o hai fanfiction
Title: "A Reaper's Dignity (Or Lack Thereof)"
Series: Black Butler
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Characters/Pairings: Will/Grell, others
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,155
Summary: The universe took a sort of perverse pleasure in humiliating William T. Spears, it seemed.
Notes: Takes place in crescent_moony's "Bicentennial" series. One blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference to my fic, "Heart and Home."
To Read:
Upon further reflection, perhaps Lysistrata had not been the wisest choice in date night entertainment.
Hindsight is (as they say) 20/20, but William seemed to be just as myopic now as he'd ever been without his precious glasses. Almost as soon as they'd returned home from the theatre, his wife began making completely irrational demands and threatening to withhold sex entirely if he did not comply.
Still, a reaper had his dignity. He wouldn't be caught dead wearing...that.
"But Will-dear," Grelle crooned petulantly, "it would make your tush look simply fabulous, you can't deny that! Don't you agree with mummy, Cardenio?"
The fluffy Samoyed lying at the end of their bed yawned and snuffled in response.
"See, it's two against one." Grelle cradled the dog's wide head in her hands and gave him an eskimo kiss. William pinched the bridge of his nose and prayed to whatever higher power would listen for patience.
"For the last time, Grelle. No. Never."
"Tch," Grelle's lip curled in annoyance. "Fine then, enjoy sleeping alone this week~"
And with that, she flounced out of the room - Cardenio trotting obediently behind.
So much for man's best friend.
---
Why was it so unreasonable to ask for a little respect from one's underlings? After all, William had chosen a "green" alternative for his work transportation (unlike his wife's environmental catastrophe of a hotrod) with a device that was shockingly modern for someone with his old-fashioned sensibilities.
And yet, Ronald Knox still felt the need to gradually slow his moped to a crawl and putter alongside him, mocking and marveling all the way.
"I mean, seriously, boss. You're still using that thing? How long does it take you to get home, an hour?"
An hour and a half, in fact. But that provided Grelle with just enough time to prepare them a home-cooked meal as he triumphantly made his way through their front door. (William was no chauvinist, it had simply become a habitual routine ever since that time she had snuck into his apartment and made him dinner against his will.)
At any rate, he refused to dignify Ronald's rhetorical question with a response. The younger reaper laughed and rubbed at his nose with an index finger.
"Well, listen. As much as I'd love to stick around and chat, I've got a date with blondie tonight that I absolutely refuse to be late for." Ronald gave his superior a cheery wave before revving up his scooter and pulling ahead. "Don't break any traffic laws with that speed demon of yours, boss!"
William grit his teeth and leaned forward slightly, increasing the acceleration of his Segway to a rip-roaring 12mph.
---
"Um, Mister William?"
Will turned around to find the source of the gentle, hesitant voice that had just called out to him. He found himself face-to-face with a blond... Er, what was he again? He'd been human once, before modern science had transformed him into some sort of overpowered death machine. How disappointed his creators would be to learn that he spent the majority of his time either talking to flowers or dating irresponsible reapers.
"Yes, boy, what is it?"
"Well, uh..." Finny fidgeted nervously. "Y'see, there's this really great pineapple growing at the top of a tree in our communal garden. I don't think anyone else has noticed it yet, so I'd like to snag it if I can... But my pruning shears are broken. I'm afraid that if I don't snatch it up now, someone else will notice and take it for themselves."
William saw where this was going.
"So you'd like to borrow my death scythe, is that it?"
Finny's eyes brightened and he nodded enthusiastically in response.
"My death scythe. The instrument with which life, death and humanity's destiny as a whole has been decided for countless centuries upon centuries. The most sacred object to have ever been wielded by inhuman hands."
Finny began shuffling his feet sheepishly, but William wasn't quite finished lecturing yet.
"And you'd like to borrow it...for a pineapple."
(Oh, if looks could kill.)
"I-I'm sorry, Mister William. I guess I just hadn't thought of it that way... It's okay, I mean, there'll be other pineapples." He gave a little smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and began turning around to leave.
William sighed. He was going to regret this.
"...Wait."
Finny spun around, eyes aglow once more.
"Yes, Mister William?"
"Just...be careful with it, alright?" William unsheathed his scythe and presented it to the boy with all the gravitas of a university diploma.
"Th-thank you, Mister William!" Finny gave Will a rather awkward bear hug that managed to lift the reaper's feet from the ground for a fraction of a second, before bounding off towards the garden.
It wasn't until hours later that William suddenly froze mid-step, blood turning to ice water in his veins.
Pineapples don't grow on trees.
---
Ever since Ronald had made off with his death scythe (he was certain that his subordinate had put his impressionable young boyfriend up to it, as Finnian himself had no discernible grudge against him), William had had to endure the humiliation of using a temporary scythe instead.
For some reason, management had deigned to assign him a leaf blower.
Not only was it terribly inefficient (in order to reap a soul with such a device, one must readjust the machine to suck matter inwards, then stand there like a ninny for the 10-15 minutes it took to remove the spirit from its earthly cage) but he was also subjected to a seemingly endless stream of "blow me" jokes from everyone around.
It wasn't until he heard those words from a certain infuriating demon that he lost his temper, though.
"...Touched a sore spot, did I?" Sebastian's voice was like warm velvet, which merely served to irritate William further.
Still, he couldn't help but notice the way the demon's eyes softened when gazing at his young partner, currently doubled over in mirth at William's expense.
For a reaper to feel anything but disgust for these hell spawn was really nothing short of shameful. Honestly.
---
"I am very sorry for having saddled you with those secateurs, Grelle."
His wife's penciled eyebrows rose in mild confusion.
"That was...quite some time ago, but apology accepted," she responded cautiously. "I suppose you still haven't quite gotten used to your new death scythe, then?"
William lowered his head to meet his wife's gaze over the top of his glasses.
"Hardly."
"Oh, my poor Will~" Grelle crawled into her husband's lap and looped her arms around his neck, giving him a sympathetic snuggle. William merely sighed in resignation.
It seemed as though he'd been losing more and more of his hard-earned dignity over these past few years. And yet...
And yet, somehow, he realized he'd never been happier.
(Even if it meant wearing that ridiculous Elvis Presley costume to please his wife.)
---
MOONY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. XD;;
Series: Black Butler
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Characters/Pairings: Will/Grell, others
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,155
Summary: The universe took a sort of perverse pleasure in humiliating William T. Spears, it seemed.
Notes: Takes place in crescent_moony's "Bicentennial" series. One blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference to my fic, "Heart and Home."
To Read:
Upon further reflection, perhaps Lysistrata had not been the wisest choice in date night entertainment.
Hindsight is (as they say) 20/20, but William seemed to be just as myopic now as he'd ever been without his precious glasses. Almost as soon as they'd returned home from the theatre, his wife began making completely irrational demands and threatening to withhold sex entirely if he did not comply.
Still, a reaper had his dignity. He wouldn't be caught dead wearing...that.
"But Will-dear," Grelle crooned petulantly, "it would make your tush look simply fabulous, you can't deny that! Don't you agree with mummy, Cardenio?"
The fluffy Samoyed lying at the end of their bed yawned and snuffled in response.
"See, it's two against one." Grelle cradled the dog's wide head in her hands and gave him an eskimo kiss. William pinched the bridge of his nose and prayed to whatever higher power would listen for patience.
"For the last time, Grelle. No. Never."
"Tch," Grelle's lip curled in annoyance. "Fine then, enjoy sleeping alone this week~"
And with that, she flounced out of the room - Cardenio trotting obediently behind.
So much for man's best friend.
---
Why was it so unreasonable to ask for a little respect from one's underlings? After all, William had chosen a "green" alternative for his work transportation (unlike his wife's environmental catastrophe of a hotrod) with a device that was shockingly modern for someone with his old-fashioned sensibilities.
And yet, Ronald Knox still felt the need to gradually slow his moped to a crawl and putter alongside him, mocking and marveling all the way.
"I mean, seriously, boss. You're still using that thing? How long does it take you to get home, an hour?"
An hour and a half, in fact. But that provided Grelle with just enough time to prepare them a home-cooked meal as he triumphantly made his way through their front door. (William was no chauvinist, it had simply become a habitual routine ever since that time she had snuck into his apartment and made him dinner against his will.)
At any rate, he refused to dignify Ronald's rhetorical question with a response. The younger reaper laughed and rubbed at his nose with an index finger.
"Well, listen. As much as I'd love to stick around and chat, I've got a date with blondie tonight that I absolutely refuse to be late for." Ronald gave his superior a cheery wave before revving up his scooter and pulling ahead. "Don't break any traffic laws with that speed demon of yours, boss!"
William grit his teeth and leaned forward slightly, increasing the acceleration of his Segway to a rip-roaring 12mph.
---
"Um, Mister William?"
Will turned around to find the source of the gentle, hesitant voice that had just called out to him. He found himself face-to-face with a blond... Er, what was he again? He'd been human once, before modern science had transformed him into some sort of overpowered death machine. How disappointed his creators would be to learn that he spent the majority of his time either talking to flowers or dating irresponsible reapers.
"Yes, boy, what is it?"
"Well, uh..." Finny fidgeted nervously. "Y'see, there's this really great pineapple growing at the top of a tree in our communal garden. I don't think anyone else has noticed it yet, so I'd like to snag it if I can... But my pruning shears are broken. I'm afraid that if I don't snatch it up now, someone else will notice and take it for themselves."
William saw where this was going.
"So you'd like to borrow my death scythe, is that it?"
Finny's eyes brightened and he nodded enthusiastically in response.
"My death scythe. The instrument with which life, death and humanity's destiny as a whole has been decided for countless centuries upon centuries. The most sacred object to have ever been wielded by inhuman hands."
Finny began shuffling his feet sheepishly, but William wasn't quite finished lecturing yet.
"And you'd like to borrow it...for a pineapple."
(Oh, if looks could kill.)
"I-I'm sorry, Mister William. I guess I just hadn't thought of it that way... It's okay, I mean, there'll be other pineapples." He gave a little smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and began turning around to leave.
William sighed. He was going to regret this.
"...Wait."
Finny spun around, eyes aglow once more.
"Yes, Mister William?"
"Just...be careful with it, alright?" William unsheathed his scythe and presented it to the boy with all the gravitas of a university diploma.
"Th-thank you, Mister William!" Finny gave Will a rather awkward bear hug that managed to lift the reaper's feet from the ground for a fraction of a second, before bounding off towards the garden.
It wasn't until hours later that William suddenly froze mid-step, blood turning to ice water in his veins.
Pineapples don't grow on trees.
---
Ever since Ronald had made off with his death scythe (he was certain that his subordinate had put his impressionable young boyfriend up to it, as Finnian himself had no discernible grudge against him), William had had to endure the humiliation of using a temporary scythe instead.
For some reason, management had deigned to assign him a leaf blower.
Not only was it terribly inefficient (in order to reap a soul with such a device, one must readjust the machine to suck matter inwards, then stand there like a ninny for the 10-15 minutes it took to remove the spirit from its earthly cage) but he was also subjected to a seemingly endless stream of "blow me" jokes from everyone around.
It wasn't until he heard those words from a certain infuriating demon that he lost his temper, though.
"...Touched a sore spot, did I?" Sebastian's voice was like warm velvet, which merely served to irritate William further.
Still, he couldn't help but notice the way the demon's eyes softened when gazing at his young partner, currently doubled over in mirth at William's expense.
For a reaper to feel anything but disgust for these hell spawn was really nothing short of shameful. Honestly.
---
"I am very sorry for having saddled you with those secateurs, Grelle."
His wife's penciled eyebrows rose in mild confusion.
"That was...quite some time ago, but apology accepted," she responded cautiously. "I suppose you still haven't quite gotten used to your new death scythe, then?"
William lowered his head to meet his wife's gaze over the top of his glasses.
"Hardly."
"Oh, my poor Will~" Grelle crawled into her husband's lap and looped her arms around his neck, giving him a sympathetic snuggle. William merely sighed in resignation.
It seemed as though he'd been losing more and more of his hard-earned dignity over these past few years. And yet...
And yet, somehow, he realized he'd never been happier.
(Even if it meant wearing that ridiculous Elvis Presley costume to please his wife.)
---
MOONY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. XD;;