and I'm supposed to be reading up on that new procedure for..."

"Come on..." Jo and April stood up , pulling Robbins with them, "... together we'll find you a kick-ass costume."

Watching the 3 women leave, Alex asked his remaining partners in crime, "Ya think Torres is still in love with her too?"

"100%!" Came the emphatic reply from his fellow surgeon. It was not the first time they'd had this conversation. If her girlfriend wasn't sitting beside her Leah would probably have added, "Robbins is hard to forget." But instead she said "...it's the only thing that can explain why a hot blooded woman like her is dating a man like Clancy."

"Well he does have great skin."

The two surgeons stared at the third person at the table for a second before rolling their eyes to heaven muttering, "Dermatologists!"

***

Alex Karev surveyed the sight before him. He was a lucky, lucky man. Jo filled out that costume even better than he'd remembered it. Curves in all the right places and her ass, well she always looked bootylicious but seeing her bent over like that, the leather carressing her butt cheeks like that? Yup he was a lucky man. Though a little confused. He thought they were dressing as the 1930's gangsters but if Jo wanted to go as Cat-woman, he was quite happy to oblige. He had very fond memories of their Batman / Cat-woman activities from last Valentines Day.

He snuck up on her unawares, then grabbing and squeezing her breasts , simultaneously whispered in his deepest huskiest voice, "I'm Batman!"

Her screeched, " I'm Robbins!" making it clear his advance was as unwelcome as it was mistaken. Mistaken identity.

" What the hell, Karev? She yelled as she turned around.

His actual girlfriend dressed in 'thirties attire, and carrying a lifelike pistol, ran into the room. Stopping in her tracks at the sight before her. Arizona Robbins looked hot. Steaming and enraged too, but goddamn! Jo Wilson felt no attraction whatsoever to the female form but Arizona, dressed head to toe in form hugging leather and showing an almost obscene amount of cleavage? Well Jo was straight but she wasn't blind.

"Your Neanderthal fiancée molested me!" Arizona replied to the unasked question.

Karev sounded trance-like as he replied "U-uhm,I thought it was... She's wearing your...wow..."

"Karev! Are you staring at my b- Jo! Tell him to stop staring...Jo? Jo!"

Jo Wilson's head sprang upwards, a sheepish look on her face.

"Guys! Eeeeww..." Arizona's arms folded automatically in front of her chest, "...that's it, I am not wearing this,it's too..."

"...Hot, seriously hot, you have great..." her stare stopped him mid sentence before he added, "No,you have too wear ...Torres' eyes will pop out of her head when she sees you in..." This time it was his girlfriends stoney faced glare that did it, "uhm...so I'm going to go change into my costume." And he scurried gratefully out of the room.

"I'm just going to cancel...I can't wear..."

"Arizona, no...you look...Alex was right..."

"That's not why I'm...honestly if I turned up as Lady Godiva I doubt Callie would even notice..." Arizona felt that familiar crushing weight of loss descend "...she's moved on."

Dr. Jo Wilson wondered if that were true. She knew that some of the others felt neither woman could ever truly move on. She'd never seen them as this 'golden couple' the way Alex and April had. By the time she had started her internship there was little sign of that. And Leah's judgement would always be suspect when it came to Arizona. But nurses talked, and talked and she knew that even now there was still a book open amongst Hospital staff on when they would reconcile. Rumour had it Dr. Bailey and Richard were still in as well as two Peds and four Ortho nurses.

"Then you need to too, A..." She said it softly.

Arizona chuckled sardonically, "I'm pretty sure I was the first one to move on...remember? The infamous Dr. Boswell?"

Jo gave her a hard look of unimpressed. They didnt do this - their crowd - dwell on the mistakes of the past. They all had too many of those. All that mattered was the here and now - the future was too unreliable a mistress.

But to lighten the load she added, "After Sofia goes home with Torres, if you hit the clubs wearing that....well, lets just say Alex is right....wow, hot, hot,hot!"

*****

"Damnit!" Callie swore softly at herself, not wanting to upset Sofia. Sofia who, most un- Sofia like, was sitting quietly, all ready, pink sparkly tutu on, 'glass' slippers on feet, and a sparkling diamanté crown placed daintily on her head. Staring at the front door.

She'd stopped asking " When's Mama coming,Mami?" every five minutes after Callie snapped at her, "Whenever she decides to turn up!"

It was at times like this Callie hated her ex most of all. She was unreliable, she couldn't be trusted and it was only a matter of time before Sofia learned that and had her heart broken. Except Callie knew that that wasn't true. Not really. Not at all. Not when it came to Sofia. Only when it came to them.

They had agreed a time so Arizona would be here in under 5 minutes and she wasn't ready. Well she had been until her normally steady hands somehow managed to spill a large glass of merlot down her dress. So gone was the Evil Stepmother and instead she was frantically trying to arrange her hair like Jessica Rabbit. She'd remembered it was at the back of her closet, would not remember till later the last time she'd worn it.

The plan had been to be ready so there would be no need to invite her ex in to the place they had once called home. Arizona had been inside
exactly twice since Callie had arranged for all her belongings to be sent to the Hospital, Callie making sure she was not present either time.

But she wasnt ready and Arizona knocked and the very fact that her wife had to seek permission to enter their home made her angry all over again. Angry at Arizona, angry at herself, angry at the world.

Sofia had opened the door in jig time, saving both the awkwardness of a doorstep encounter.

"Mamaaa! You're here!" She shouted excitedly,before adding, "Mamiiii, Mama's here!"

Arizona heard a mumbled "You best come in, I'm running a few minutes behind" from the room at the far end of the Apartment. Their room.

She hadn't expected that, she thought this would follow the usual pattern. The handover pattern. Knock on the other's door, a perfunctory nod,usually accompanied by a golf ball sized lump in the throat. Exchange any necessary details about Sofia, no other conversation. Take Sofia or leave Sofia, walk away. Never setting as much as a plastic foot inside.

She entered tentatively, as a stranger might. She supposed that's what she was now, to this place. And it to her. Sofia's incessant and excited chatter fading into the background as memories rushed to the fore.

Memories everywhere.

The red couch they fell into exhausted after dancing like mad women on their first date. Feeling more comfortable with this amazing woman already than with girls she'd dated for months. The same couch on which she'd sat while Callie broke her heart with four simple words, "I need a baby" and she broke Callie's in turn with her "I can't be the one that keeps you from having a baby". It seemed so long ago and yet like yesterday.

The same couch where they'd fallen into each other as if their lives depended on it in the aftermath of the shooting. Promises of forever made. Promises made in fear but all the truer for that.

The kitchen counter. Memories of breakfasts with their friends. Their apartment as diner, Callie as short order cook, she as waitress.

Owen and Cristina as estranged now as she and Callie. Cristina kept in touch, somewhat surprisingly; of the other survivors the only one who refused to take sides after the storm. Cristina living on the other side of the country now, Owen away on sabbatical for a year.

Lexie, beautiful as she was kind, clever as she was dorky. What a bloody awful waste. She could still hear the wolves if she shut her eyes.

And Mark, the hated 'best friend', who somehow became a stalwart in her life. Her friend too, a man surprisingly loyal for all his sexual infidelity. She missed him so much, a loss she'd only began to truly mourn after she'd come to terms with her own internal losses, physical and other. A loss that had been drowned out by her wife's more vocal expressions of loss. But back then it felt all her losses had been drowned out by her wife's. The wife who hadn't been on the plane. The wife who hadn't been on the mountain.

Mark was all over this apartment. not just in her memories but physically. His picture here, a framed drawing of 'Daddy' there. She couldn't help but wander around the room, touching the furniture, the counters, seeing the framed photos. Like her house, walls adorned with pictures of their daughter. Some from the NICU, one of Callie cradling her, Callie too in a patients gown. Sofia and Mark, Sofia and Callie, Sofia, Callie and Carlos. Two of Mark Sofia and Callie. Some were familiar, she owned the non- photo shopped versions with Sofia's third parent not cut out.  Others more recent.

The only one indicating that Sofia had another parent at all was one of Sofia and Grandma and Grandpa Robbins.

And one lying on the small side table, recently printed, of Sofia and Mike Clancy goofing around for the camera.  She sighed, telling herself she should be grateful that the man liked her daughter, that he treated her wife like a queen. Callie deserved to be happy, to be treated that way.

She did.

*****

Callie hadn't intended to stare yet again, coming out of their old room, ready at last. But she did all the same, watching as an oblivious blonde wandered through their old apartment, lost in thought, sighing audibly on occasion. If Callie didnt know better she'd describe the look on Arizonas face as wistful, or sad, or remorse. But she did know better. She'd watched her wife from afar for two years now. Watched her rebuild, move on at a near indecent speed. When she was still in fragments on the floor, Arizona was turning straight girls into newborns. When Callie was crying in her therapists office Arizona was putting proposals to the Board for clinical trials.

Arizona had moved on, so Callie had to as well.

Just now, and on a few rare occasions when they shared the same space, like Board meetings she thought she would catch Arizona looking at her with a hint of something, something that Callie had thought was long since dead between them. But the moment would pass and Callie would know it was nothing more than an illusion.

Sofia's plaintive, "Mami can we go now, please?" roused both women from their memories and caused Arizona to spin round in Callie's direction.

Arizona in her sexy feline ensemble complete with ears and a sexy tail; Callie in her figure hugging outfit, long skirt with near hip high split, her hair straightened and styled to reveal her ample bosom and the expanse of her neck.

Both women stared, open mouthed at the other, all pretense gone.

"Wow... You look..."

" You are...st- stunning...."

"...hot?..."

"Oh God..."

Silence pervaded the room, discomfort too, but neither looked away. Both truly looking at the other for the first time, maybe in years. Seeing nothing but the other. No broken promises, no hateful words, no broken limbs or shattered hearts. Just each other.

The blonde, the brunette.

Each seeing the woman she had fallen for so long ago.

Had adored.
Had worshipped.
Had loved.

It was just a moment when nothing else mattered, when nothing was remembered but the love. Transported back. To their shared past.

A moment in time.

"Mama, Mami, come on let's go!!!!" In the present the one thing they shared broke through the silence.

And the moment was gone.