How to squeeze a watermelon out of a lemon
Public Service Announcement: We are in TMI land, ladies and gentlemen. Read at your own risk, on an empty stomach, with sympathy/remembrance, or while laughing with glee at the crazy breeder, as you wish...
sharonbay is logging her birthing classes, and since we're both slouching towards Bethlehem 2 months late in an obscene form of friendly competition, I should really do the same...
Our class is being taught by Jenn, an Abington Hospital nurse who's also a doula. She has 3 kids spaced decently apart (eldest is 8, youngest is 3, I think), and she's has vaginal and C-sections. For a doula, she really doesn't talk about it much - I'm thinking it's a hospital thing, not promoting her side business while on Abington's clock. The class has about 12 couples, all married, looks like. One other IR couple too, so YAY! Every time Tony hears "Class" he flashes back the first Pre-Cana class we took where we were the only ethnic minorities, the only couple with a non-college/blue-collar member, and of course by complete coincidence, the only couple singled out by the Bastard Priest for public verbal abuse. Test anxiety? He has classroom anxiety. We're relieved when we're not the only ones.
So we covered basic stuff like physiology and stages of labor. There was the life-size mockup of the pelvis, baby, sac and umbilical, and placenta (those last 2 in cloth form - dude, that would be an insane sewing project, if I sewed)). I kind of flinched when Jenn at one point had the pelvis upside down, and then later on when she PUSHED THE KID BACK THROUGH THE PELVIS. I was like, DUDE,
miabesser went through that for real, yo! Don't DO that to me! VISIONS!
She invites us to ask questions, even offtopic, as they occur to us, but I think it ends up distracting Jenn a little. She did say at least one thing that made me go, "The hell?" I asked about perineal massage (what a euphamism), and whether she has seen it recommended or practiced. She said that she doesn't recommend it because if a woman or couple stretches ahead of and during labor, the area will "not stretch back." Um, if it doesn't stay stretched out after a baby's HEAD goes through, how the hell are a couple of fingers going to do lasting damage?
The first video was no big deal - following 3 women, all w/ vaginal delivery, through the stages. They all looked pretty intense, but focused. Tony's reaction: OMIG, I'm so worried for YOU! it's going to be HELL!
My reaction: Yes, yes, that's exactly what I wanted to hear. How did you ever guess?
Next week is the pillows and breathing techniques, etc. I.e. the Nitty and the Gritty.
Personally, I'm wondering why Homo sapiens can't go back to egglaying. If it's good enough for the echinoderm, it's good enough for me!